Remember that 12-1 season that the Buckeyes just enjoyed, including their Sugar Bowl win over Arkansas? No you don’t, because Ohio State just said that it never happened. THE university announced earlier today that the football program is vacating its 2010 season as part of a self-imposed punishment. The program will also start a two-year probationary period today.

The powers that be in Columbus is hoping that firing Jim Tressel and forfeiting an entire season would be enough to dodge the NCAA’s wrath. While that remains to be seen, the glaring oddities of Ohio State’s self-flagellation included (a) no deduction in scholarships, and (b) no ban on postseason appearances. What gives, yo?

The university argues that Tressel’s “integrity and proven history of promoting rules compliance,” combined with his team’s improving academic performance and other factors, should mitigate the severity of any NCAA sanctions.[..]

The fallout from the scandal has included the resignation of Tressel, the partial-season suspension of six players, and quarterback Terrelle Pryor’s decision to skip his senior season and turn pro.

–THE Columbus Dispatch.

We’ve mentioned before that this makes Ohio State a repeat violator and eligible for the NCAA’s death penalty, a measure that Gene Smith and the athletic department are obviously desperate to avoid. The more of “Tat-Gate” that can be pinned on Tressel, the less culpability the school has for lack of institutional control, which would figure to be a key ingredient if the NCAA were to deem Ohio State’s probation insufficient.

Which they probably will.

It’s worth pointing out again that Ohio State is being punished because their players decided to sell and trade stuff that was legally theirs. NCAA violation or no, college football’s governing body is running out of time to drop the guise of “amateurism” on its own terms. Schools can’t sign billion-dollar TV deals and then cry about how money shouldn’t be an issue with compensating student-athletes. Letting players cash in on their own likenesses would be a start to that. Usually when someone cites “the greater good,” it’s just another way of saying that some guy’s about to get screwed. Again.

The World Series of Poker just started its 42nd Main Event tournament today, and I’m going to give you a good reason why you should care. First off, most people get the Main Event and the WSOP confused, but the $10,000 No-Limit Hold ‘Em event is only one of 58 tournaments played at the World Series at the Rio Las Vegas in June and July. I was there last year, and the Main Event is a crazy mix of legitimate competition, awesome people-watching, and genuine suspense. Many people will use the tournament’s number of participants as a shorthand barometer for the overall health of poker in general, which has taken a beating at the hands of the UIGEA and subsequent “Black Friday” seizures of major online poker sites (and millions of dollars’ worth of online poker players’ money).

The one positive working in poker’s favor right now is the game’s expanded coverage on ESPN, who is actually adding more coverage of the WSOP, 158 hours in all. Some of that coverage will be as close to live poker as we could expect to actually watch. From the WSOP Media Guide (pdf):

ESPN will air the 2011 WSOP Main Event with hole cards on a 30-minute delay from July 14-19 on
ESPN, ESPN2 and ESPN3. There are several nuances to the coverage to ensure the integrity of play,
but the viewing audience will indeed get to see high stakes poker in near real-time.

This isn’t exactly unprecedented; The 2005 Main Event final table was live on pay-per-view, but the real-time broadcast didn’t feature hole cards and was discontinued the following year. But it will be the first time that we could hear about Johnny Chan’s Day 3 and then watch him play that same day, instead of 6 weeks later. That’s usually a good window between a great performance with a prostitute and watching the video afterward, but not so much with watching a poker tournament.

Hey there! I’m a dog! I’m happy and young and still oblivious to the ways of this cruel, cruel world! I got to watch fireworks last night! It was Independence Day! Did you have a happy Independence Day? Most people call it Fourth of July, but it’s really Independence Day, right? I mean, everybody has a fourth of July, ya know? Even those stupid cats at the Schneiders’ house. Man, I really hate cats!

Hang on a second, I gotta pee on this bush…Oh man, that felt great. I’ll just kick some dirt on that and we’ll be good. Okay, so where was I? Yeah, so the DH. That’s the designated hitter, ya know. You watch baseball, right? Baseball is cool! They play with a ball and there’s lots of grass and you can pee anywhere! And the pitcher doesn’t even have to hit. It’s gonna take over the National League. It will! It will! And then the pitchers will pitch and the hitters will hit and the dogs will eat all the cats and hump all the legs in America!

I want to…hey, HEY WHO’S THAT IN MY YARD! GET OUT OF MY YARD! ARF! ARF! ARF! WHY ARE YOU WALKING UP MY SIDEWALK! GET AWAY FROM MY hey I wonder what’s in that box. I hope it’s a leg. But yeah, why should pitchers play offense and defense? Nobody does that anymore, except for those other eight guys. I forgot about them. Hey, I’m just a dog!

The only way the DH doesn’t work would be if…What the…is that a fire truck! FIRE TRUCK! I’LL BE RIGHT BACK I SWEAR! GET BACK HERE FIRE TRUCK! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!…

That soreness in your throat is probably from the golfing world trying to force-feed you gratuitous helpings of US Open champ Rory McIlroy. Or maybe it’s strep. What do I look like, a doctor? Anyway, the 22-year-old Northern Irishman gave a lot of credit to his girlfriend, 20-year-old rugby cheerleader Holly Sweeney, for winning his first-ever major earlier this month.

“Holly and I have been together since I had just turned 16 and she was 14. She knows me better than basically anyone else in this world does, apart from my parents. And to have someone like that with you is very grounding,” said McIlroy during an interview.

“She’s obviously my girlfriend but she’s also become my best friend over the past few years. I can say things to her that I wouldn’t be able to say to anyone else.” McIlroy added.

I spent ten minutes trying to tie Rory’s collapse at the Masters into an oral sex joke but I couldn’t quite get there (that’s what she said), but I’d imagine that a childhood friend makes for a better friend than, oh I don’t know, a Swedish nanny with a labradoodle. Good for you, Irish people. But why do your cheerleaders wear shorts? Especially when their neighboring Scotsman wear kilts? Come to America, Rory, so we can build you up as the next Jack Nicklaus and then destroy you when you nail half the women in Jupiter Beach. At least afterward, you get to grow a beard. So there’s that.

I’ve been silent on this issue for entirely too long. For the better part of 20 years, I’ve waited patiently, building a case against the man who would turn the sports world on its ear with his own shameful act of greed. And now, in the midst of an NFL lockout and a pro basketball apocalypse, I feel that I’m finally ready to step forward and expose the biggest fraud that athletic competition has ever seen.

The identity of this villain might surprise you. It might even shock you. I might fill you with spastic bouts of ennui, but don’t let any of that stop you from hearing THE TRUTH. It might be too late to bring this slimeball, this wretched bastard to justice, but it’s not too late to warn anyone else that might stand in his narcissist, egotistical path. No, I’m not talking about Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder, or FIFA president Sepp Blatter, or even former Cincinnati Reds manager Pete Rose. Or even Tom Sizemore, whose portrayal of Rose in that ESPN movie was balls-awful. No, I’m talking about someone much more dangerous, odious, and crass. Someone who almost got away with his deviant ways. Read the rest of this entry »

Raheem Brock was not a showgirl, nor did he have yellow feathers in his hair, but that didn’t stop him from running up a $27 bar tab at a Philadelphia bar and allegedly walking out before paying the tab. A twenty-seven dollar tab? Jeremy Shockey calls that breakfast. I know it’s a lockout, but come on.

A Fox 29 source says Brock allegedly dipped out on a $27 bill at the Copacabana. He was questioned by police at 5th and South streets.

Our source says there a minor struggle and police put Brock under arrest.

Brock was drafted by the Eagles in 2002; he has played with four NFL teams and won a Super Bowl with the Colts in 2007. He’s a free agent now, perhaps due in part to a DUI he scored in November. But I doubt that this is more than just a misunderstanding. Brock probably didn’t do anything wrong here, aside from actually being in Philadelphia. Seriously, that place is a warzone with trolleys and rap music. Read the rest of this entry »