Boop, got your nose!

Tonight: the Hall of Fame highlights at 8:00 p.m. ET and then A BRAND NEW ERA FOR REAL Y’ALL.

No “official” preview blurb because WWE.com is laboring under the illusion that people know enough to point their Internet machine to “WWE.com” but don’t know who won any of the matches at WrestleMania 28. At any rate, it’s safe to assume we’ll get plenty of fallout from Team Johnny’s win, where both John Cena and the Rock go from here, whether Undertaker and/or Triple H have any plans to retire, and the possible announcement of a match for next year’s WrestleMania. Also, Brock Lesnar, Batista and Lita were all in Miami over the weekend (maybe), so we might get some Big Damn Surprises.

- Brandon will be returning soon and may pop up in the comments thread at some point, but I’ll be your host for the evening. Expect slightly less references to mascots and Destiny and slightly more references to the San Francisco Giants and Magic: the Gathering. Tomorrow’s Best and Worst of Raw will be by the immensely talented Chris Trew so make sure to check that out.

- If you’re not doing so already (and what the hell, dudes), follow Brandon @MrBrandonStroud, With Leather @WithLeather and, heck, me @SundownMotel.

- Poll of the week:

- Really hammer the comments, guys. I saw that Mania thread so I know you’ve got it in you to cause the server to hemorrhage with your jokes about Undertaker’s new haircut. Remember: the top 10 comments from tonight’s open discussion thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best and Worst Of WWE Raw report. It’ll make you Internet famous, which is way better than being regular-famous, because you never have to wear pants.

- IMPORTANT: to nominate a comment for one of the top 10 of the night, be sure to reply with +1. If you +1 your own comments, that’s fine I guess, but everyone will know you’re sadly desperate.

As far as soccer fights go, this is obviously far from the top of the heap. Heck, it’s pretty far from the bottom of the heap, too. But the situation is still pretty amusing. Bear with us here.

Brooks Peck of the Dirty Tackle alerts us to this Brazilian soccer match between Campeonato Gaucho and Caixas. (As an aside, how awesome is it that there is a Brazilian soccer team called “Champion Cowboy?” No idea what “Caixas” translates to, but I’m just going to assume it means “Astronaut Panda.”)

The context here is that one of the Champion Cowboys, Douglas Silva, got into quite a tiff with fellow Champeen Broncbuster Walter Guglielmone. In response, Guglielmone shoved Silva right in his face. The rest of the Gaucho tried to intervene, but Guglielmone decided one push in the face wouldn’t suffice, so he gave him one more face-shove for good measure. The referee decided enough was enough, so he calmly walked Guglielmone to the edge of the pitch like a big boy, showed him the red card and sent him off.

Look, I know things are done differently in soccer, but if a guy can’t give his teammate a couple of bad-natured piesfacing once in a while then what is even the point of sports any more? That “don’t smush your teammate’s face” crud would never fly here in the States. U-S-A! U-S-A!

If you’re over the age of zero, you probably realize that April Fools Day is a stupid idea that is somehow a million times worse in execution. For every halfway-funny prank that an Internet company or entity thinks up (and for the record, AdBlocker had the only good joke during April Fools Day this year, when they changed all Internet ads to pictures of cats), there’s an infinite number of idiots running around going NYAH HAH HEE HEE GET IT when their “prank” consists of, I don’t know, telling you they messed up your lunch order while openly snickering and then telling you NAH JUST MESSIN at the end of the same sentence.

However bad most usual-bad April Fools “jokes” are, they’re way, way, way worse when someone related to sports tries to do them.

MLB.com, with a hat tip to HardballTalk, reports on how Lance Berkman’s just the knee-slappinest, baby-prankinest jokester yokel what ever thought up a yuk-yuk.

Lance Berkman and several Cardinals teammates helped pull off a terrific April Fools’ joke on Adam Wainwright during Sunday’s game.

The pranksters had the public address announcer give away a car to a fan, who, playing along with the gag, ran onto the field to collect his gift. Berkman drove the vehicle — Wainwright’s white Chevy Silverado — onto the field and past an unsuspecting Wainwright, who did a double-take at the license plate while sitting in the dugout.

The winning fan, who was David Freese’s cousin, jumped into the back of the truck and Berkman drove out of the stadium.

Ugh. Just … no. That “prank” is so old, it’s got whiskers on it. I’m guessing that even the writer of this is playing up Wainwright “doing a double-take.” He probably rolled his eyes to himself and feigned a, “Oh, yeah guys. You sure got me. Hah,” while they all doubled over in laughter and handed him his keys back. Let’s retire April Fools Day, or at least make it illegal for athletes to “participate.” It would be for the best.

This strikes me as a pretty appropriate With Leather story to come out of WrestleMania weekend.

Sweaterpunch alerts us to the fact that LeBron James and Dwyane Wade met up with Rey Mysterio over the weekend. Ignoring for a moment the completely stilted and uncomfortable exchange between the three men, the visual hilarity of Rey Rey getting a picture taken with these two massive basketball players, and Mysterio’s weird piece-of-gristle-caught-in-a-garbage-disposal voice that no one ever seems to know how to react to, LeBron is wearing a very interesting Nike shirt.

See for yourself:

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The sports world is abuzz with the news that a Magic-Johnson fronted group broke the dang old bank in order to purchase the Dodgers for over $2 billion, which is a figure so absurd that it may as well be written like a comic strip character says cuss words.

“Yes  Mr. McCourt, and our counter-offer is #!%*& dollars.”

Anyway, it’s no secret by now that Magic Johnson, while not a billionaire himself, is a mega-entrepreneur and philanthropist. Already in 2012, he’s bought a baseball team and announced he’s launching a television network. What’s next, a chain of restaurants that are like Applebee’s, but with edible food? A series of Wal*Mart-style superstores? It’s almost like he’s some kind of business wizard. Almost like he’s … gathering spectacular assets.

Wait a minute. Wizard … gathering … Magic … I think we may be on to something here, ladies and gentlemen. In the spirit of Magic Johnson’s spectacular purchase, I am pleased to present the nerdiest sequence of jokes to ever appear on With Leather. It is my pleasure to present to you a very special type of card game: a collectible one.

Faithful readers, I proudly present Magic Johnson: The Gathering.
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If you’re already sick of Ozzie Guillen, f***ing strap in, because it’s going to be a long summer. Particularly if Guillen’s Miami Marlins run away with the National League East, as they’re already threatening to do. I mean, the season hasn’t even started yet, but they’ve already released Aaron Rowand. That is a CHAMPIONSHIP caliber move, right there.

Guillen is nothing if not a classy manager. On Thursday, GQ did a Twitter interview with the Marlins manager — which I guess is a thing that GQ does now — and one of the questions was whether Ozzie would consider himself a breast man or Billy Gunn an ass man. Or, as they phrased it, “¿Prefieres tetas o culo?” Guillen’s response? He’s all about the culo, baby!

@OzzieGuillen: Prefiero culo. Gracias a dios mi esposa tiene uno y siempre lo a tenido

If you can’t read en espanol, he says he thanks God that his wife has always had a nice caboose. Because he’s an old-fashioned romantic, that culo-loving sweetie!

Also on Thursday, Dodgers manager Don Mattingly appeared on Howard Stern for squares “The Dan Patrick Show” and the topic of Guillen came up. Mattingly, to his credit, called Guillen “a little sh*t” in a tone that was more good-natured than that quote would have you believe. As far as smack-talk goes, this barely even rates, but knowing Guillen, he will likely take it personally and instigate a brawl at the first Marlins/Dodgers game just so he can throat-punch the Los Angeles skipper.

Wow, I didn’t think I could get any more pumped for baseball season, but then I read that last sentence again.

[h/t for both items to HardballTalk]