Take this video as a precaution not to stray too close to the next furry convention in your town. These guys can move. Maybe they’re starting to make their costumes with breatheable fabrics along with dickholes, or something. Either that, or this is the most athletic furry fetishist of all time.

The footage comes from last month’s Hong Kong Rugby Sevens. Quite an impressive feat by the guy in the cat costume. His friend just quits right at the outset, but Kitty Cat Man jumped from one goalpost, dashed to the middle of the field, danced around with the ball, then put some impressive jukes on security to make it to the stands on the other end. Also nice was the decision of the officials at the stadium to be playing The Pretenders Proclaimers “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” while the action transpired. With the courage gleaned from his flight from security, no doubt that there is no distance Kitty Cat Man would not cross to be in hirsute arms of his beloved in a centaur costume. I guess maybe that’s hooves then.

Slap-happy grandpappy Brett Favre is feeling a twinge of guilt, seeing as how he still hasn’t told the Vikings whether he will return for another season with the team, and likely won’t until right before training camp ends in August. Actually, that’s not true, he just wants to plug one of his many sponsors, so he decided to have a pair of Wrangler jeans waiting for every member of the team who showed up at the team’s voluntary off-season workouts. That’s much better than Favre actually putting in effort.

“I need to break them in a little bit, they are kind of stiff,” punter Chris Kluwe joked.

Well, of course. You didn’t think Old Man Favre would give them any of those hoodlum jeans he used to see sagging around wisenheimers’ knees back in the olden times of the 20th century, did you? If you can bend your knees, they ain’t real jeans. That’s what they say back in Kiln, before they shot on, on account of knee bending.

Thanks to imaginative folks at Pangea food, you need no longer while away your mornings glumly looking at your breakfast toast, wistfully waiting for the logo of your favorite sports team to materialize before you jam the burnt bread into your fat face. Unless you’ve been already been slapping logo stickers on your toast, in which case I think you’ve already solved that problem, though I’d advise seeing a doctor anyway.

That’s right, starting next month, Pangea will introduce ProToast, a toaster designed to burn the logo of sports teams from four professional leagues into your toast. Also in the works is a panini press and a waffle maker. It will retail for the low, low price of $34.99, making it a relatively inexpensive alternative for rednecks hoping to mark their friend’s ass with a cattle brand. But is it a minor betrayal to eat an object that is now bearing the logo of your team of choice. Great, now you’ll never be able to eat your buddy’s ass.

Apparently Johnny Weir is not the only sports figure enamored with Lady Gaga. The Phillie Phanatic yesterday donned the creepy red spiked costume that the thinly unveiled recreation of Madonna in her prime did last year at the MTV Video Music Awards. He/She/It then strutted around as “Bad Romance” played over the public address system. A pity that the Phanatic didn’t opt for “Telephone” as I think the Nationals creepy Screech mascot could have pulled off Beyonce’s costume in that video.

In fact, yesterday was an odd convergence of pop music and baseball. Death Cab for Cutie sang the “Centerfield” in Seattle, and the Marlins Cameron Maybin continued to use Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the U.S.A.” as his batting music. I’m not sure if this is part of a concerted effort to make baseball seem more hip or to get more teenage girls in the stands. If it’s the latter, Roger Clemens will be pissed that this campaign was not started sooner.

Fanhouse writer and Houston Texans fan Stephanie Stradley recently served for the second time as a judge for the team’s annual cheerleader tryouts. She really wanted to stress what an exacting role it is by explaining that a judge must sit and watch a Space Invaders-like procession of attractive 18-to-25-years-old gyrate in front of you. In addition, she put together this video from the event, adding that an actual judge would see about 10 times as many contestants and far much more dancing. To this I say, thank you Mr. Stadley for your tireless work in the field of fapology. Your efforts were not executed in vain.

But would it have killed you to focus a little more on those twin cheerleaders they have?

“C’mon, he’s using a freaking ladder!”

All right. That’s two instances of me referencing that Simpsons episode where Krusty’s all-consuming gambling problem forces him to bet on the Washington Generals. The joke being that putting money on the Generals is foolish, because they’re only slightly more likely to win than the Washington Wizards.

Anyway, Willie Veasley, Avery Jukes and Nick Rodgers, three members of the National Championship finalist Butler Bulldogs signed one-day contracts to play as members of the Generals against the Harlem Globetrotters, who really need to diversify their playing schedule a little. I mean, I signed up for the season ticket package, hoping to pull a couple games against the Lakers, Cavs, Magic, Thunder and Hornets, but instead it’s 82 games against the same team. At least they have the good sense to play that stupid whistling song non-stop during all their games.