I almost went with “n/t” for the body of this, but here goes.
Baseball season is upon us (f**king finally), and to celebrate, I wanted to find the perfect video to encapsulate how the arrival of pitchers and catchers to Spring Training and the onset of Our National Pastime makes us feel as a people. What I’ve decided on is this clip (courtesy of Sportress Of Blogitude) of the GEICO Racing Presidents from Nationals Park trying to hurt each other on a hockey rink. Oddly enough, it’s a solid choice.
If you’ve seen a Presidents Race before (I’ve seen plenty, having spent a year living in Bethesda, Maryland, watching Nyjer Morgan whiff fly balls and give up inside-the-park homers), this one plays out like you’d expect … Teddy Roosevelt takes an early lead, but gives in to his hubris and ends up getting checked into the bench by George Washington. Later, he gets revenge with a flying cross-body from the top to take out all three remaining competitors at the finish line.
UFC president Dana White is a polarizing guy who probably doesn’t share a lot of my opinions on things (for example, I’m guessing he doesn’t weep throughout the entirety of The Land Before Time), but he’s got a way of cutting through the bullsh*t and making some astute (if not totally obvious) points about sports, including:
1. Jeremy Lin deserves at least a good amount of the praise he’s been getting, and yeah, being an Asian guy is gonna be part of that.
2. There are a large number of African-American players in the NBA getting tons of praise and press.
4. Mayweather should probably just shut up and fight Manny Pacquiao, because he’s going to make a sh*t-ton of money doing so.
It’s the cold hard truth, and weird to imagine anyone having a realistic counterpoint besides “well, uh” or “shut up”. A transcript of the piece’s denouement, courtesy of Boxing Experts Blog:
Don’t worry about what all these other guys are doing and shooting your big mouth off on Twitter. What you should worry about is getting in there and making the fight that all the boxing fans want to see. Get in there and fight Manny Pacquiao. You don’t deserve more of the purse. If ever there were a fight in history that should be split 50/50, it’s the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight. Shut up! Both of you split the money up and put on the fight that everybody, including me, wants to see.
I can’t tell you how much I’d love it if Mayweather’s response was lowering his head, shuffling his feet and mumbling, “yeah, you’re right, okay” under his breath. Unfortunately, the real response will either be completely silence or something involving jets and dogs and a wank about how many Twitter followers he has.
Please enjoy this Japanese promo for UFC 144: Edgar Vs. (Florence?) Henderson, which combines South Park’s “Let’s Fighting Love” with animated fight footage and some tried-and-true anime tropes — giant eyes, speed lines and ring girls straight out of Magic Knight Rayearth.
The nerd in me wishes they’d subbed in Lord Il Palazzo for Dana White and maybe had Brock Lensar slowly fill with light and explode when Alistair Overeem kneed him in the spleen, but whatever. I’m just happy with the accuracy of “protect my balls” UFC interviews and Rampage Jackson in the locker room with a couple of 11-year olds.
FilmDrunk’s 2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket - I’m not quite as acerbic about movies as Vince, and I love at least 6 of the Best Picture nominees this year. Not a fan of The Help, War Horse or Pay 9/11 Forward. [Film Drunk]
The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - Well hey, at least now we’ve got a Twitter feud between a remorseless violent dancing man-child and a pro wrestler security guards wouldn’t let into the arena because they thought he was a fan! [Smoking Section]
‘Community’ Hiatus Might Have Actually Improved Its Chances at Renewal - I want so badly for these characters to graduate. Shows with a logical end need to reach their logical end! [Warming Glow]
Our 30 Favorite Pictures From This Year’s Mardi Gras Chewbacchanal -
“Here’s a thing we do where we get drunk and girls shows us their boobs. How could we make it better?” “STAR WARS.” [Gamma Squad]
In Case You Ever Wanted To See Robert Downey Jr. As A Pinup Girl - I haven’t, but uh, thanks for sharing. [UPROXX]
Man Repeatedly Pepper-Sprayed At Disneyland During Fight - Where were these guys when Ursula was trying to destroy Prince Eric’s boat? Or when Gaston was in the woods trying to stab folks? [Buzzfeed]
Rick Santorum’s Gmail Inbox Reveals The Truth About GOP Candidate (PICTURE) - The guy’s last name is “Santorum” for Christ’s sakes, don’t vote for him. Who’s his VP gonna be, Charles Mung? [HuffPost Comedy]
Off The Air: 11 Things Adult Swim Left Online - I wish somebody would accidentally leave ‘Look Around You’ season 2 on a U.S. DVD. [Adult Swim]
How They Made The Greatest Simpsons Episode Of All-Time, “Homer At The Bat” - “Last Exit To Springfield” is the greatest Simpsons episode of all-time, thank you very much. [FARK]
Bossip Exclusive: Ray J Planning To Sue Radio Station Over Spoof Fake Interview Discussing Whitney And Bobby - Any time Ray J talks, the other person should respond with OH RAY J, OH RAY J, OH BAYBEE~ until he shuts up. [Bossip]
How Do You Improve Mardi Gras? Add Will Ferrell - I like that Will Ferrell is just wandering around hanging out at stuff he likes. Beer commercials, Spanish language movies, Minor League Baseball, Mardi Gras. [The FW]
- I mentioned in yesterday’s Best And Worst Of WWE Elimination Chamber ’12 that I’m looking for a fill-in for Best and Worst of Wrestlemania. The response has been overwhelming, so please, if you don’t get a personalized response in the next few days, don’t worry — I’m terrible at e-mails and am considering you. I promise!
- Don’t be afraid to leave a comment on this report. Not really afraid of that on the “Eve Torres is a bitch” week, but still, we’ve build a great community of intelligent, funny wrestling fans and you should be a part of it, because seriously, you aren’t gonna find it anywhere else.
- Big thanks again to Casey/THESTINGER for helping me out with gifs and pictures. Be sure to visit his brand new gifs Tumblr for the stuff I didn’t use.
- This is a late edition to the report, but the greatest thing other than a sign on Raw has happened to me. I participated in today’s #AskAGM hashtag, and got this response:
I’ve watched this video a few times, trying to figure out how landing on your arm from like two feet up can knock you out, and yeah, the jolt of a fall can do crazy things to your brain and all, but I think it was shame that knocked him out.
Cage Potato is a great place to find MMA and boxing knockout videos of varying believability, but this is my new favorite — Jeremie Capony and Dan Lariviere squared off at Empire Fight League 4 in Montreal on Saturday, and at some point Lariviere attempts a flying switch-kick that whiffs completely and only succeeds in switching consciousness for unconsciousness.
I like to think that in a different timeline, poor Dan connected with that kick and it made him a viral Internet superstar. Maybe he got a date with Mandy Moore out of it. I guess we’re just living in the darkest timeline.
Baseball season is upon us (f**king finally), and to celebrate, I wanted to find the perfect video to encapsulate how the arrival of pitchers and catchers to Spring Training and the onset of Our National Pastime makes us feel as a people. What I’ve decided on is this clip (courtesy of Sportress Of Blogitude) of the GEICO Racing Presidents from Nationals Park trying to hurt each other on a hockey rink. Oddly enough, it’s a solid choice.
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