photo credi: ImpactWrestling.com

Hello lovelies! It’s been too long. I’ve returned from the land of gross and incapacitating illnesses, and I brought a Best and Worst with me! T-shirts were sold out. Sorry.

A few things:

- The Mandible Claw was also on hiatus this week, given that the only things I could do were self-medicate and not move from the warm, comforting embrace of my couch. You should still check it out, though! It’s gonna be a good week next week, especially if you enjoy Chikara (you should), and me not sounding like Marianne Faithfull with post-nasal drip (you really should; it was weird).

- Everyone likes Chris Trew, yeah? And everyone likes fake sex with willing imaginary participants, yeah? Donate to the Air Sex Championship Documentary Kickstarter. Or don’t. But it’d be great if you did. Chris Trew is nice, and I want him to have nice things.

- I like Twitter. Twitter is easy. It’s also easy to follow me here. Follow With Leather, because Brandon and Burnsy are fun dudes, and UPROXX, because everyone loves Simon Pegg gifs.

This week on Impact: Joseph Park, more Joseph Park, and some other stuff I guess.

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In Canada, we don’t have a lot of the best things. We have great things, sure, and definitely better things (‘sup Healthcare, I’ll see you for free later…or whenever I want), but the best? Our cable providers suck. Our cellphone technology and data rates are laughable. We pay exorbitant fees for basic, limited internet access, and when Brock Lesnar said being in Canada was like a third-world country, it wasn’t about our healthcare – he was just excited to find a full series torrent for ‘Dharma and Greg’ and got mad that it would take him a week to download it.

As Canadians, two immediate things we can point to and definitively say yeah, eff you world, they’re ours and they’re the best, are Jay Onrait (the funny man) and Dan O’Toole (the best straight man in the biz. Also very funny). Like Peter Mansbridge, or basically any mid-to-top level Canadian female curler, they’re the best in the world at what they do, and what they do is Sports Broadcasting.

And now we don’t even have that.

It was announced today that Canadian’s favourite television personalities would pack up and move to some sunny little western berg you call Los Angeles for a brand-spankin’ new gig at Fox Sports. And there’s nothing I can do but lie on the couch, weep, and watch Rogers Sportsnet, the Canadian equivalent of self-harm.

Onrait and O’Toole will continue hosting Canada’s most-watched sports news program, SPORTSCENTRE, until late June.

“It is with mixed emotions that all of us at TSN and Bell Media bid farewell to Jay and Dan. They have made remarkable contributions to TSN and have helped solidify SPORTSCENTRE as Canada’s clear choice for sports news,” said Phil King, President, CTV Programming and Sports. “I’ve been working with Jay and Dan since the beginning, and their success is a testament to the exceptional talent and original productions that have become a hallmark of Bell Media. I’m sure Jay and Dan will thrive on U.S. television and endear themselves to a whole new legion of fans.” (via TSN)

I beg of you, America, be good to them. Follow them on twitter. Listen to all of their podcasts. Treat them with kindness, shower them with praise, and don’t forget to rub Dan’s belly before an evening broadcast. He likes that.

As an introduction, please accept one of the many “Best of” compilations that can be found on YouTube. But I ask, how do you choose the best part…of a rainbow? How to you bottle a sunny day? To know Jay and Dan is to love them. Little snowbirds, take me with you when you go.

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Hello! It’s nice to see your faces! It’s been too long! We’re back, a little older, probably not much wiser, but definitely ready to assign positive and negative attributes to wrestling on television! First things first:

- It’s been a busy two weeks over at The Mandible Claw. Podcastravaganza is ready to take over your earholes and fill your brainstuffs with delight! Guests include Leva Bates, and Beyond Wrestling/WSU’s Drew Cordeiro. Brandon joined me to talk about the pitfalls of leisure time at Lucha Libre shows, teenage crushes, and the importance of Halloween costume accuracy. The week kicked off with Robert Newsome of the Atomic Elbow sharing more crazy Chikara theories as we descend deeper into the rabbit hole, and also potentially complete and utter madness.

- I dug into the mess of unopened discount wrestling DVDs that live on my shelf to review WWE’s One Night Stand: Extreme Rules 2007. It involves wrestling reenactments, du-rags, and shark attacks OUT OF NOWHERE. Vintage Mandible Claw!

- I’ll be at the (maybe) two ROH shows in Toronto (Border Wars and (probably) the TV taping), so if you see me, say hello! I’ll be the one in the ACH shirt looking slightly uncomfortable when ACH or Veda aren’t around. Or, if you see a lady and think “hey, that girl looks like she shrunk Brandon’s wardrobe but increased his visible distaste for Kevin Steen,” yes, that is me.

- If you didn’t get enough podcasts at the Mandible Claw, I guested on Holzerman’s Wrestling Podcast: Tweetbag Edition. This one has dinosaurs! I also had a wicked fun time recording What a Maneuver: Monday Night Raw/Monday Nitro January 27th, 1997. I watched my very first full episode of WCW Nitro with hilarious and incredibly confusing results. Did you know that Eric Bischoff once thought it acceptable to wear a leather jacket with tearaways? Man, what a dick.

We should all be Twitter bros. Do that by following me here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. It’s perfect should you need to keep on top of funny sports happenings, Alison Brie gifs, and my obsession with Kyle Starks live-tweeting Hemlock Grove.

This week on Impact: Chris Sabin’s knee, Chris Sabin’s ACL, Chris Sabin training, and Chris Sabin talking about stuff. Spoiler alert: Chris Sabin.

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Well hello there, lovely readers. I know there are a lot of crazy things happening right now, so I appreciate you stopping by. If you’re reading this it means you’re somewhere, safe and sound, and I’m ever so thankful for that. With everything going on, it’s pretty tough to act like a dumb wrestling show is important, least of all try to be funny about it, but I think we could all do with a bit of levity and I will try my very best. A few things before we dive into another episode:

- There are only 8 days left in the Meet Me There IndieGoGo drive. Trust me, this is something you’ll want to be a part of. If you like horror movies, Brandon, Jill Thompson, and making dreams reality, then pledge some money. It’s been scientifically proven that making a donation will make you a cool cat and a With Leather friend forever, so, you know, do it.

- This week at The Mandible Claw, Chris Sims and Leonard F. Chikarason guested on the podcast. If you like Chikara you will definitely want to listen to this one. It’s been scientifically proven that listening to the Mandible Claw podcast will make you the bee’s knees and a Danielle friend forever, so, you know, do that too.

- Thanks to the internet we can all be friends forever, so go ahead and follow me on Twitter here. Follow With Leather here, and UPROXX here, then we can all be the best of friends. Friendship means caring, and caring means sharing, so spread this around on Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Reddit, Pinterest, Google+, Vine, Tout, Myspace, Livejournal, Deadjournal, and maybe that forum board you don’t tell people you’re still a part of in 2013. Don’t worry, we’re friends now. We’ll keep it between us.

This week on Impact: We’re still in Corpus Christi and AJ Styles still hasn’t showered, but Christy Hemme changed her dress so it must be a new episode. /creeper slow-pan to Impact report

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Hola! I do not speak Spanish! I do, however, have an entire Impact report just for you! Some pre-show notes before we start:

- There are 15 days left in the Meet Me There IndieGoGo drive. For those of you who aren’t aware, my very dearest friend/ our favourite With Leather Editor has written a movie, and it’s really, really good. It also stars Goldust, and hey, he’s a guy a lot of people like. If you’ve got a few dollars to spare, toss it their way and help it be the best movie it can be.

- Speaking of cool stuff for you cool cats to do, check out The Mandible Claw! We have fun stuff happening, amazing contributors, and a podcast. This week we were on vacation, but now is the best time to familiarize yourself before we return next week relaxed, rejuvenated, and funky fresh.

- Social Media is all the rage these days. Should you like to find out what I’m up to, send any questions, or even better, send gifs of cats on treadmills, I can be found on Twitter here. You can also follow With Leather (do it!), and UPROXX (also do that!). Sharing is caring, so be sure to like and share this on Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit, billboards, the sides of bridges, abandoned mine shafts, bathroom stalls, and wherever else you can think of.

This week on Impact: Corpus Christi proves why they shouldn’t be allowed to have nice things, Taryn Terrell reminds us that we can’t have nice things, and Joseph Park shows up so I can say at least some nice things. COSAS BONITAS!

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Hello! Is it an Impact column you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile. And I want to tell you so much….the following pre-show notes:

- Haven’t voted in With Leather’s Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament? Unsure who to vote for? Might I recommend two podcasts of a combined three hour length that will tickle your funny bone and fill you with mental images of me fighting Haystacks Calhoun? No? Well, you should listen anyways, because they’re pretty great. I know it seems like a long time, but hey, toss it on during a commute. A lunch break. Take a road trip, see something fun, and listen to Brandon’s dead-on Matt Hardy impersonation. And hey, while you’re doin’ stuff, you should check out the rest of The Mandible Claw. Wrestling! Wrestlers! It’s all there!

- Another thing you should do, as I am apparently an expert on that now, is donate a little (or a lot) of money to Brandon’s movie project. It’s not often that you get to be a part of someone living their dream, and every little bit helps. I have read the script, and boy howdy is this something you should want to see come to fruition. It’s good, guys. I know you’re here for rassles talks, which some of you have made clear in some less than kind ways, however this is something that is truly important to me, and I hope you’ll help in any way you can. Even if you can’t give, or can’t give right now, sharing, blogging, tweeting – all of these will help bolster awareness, and hopefully what was once just an idea can become a fully realized piece of art.

- Speaking of sharing and tweeting, we like those a whole bunch when it comes to the Best and Worst. While you’re at it, why not make it easier by following us on Twitter? I’m over here, With Leather is over there, and off in the distance you can just make out where UPROXX is.

This week on Impact: Video packages that are way better than they have any right to be, more video packages, and maybe some wrestling in between those video packages. Roll tape!