Forbes magazine today released their annual The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities, a top 100 list that ranks stars based on press coverage, social media buzz and whose agents paid Forbes the most money to put them on a list. At the top of this year’s 100: Jennifer Lopez, who was settling nicely into obscurity as that lady on Eric Cartman’s hand in an old episode of ‘South Park’ before ‘American Idol’ rocketed her back to prominence. Former American Idol winner Taylor Hicks also made the list, coming in at number 4,544,022 between Burnsy and the golden voiced homeless guy.

Tiger Woods managed to hang on as this year’s highest ranking sports celebrity, coming it at number 12. The only other sports guy in the top 25 was LeBron James at number 15, despite Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal coming it at numbers 2 and 3 in “Press Rank” behind Lady Gaga. I don’t know how much of this list is based on math and how much of it is based on people at Forbes trying to name 100 celebrities, so bear with me.

Here’s a full list of the sports personalities who ranked this year:

12. Tiger Woods
15. LeBron James
27. Kobe Bryant
31. Roger Federer
32. David Beckham
33. Manny Pacquiao
40. Peyton Manning
44. Cristiano Ronaldo
47. Rafael Nadal
48. Phil Mickelson
50. Lionel Messi
52. Floyd Mayweather Jr.
60. Tom Brady
63. Alex Rodriguez
71. Maria Sharapova
77. Serena Williams
87. Li Na

It should be noted that Manny Pacquiao is one spot ahead of Ellen Degeneres, which should make him happy.

When you get to the bottom of the list it gets amazing, by the way. The biggest knockout blow is 90, 91 and 92 being Jeff Dunham, Larry The Cable Guy and Skrillex respectively. One of the biggest surprises to me was Bon f**king Jovi ranking at #25, ahead of Howard Stern and Ryan Seacrest. I know the teenage version of him plays lacrosse, but I had no idea he was still bringing in 38 millionaires more press and cash than Alex Rodriguez.

Or, “AAAAH PAT KELLY”.

What you’re looking at is New York Jets center Nick Mangold appearing on a special celebrity edition of ‘Wax On, Wax Off’, wherein he lets persons from ‘Late Night with Jimmy Fallon’ rip the hair from his enormous baby-body as punishment for someone else’s incorrect trivia answers. Unfortunately for Nick, he’s got one of the guys from Coheed and Cambria (not really) answering questions about Lithuanian Prime Ministers so his poor chest ends up looking like a Man-o-Lantern.

Video is below, but it may not be suitable for the faint of heart or fuzzy of boob.

Jimmy Fallon, if you’re reading this, I’ve got a pitch for you: We bring on Mark Sanchez for a ‘Wax On, Wax Off’ segment, but instead of asking trivia questions we just scream DID YOU SLEEP WITH KATE UPTON at him and rip out his chest hair no matter what he says.

Alternate pitch: We bring on Tim Tebow and ask him trivia questions about the less popular parts of the Bible.

[h/t to Rant Sports]

In the most embarrassing moment to happen to him since he tried to teach Jesse Katsopolis how to play basketball, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was scolded by ‘Jeopardy!’ host Alex Trebek for asking “What is X” when the question we were looking for was “what is G, you old creep”. Apparently Jeopardy is a family show, and “what is the back of Linda Lovelace’s throat” has never been an answer. Who knew?

You can check out video of the moment below, and don’t worry, it wasn’t shot on 8 MM film.

I wish Kareem had gone full-on seventies horror with his answer and asked, “what is us going out into the woods with our Super 8 to gut a bunch of animals and pretend to graphically rape a lady for 20 minutes”. I’d like to see what kind of smug retort Trebek had for THAT one.

Better yet, let’s bring Ken Jennings back on and ask him about nothing but Brazzers ads, whether or not the pop-ups that look like chat windows are real people trying to find singles in their area and why Gianna Michaels won’t stop talking and spitting on people. I can’t decide if he’d nervously squirm or ace it.

[h/t Guyism]

When you see a fan made rap playoffs rap anthem titled “color 1 and color 2″ you think they’re gonna do the same ‘Black And Yellow’ everyone else does, but I guess Wiz Khalifa is old and busted and Eiffel 65 samples are the new hotness because here’s Jesse Pinkman, Skinny Pete and Badger doing their 1999 techno best to rap the Oklahoma City Thunder into the NBA Playoffs.

From their debut album RADIO KILLERS the Lost Boys and Michael Garner bring you the ultimate OKC Thunder Anthem “Blue and Orange” showing their home pride to the Thunder. The album as well as Michael Garner’s “Why Bother” compilation is due to release early May 2012.

The two best parts of the video are, in order:

1. How (who I’m assuming is) Michael Garner pronounces “orange”. I REP THAT BLUE AN DORTCH, I REP THAT BLUE AN DORTCH.
2. The fact that somehow the YouTube comments section for the video has turned into a racist argument about how the Thunder have no team history, why the Seattle Supersonics were way better and why only black people should be allowed to rap.

In case you can’t get through the entire song, at no point do they put holy water in squirt guns and kill anything. I’m just happy the Thunder finally have an anthem, because they weren’t going to beat the dogsh*t out of the Lakers by 20 points without it.

[via That NBA Lottery Pick]

Pre-show notes:

- Our comments were down by like… 80 last week (and it was a good week!) so prepare for NONSTOP DEMANDS FOR YOUR COMMENTS, LIKES, TWEETS AND SHARES. Help a brother out, all I do is give you free entertainment and make you click five-seven times.

- This Sunday is ACW’s Prom, so if you’re interested in filling in for the Best and Worst of Over The Limit and have some sort of resume (like being a nationally touring comedian or having played Dr. Cube in Kaiji Big Battel) that would make me go “oh wow okay” or some ridiculous amount of Twitter followers that would trick me into believing the first half is true, shoot me an e-mail.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.

- Continued thanks to Casey/THESTINGER for helping me out with gifs and pictures. Be sure to visit his gifs Tumblr. We’re gonna be doing a thing soon, so support him now.

- Don’t forget to check out the Raw Deal at TJR Wrestling. John’s perspective is easier to enjoy than mine, and contains 100% fewer Excel Saga references.

- Info about our live show:

The Monday Night Raw Watch Party returns on the 21st of May with two (hopefully only two) hours of jokes, wrestling and … well, that’s it. It’s free, and attending instantly makes you one of my best friends. If you can get there, get there. RSVP now. Not enough of my readers live in central Texas, or they’re too jerky to admit it in public.

Until then, please enjoy the Best and Worst of Raw for May 15, 2012.

19-year old Washington Nationals rookie sensation Bryce Harper hit his first Major League home run during the third inning of Monday’s 8-5 win over the San Diego Padres. This brings him even with three-time MVP Albert Pujols on the season and puts him only 761 behind all-time leader Barry Bonds. It was a moment of celebration, especially for Washington-area sports writers who could not write “Bryce Harper hit a home run” in less than six paragraphs.

Harper’s opinion of his first home run ball is, to date, my very favorite:

After the game, the ball was sitting in his locker with “1st ML HR” written on it in ballpoint pen. The keepsake was going to get a place alongside his first home run ever — at around age 7 — and other mementos. He had a hard time remembering other saved items.

“I don’t really keep track,” Harper said. “All my stuff is in just a box. Posters, magazines — I don’t really care.” (via Sports Illustrated)

Somewhere out there, a nation of teenage girls who’d swoon if they knew young people played sports are swooning.

Of course, there are tons of “there are no words”-esque comments from Harper and his teammates to put the homer in a proper perspective, but I’m pretending they don’t. I want the Nationals to win the World Series on a Bryce Harper 9th-inning walk-off this season just for that moment when he’s interviewed after the game, shrugs and says “whatever, I’m outta here” before sulking away.

If two Canadian Intermediate A lacrosse teams get into a bench-clearing brawl and nobody’s there to see it, did it really happen?

Yes. Yes it did.

Several players started fighting after Coquitlam scored to take a 15-4 lead. As the officials tried to settle everyone down, more players got involved and both benches eventually cleared.

The game was called with 47 seconds left in the period.

Josh Aldrich of the Nanaimo Daily News reported that B.C. Intermediate A Lacrosse League commissioner Gene Regier handed down 15 suspensions, but he did not reveal who or how long the suspensions were. (via Content Farm)

“…because he’d never heard of anyone on either team.”

The best way to watch this clip is to pretend the only five people in the crowd are the cast of ‘Bob’s Burgers’. That “oh my goaddd” at the 0:54 mark is absolutely Linda Belcher, and the loud “ENOUGH, GUYS” at 1:11 is a pretty convincing H. Jon Benjamin. Random screeching female throughout is just Louise, egging them on. Suddenly this is the best (and most underrated) lacrosse fight video ever.

[h/t to Fark]

Imagine how good they’d be if every player gave two sh*ts. (via @hockeypuckck)

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Links

Kim Kardashian’s IMDB Bio Is AMAZING |UPROXX|

Peter Berg calls Israeli interviewer a draft-dodger in probably the best interview ever |Film Drunk|

‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘A Man Without Honor’ |Warming Glow|

Thor Delivers Uncomfortable News To A Radio Listener |Gamma Squad|

Jay-Z Is Joining The Music Festival Business |Smoking Section|

Mad Men Discussion: Okay, Seriously, What The Hell Did January Jones Do To Matt Weiner? |UPROXX|

High School Student Makes World’s Worst Song Great |UPROXX|

After 20 Years, Columbia University Janitor Becomes A College Grad |Smoking Section|

George Lucas & The Housing That Spite Built, in Marin County |Film Drunk|

Usain Bolt Dumped His Hot Girlfriend For One Of Several Dumb Reasons |With Leather|

26 States Actually Want to Teach Science |Gamma Squad|

‘CSI: Miami’ Has Been Forced to Turn in Its Badge and Sunglasses |Warming Glow|

15 Things You Didn’t Know About “Game Of Thrones” |Buzzfeed|

15 Best Answers From Louis C.K.’s Reddit Q&A |HuffPost Comedy|

The Dead Guests Of Space Ghost |Adult Swim|

World’s saddest iPhone app lets you date, kiss and move in with computerised versions of boy band One Direction |Fark|

7 Reasons Why You’re Delighted By The Cancellation Of “House” |Pajiba|

The 10 Smuttiest Cities in America |Guy Speed|

The Best of the GI Joe PSAs |Unreality|

This Bloomberg News Segment with the Hot Financial Reporter Is Hilariously Awkward |Brobible|

The Ghostbusters Tour Of New York |High Definite|

A very Bleacher Report-esque “five things to look for on tonight’s Raw SuperShow Starring Brock Lesnar Raw SuperShow Monday Night Raw”:

1. What will Triple H have to say about Brock Lesnar “complexly injuring” his arm two weeks ago on Raw, and how unbelievably positive will I be about the whole thing?

2. How will John Cena cope with his upcoming divorce, and will it involve a heavyset bald man doing The Creep, spitting Mountain Dew onto his hand and rubbing it on Cena’s forehead?

3. Will Abraham Washington finish a sentence, or will The Great Khali’s dancing be too awesome for the production team to miss?

4. The Rock will continue his quest to once again become WWE Champion by not ever showing up or wrestling anyone and shooting guns with C-Tates.

5. David Otunga may return from the Hudson murder trial/his fun trip to Six Flags, give Eve The Verdict and restore the rightful Laurinaitis/Otunga backstage dynamic.

Things to remember:

- My 10 favorite comments from tonight’s Open Discussion Thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 5/14 column. Comment as much as you can, and get everyone you’ve ever known to show up in here and talk fake fighting. We’ve got a great community going, and two years from now I don’t want it to just be me and THESTINGER and Lobster Mobster awkwardly talking MMA during Kofi Kingston matches.

- To nominate a comment for the top 10, please respond to it with a +1.

Let’s enjoy pro wrestling!

In this post, you learn that a man in a 90s-themed plush jaguar costume wearing sunglasses and pawprint shorts is better at sports than you. Also, he’s better at golf than most golfers.

At a 2-handicap, Jaxson De Ville (who is seriously named “Jaxson De Ville”) is easily the most complexly athletic anthropomorphic and radical-to-the-max jungle cat in pro sports. As the mascot for the Jacksonville Jaguars he’s done everything from in-stadium bungee jumping to jumping a BMX bike through fireworks, so it shouldn’t be surprising to see him golfing his furry ass off during Players Championship week.

And yet …

As E. Michael Johnson noted in his Golf World Monday piece, [Curtis] Dvorak has been the Jaguars’ mascot (Jaxson De Ville) since 1996, and during Players Championship week, he had the opportunity to caddie the back nine on Wednesday for Jim Furyk.

As the group approached the 17th hole, Dvorak was challenged by Andres Romero’s caddie, Adrian Monteros, to hit the shot to hit the island green in full-on costume. Taking a little less club, Dvorak stood over the ball and laced a perfect 8-iron onto the green, drawing a cheer from the crowd. (via Devil Ball Golf)

Your move, Dinger the Dinosaur.