Hey, everybody, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Remember Oscar Pistorius, the South African sprinter and double-amputee who participated in the 2012 Summer Olympics and once beat a horse in a footrace? Yeah, he murdered his girlfriend today. As the story goes, he mistook her for a home invader and shot her. Uh, four times.

Paralympic superstar Oscar Pistorius was charged Thursday with the murder of his girlfriend who was shot inside his home in South Africa, a stunning development in the life of a national hero known as the Blade Runner for his high-tech artificial legs.

Reeva Steenkamp, a model who spoke out on Twitter against rape and abuse of women, was shot four times in the predawn hours in the house, in a gated community in the capital, Pretoria, police said. (via ESPN)

One of the worst things about the murder (you know, besides somebody being f**king murdered) is that Steenkamp’s last words to the Internet were cheeky affirmations of how awesome Valentine’s Day is and an Instagram about how you shouldn’t be violent towards women. Cajun touched on that on our main page earlier today.

I don’t really know what to say. It’s a tragedy. It’s stupid.

Because we are contractually obligated to never do Twitter Reacts! posts again, I decided to find 10 Huffington Post comments section comments that totally and unbelievably missed the point, each in their own special little way. Consider it a reference guide. If you’re about to type something about Oscar Pistorius that reads like one of the following comments, just backspace it until it is gone forever.

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Yesterday, for no apparent reason, Olympic gold medalist swimmer and future Academy Award-winning actor Ryan Lochte gave his Twitter followers a huge gift when he announced that he’d be answering their questions for “#AskLochte” once again. Once Lochte Tweeted, “Let’s go!”, the gates were opened wide for his fans and critics alike to ask the most important, thought-provoking questions they could think of to get inside that complex brain of his. Questions like:

Hey @ryanlochte, is it true that you turned down The Bachelor because ABC doesn’t allow orgies? #AskLochte

— Ashley Burns (@MayorBurnsy) January 17, 2013

For one whole whopping hour, Lochte really gave us a glimpse into what makes that beautiful face of his operate. After the jump, I’ve included some of the best questions that people asked, as well as the questions that Lochte actually answered. And for some extra poops and giggles, I’ll let my favorite South Park characters walk us through it.

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"This week, The Situation stops by to borrow a cup of penicillin."

Last year – before, during and after the 2012 Summer Olympics – gold medal swimmer Ryan Lochte made it clear that when he hangs up his Speedo, he wants to become a serious, respected actor. He got a head start on his dream with a forgettable Funny or Die video, an appearance on 90210 that nobody watched and a surprisingly funny turn as Pizzarina Sbarro’s “sex idiot” on 30 Rock. Of course, Lochte was also rumored to be in the running for Dancing with the Stars or even The Bachelor, but what he really wanted was something with meat on its bones, something that he could really sink his teeth into and show the world that he was more than just sculpted abs and the dumbest catchphrase of 2012.

Naturally, none of that worked out and Lochte just signed a deal with E! for his very own reality show with a predictably awful name.

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"And that's how you tell boys to talk to the hand."

I have to give credit where it’s due. When Twitter celebrity Leon Purvis first posted a video asking 2012 Summer Olympics superstar and gold medalist Gabby Douglas to prom, I thought that we just had another one of those typical star-chaser types on our hands. But it turns out that while, yes, Purvis is a bit of a star-chaser, he gets results.

For example, Douglas wasn’t his first celebrity conquest. Originally, Purvis rose to fame in 2011 when he asked Justin Bieber to his junior prom “as a bro”. Hey, don’t judge. I’ve asked Channing Tatum to be my best friend, so we obviously all use the Internet to get things done on our own accord. The only difference is that while C-Tates has never responded to me, Purvis actually met the Biebs in person. And yesterday morning, he received his response from Douglas.

You see, people? Star-chasing pays off if you’re not a total creepshow about it. It’s just too bad that Purvis didn’t get the response he wanted.

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Lost in the shuffle of producing what is already being called the greatest list of 2012 sports moments that will ever be written, according to this guy and these guys, was the phenomenal, inspirational tale of Gabby Douglas, who actually almost quit her dream of being an Olympic gymnast, because she couldn’t stand being away from her family.

“It was very hard to overcome being away from [my] family,” the Virginia-born gymnast told Us of her nonstop traveling and training schedule, noting that it was especially difficult to say goodbye after they visited her on the road. “It’s a very strong thing. It almost drove me to quit the sport that I love and [kept me] from achieving my dreams.” (Via Us Magazine)

And since she rose to fame as one of the dynamic members of the Fierce Five gold-medal women’s team in the 2012 Summer Olympics, Douglas has had to overcome the problems being caused by her family. It certainly hasn’t been easy for this 16-year old international star. Certainly, the last thing she needs to worry about is what to wear on prom night, but that’s not stopping one hornball teenager from trying to date way out of his league.

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Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Kate Upton.

It is not an easy task to put together a list, such as the Greatest Sports Moments of 2012, specifically because so many things happen in any given year that it’s all but impossible to universally gauge which one event or person is greater than another. But since we’re just a couple dudes who like to make fun of stuff and almost always ignore actual sports news, it’s really quite easy.

With that said, here’s a quick breakdown of how our team of fact checkers and sports analyst number crunchers determine which people, places and things were the most important and influential in 2012…

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