Are you surprised at his tears, sirs? Strong men also cry – strong, chubby, bird-flipping men capable of swearing a blue streak so over-the-top it could cause the guy who wrote the screenplay for Scarface (Oliver Stone, interestingly) to blush – also cry.

Okay, technically, it wasn’t actually reported that Jets head coach was openly weeping when he responded to Tony Dungy’s harsh criticisms from earlier this week that the former Colts coach and Good Christian Soldier thought Ryan was caught by the cameras cussing way too much during the taping of HBO’s Hard Knocks, but the fiery son of Buddy Ryan did become emotional when addressing Dungy’s stinging, meanie-weenie comments.

“I’m always going to be myself, and I’m a good person,” Ryan said, his voice cracking slightly. “Just because somebody cusses or whatever doesn’t make him a bad person, and just because a guy doesn’t cuss doesn’t make him a good person. I’ll stand by my merits.

“I’ve been a big admirer of Tony Dungy, and I’m sure a lot of people are,” Ryan said. “I felt that he unfairly judged me, and that was a disappointment to me.” via.

LEAVE REX RYAN ALONE, TONY DUNGY! He is an incredibly sensitive, complex man with incredible depth of emotion and feeling. It just so happens that he best articulates those emotions and feelings by dropping F-bomb after F-bomb after F-bomb. Big friggin’ whoop.

Dear. God. I mean, I dig the song, “Tangled Up In Plaid” by QOTSA, but this is ridiculous. You know, come to think of it, “BRayser,” which Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon coined to provide a name to these horrific atrocities, is perhaps the only term in the so-called MLB Fashion Lexicon, which I guess you could say is a good thing. Keep yer hoity-toity world of fashion out of my baseball, daggummit! Der takin’ Southeast Asian child laborers’ jerbs!

Manager Joe Maddon boasted Monday about the team’s custom-designed BRayser (that’s Rays and blazer, get it?) that will be mandatory dress on the upcoming West Coast road trip. “They’re fabulous,” he said. “They met with everybody’s approval.” Local fashion designer Julia Alarcon did the creative work, with Rays TV man Todd Kalas coordinating the months-long project. via.

Ha. BRayser. I guess this sort of shortsighted style scheme should come as no surprise coming from Maddon. He is, of course, the same fifty-something who dyed his hair black back in 2009 to “lighten the mood” in the clubhouse. Nevertheless, despite his previous fashion risks, I have to give a thumbs down to this garish exercise in plaid. It looks like the mutated offspring that would be born if Craig Sager could somehow figure out a way to impregnate my grandma’s couch.

(image credit)

Tuesday evening, the Las Vegas 51s, the Triple-A affiliate of the Toronto Blue Jays, held what I am sure was a very popular promotion, Holly Madison Bobblehead Night. Miss Madison threw out the first pitch and then did what she does best: pose for photos while looking purty.

Just looking at the above photo, it becomes instantly apparent that the miniature facsimile of Hugh Hefner’s former favorite diaper-changer and the real thing, seen here seductively caressing the doll, cradling it oh so gently as she slowly brings it down and softly places it against her ample…and…uh…

Um, wait. Where was I? Oh yeah, the bobblehead and the real Holly are a lot alike. Sort of. But I’m not here to judge, but to instead lustily gawk at the former starlet from The Girls Next Door. Stick to what you know, right? Hey, just like the Las Vegas 51s and clever promotional events.

The first 2,000 fans through the gates will receive a Holly Madison Bobblehead!

Madison is currently starring in “Peep Show” at Planet Hollywood!

She is an American model and television personality, best known for appearing as Hugh Hefner’s number one girlfriend with Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson on the reality TV series The Girls Next Door. Holly also appeared as a contestant on the eighth season of Dancing with the Stars and “Holly World” on the E! Entertainment TV. -Las Vegas 51s Official Site.

Fan-frickin’-tastic. The intoxicating combination of Las Vegas, minor league baseball, bobbleheads and bobbly boobies: it’s a good thing. Much like keeping your pants on at a coffee shop, a lesson I just learned in the most embarrassing way possible. Go ahead, keep staring, ya slack-jawed gawkers. Haven’t you ever seen a grown man wearing Underoos before? Prudes.

More images of the lovely Holly after the jump (via). Read the rest of this entry »

Hoo boy. While I have to vehemently disagree with the title given to this video by the person who uploaded it to YouTube – “Coolest guys ever at Celtics game 04/09/10″ – I have to admit they have performed a tremendous pubic, er, public service by revealing what really goes on in the luxury suites at the TD Garden in Boston:

Simulated oral sex.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it. Wait, for once, there is actually something wrong with it. What could possibly inspire a man (wearing a pair of Bad Idea Jeans, no doubt) to grab his buddy’s head and pull it down repeatedly towards his manhood in a horrifyingly-inappropriate act of feigned fellatio? Other than latent homosexuality, of course. Ten seconds of awkward, overly-aggressive, face-to-crotch action follows. Read the rest of this entry »

You name it, whatever the Sklar Brothers touch invariably turns to crap. Cheap Seats? Bru-tal. That web series Back on Topps? Horrendous. That Thai prostitute in the trunk of Randy’s car? Stinky.

So it should come as no surprise that Randy and Jason have laid their accursed touch upon one of the more whimsical traditions in Major League Baseball: the Klement’s Sausage Race at Miller Park in Milwaukee, where Brett Wurst, Stosh, Guido, Frankie Furter and Cinco race around the park before the bottom of the sixth inning of every Brewers game. They are not actual sausages, mind you. That would be ridiculous. The sausages are actually grown men wearing oversized foam costumes.

That is where the Sklar Brothers unfortunately enter the story. Last Saturday, Joe Sports Fan detailed the exploits of Brett Wurst and Stosh and what happened to them during a game last week. Brett Wurst pulled up lame and Stosh stopped competing and heroically came to the assistance of his ground-meat-encased brother. It was a touching moment to watch (video after the jump), but we have now sadly discovered that what appeared to be a selfless act by a grown man wearing a sausage costume, was instead an ill-conceived act of self promotion by those dang Sklar Brothers. Read the rest of this entry »

The Morning Meat put the put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. It also put the ram in the rama lama ding dong. And in an impulsive move fueled by nitrous oxide, the Morning Meat advised Conan to forgo network television and make the jump to TBS. Let’s hope it all works out. Continue to send us wonderful tips and links at WithLeather-Tips@UPROXX.com, and be sure to follow WL and our guest editors, Weed Against Speed, Shane Bacon and Christmas Ape on Twitter.

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