Look at this jerk, he even blocks New Orleans on the map.

As he embraces life without the wonderful Michelle Beadle, Colin Cowherd reminded us yet again that when it comes to spewing opinions about sports, he’s a guy that does that. Cowherd didn’t make any friends in New Orleans earlier this week, after he complained about the prospect of the 2013 NFL Pro Bowl being held in the Big Easy.

Herped and derped ESPN’s popular radio and TV host:

“They have become the default place for everything, and the Pro Bowl is a family event. Players take their families,” Cowherd said. “Players aren’t going to go to New Orleans. New Orleans is not a family destination, it’s a party destination.”

Players aren’t going to go to New Orleans because it’s a party destination. Let that sink in for a minute. But Hawaii and its 12 hookers per square foot is practically a giant Chuck-E-Cheese.

Let’s just get to the meat of Cowherd’s beef:

“It is the least safe major city in the country… not my opinion, statistically the least safe,” he said. “There are only two where locals will tell you, turn around, don’t go that way…Detroit and New Orleans.”

Let’s forget for a second the fact that you can’t invoke statistics and then not offer any statistics, instead saying something as ridiculous as the locals will tell you to f*ck off like, fittingly, in Interview with a Vampire as they’re burning the city to the ground because of the plague. Cowherd’s entire argument boiled down to ignorance, as he eventually added:

“I want a lot of hotel rooms, a great airport, good weather, safety,” Cowherd said. “New Orleans is not top-15 in any of those.”

Naturally, New Orleans officials disagree.

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This video of motocross jumpers doing tricks over live MMA fights from last weekend’s ‘Backflips And Beatdowns 2′ event in Billings, Montana, is making the rounds today, and while there isn’t much to say other than “lol what is this dumb sh*t why is it happening” I thought I’d put together some helpful suggestions to make ‘Backflips And Beatdowns 3′ (date TBA) a little more engaging:

1. Have pro skateboarders grind the top of the cage while MMA fights are happening and motocross guys are jumping over them. “Powerman 5000 – When Worlds Collide” would make this especially awesome.

2. Rig the bikes so the exhaust sprays Baja Blast Mountain Dew on the fighters as it backflips. That’s probably a little degrading to the guys in the octagon, but these guys are cagefighting under the Montana X-Games so f**k them.

3. Fire hoops a’plenty.

4. Allow public masturbation, but only during the coolest parts. So, public masturbation from beginning to end. Suggestion 4B) Call the event ‘Backflips And Beatdowns And Beatoffs’.

5. Eliminate the landing ramp. Have riders jump directly into the cage, where they then have to fight their way out. Twist: The cage does not have doors.

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Are you an international With Leather reader looking to learn a little English so you can have colloquial conversations with the locals about basketball? If so, would you feel more comfortable learning it from a cute Taiwanese lady and a Who Framed Roger Rabbit?-style living cartoon of badly-animated Taiwanese Jeremy Lin? If you answered yes to either of these questions, who the f**k are you and how do you exist?

Anyway, Taiwan’s Next Media Animation project Learn English conversation with Carol! is my new favorite web series. I enjoy the premise (especially if it ends with LeBron James lowering animated Lin into a vat of The Dip) and I like knowing there’s still a place in the world where people think Jeremy Lin is inspiring and great at basketball.

For your viewing pleasure, I present episodes one and two. In episode three, Carol issues Order 66 and the sh*t goes down.

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WWE’s Brock Lesnar lost his first UFC fight, amassed a 5-3 record, got a terrible case of diverticulitis and was retired back into pro wrestling via TKO helplessness by Cain Velasquez and Alistair Overeem. Because of this, 5-time champion Randy Couture believes Lesnar deserves a spot alongside him in the UFC Hall of Fame. Wait, sorry, I think I copy-pasted that in wrong.

Hold on, let me check the video:

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Last we checked in on the Euro 2012 tournament, there were apparently stray dogs and soiled mattresses on the corners of every street in Kiev, but that wasn’t stopping European countries from sending their best soccer players to compete for the Henri Delaunay Trophy in between nailing every wannabe soccer WAG in sight.

Here’s a look at the Euro 2012 tournament field when action begins on June 8:

Um. There you have it. I think.

Unfortunately, the real news isn’t the actual games taking place in the Ukraine and Poland, but the trophy itself, as the radical Ukrainian feminist group FEMEN has tried and succeeded on multiple occasions to knock over the Delaunay Trophy during the preliminary trophy tour. But I don’t mean radical like, “GRRRRR VIOLENCE!” I mean it like, “Bro, they’re all topless.”

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Have you heard the one about the superstar free agent center who left his team, citing myriad problems within the organization as well as his desire to leave behind a “small pond” market for stardom, and then spent the next decade constantly ripping that team at any chance he got for no good reason, ultimately focusing on its new superstar center, who admired and idolized him enough that he used the same nickname, with an inexplicable vitriol that was later passed off as “all in good fun”, eventually finding himself out of the media spotlight when his career ended, only to use that once-again-hurting franchise to make people talk about him, because, hey, what’s a river of bad blood beneath a burned bridge anyway?

*exhales*

Of course you haven’t, because it won’t happen. It can’t happen. Can it?

The Orlando Magic is set to meet with former star Shaquille O’Neal about the team’s vacant general manager position next week, ESPN reported Wednesday, citing sources.

O’Neal, who spent his first four NBA seasons in Orlando, would be an odd choice, given he has no front-office experience and has had a longstanding feud with Magic superstar Dwight Howard. (Via Fox Sports)

Yeah, about this… no. Not gonna happen, folks. You don’t “mutually agree” to let a guy who was terrible at his job walk away, only to bring in a guy who has not only never done that job come but has spent the length of Dwight Howard’s career criticizing him and calling him names. Because that would clearly make Howard stay.

On the other hand, it’s the Magic, so we should expect to hear the announcement any minute now. And he better make that panda his assistant GM.