Best: Tara
Girl, you are killin’ it with the Chicago-themed gear tonight. +312
Worst: The Knockouts Division
Maaan. It’s hard to complain that the Knockouts have a legitimate storyline occurring other than “One has bigger boobs than the other,” but I am not into this at all. Tara, the second best wrestler they have, has been tossed out like yesterday’s garbage. Velvet Sky, who wrestles like yesterday’s garbage, is a meaningless champion who gets the pin on Tara in Chicago, which makes me just about as angry as that time Beth Phoenix didn’t beat Kelly Kelly for the belt at Night of Champions in Buffalo. Gail Kim is stuck in a dumb feud that makes no sense, and Taryn Terrell is…there. Don’t get me wrong, her spear at Lockdown was about a gajillion times better than anything Kaitlyn has pulled off lately, but unless she has somehow absorbed some wrestling prowess via osmosis in the past couple of weeks, I am not looking forward to the inevitable Taryn-Gail matches.
All of that isn’t even touching on the fact that, despite blowing calls and repeatedly putting her hands on a wrestler, she’s only on super-secret double probation. I know Brooke is “in charge” of the Knockouts division, and she’s busy practicing her sad faces in the mirror for the next time she’s on TV, but no one else in the company has any power to do anything? She’s not Teflon Taryn, guys. Come on.
Best: AHAHAHAHAHA
Oh Brooke. Don’t ever piss off the graphics guys. Never ever ever piss off the graphics guys.
Worst: Robbie on Robbie Violence
*sobs*
Best: Hogan and Sting, Fallout Boys
I was a little worried when this segment began, given that Bully is back to being a shouty jerk and not much more, and Hogan seemed to have reverted to his overacting tendencies. Thankfully, it was just a rough start and my love of the Hogan saga can continue. Sting approaches Hogan in his makeshift arena office, begging Hogan not to fire Bully Ray so he can fight him on this very night. Well here go hell come, Hogan is having none of what Sting is laying down. He points out that he told Sting, from the beginning, not to trust Bully Ray. That he knew who he was, but Sting “stared all the way into his soul” and told Hogan to trust him. Now the company is being held hostage, Bully has the title, and his daughter is stuck in a marriage to Bully Ray, and it’s all Stings fault. Hogan completely turns his back on Sting, and it’s…oh guys, it’s good.
Worst: How does I movie?
Despite being an entirely effective promo, and giving me all sorts of thoughts and feels, man, Hogan, haven’t you ever seen a movie before? I know you’ve been in them – my DVD shelf proves that. Unless Hogan is really into art house films and made No Holds Barred ironically, I’m pretty sure that the “good guys” will find a way to prevail because that’s generally how most movies work. Come on Hogan, on the first light of the fifth day, at dawn look to the east and it’ll all be fine. Well, either that or we’ll find out he’s been completely delusional this whole time, and he’s strapped to a chair somewhere in the Impact zone being observed by Sting and Dixie Carter, humming Real American and dreaming of escaping Orlando.
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I was at this taping too and I completely agree, the commercial breaks killed the crowd. At least we got a healthy dosage of Metallica, Macklemore and the Harlem Shake. Oh and that TNA TAG thing where you would get an “exclusive free reward from ShopTNA.com?” Yeah, that was bullshit. Not in a “here’s a 10% off coupon!” kind of a way, more of a “Welcome to Impact at the Sears Centre!…and that’s it” kind of way.
Also, the matches in the 2nd taping were actually kind of good, especially the X division matches, K2 botches aside.
I look forward to this every week now, thank you so much for doing it.
between here go hell come reference and the very detailed look at the chain of events of the biker gang genesis, it’s like we’re in some way two hearts beating for one.
BIG fan. HUGE!
“That’s right, Sting. Let the salty waves of senility crash over you.” Holy sh*t Danielle that is beyond beyond. Be proud.
Amen to that
Dish network in all it’s infinite wisdom moved what channel Spike was on and my DVR couldn’t make the one simple adjustment it’s paid to do.
Maybe the wrestling gods are trying to tell me something?
I was hoping for the B&W of Lockdown so I could ask if anyone else noticed the point in the Brisco/Angle match where Wes knocked Angle down and could have just walked out of the cage, but instead threw himself down and did the slow crawl for the door so Angle could drag him back in with the ankle lock.
Everyone but Wes Brisco saw it and thought it was a bad idea.
Seriously, that guy….
Wes Brisco was totally dropped on the head a few times as a kid.
“Good morning! Or…good whatever time of day you’re reading this at! I hope you’ve had a lovely week. You look nice today.”
Thank you for noticing. I showered today.
Also, no excuse for tardiness, Danielle. You’re making part time blogger money now, and with great power comes great responsibility.
I make no money, so…..
That’s the joke. It’s part of my new movie, Nerd of the Rings, which is just me typing on a message board for three and a half hours. Peter Jackson is directing, hence the running time, unnecessarily long exposition, and it being shot in 48 fps despite just being words appearing on screen.
I also attended IMPACT – great writeup! Bully Ray told me to eat shit, which was nice. I attended Bound For Glory ’08, where Joe and Sting had a barnburner – probably a lot of love left over from that match.
Dynamite as always and the guest B&Ws were huzzahtastic as well!
with all the excitment I saw from you guys here for IMPACT, I’m totally sure that non of you had 1/100th excitment as much as I did all lockdown-IMPACT long !!! and I watched them from home, WITH THE COMMENTARY !!!!!
me and my brother were LITTERLY, like really really, JUMPING ALL THE TIME IN HAPPINESS OVER EVERYTHING !!! EVEN WES BRISCOE AND TARYN TARREL !!!!!
I guess I’m toooooooooooooooo much of a “mark” for TNA … it’s gotten serious lately !
Yay, it really does exist! Thanks for doing these Danielle, they are always great. And yes please to a B&W of Smackdown!
And is that a Breaking Bad reference in the title? You’re amazing.
Good B/W, It feels like I didn’t even miss the show.
Quick question about the picture of Hogan and Sting, Fall Out Boys. How much has Hogan shrunk over the years? Every time he has back surgery do they remove vertebrae? He used to be around 6’8″, now he’s shorter than Sting?
I don’t see how Hogan makes sense as the higher power anymore. Sure those little things you mentioned would be nice touches in hindsight, but it would also create a history where Hulk knowingly married off his daughter under false pretenses, took multiple savage TOTALLY REAL hammer beatings, betrayed everyone who isn’t an Ace and/or Eight, and for what? Getting Bully in a position to steal the title from Hardy? He’s the GM, he could do that any time. To take over TNA? He already runs it. To betray Sting? Not only is Sting the easiest man in wrestling history to trick into trusting you, but that would be some Cactus Jack pretending to be a homeless amnesiac-level stupid mind games.
But even that would be preferable to where I think they’re headed: Brooke Hogan, Higher Power. With good actors it’s a compelling story of a daughter long-neglected by her famous father deciding to get his attention by destroying the career that she felt he loved more than her. With Brooke… We’ll get some hilarious screenshots.
I like the cut of your logical assessment of the motivations behind whomever is revealed to be the “Higher Power”. Hogan doesn’t make sense for the exact reasons you’ve outlined. He has nothing to gain by introducing Aces and Eights, he already has all the control in TNA. His entire motivation would have to be “I wanted to be a dick to everyone”, which I guess isn’t that crazy considering we’re dealing with TNA.
Ignoring your Brooke Hogan theory (which made me gag a bit). I think the two people with the most obvious motivation to be behind Aces and Eights are Eric Bischoff and Double JJ. Both used to “run” the company both got ousted by the good guys and both have beef with Hogan. The only other wrestlers I think make any sense are guys that have jumped to WWE like Nash or Flair.
With all that being said I bet it’s Dixie.
Samoa Joe’s Diary is quickly becoming the bestest thing for me. I’m glad to hear he’s getting big pops next week, because I heart Samoa Joe and want him to do things that mean something again.
I’m glad you like SamoJo’s Diaries! Sometimes I write them and I think I’m the only one who can possibly think it’s funny, so I appreciate that I’m not just making myself giggle. :)
you sure aren’t alone !
SamoJo’s Diaries > JSOM !!!
Bully Ray is all Aces and Eights
You’re all Aces and Lates.
They should change their ring music to anything Ace of Bass.
Great read, Danielle. And if a B/W of Smackdown does happen, we know we have Eamon or BookSavvy capable of writing winners.
Great stuff, from Danielle and the contributors. The part where BookSavvy said the Cubs reference got boo’d made this White Sox fan smile. SOUTH SIDE
SOUTH SIDE!!! :D
If Bull Ray brings is skull cap down any more, he’ll become Dumb Donald.
*Bully
Great recap once again. Was really dissappointed all weekend when it wasn’t up but was greatly surprised and excited to see it today. I am glad the second guest writer pointed out how annoying it is when a promotion holds an event in a small town near a larger one and just pretends that it is in the bigger town.
After hearing Tazz being hated on so much in this B & W every week, I think I ve come to realise that I must be his only fan in the world. Nothing in my week makes me happier than listening in amazement at the nonsense that consistently spews forth from that man.
NO ! you’re not alone :D
I hate his commentary and wish they’ll change or fire him, but until then, whenever I hear him TRYING HIS HARDEST TO COME UP WITH EXCUSES FOR EVERYTHING THE HEELS DO, I’ll smile and laugh !
Cameo week! YEs!
Thanks again for letting me contribute this week! I really enjoyed your piece on who the President of An8 could be. I really hope it’s not J-E Double F… HAHA… J-A-Double R, E-Double T.
And UGH. I had to cut out my paragraph on my annoyance/disgust for Taryn because it became nothing but rage rage keyboard pound. The only plus is that I won’t have to see her in that stupid ref costume again. Maybe Velvet will lend her some fuzzy boots.
I like Taryn/Tiffany. I mean she’s awful at being a ref, but gosh darn it she’s just so dang earnest about it.
EXACTLY ! I totally agree !!
“Even the little things, like that sinister look over Brooke’s shoulder that back then made you think something maybe kind of is totally up, but then in retrospect makes you appreciate the subtleties he’s been able to put into his character.”
Trying to diagram a sentence like that makes my head hurt worse than Jeff Hardy’s.
Is all Canadian English as incomprehensibly structured as this article?
Great work, Danielle. And a special +1 for @BookSavvy! Your contribution was awesome, and I loved your SMOJO journal! Good work all around!
I’m not sure if your DVR cut off Aries/Sting too, but I’m shocked it didn’t even get a mention. The ADouble showed why he is just might be The Greatest Man That Ever Lived(If Dixie would pay for the Weezer song as his entrance, It might cure me of all forms of depression forver) by dragging Sting to the best match he’s had since WCW. It was fantastic, and I wrote on Twitter that A8′s should have been booed for interrupting the best match Sting has had in TNA. Just great work and a great match, and here’s to hoping that the four best heels in TNA team up to form a Mecha Dirty Super Bad Influence Heel God Stable for the ages, though WithLeather would have to find a new reviewer for TNA, because Danielle would probably go into a happiness coma.
EXACTLY !
I “looooooved~” everything the aces & 8′s did at that day !
but I found myself booing unintentionally when they inturrupted the main event, because they robbed us from the ending of that AWESOME sting/aries match !
not to fear anything, ARIES SHOOTS ON TNA AND STING BACKSTAGE, AND CHALLENGES STING TO A REMATCH !!!
You like wrestlers dressed as other wrestlers, huh? Well hold on to your butt, Danielle.
BEHOLD!: [24.media.tumblr.com]
I ALMOST REALLY STOPPED BREATHING FOR A MOMENT !