Up next: the cast of “Glee” mashes up “God Bless America” with “Party Rock Anthem”! Stay tuned!

Links

The Best Of Ellen Muthaf*ckin’ Barkin’s Muthf*ckin’ Tweets So Muthaf*ckin’ Far - Did you know America’s low-rent Helen Mirren has a Twitter account? Do you know she curses a lot? Now you know! [UPROXX]

What If We Replaced The Star-Studded Cast Of New Year’s Eve With Terrence Howard In Different Hats? - Using “Raise Your Glass” in a trailer is the worst. Pink probably makes 20 mil in royalties every day because some studio exec thinks Ashton Kutcher is “right in all the wrong ways”. [Film Drunk]

Drake’s Okay With Being Labeled “Emo” - Last name Ever, first name Lamest. [Smoking Section]

Affleck’s ‘The Town’ in Real Life - Hopefully this involves Blake Lively being a white trash stripper in real life. [The Daily What]

Star Wars Taxidermy Sadly Just Photoshop - And almost all of these could serve as a really foul-smelling sleeping bag, should the situation arise. [Gamma Squad]

‘Police Academy’ Noise Guy Mouth-Shreds Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’ - Legitimately better than all 10 songs in the Billboard Hot 100 Top 10. You’ve got “moves like Jagger”? Why not try making good music like Jagger? [Warming Glow]

10 Things You Didn’t Know About The Movie Swingers - #11 – It is not as good as Made. Screech cameo greater than. [Buzzfeed]

From Elton John to The Pixies: 21 Great Movie Music Cues - I would’ve included the omnipresent Saw music and the orchestral open from The Chipmunk Adventure. [Moviefone]

The 10 Best Classic TV Theme Songs - This list doesn’t include “The Brady Bunch” and is therefore invalid. [AOL TV]

ROBOT CHICKEN: New York Comic Con 2011 Panel - “Uh yeah okay so this year we’re gonna make Boba Fett fart, and the fart will be voiced by Nicole Eggert, and you’re gonna laugh at it for some reason. See you next year!” [Adult Swim]

The 12 Crappiest Movies of Carla Gugino’s Career - This guy has the nerve to suggest Troop Beverly Hills isn’t a good movie. Are you serious, bro? The Freddie! [Pajiba]

George Carlin Answered A 14 Year-Old’s Letter - I love that George Carlin could talk for 2 hours about any subject, but answers form questions with as few words as possible. That’s so wonderfully human. [NextRound]

“HeeeeeeEEy.”

“HeeeEEEeeey.”

For some reason I’d convinced myself that the Buffalo Bills remix of ‘Kokomo’ was going to be the worst and most forced fan anthem of the year, but I severely underestimated the ability of Texas baseball fans to sit in their garage and sing into a beer bottle without any music, rhythm or reason. It’s not like Train’s “Hey Soul Sister” is a great song by any stretch of the imagination, but this lady’s hypnotically depressing version makes the original sound like the f**king Symphony No. 3 In E Flat Major. I looked in the YouTube description for some sort of context, or maybe a clue that this was all a big joke.

Mr Fister…. Bhhaahhhhahahhh

The best part is either the way they leave in some parts of the original (“radio, stereo”) despite it not vibing with the rest of the lyrics so they’ll have something to rhyme, or the way the song kinda devolves into misogyny for no reason (“you throw just like a girl, y’know”). I bet Mr. Fister is pretty happy he doesn’t sing like a girl, at least.

Be sure to watch this video now and save it somewhere, because when these people wake up at 3 PM this afternoon they’re going to remember that beer and laptops don’t mix, and take it down.

[h/t Outside The Box Score]

Because I couldn't not use this image.

As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as more intelligent, sophisticated, and gritty than other baseball fans. That’s why I can brush the dirt off my shoulders when it comes to the national sports media crapping all over the Redbirds over the past month. The Cardinals are heading to their third World Series in 8 years, but you should all know that they don’t deserve it and their pitching stinks.

Quick recap: In late August, the Cardinals were 10.5 games back in the Wild Card race. At one point, they were also 11 games back of the Milwaukee Brewers. But none of that mattered because the Boston Red Sox were in a bizarre tailspin, allowing the Tampa Bay Rays to climb back into contention, and nobody really cared that the Atlanta Braves and Cardinals were in the same boat because screw their middle market butts.

Regardless, we don’t need to recap too much, but you know what happened next and today I am a very happy boy. Too bad my youthful exuberance isn’t shared by the mainstream fellas, as one poopy pants thinks the Cardinals don’t belong on the main stage this week.

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