Jerry Sloan resigned his position as head coach of the Utah Jazz after 23 seasons and 1,221 wins, Thursday. The resignation comes amidst rumors that Sloan’s relationship with star point guard, Deron Williams, was in shambles. And while it’s upsetting to see such a loving relationship end so close to Valentine’s Day, I can see why Deron was growing impatient with his coach. Have you seen Sloan’s thighs lately? They look like curdled cottage cheese.

“I had a feeling this time was the time to move on,” an emotional Sloan said during a Thursday afternoon news conference. “[That's] a long time to be in one organization. Again, I’ve been blessed. Today is a new day. When I get this over with, I’ll feel better. My time is up and it’s time to move on.”

Two sources close to the situation told ESPN.com’s Marc Stein that Sloan reacted angrily during the home loss when guard Deron Williams called a play on the floor that was different from the one Sloan called from the sideline.

But one source stressed that the play-calling flap was just one incident among a number of flare-ups in recent weeks, indicating Sloan’s relationship with Williams has been deteriorating. –ESPN.com

Sloan, who became the Jazz’s head coach before the Berlin Wall came down, was the NBA’s longest tenured coach before his resignation. With 1,221 wins, Sloan will retire as the third winningest coach in NBA history, trailing Don Nelson and Lenny Wilkens. Between them, the three coaches have 3,888 wins and one NBA Title, which goes to show just how important the NBA regular season really is.

According to Darren Rovell’s twitter, the Ashley Madison ad that was not allowed to air during the Super Bowl has been released online. Ashley Madison is a dating service for married people hoping to start having an extramarital affair. The commercial does not reveal any of this information. It looks like something that was made by college students; chock full of terrible transitions, inconsistencies, and cheap graphics. I could look over all of those, however, if someone explained to me what this guy is doing with that animal. I have no idea what that thing is supposed to be. The whole commercial is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

The last seven months have been difficult for LeBron James. After dealing with rumors of his mother bedding Delonte West and battling the subsequent feeling of soul-crushing emptiness, the self-proclaimed King set a new precedent in douchetardedery by declaring that he would be “taking his talents to South Beach” on national television.

In doing so, he became the most vilified athlete in all of sports. The only reason I write about LeBron is so that it give me a chance to post my cutout of the dog with a popped collar smoking a cigarette. It’s funny because a dog would never do those things.

I imagine that LeBron is overpaying a team of executives to figure out a way to change his public image. If he does, they’re pretty awful at their jobs, considering he produced that Nike commercial, and will star in his very own TV show, subtly titled, “The LeBrons.”

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Forgive me for not being up to date with what’s happening in Major League Lacrosse, I assure you, it’s only because I don’t care, and not because I’m lazy. That being said, something interesting did happen at a Boston Blazer’s halftime show this weekend, involving mascots and assumed erections. Which, oddly enough, had nothing to do with furry porn. The franchise held a contest which featured three scantily clad women doing their best to entertain the team’s mascot, Scorch, which would have been fine enough, I suppose, if they didn’t let a sketchy porn producer MC.

MAHHVEL AT THE FINEST DANCAHS IN AWWL OF RED SAWX NATION! Read the rest of this entry »

Joe Theismann made an appearance on the NFL Network to discuss this weekend’s Patroits-Jets matchup, and had an unfortunate slip of the tongue involving Danny Woodhead and a pretty obvious double entendre. Now, I’m a big fan of double entendres, and this one is moderately funny, but Deion Sanders’ reaction is really unwarranted.

This would be a great time for me to go a rant about professionalism in journalism, but that would be unnecessary and really boring to read. I will, however, slap on a pair of surgical gloves and prescribe Deion a 20mg daily dose of Lobster Dog for his sense of humor deficiency. On second thought, I’d rather not hear him laugh at all. His laughter sounds like a cat having an abortion. Video after the jump.

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The unranked Florida State seminoles defeated the top ranked Duke Blue Devils in Tallahassee last night, which is great, because I love it when bad things happen to teams that receive special treatment. And before you even start complaining about me jealous, I want you to look at the above screen shot from last night’s game. Chris Singleton, one of the Seminoles’ key players, picked up his fourth foul on a horrendous offensive foul call, for which Kyle Singler deserves an Oscar. Singler flails around, falling four yards back to somehow get the call, probably because Coach K works officiating crews like Charlie Sheen works booths at the AVN awards.

What’s more infuriating is how the media treats the Blue Devils. It’s no secret how much Dickie V loves Duke, but it’d be nice if Dick didn’t let his man crush on Coach K prevent him from being a competent announcer. In his words, Dickie V was Awful with a capital ‘A’, baby!

Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »