Rappers have made some of the worst movies in the history of American cinema. Cam’ron’s infamous Killa Season comes quickly to mind, but there have been countless more, including 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Trying. A 17% on the Rotten Tomatoes ‘Tomatometer’, however, will not keep Fiddy from giving they public more of what they obviously do not want. His new movie, Things Fall Apart, for which he lost 60 pounds, finally has a trailer. And by God, does it look awful.

As you’ll recall, Fiddy plays fictional Michigan Wolverines football star, Deon Barnes, whose NFL aspirations are ruined after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. Now, with the help of his family and Dr. Ray Liotta, 50 must beat cancer and the odds by making it to the NFL. But the producers done messed up big time, filming at a Grand Rapids community college stadium and indoor soccer facility, painting pieces of wood to fill in as extras, using that same community college team’s uniforms, while making sure to include no actual connection to the University of Michigan. All of which make the movie a perfect storm of suck, and the trailer certainly lives up to expectations. It’s posted after the jump, for the consideration of the Academy.

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Cuttino Mobley announced his retirement in December of 2008, citing hypertrophic cardiomyopathy — a disease that causes the heart muscle to thicken, making it more difficult to pump blood — as the reason for ending his 11 year NBA career. But a debilitating heart disease won’t keep Cuttino from living out his lifelong dreams. He is dating (and presumably having sex with), former Sex in the City star Kim Cattrall *shudder*, and is hard at work trying to open the medicinal marijuana dispensary he’s always wanted.

“I want to help people,” [Mobley] said.

It’s also the way he was raised, his version of spirituality, the sense that you help others when you can. So he helps fund an AAU team in Philadelphia. He built a basketball court in Africa. He helps out his old high school. He has a foundation in Philadelphia that helps single mothers and homeless kids.

One of the things he wants to do now is start a wellness center in Warwick, one that will be allowed to dispense medical marijuana. He says he got interested in the field of wellness both through his own medical condition and those of other people close to him, and adds that the health field is one of the fastest growing in the country.–Providence Journal

That second paragraph was so sweet, it gave me diabetes. If it did, I guess I would be eligible for medicinal marijuana in Rhode Island. I wonder who those “people close to him” are. It’s not like NBA players smoke weed. Except Zach Randolph, Josh Howard, Joakim Noah, the 2005 version of Stephon Marbury, Mario Chalmers, Allen Iverson, Damon Stoudamire, Rasheed Wallace, Chris Webber, Birdman Andersen, and Michael Beasley, of course.

It’s pretty common knowledge that Baltimore Raven’s safety Tom Zbikowski began his foray into the world of professional boxing around the time he was drafted out of Notre Dame. And although Tommy Z has put his boxing career on hold to focus on football, it would logically make sense that he had some sort of skill left over from his years of training. There is no room for logic, however, in the mind of Chad Ochocinco, who tweeted the following after Zbikowski stated that he would love to fight the Bengals wide receiver on The Dan Patrick Show:

@tommyzbikowski you wana go nite nite, you want to box me, for 1 your feet are to slow and you’ve no hand speed to even be competitive #smh @ochocinco via Shutdown Corner

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Last week, Charlie Sheen took time away from his uphill fight to finally attain sobriety nonstop, drug-fueled hooker orgies to offer some words of wisdom to the members of the UCLA baseball team. Sheen had little to say to the team, but I doubt their malleable minds will ever forget the advice they received that day:

“Don’t do crack, drink chocolate milk, and enjoy every moment..thats all I got.” -Charlie Sheen. That’s what he told our baseball team today @RichardBrehaut via Off The Bench

I’m the kind of guy who looks for any and every opportunity to crack a good Charlie Sheen joke, but to be honest, you can’t really find fault with that advice. Crack kills, chocolate milk is delicious, and enjoy every moment. All three are sentiments I can get behind. Before his McGruff the Crime Dog impression, Sheen took batting practice with the team.

After batting practice, Savage asked Charlie to talk to his team about drug use. Charlie obliged and got a standing ovation from the team.

As for his batting skills, Brandon says Charlie — who showed up with his own bat — almost hit a homer. –Off The Bench

I think we can all agree that Charlie Sheen is the right man for the Presidency in 2012. I think he could get a lot of support with a “Hookers and Blow for a Brighter Tomorrow” platform. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

The Boston Celtics edged out the Miami Heat 85-82 in Boston, last night, in a very sloppy basketball game. Paul Pierce shot 0-10 from the field, Chris Bosh ended up playing the best individual game of the afternoon, and Mike Miller, of all people, took the shot that would have tied the game as time expired. The Heat, however, were lucky to get a chance to send the game into overtime.

Glen ‘Big Baby’ Davis had a breakaway dunk opportunity early in the second quarter, but channeled his inner Woody Harrelson, and got stuffed by the front of the rim like an idiot. How is he still in the NBA? Don’t you have to be able to dunk to be an NBA big man? I’d rather watch a high school game instead of Glen Davis. At least high school games have cheerleader jailbait.

The fail, in its entirety, after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

There are few things in the world I love more than college football and the accompanying hottie cheerleaders. Unfortunately for me, I made the unfortunate decision of going to school in the Big East, where the only thing that looks worse than the cheerleaders is Greg Paulus under throwing receivers while wearing uncomfortably tight football pants.

I say this only because college football makes me miss my home in the South, where the football and cheerleaders are almost equally entertaining, but for completely different reasons. Case in point, the above pictured Taylor Corley. Taylor, a freshman at Mississippi State, is a now former member of the school’s cheerleading team, who posed for Playboy this past November. Now, it appears that Corley is setting her college education aside to pursue a career in reality television.

Corley on her future with Playboy:

I’ve been in contact with Playboy, I actually was on the Playboy Morning Show on Playboy Radio this (Wednesday) morning! I’m also in the running for Model of the Year 2011!

Corley, who is from Atlanta, on the reality show pilot for which she’s been cast:

I am about to start a new reality TV series called Girl Swagg, it’s a pilot for MTV/VH1 and I’m very excited to move forward with that. This has been planned for a few months now though. I do not have any representation yet, as of right now my mom is just helping me with everything! –Sports by Brooks

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