This week on Amor Prohibito...
Pre-show notes:
- If you’re unaware, I’m helping Best and Worst of Impact columnist Danielle with her new wrestling site, The Mandible Claw. There’s a new post up every weekday, and so far we’ve done a pretty rad podcast (which I’ll help host every week) and an incredible piece on Vickie Guerrero by Ari Amaru. This is seriously worth your time. Go read it, and keep reading it.
- Comments, shares, likes, and what-have-you are appreciated. Showing this column to wrestling types you know is the only way to keep it moving forward. Otherwise I’m stuck writing WrestleCrap entries in 2013 like some kind of weirdo.
- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.
- GIFS courtesy of Jerusalem at Punchsport Pagoda.
And now, Raw goes OLD SCHOOL! I bet you aren’t tired of hearing that yet. The Best and Worst of Old School Raw is after the jump.
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Happy times!
I actually just read the Vickie piece before checking if B&W was up, it was great. I’m excited to have a place to read stuff about wrestling written by non-dumb people on a daily basis, it’s been a long time. Besides you, The Masked Man, and the occasional piece at The Classical, there’s just not a lot of good writing about pro wrestling being done, at least that I’m aware of. I know they were awful sometimes, but I miss the scoops.com days. Hyatte 4 life!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
907, you should check out TH’s Wrestling Blog. Brandon sometimes contributes there and Danielle is a regular writer.
Great stuff as always
I was out last night seeing the Gaslight Anthem, so I haven’t had a chance to watch Raw on my DVR yet (and I avoided social media, too). Are there any huge spoiler alert-type points in this week’s B&W or can I just dive in and revel in the Mark Henry appreciation?
Also, I made some neat pro-Punk/anti-Rock parody shirts that will probably get me sued, you can see ‘em at [youthconspiracy.bigcartel.com], enter “JSOM” to save 5% off your order, blah blah blah.
For the record, these shirts (and this guy) is/are Best and Worst approved. BUY THE SHIRT~!
The only spoilerish thing is who takes on the Taker.
Which is the last page/main event.
Man, Cesaro and Barrett aren’t even going to have matches at Wrestlemania, are they?
nnnnope.
The way things are going, I’d be happy if they just threw Barrett/Cesaro in a match against Hell No, so they could offically say “There, we got all the [male] champions on the show, whatever.”
As for Kaitlyn, she’ll be lucky to get on the YouTube show, unfortunately.
A multi man hastily tossed together match with like Cesaro, Barrett and Ziggler on a team and R-Truth, Kofi Kingston and Miz !
Should be great!
Barrett vs. Cesaro in a double non title match that will, obviously, never end.
Kaitlyn will be there or else attendees will complain that there was no bathroom break during the show (when there’s a nice half hour long one ending the show).
Money In the Bank is their only hope.
Was it me (because often it is) or was it remarkably quiet during Triple H’s GRR SPLIT YOUR SKULL OPEN speech climax and non-ironic mike drop? As the guy in charge of leading off the 10pm hour, he didn’t seem to click with the crowd like he usually does.
You’re dead-on. I don’t think anybody likes actually hearing from Triple H.
It pains me to say this, but to his credit, the crowd sucked.
The best part is that Trips still paused where he thought a big pop would be. It was SUPER awkward.
That Triple H promo was sorely missing a “This Business”.
And a shout-out to Shawn.
The frustrating thing about Miz sucking at the figure four is that they actually could have told a story with it. Let him try it a few times and have the opponent escape his sloppy version. Let Flair do what Flair does best and film backstage segments where he makes Miz drill it while Flair screams about “beating the man” and “spacemountain”. Eventually Miz gets in a spot where hes in deep water and looks like all is lost and then he locks in the beautiful version he hit last night and you give the fans a reason to mark out over the move and it makes it the Miz’s move and not just something he got from interviewing Ric Flair one time.
Pfft. Only Kane and Daniel Bryan are allowed to get the slow build.
That would have been great.
This should be your application to join the WWE Creative Team.
“Imagine if Willy Wonka opened his factory and Veruca Salt won every Golden Ticket. That’d be the WWE main event scene. CM Punk would be Charlie, his Grandpa would be Colt Cabana and they’d have to fart a bunch to keep from being chewed up in Vince McMahon’s ceiling fans.”
ahahaha perfect
That Bret Hart DVD ad was the WWE equivalent of the bizarre Mr. Plow commercial an ad agency came up for Homer on “The Simpsons” in the Mr. Plow episode.
Agreed. Though, the commercial could have been redeemed if Sheamus did a Russian leg sweep and an elbow drop off the second rope like Bret Hart.
That uppercut was a thing of wonder, as was CM Punk just doing his thing during the birthday party.
Wonderful as always, I even laughed like crazy. And I’m on board with The Mandible Claw, hope it works out well.
I’m worried that they are turning D-Bry into a modern day even more mentally retarded Duggan-esque character. Just let the fucking guy wrestle without the crybaby expressions and tantrums already.
There’s always Tyson Kidd if you want that.
but he’s out of action for 6-8 months :(
Join us in a fortnight’s time where The New Age Outlaws beats Cesaro & Barrett in 20 seconds.
Fun recap, thanks Brandon!
Hey withleatherheads, does anyone know if Fandango’s valet live in Buffalo was the same valet in the vignette videos? It’d make sense that they were the same person, but, the face looked a little different last night, which could just be because of her hair style. It’s kind of bothering me.
Did anybody notice that Mark Henry was legit counting to see if there were 90 candles on Mae’s cake? I thought that was so funny, but nobody else seems to have caught that today.
I jumped straight to Page 5 to see if it got a mention. Mark Henry is the best.
I didn’t notice it; that’s awesome and I really need to rewatch that segment.
I didn’t notice that. That’s great! I did notice him shuffling over to pat Mae on the arm, and the camera cutting away as I imaged Vince yelling “Nooo don’t remind people of that goddamnit!”
I thought he just really wanted that cake.
Am I correct in assuming that being the mute guy who hangs out with a xenophobe hasn’t gotten Swagger enough heat; and that’s why he beat up three guys who we’ve been told are beloved characters from our youth?
I admit it worked, though. I don’t even care about Dusty, Sarge, or Hacksaw; but it got me hot enough that I was really excited when Del Rio got his hands on Swagger backstage.
You don’t care about DUSTY RHODES? You, sir, are a monster.
he was the son of a plumber, man.
He has a bicycle!
“They should’ve done the same commercial, but with Tyson Kidd. Have him wake up in the morning, watch TV until like 5 PM, show up to Raw in his street clothes, get dressed, walk into the writers’ room, have them all kinda shrug at him, have him change clothes again, ride home on his bike and watch Bret Hart DVDs until he falls asleep. ”
This cracked me up and then made me sad. THIS COLUMN IS ALWAYS A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS! (Excellent work as always, Brandon.)
That would’ve been epic on multipe levels. Well done!
I’ll admit it, I LOVE the Honky Tonk Man, when he left the ring all dejected and sad after the verbal lashing Heath Slater gave him I was so upset. “HE DID EVEN GET TO HIT ANYONE WITH HIS GUITAR?”
Of course then he did and I was happy. Honky Tonk Man 4 Life.
When he threw out the first pitch at a Brewers spring training game a few years, I fist pumped. Long Live Honky!
I was pretty disappointed at first too I actually cheered when he hit him with the chair.
Not even done reading but thank you for the Zack Ryder insults. Those encapsulate every feeling I have about that guy.
This is my first time seeing Zack Ryder’s trunks… yikes. Cringe city.
And now I look forward to watching the Cnea/Rock promo, if it’s as bad as you made it sound. So thanks (?) Brandon!
*Cena. Because I know how to spell, darn it.
Well, like I mentioned, it’s not BAD necessarily, they just kept on going with the same two points.
Just watched it, and yeah, I see what you’re saying. However I laughed out loud at the unnecessarily long pause between “beat you” and “again”.
Also, Brandon, the amor prohibido is between Cena and Punk, not Cena and the Rock. Gosh!!!
Now I want to edit together some video footage of Rock/Cena (or Punk/Cena) set to Selena.
Alex * I support this endeavor 100%!
On Zack Ryder, there is always that rumor that WWE made him look like an idiot because of him pushing himself on his youtube channel. So he shows up with that stupid outfit and what happens? Worlds Strongest Slam…maybe Zack Ryder should just be happy to be there and not try so darn hard to be noticed. It does not seem to be working out for him.
I agree that they should have last night’s arena layout be a full time thing. It was so much better.
And maybe I’m in the minority, but I also think Lawler should go back to wearing his King outfit full time as well.
I agree with both. Lawler seemed less of an asshat (though, he was still annoying) last night than he normally acts. I’m going to assumed it’s because he wasn’t wearing a cheap affliction shirt knock off.
So the ridiculous shirts are the reason King is so much more turrble in recent years… Eh, makes as much sense as anything else in wrestling.
Is there any way Undertaker can keep Teddy Long in a coffin?
…oh, that was once an angle too?
Ryders new theme song should be Don’t You Push Me by Tribal Ink.
“Dude was NINE YEARS into his career in 2003 and hadn’t figured out ‘punch.’ Good luck, Show. In 2023 when you discover ‘kick,’ you’re going to be unstoppable.”
^ This, Brandon. This. I lol’ed ridiculously. In the office. Like an idiot.
What kills me aboutt that finisher is like last night, Orton was distracted and he turned around and Show punched him IN THE STOMACH. Like dude, if you can KO people at will, why don’t you? Do you need to get your bonus to 100 before it works?
I’m 3 pages in, and I can’t figure out which one represents the plumber’s union and which one represents the mentally retarded!
Terrific as always.
Also, good to know there isn’t much I need to go back and watch
I thought for sure DBry patting The Ryback on the (Ry)back would have gotten a best..was I the only one who saw that? Am I having hallucinates!?
I wish they’d do a Wrestling Road Diaries follow-up about Bryan and The Ryback being travel buddies.
They had better go to Panera.
Having ric flair in miz’ corner while in the ring with dolph ziggler is all kinds of insane.
yay, a PRO WRESTLER finally learned how to properly apply his new finisher.
good job jabron.
maybe next week he can try to tackle RING PSYCHOLOGY
To be fair to Show, the “A” button on his controller was broken in 2003.
Btw, I like how most people in the media and the entertainment industry give Mike Tyson a pass because 1) He once threatened to eat an opponent’s children 2) He got a stupid face tattoo 3) He was roflcopters in the Hangover 4) He found religion (Buddhism or something). Meanwhile, they still pile on Chris Brown for being a pile of human dog shit (and he is). Kudos for still holding his feet to the fire, Brandon.
Oh, and you can equate everything I said about Tyson and Chris Brown to Charlie Sheen as well.
Proofreading my work would have been swell. Using the word “pile” twice in one sentence? Ugh, I need a thesaurus.
I don’t think you can compare Tyson with Brown because Tyson actually has gone good (allegedly) where Chris Brown is still assaulting people, has been caught cheating on Rihana and still doesn’t understand while people hate him. His music also sucks and his twitter handle seems obnoxious.
I appreciate that Tyson seems to have turned his life around and I’m all about people getting second chances but F that guy. He’s still a convicted rapist. I don’t think it’s outside of reason that I would rather not see him on my tv.
Interesting fact about Tyson: along with being a Buddhist, he’s also an vegan. I can understand Brandon’s dislike of him; THAT’S the face of veganism in sports.
It doesn’t matter – that Bret Hart DVD will sell enough Canadian copies at par dollars to make the investment worthwhile.
Then next year we will be saddled with “Nugget: The Owen Hart Story”, featuring all the matches we’ve seen before on the other Bret Hart/family collections, plus something that will help Koko get paid. And, sadly, I will buy it.
I miss hearing Owen yell at the crowd “I AM NOT A NUGGET!”
“I’m a BlackHeart dammit, a Sole Survivor, Woooo!”
Aren’t there (thankfully) still too many legal hurdles to releasing an Owen DVD? His widow’s lawsuit and all that.
@limey – of course there are, but Bruno was never going into the Hall so anything i$ po$$ible.
@TwoTon – I still enjoy watching him berate Helen into throwing in the towel on Bret. I wish they could’ve been half as inventive with Dustin & Cody to drag something out from the Rumble to ‘Mania.
You’re spot on as always, Brandon. Except for your thoughts about Fandango. Screw that guy. I was hoping that the crowd would start a “we don’t care” chant when he decided he wasn’t going to wrestle.
The Ryder trunks was pretty clever because I’m 99% certain the WWE brass was completely unaware that Ryder wears those speedos. If only Ryder would actually try to improve his wrestling skills.
Also, f*ck the Rock. His mailing it in bullshit has become so lazy, the asshole just repeats whatever Cena says. Ridiculous.
Don’t screw Fandango, because Johnny Curtis was an awesome part of NXT for like a year, and I’d like to have him as a regular part of Raw.
That’s the biggest difference between Brodus Clay’s debut and Fandango’s. He’s Johnny freakin Curtis.
I’d love to see Johnny Curtis succeed, but in the words of Jim Ross “NO! Not this way!”
I like what I like and I just don’t like Fandango. And the trolling that he’s doing is making me (and I’m assuming many people) really indifferent to his character. You even said Brandon, they’re making him Simon Dean before he has even wrestled. Never go full Simon Dean.
I think I’m alone, then, in REALLY liking the Fandango segment. Yeah, it’s kinda Rick The Model Martel meets Jeritroll, but I thought Johnny did a nice job with it.
Love this column, but Brandon, you lay off the Outlaws, alright? I still have my Road Dogg ‘Roll the dogg a bone’ shirt and im wearing it today in celebration. If the NOA came back full time they would be the champs in a month.
I have never liked those guys. They made a career out of riding a prop jeep to a WCW show once.
I said it during the live thread, but the New Age Outlaws are the one really dumb thing about the Attitude era that I still love and I think it’s solely based on their entrance.
I couldn’t stand x-pac, but enjoy both Gunn and Dogg. Different strokes and all that, I guess.
I somehow like Road Dogg more now than I did when DX was active. It just seems like doesn’t take himself as seriously as the others.
Billy Gunn, on the other hand, I have absolutely no use for. In fact, my distaste for Gunn even made me dislike Ziggler when he first showed up, just because he’s sort of built like Gunn and uses the Fameasser.
And Xpac sucks, obviously.
I love Billy Gunn, because he’s such a useless tit.
let’s be real here. if the rock had actually said that line about rapists, you’d be writing 2 full paragraphs full of worst about how he just made a rape joke.
If Rock had called Cena out on quoting a rapist it wouldn’t be a rape joke.
Oops, one last thing. The comments Cesaro left in the “taped earlier” video was incredible and deserves a major best. They should be doing the taped earlier segments more often to give more people mic time.
Even though I agree about using the old-school set and music from now on mainly because I’m a nostalgia fiend, I also think it would be smart of them to capitalize on the retro kitsch thing. It’s been big for some time now and the WWE could benefit from having a vintage appearance. No Cole intended.
But if not, then why not go all the way with something called “Old School RAW?” Throw-away show aside, they could really make something special if they stick to their guns without caring about what sort of “Ewwww old stuff isn’t as good as new stuff because new stuff has better graphics” crowd thinks of it. It’s a one time deal; have The Rock come out to his late-97 theme so I can chant “Rocky Sucks” to the beat (the one that’s super bare and bass-heavy; not the one from WWF: The Music Vol. 3, although that one is great, as well).
Still, that seems more like a minor complaint than a big deal, so maybe I’m just curmudgeonly without proper reason.
Unabatedly, Mark Henry continues to warm my heart with his beautiful soul and supreme ogre overlord status. The Ryback/Henry confrontation may have been a teaser to see if the crowd was down, but damn they should have just had the thing blow up right then and there. Here’s my money, WWE: DO THE RIGHT THING. DO WHAT HE DO.
I just felt like Mark Henry giving Mae Young a kiss on the cheek right as Punk was ruining the birthday party was Cottonbelly sweet.
The banner photo is amazing. Beautifully framed. Look! He looks like the “A” in RAW!
Why didn’t ADR come out to save The Americans from The Americans?
Did Billy Gunn induce that mullet after seeing Shawn’s tweet during the show? That there looked like one hasty haircut.
Unrelated/related: If Sandow becomes the GM of SMSlam, I will watch the hell out of that show until it’s cancelled in 3 months.
Maybe Swagger beat up Dusty, Duggan, and Slaughter because he saw HHH, Rock, Lesnar, and Taker booked for Mania and realized the old wrestlers are coming in and taking all the jerbs!
Jack Swagger does not believe in Social Security benefits for the elderly.
Right after Swagger beat the snot our of Slaughter and Duggan he would have won me over with for life with one line. “Do you think this is a joke?” screamed at the dead all Mark Henry style.
It would have been that simple and helped push his cause from your typical ripped from the headlines silly wrestling angle, to whoa this guy isn’t messing around.
Thanks as always, Brandon, for being way more positive about something that I found absolutely painful the other night. I personally feel this might have been the worst RAW of the year because the “old school” portion felt half-assed and the usual idiotic booking commenced as usual.
I’ll admit to being a design jerk about this, but couldn’t they have designed the retro chyron so every non-champion didn’t go out as “superstar”? I don’t think they ever listed anyone as “superstar” on Hulkamania/Attitude era chyron! The second line of text made sense when a champion was coming out, but to have Swagger and Zeb both be called “superstars” is rather lazy.
If WWE is going to do these retro editions, they need to put actual thought into which Legends they can use. I was half-expecting Tamina to show up with her dad and have them splash people together. It would have been terrible but it would have MADE SENSE! The Honky Tonk Man stuff on the other hand, eeesh. I wish 3MB was secretly an effective joke heel team…anything better than what they are now.
The midcard champions jobbing continues to be absolutely insane, but especially for Cesaro. I don’t think Ryback will be in the WWE after this year because of how limited he is, but Cesaro could be someone really special.
Again, thanks to you (and the live feed) for making this easier to swallow every Monday night.
Great column as usual. Regarding the ‘everybody loves legends’ point, I can’t help but think back to when Cody Rhodes got his face broke by Rey Mysterio and Dusty showed up, acting like he wanted them to reconcile, then turned on Rey and laughed as Cody beat the tar out of Rey. It was AWESOME, everybody booed the shit outta Dusty, and is currently my second favourite Mysterio moment, behind CM Punk happy birthday. But the next time Dusty showed up, he got cheered. I felt betrayed.
That picture infuriates me. Knowing that Cena will win destroys any good will that I get from Rock being champ again.
C’mon. There’s no good with Rock being champ.
You forgot to give a best to HOSS TEASE ’13, Henry vs. Ryback for ALL THE HOSSINESS.
HOSSSSSS FIGHTTTTT!!!!
LIKE A HOSS.
HOSSLEMANIA!
BIG HOSS MAN.
NO HOSS BARRED!
Do you know what month they’ll do that event in?
HOSSTOBER!
After seeing that picture of Ryder’s trunks, I really hope that Mark Henry can step on it and it causes Zack to explode. Cause what else are big red buttons that say “Push Me” for.
If Vince Sr.’s limo driver can get in the Hall of Fame then Test can get a memorial title card for being liked back stage or whatever.
So we know of three matches for Mania?
Yes: Cena/Rock, Punk/Taker & Del Rio/Swagger
HHH/Lesnar just needs to be made official.
It looks like we might also be getting a Henry/Ryback match (HOSSSS FIGHT!) & Shield vs. Sheamus/Orton/Show
This has been your official With Leather comment section Wrestlemania update.
Whoops I forgot about Del Rio/Swagger and was actually factoring in HHH/Lesnar as an official match.
Nice Skyrim reference Brandon.
I think you’re right, even though Undertaker does not look in the best shape of his life right now, Punk versus Undertaker won’t suffer from it.
And congratulations to you and Danielle for the podcast, it was great.
I thought Cesaro’s new T-shirt deserved a Best. Very European.
You’d think someone of power in the WWE office would be tired of Ryder bitching non-stop about his spot both online and now on his trunks. I’d have thought that if he was selling enough merch to be above not talking shit about his job that he’d be on TV more no matter how lousy he is.
I honestly think the WWE brass (more like BORED of Directors, right?) thinks Ryder still has all this internet credibility and whenever they put him out there its like a big piece of SHUT UP NERDS pie.
I see what you did there Norm.
How did this recap not mention Cesaro’s new shirt?! It is glorious and the back says, “Very European, uber American.” That shirt will be worn to the Raw in Indy.
Because I didn’t really like it. It’s just a red spot.
Easily my favorite part of the show was Punk walking thru Mae Young’s birthday party. On Smackdown didn’t he kind of make trying to ruin stuff like that a thing that he did? I at least remember his creepy singing to Mysterio’s daughter on her birthday and him lecturing Teddy Long about drinking at those stupid Smackdown backstage holiday parties.
Brandon,
I hear you write about the second tier title holders losing on the reg on the big show, and it is indeed happening, so surely the writing staff is aware of this. Perhaps they view Barrett and Cesaro as the champions that reign over the secondary shows and their appearances on Raw, and sometimes Smackdown (who watches that show?) are equivalent to the baseball September call up.
I know it’s totally pointless if they don’t come back somewhat regularly for awhile, but dammit, I freaking LOVE the New (Old?) Age Outlaws as a team, and Road Dogg on his own.
They are still legit pretty good in the ring. The Tag Team divisions has gone back to being meaningless again, so why not give them a lil push. Will it really make the division any worse?
It’s too much to ask that they somehow “pass the torch” to the Usos isn’t it?
• The Outlaws get a shot at Mania cuz they everybody else is lame ducks.
• Team Hell No finally asplodes and the Outlaws win the titles.
• Post-Mania Raw, the Usos re-debut & start tearing fools up, initially as heels.
• Usos win #1 contendership at Backlash.
• Lots of fun brawls and inconclusive finishes ensue.
• The Outlaws get increasingly heelish as they desperately try to hang onto the belts.
• The Usos start getting the cheers cuz they are genuinely awesome.
• Finally, after a pep-talk from Rikishi, the Usos fully turn face and win a no DQ championship match at Summerslam.
• The Outlaws show respect in defeat, thereby passing the torch to The Usos as THE tag team going forward.
• During all this, we’re reestablishing a serviceable enough tag division to line up against the Usos all the way to at least the Rumble.
at some point, monkeys fly out of our butts
PS: That was one of the best Figure-Fours I think I have ever seen. I’d honestly be okay if Miz botches it 3/4 of the time (because let’s face it, at this point the move only successfully wins its user matches 25% of the time AT BEST anyway), as long as the ones he gets right are that damn perfect.
One more thing… I was totally expecting Flair to drop to his knees and beg off, then low-blow Big E. I can’t be alone in that, can I?
Hey, Brandon! The NME is on something and he’s not sharing!
NME, the problem with your theory is that the Usos only appear on Saturday Morning Slam or whatever the hell Wednesday’s show is. They couldn’t get lost and wander into a Raw taping.
@Brandon Save the #buttstuff for TNA.
@Redshirt I am on bipolar disorder and probably a mild case of Aspergers. I’m pretty much a wreck, but my cuckoobananas is neither drink or drug induced.
@[Red-acted] Eh, I believe in the Usos, and I like fantasy booking, and writing in general.
And just wait, someday I will bring back Stupid Fantasy Booking Theatre or whatever I called it and fantasy book the Mulkeys into becoming regarded as one of the greatest tag teams of all time, responsible for making tag team wrestling relevant, and even a legitimate main event draw, to this very day. Maybe I can write it out and do a dramatic reading at King of Trios or something.
“In 2023 when you discover “kick,” you’re going to be unstoppable.”
I laughed so loudly my family all came into the living room to stare at me.
Good job, Brandon.
I just thought the X button on Big Show’s controller was broken, and he didn’t bother getting a new one for 10 years.
serves him right for buying a Mad Catz controller
Podcast and Vickie column were/are super awesome.
I hope Punk gets a new shirt, like his Knees to Faces one, for The Undertaker. I’m not clever enough to figure out what that would be.
Easy.
“20-1″
My Streak Is Better Than Your Streak
Don’t You Wish Your Streak Was Hot Like Mine
We’re Goin Streakin!
My Streak Brings All The Punks to the Yard (Okay that would be a Taker one)
20-1 and Over
GTS printed on a tombstone
434>20
Picture of Undertaker looking all spooky: “I don’t do spirits.”
Cause he’s Straight Edge!
I’m sorry.
AND: The Ryder burn was gold. Man I hate that guy, and I’m not normally a hate-filled guy, but that guy fills me full of abnormal hate. Hate.
“and then, as if sent by God himself”
I LOL’d like a loon, but the line is even funnier if you capitalize “Himself.”
God: “Punk, I know you don’t believe in me and that’s fine. With your mic skills you can talk yourself out of Hell and into Heaven after you die. But can you please stop this?”
Punk: “Alright, but next time you Raiders of the Lost Arc and melt their faces. Deal?”
God: “Deal.”
After Sheamus broke the pin and Punk made that mad dash-crawl across the ring, I laughed so hard I choked.
I liked the Swagger/American Heroes destruction segment. He didnt even attempt to wrestle hacksaw like he was competition for him…he just beat the crap out of him with his own symbol..and beat the crap of the other “patriots”…the American hero babyfaces. thought it was great.
Due to Cena and The Rock, I fell asleep at 10:00 and got a good 7 1/2 hours of sleep. That’s a great sign for the WrestleMania main event!
Awesome.
Aw, damn it! I was trying to make it look like this: Pay Ric Flair Ric Flair’s creditors for Ric Flair to be there every week, somebody.
I like how the WWE was just about as lazy as possible when it came to reintroducing the Undertaker. His entrance was an unannounced non sequitur to start the show with the Wrestlemania logo on the titantron.
I’m honestly not complaining. I just think that’s hilarious. “Eh, just throw some shit up there and have him walk out. The audience will be shitting their pants with excitement anyway.”
Seriously, you’re spot on. It’s kind of why when Lesnar makes his unexpected returns, they mail it in, and then they have him come on for the last 10 minutes and he redeems a totally shitty show.
needed moar shield, but hey, at least i got to see the bonus footage from last night. man, was it great.
and i’m excited for taker vs. punk at ‘mania. BRING IT ON.
Rock: Schmoopy!
Cena: No. you’re Schmoopy!
Here’s our tribute to Paul Bearer, in case any of you heard the bad news and came here to mention it: [withleather.uproxx.com]
Got a “Best Comment of the Night” for the first time! There really is a Santa Claus Virginia!!!
I’ve watched Mae Young’s birthday three times now. It’s hilarious. Sandow being disgusted by Mean Gene and Santino, Mark Henry counting the candles and breaking character to embrace his ex, McGillicutty marking out for Punk, and when Punk’s music hits, Darren Young yells “WHAT THE HELL?” I loved this more than I hated all the stuff I hated
I get why the guys who didn’t wrestle are dressed up. Business Casual Khali, Bo Dallas looking like your 10-year-old cousin at Grampa’s funeral, etc. But even some of the guys who wrestled had the chance to change into street clothes, like Henry and Bryan. Why are the PTP still wearing their trunks and RAW IS WAR shirts that some tech guy handed to them right before they walked out? Mae Young lived through the Depression, she shouldn’t have to see Darren Young’s dickprint.
I really hope WWE doesn’t use Paul Bearer’s death as the next dumb way for CM Punk to generate heat to counteract a heel getting cheers in their story.
I didn’t even make it to the beginning of the column before my first LOL. “Amor Prohibido”?
Just…wonderful.
Rock/Cena
Punk/Taker
HHH/Lesnar
ADR/Swagger
Mark Henry/Ryback
Shield/Hell No X Jericho
*Ziggler Cash In (although I feel the WM ramp will be too long a distance for a spent champ to lay paralyzed and be taken by surprise)
Cesaro/Miz
lolDivaslol
Maybe Barrett vs Dallas….or Orton I guess.
Thats it right? Besides the HOF inductees taking up time. They’ll probably do a Money In The Bank to utilize others maybe?
Sheamus/Ryback/X will probably fight The Shield, as the WWE won’t leave Sheamus off of the WM card. D-Bry and Kane will either fight each other or the WWE will just break them up with no explanation.
So Ryback-Henry was just a red herring? I know Orton/Show/Sheamus seems like an odd team, but that seemed to be what they were suggesting Monday.
I’m not too sure. It makes sense that The Shield fights all the left overs from the Fatal 4 Way but what would Henry/Ryback accomplish? If Henry squashes Ryback that kills his steam and vice versa. It’d be a worthless match unless they take Ryback completely out of the title picture for a while.
But then that also takes Henry out of the title picture, which could work if/when Ziggler cashes in. I mean, realistically, if Ziggler cashes in, Henry should just destroy him, like he’s done to all the other smaller guys.
So, I think I’ve concluded, I don’t really know at all what they’re going to do.
Had to come back. Just caught Punk’s display of General Bossery as he strolled through Mae Young’s party. Sheesh that guy is awesome.
A very enjoyable read. I have a slight inkling that Taker VS. Punk is going to steal the show.
I’m sick so I missed the Open Thread for the first time in ages. Raw isn’t the same without a running Wrestle Bros commentary. :(
Great column though, Brandon. I especially enjoyed all the mentions of Maryse.
Also, Ric Flair last night really reminded me of that old guy from Freaks and Geeks who wanders into Lindsay’s party and tries to start a fight with Ken.
“You wanna go?”
*headbutt*
I came for a Ric Flair air humping the ropes gif. I am leaving dissapointed.
YOU TOO????? SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET I WAS READY TO “SAVE AS.”
I have no idea why they are dragging out this Hell No thing the way they are. This “will they/won’t they” garbage is so tiresome. This was a prime opportunity to have them drop the title to the PTP and build the “your fault we lost” feud up to mania while also pushing PTP to a title match with Brodus and Tensai or whomever.
The use of the Legends was crap, but made the least sense during the Swagger/Duggan “match”. Why not have Zeb and Swagger introduce those three as True Americans, start talking about “Jack Swagger’s ‘Merica” while Duggan, Slaughter, and Rhodes stand there and then they start to call him on his BS before Jack attacks them. As it stood there was no logic behind him assaulting them.
I would’ve liked to have seen the lights go out during the Main Event and come back up with Punk standing alone in the ring. Kind of like Taker saying “I want to face this guy.”
Also, apparently the NAO had a one “ass” limit and were forbidden from doing any crotch chops. I also enjoyed the fact that they were proudly ripping a defunct faction they haven’t been an active part of for a decade.
Hey B, just watched Judgement Day 04 again, you should totally do a B&W on it before WM to show how a great Real American vs. Mexican champion storyline should be done.