Whoa! Look how high I am!

Already suspended for the team’s appearance against Missouri in tonight’s Insight Bowl (heh, bowl) for failing to follow team policies, Iowa Hawkeyes running back Adam Robinson has found himself in hot bong water after being picked up by Iowa State Patrol on Monday night on suspicion of possession of marijuana.

According to the Iowa State Patrol, Robinson was a passenger in a vehicle pulled over for not having front license plates. Police say a trooper detected a marijuana odor from the vehicle, then found marijuana after a search.

Robinson was released with a promise to appear in court Jan. 5. The driver was charged with possession with intent to deliver marijuana.[Via]

That’s a new one: “released with a promise to appear in court.” While they were at it, did the fuzz give him back his weed as well? You know, for all the trouble they caused and stuff?

In any event, this is yet another messy resin stain on the Hawkeyes football program. You may recall Iowa wide receiver Derrell Johnson-Kouliano’s arrest earlier this month on a heaping bowl-load of drug-related charges. I guess boredom can cause some people to do some crazy things. I mean, what in the heck has been going on in Iowa City lately? Wait, better question: what in the heck hasn’t been going on in Iowa City lately? Or ever, for that matter.

With the team underachieving and failing to reach the playoffs once again, a disgruntled group of Houston Texans fans (are there any other kind?) have banded together under the mantle of all things anti-head coach Gary Kubiak and have organized a “Fire Gary Kubiak” rally, set to take place outside Reliant Stadium prior to the Texans’ season finale against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Texans fan Brad White, who oversaw the planning of the rally, put the reasons behind the rally as such: “Five years has been enough. We’ve regressed this year. Minus a couple players, we believe the players aren’t responding to [the coaching staff] anymore.” Fair enough. White contacted Scott Carter, the proprietor of the site FireGaryKubiak.com, and the rest, as they say, is history. White has since gone on record stating he hopes this rally will be a friendly affair, or at least as friendly an affair as it can be when its sole purpose is getting a person s**tcanned.

“I want to stress that I don’t want people to come out to bash Kubiak,” said White, who tailgates in the Blue Lot with the Bad News Bulls Grilling Team on game days. “We don’t want vulgar signs out there. We’re not there to bash him. We’re there to say that we want a change.”

“From 1996 to 2002, we were without football,” White said. “Now, we all want a winning team, and 10 years of this has been a long time.” [via]

While I support the disgruntled and unhappy Texans fans right to free assembly, ten years, while a good chunk of time, does not fill the requirements to be counted as a long-suffering fanbase. Just ask Detroit Lions fans. Actually, don’t. The worm might be finally beginning to turn in Detroit and we mustn’t do anything to upset the minor upswing.

Ladies and gentlemen, pictured above is Paul Devorski, and he is now my favorite referee ever. As a ref, he generally lives his life and plies his trade working in the NHL referee far from spotlight – hey, they can’t all be Ed Hochulis – save for the inebriated, belligerent fan or two who will mock and ridicule him at ever turn any time he makes a call which goes against their team. Such an event allegedly occurred last night in Ohio during the Columbus Blue Jackets-Minnesota Wild tilt. A group of fans in Section 109 of Nationwide Arena, upset over a perceived blown call, began letting Devorski have it. What they claim they received in response was a delightful little serving of snarky comeuppance.

Roughly 15 fans seated in or around the area sent emails or Twitter messages to The Dispatch shortly after the incident. One of them, Ritter Hoy, who was seated in the middle of the fifth row up from the glass, agreed to be interviewed by The Dispatch.

“Two guys in front of us started giving the refs (grief) after they clearly missed a call,” Hoy said. “Happens at every game, right?

“Well, the No. 10 official put his fingers up and rubbed his eyes and made a crying face, like ‘what are you going to do, cry?’ They started giving him more (grief) and he put his middle finger up to his chin and acted like he was scratching his face. It was very, very blatant. The whole section saw it and went crazy.”

[...]

“I have to say the guys who were two rows in front of us were kind of provoking him,” Hoy said. “They were pretty much provoking him. But he has to be used to that kind of stuff, right? He can’t go there, can he? – The Columbus Dispatch (via Puck Daddy)

Oh, go there he did, Mr. Hoy. And God bless him for it. This is exactly the kind of thing that happens all the time when a heckler tries to crack wise during a comedy show. Be prepared for a snarky comeback. Except for at Dane Cook shows. No one showing up for one of those abominations is smart enough to crack wise about anything, let alone Dane Cook coming up with anything snarky to say.

A paltry 3,136 fans braved the elements to watch the Islanders beat the Canadiens 4-1 at Nassau Coliseum on Sunday, the team’s third consecutive win. The game went on as scheduled after the Islanders’ request for a postponement of the game due to the wintry conditions in Long Island was denied by the NHL. Suck on that, National Football League. This is how a professional sports league should conduct its business as it pertains to dealing with issues related to inclement weather. The NHL sort of, not really but kind of rules!

“The most important thing for us is to ensure that roads are passable for public safety,” Walker said. “We asked Nassau County residents to stay home unless it was an emergency. To have people out of their homes at 7 p.m. didn’t feel prudent at this time. [Campbell] said he understood the issues and would have to discuss the situation with .”

Traditionally, the league decides to postpone a game based on the recommendation of the home team, but it decided otherwise this time.

Although the league declined to comment for this story, it is believed the ruling was based upon the fact that both teams arrived safely and were available to play and because no state of emergency was declared for Nassau County. “Both teams are here, officials are here and that’s why we’re playing,” Islanders director of communication Kimber Auerbach said. [via]

Damn straight. If people want to risk their safety by traveling in blizzard conditions just to watch a terrible team playing in a decrepit, crumbling arena, let them! I might be in the minority here, but this story clearly illustrates how the NFL had it all wrong and why the Vikings should have played those two “home” games at the Metrodome instead of at Ford Field and TCF Bank Stadium. Imagine the unique fan experience that would have entailed. Once again, the NHL shows how it’s done. Whoo!

It’s funny, you see, because sometimes when someone is doing something particularly well, especially in sports, people will often refer to that person as being “on fire.” But in Ravens safety Ed Reed’s case, he was both figuratively and literally on fire during Baltimore’s 20-10 romp of the Cleveland Browns. Now, try and keep up here: Reed secured his fifth and sixth interceptions of the season yesterday in the win that stamped the Ravens’ ticket to a third consecutive postseason appearance, so he was “on fire” in that regard, but he was also literally on fire after his jacket partially ignited when Reed plunked down too close to a sideline heater. The comic genius of it all is in its subtlety, obviously.

Reed was unharmed in the smoky incident due to the quick thinking of some teammates who alerted him to his smoldering status. That’s teamwork right there, kids.

“I think you’ve got your hook for your story,” Head Coach John Harbaugh said. “Ed was on fire. He really was on fire. He just played so well. He’s such a factor back there, run game and pass game.”

Reed, who warned Harbaugh not to get too close to the sideline heaters before his own episode, had another lesson to impart before leaving Cleveland.

“You’ve got to be smart trying to stay warm,” he said with a laugh. “[I was] too warm.” [via]

Huh. Even Coach Harbaugh saw the “on fire” angle. Perhaps my astute comic acumen isn’t as finely honed as I have led myself to believe. Sigh.

Video follows.

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“Man, I wish this trophy was full of coke.”

Australian golfer Wayne Perske has been convicted by a Japanese court of using and possessing cocaine. Perske received a suspended sentence of one year and six months relating to a snorty, teeth-numbing incident last October when Perske, in Japan for the Bridgestone Open, was busted with 1.25 grams of yayo after a narc fellow patron at a bar in Chiba reported seeing Perske “inhaling” some nose candy to police.

Perske on Monday received a sentence of “one year and six months in prison, suspended for three years,” a Chiba District Court official said, adding that an amount of cocaine had also been confiscated.

Perske had admitted to having the drug, according to Japanese media.

The Mainichi daily on its website quoted judge Yasunobu Hosoya as saying in the ruling: “Professional sports players must tolerate the loneliness of being unable to see their families and the pressure of competing abroad.” [via]

Ah yes, the cocaine was confiscated, no doubt. Of course, “confiscated” translates to “Best. Night. Shift. Ever.” in Japanese police terminology. And it appears that the judge felt some semblance of pity for the Aussie, citing the “loneliness” and “pressure of competing abroad” as likely factors contributing to Perske’s dabbling in the “Snoot, snoot, whizz, whizz, oh, what a relief it is.” I can see that. It was definitely either those things or Perske really felt like blowing some rails after losing in the preliminary round of the tournament and having nothing else to do. Obviously, the concierge at the hotel didn’t tell him about all the Used Panties Vending Machines. Now talk about a time-killer. Hoo boy.