1. AJ Styles – ‘I Am’
“When I fly, it’s not evil. It’s just like being Evil Knievel. I jump to the left and I roll to the right, because I try to win the belt every night!”
2. Funaki – ‘Kung Fu San’
“Fu Naki likes to, fish for croppie while he listens, to Pavarotti. Heard he tried to be, a rap disc jockey. Didn’t work out, moved to Abu Dhabi. Guess the rest is, histor-aty. But my memory, a little bit groggy.”
3. Matt Hardy – ‘Live For The Moment’
“I can slap a tornado. I can dry up a sea, yeah!”
4. Chyna – ‘Who I Am’
“Don’t treat me like a woman. Don’t treat me like a man. Don’t treat me like you know me. Treat me for just who and what I am.”
5. Jeff Jarrett – ‘My World’
“He ain’t dead, he ain’t The Rock. Don’t wanna hear your big mouth off.”
6. Billy Kidman – ‘You Can Run’
”Keep acting tough, it’s gonna get creepy. All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy. But in these streets when you doze off you wake up with your clothes off. It’s a shame feeling so lost.”
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Wait, I missed it. What does The Rock say?
I believe it was something to do with the effect of jingoistic nationalism on the geo-political landscape, but I could be mistaken.
I could have sworn it was a nuanced critique of American exceptionalism.
excellent selections. can’t wait to see how this plays out. good work all.
That’s Rob Conway’s 5TH THEME?! That means he had 4 other ones. Sweet Moses.
It seems they’re counting several slightly different versions of “Just Look At Me”. But the aptly named AllWrestlingThemez on YouTube includes “Final Force”, which was the La Resistance theme and an earlier instrumental theme called “Hendrix Bleeds”.
…and I wish “Girls in Cars” wasn’t on there. It’s one of those “so bad it’s good” themes.
It’s the spiritual predecessor to “American Males.”
Most wrestling lyrics are fairly illegible or only kick in after the punching has already started. Chyna’s contradictory bulls–t comes at you clear, early and often. So yeah, hers.
Oh, and how did Rob Conway’s music end up on here? I know the column/community wasn’t around back when Conway was still with WWE, but it seems like he would have been a Best and Worst jam.
You’re probably right, but the Con-man did so little of note with that gimmick that there wouldn’t have been anything to talk about. Also, his theme sounds like Randy Newman after a dentist appointment.
The Rock’s is a combo of cool music + bad lyrics
X-Pac just got signed to a WWE Legends deal, in case all of you great folks had not heard. Is there a God? I think not.
Common thread: most bad wrestling entrance songs involve lyrics that have NOTHING to do with the person/team.
The Rock says differently.
Or he says “Know your damn role”.
Holy crap. I want to kiss the Kung Fu-naki song directly on the mouth.
I’ll explain the origin of the universe before I understand how “Girls with Cars” became a wrestling entrance theme.
Also, I don’t like the Cena lyrics, but they’re kinda just rap lyrics, you know? The Big Show “you’ll never know/but I promise you’ll know” line is worse than anything in Cena’s song.
Make that “Girls in Cars” – I’m just happy I can still form sentences after that.
Rob Conway’s theme sounds like it was written by Randy Newman, the Randy Newman that was on Family Guy.
Chyna’s theme has had better job opportunities than Chyna in the past few years – proof that “nothing” can be better than “something”.
How did the Rougeaus get left off? Maybe they if they would’ve offered abortions for some and free miniature american flags for others perhaps?
Because it was purposefully goofy and bad, mostly, which makes it Not Actually Bad.
Billy Kidman had a theme? I guess you learn something new every day.
AMERICAN MALES HAS BEEN ROBBED!
Brandon already nominated American Males in his list of 16. And I would wager it has a strong chance to win
I’m jazzed for this tournament.
I’m still feeling “Dangerous Politics”. Remixing that psycho’s name, even if it’s recited by Heyman is still bad!
Who the hell nominated Matt Hardy V1′s theme? That theme was awesome. It was done by Monster Magnet.
And before someone replies with “But we’re only discussing the lyrics!” yeah no, the lyrics were great too.
“I like Spam and potatoes…”
I’m with you on really enjoying Matt’s theme. If nothing else, the lyrics really fit his character when he was doing the Mattitude gimmick.
Did…did Afro Man do Funaki’s theme song?!?
I thought the exact same thing. I’m just going to assume yes.
The lyrics to Too Cold Scorpio’s theme are great, and also literal- he DOES attack from the air!!
Funaki’s theme starts with Kung Fu sound effects, so this should get a pass as well…
Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it Bangin’ it
I actually met a stripper once that had dated Heidenreich…she had…interesting stories…
I feel like we’ve done a major disservice to this tournament by not having “Sexy Boy” entered. I should have had the stones to nominate HBK’s theme song. Oh well.
I would have pulled off Chyna’s theme because the lyrics are trying really hard to portray a strong female wrestler who wants to be measured by her accomplishments as opposed to other female wrestlers who want to be judged by… being insatiable.
In it’s place should be the Evolution theme: “Evolution is a mystery”?
“Yesterday’s so long ago, don’t agree with what I know .
Tomorrow becomes a place to be.”
That’s deep there, Lemmy.
“…and while some of you decided to totally ignore the rules and post full songs…”
Hey, if I had to listen to the song and pause to type every line praying to God, Allah and whatever CM Punk prays to that The Rock would say something different, then you guys have to read everything I heard!
I’m riding X-Factor until the end. If there is ever a song that captures the essence of X-Pac and how much he simultaneously sucks and blows its this song.
Agreed. Not to mention the additional blows of Albert, Justin Credible, AND Uncle Kracker.
lol. Professionally chosen. How cute!
are you throwing shade at me, because “professional chosen” is pretty clearly a joke
Not at all! It was a joke I quite thoroughly enjoyed! I apologize for not projecting correctly.
I don’t watch much TNA, so I wasn’t really familiar with the themes outside of Rob Van Dam’s awful mess. I thought he might’ve been the lone case, but no, they’re all terrible. Seriously, how does their music department keep their jobs? The Styles and Jarrett ones are awful, both musically AND lyrically.
If we are striving to be as accurate as possible with historically significant works of art such as these themes, I feel it is my duty to point out the correct lyrics to Hillbilly Jim’s song:
“… Mama filled my bottle from a moonshine still, my first meal was the BEAR SHE killed. Bear she killed, the bear she killed, my first meal was the bear she killed.”
This may make the song better, or worse, in your (possibly vegan or vegetarian) opinion. I would hope some of us would appreciate the prominent role Hilbilly Jim’s mother played in his upbringing, from making sure his bottle was full, to providing high-quality sources of lean protein for a growing child.