Hello Impact wrestlefriends! Another week, another good show! I know! I’m surprised too. A few things first:

- The Best and Worst of NXT is a thing that is happening, and it’s rad. Best: You reading all of the Bests and Worsts. Do that here!

- Also rad? Being Twitter bros. Follow me here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. If you like sports comedy updates, Game of Thrones gifs, and cartoon representations of Evan Gelistico, these links are invaluable.

This week on Impact: Staggering highs! Crushing lows! And Joseph Park!

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Hello! My apologies for last week. If you follow me on anything other than With Leather, you’ll know that at the last minute I decided to get on a Megabus to Philadelphia for the Chikara iPPV on Sunday. In total (if you include getting to and from Toronto) I traveled roughly 30 hours. It was…a thing I most definitely did. But I’m back, still a little discombobulated, but nevertheless ready to dive into this report. A few pre-show notes:

- Sunday was wonderful and terrible and easily one of the most affecting experiences I’ve ever had. If you know anything about me, it’s that a) I love cats on treadmills, and b) I love Chikara even more. Over on the Mandible Claw, I wrote just how it makes me feel. Spoiler alert: I am currently the saddest little girl.

- I talked a bit about the show itself on Tom Holzerman’s “podcast,” if you will. You can listen to my gleeful exclamations over the Shard, our favourite matches of the night, and why you should continue to support independent wrestlers even if they no longer have a home company.

- Should you need a laugh, please check out this and this. The picture of Don West may be the single greatest thing posted to this site in the history of cats on treadmills, and is basically why Brandon and I are BFF forever.

- Didn’t know I was in Philly this weekend? Obviously you’re not following me on Twitter. You can do that here. You can also follow With Leather here, UPROXX here, but not the Shard because he doesn’t have one, and therefore I cannot skip the report to send tweets of cooing noises and hearts at him. ….that might actually be for the better, come to think of it.

This week on Impact: It’s not terrible, guys!

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Hello! I hear it’s a long weekend where most of you are. Why not take the next three days off to enjoy an Impact report? A few things:

- By the time you read this, the latest edition of that crazypants Chikara conspiracy theory podcast I do with Smiths-lovin’ vegan cool guy Robert Newsome will have been posted to The Mandible Claw. Dark things are coming, guys. And I don’t just mean our extended conversation about Supermarket Sweep.

- If there’s one thing I am good it, it’s making suggestions on how you should spend some of your money. Might I recommend donating to the Air Sex Documentary Kickstarter? Or how about a brand-spanking new Dasher Hatfield shirt? Chris Trew and Dasher Hatfield make me endlessly happy. Get into them!

- You can follow me on Twitter here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. You can also like us on Facebook! You can tumbl this column! What a world we live in, guys. Sex with air and social media. Greatest generation, shmeatest shmeneration.

This week on Impact: Senility, yelling, more yelling, terrible wrestling, and the unintentional hilarity of an angry Samoa Joe. It’s…even worse than it sounds.

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photo credi: ImpactWrestling.com

Hello lovelies! It’s been too long. I’ve returned from the land of gross and incapacitating illnesses, and I brought a Best and Worst with me! T-shirts were sold out. Sorry.

A few things:

- The Mandible Claw was also on hiatus this week, given that the only things I could do were self-medicate and not move from the warm, comforting embrace of my couch. You should still check it out, though! It’s gonna be a good week next week, especially if you enjoy Chikara (you should), and me not sounding like Marianne Faithfull with post-nasal drip (you really should; it was weird).

- Everyone likes Chris Trew, yeah? And everyone likes fake sex with willing imaginary participants, yeah? Donate to the Air Sex Championship Documentary Kickstarter. Or don’t. But it’d be great if you did. Chris Trew is nice, and I want him to have nice things.

- I like Twitter. Twitter is easy. It’s also easy to follow me here. Follow With Leather, because Brandon and Burnsy are fun dudes, and UPROXX, because everyone loves Simon Pegg gifs.

This week on Impact: Joseph Park, more Joseph Park, and some other stuff I guess.

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In Canada, we don’t have a lot of the best things. We have great things, sure, and definitely better things (‘sup Healthcare, I’ll see you for free later…or whenever I want), but the best? Our cable providers suck. Our cellphone technology and data rates are laughable. We pay exorbitant fees for basic, limited internet access, and when Brock Lesnar said being in Canada was like a third-world country, it wasn’t about our healthcare – he was just excited to find a full series torrent for ‘Dharma and Greg’ and got mad that it would take him a week to download it.

As Canadians, two immediate things we can point to and definitively say yeah, eff you world, they’re ours and they’re the best, are Jay Onrait (the funny man) and Dan O’Toole (the best straight man in the biz. Also very funny). Like Peter Mansbridge, or basically any mid-to-top level Canadian female curler, they’re the best in the world at what they do, and what they do is Sports Broadcasting.

And now we don’t even have that.

It was announced today that Canadian’s favourite television personalities would pack up and move to some sunny little western berg you call Los Angeles for a brand-spankin’ new gig at Fox Sports. And there’s nothing I can do but lie on the couch, weep, and watch Rogers Sportsnet, the Canadian equivalent of self-harm.

Onrait and O’Toole will continue hosting Canada’s most-watched sports news program, SPORTSCENTRE, until late June.

“It is with mixed emotions that all of us at TSN and Bell Media bid farewell to Jay and Dan. They have made remarkable contributions to TSN and have helped solidify SPORTSCENTRE as Canada’s clear choice for sports news,” said Phil King, President, CTV Programming and Sports. “I’ve been working with Jay and Dan since the beginning, and their success is a testament to the exceptional talent and original productions that have become a hallmark of Bell Media. I’m sure Jay and Dan will thrive on U.S. television and endear themselves to a whole new legion of fans.” (via TSN)

I beg of you, America, be good to them. Follow them on twitter. Listen to all of their podcasts. Treat them with kindness, shower them with praise, and don’t forget to rub Dan’s belly before an evening broadcast. He likes that.

As an introduction, please accept one of the many “Best of” compilations that can be found on YouTube. But I ask, how do you choose the best part…of a rainbow? How to you bottle a sunny day? To know Jay and Dan is to love them. Little snowbirds, take me with you when you go.

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Hello! It’s nice to see your faces! It’s been too long! We’re back, a little older, probably not much wiser, but definitely ready to assign positive and negative attributes to wrestling on television! First things first:

- It’s been a busy two weeks over at The Mandible Claw. Podcastravaganza is ready to take over your earholes and fill your brainstuffs with delight! Guests include Leva Bates, and Beyond Wrestling/WSU’s Drew Cordeiro. Brandon joined me to talk about the pitfalls of leisure time at Lucha Libre shows, teenage crushes, and the importance of Halloween costume accuracy. The week kicked off with Robert Newsome of the Atomic Elbow sharing more crazy Chikara theories as we descend deeper into the rabbit hole, and also potentially complete and utter madness.

- I dug into the mess of unopened discount wrestling DVDs that live on my shelf to review WWE’s One Night Stand: Extreme Rules 2007. It involves wrestling reenactments, du-rags, and shark attacks OUT OF NOWHERE. Vintage Mandible Claw!

- I’ll be at the (maybe) two ROH shows in Toronto (Border Wars and (probably) the TV taping), so if you see me, say hello! I’ll be the one in the ACH shirt looking slightly uncomfortable when ACH or Veda aren’t around. Or, if you see a lady and think “hey, that girl looks like she shrunk Brandon’s wardrobe but increased his visible distaste for Kevin Steen,” yes, that is me.

- If you didn’t get enough podcasts at the Mandible Claw, I guested on Holzerman’s Wrestling Podcast: Tweetbag Edition. This one has dinosaurs! I also had a wicked fun time recording What a Maneuver: Monday Night Raw/Monday Nitro January 27th, 1997. I watched my very first full episode of WCW Nitro with hilarious and incredibly confusing results. Did you know that Eric Bischoff once thought it acceptable to wear a leather jacket with tearaways? Man, what a dick.

We should all be Twitter bros. Do that by following me here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. It’s perfect should you need to keep on top of funny sports happenings, Alison Brie gifs, and my obsession with Kyle Starks live-tweeting Hemlock Grove.

This week on Impact: Chris Sabin’s knee, Chris Sabin’s ACL, Chris Sabin training, and Chris Sabin talking about stuff. Spoiler alert: Chris Sabin.

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