Even better best: THAT’S MIKE KNOX! YOU KNOW, WWE’S MIKE KNOX!

Hee! This is the best thing, and I am super touched that is a thing that happened. I don’t think he realized that I’m in Canada, but hey, Mike Knox, I love you. Let’s hug someday, k?

Joe Park squish

Best, Worst, and everything in between: Lockdown!

Unfortunately due to real life grown up stuff (worst!), I wasn’t able to do a Best and Worst for Monday. So let’s do a quick rundown of things that were great, and assume that everything else was “Meh” to “This is literally the most boring thing I’ve ever seen” to “Wes Brisco, just….no.”

Mike Knox: see To Me, Said Hello To
Joseph Park: see Park, Joseph
Chavandez vs. the former WTTCotW vs. the current WTTCotW: This was, as Brandon often says before I make fun of him, OFF THE CHAIN. If you watch (through the most legal of methods, obvs) one match, it should be the Joseph Park match. If you want to see some really great wrestling with four of the six best things in TNA, watch the tag match.
Devon: He climbed the cage during the main event, and took what felt like forever to get the TOTALLY NOT FAKE hammer out of his pants, which led to multiple giggle fits on my part. It also led to…

Best: Bully Ray, World Champion

BULLY RAY, WORLD CHAMPION. My heart goes wooooosh every time I say that. If, for some reason, you have managed to keep yourself entirely spoiler-free, a) welcome back to the internet, there are some cats with words on them you need to catch up on, and b) Bully Ray was revealed to be the President of Aces & Eights. Not the higher power, mind you, but still, the de facto highest power we’ll see until they can find someone who’s good enough at contouring abs in fake tanner for Jeff Jarrett to come back (NO NOT JEFF JARRETT DO NOT BRING HIM BACK).

Besides the fact that Bully gets to be champion (wooooosh!), the best part is the way it happened. Devon descended the cage, struggled for a while, pulled out the TOTALLY NOT FAKE hammer and handed it to Bully. There was a brief moment where my brain went “Oh hey, maybe they won’t do what everyone who’s seen five minutes of this angle thinks will happen, and Devon will actually turn on Aces & Eights because Brotherly Love.” Then I remembered, nope, TNA, as Bully turned and whacked Jeff Hardy in the back. And I’m still okay with it!

We talk a lot about friendships in wrestling, be it Ricardo and Del Rio, the Robbies, me and Joseph Park, but the feeling I got watching Bully Ray and Devon hug in the middle of the ring, bad guys or not, is pretty much the best feeling you can get as a fan. At Lockdown 2011, I was incredibly dismayed that Bully and Devon were at separate tables, and despite how great it was meeting them individually, as a Dudley Boys fan, I want nothing more than for them to be happy and together forever. As someone who just wants all of her favourites to be BFF, and is clearly still reeling from the Great Bropression, a Dudley Boys reunion? Wooooosh.

Best: Meet & Beat Manifesto

This all brings us around to tonight’s Impact. The show starts out with Chavandez marching down to the ring, posing and preening, completely unaware that this segment is actually about Aces & Eights who proceed to beat them up and take over.

So let’s review: Bully and Devon reunited because Love, Smilin’ Mike Knox smiles all the time, they like beating up Chavandez, they secretly hate Taz and don’t tell him anything, and they wear a lot of plaid. Aaaaand I’m supposed to dislike them. Right. Okay. Keep going with that strategy.

Worst: Bully Ray, Guy Who Shouts Stuff

As much as how this played out makes my heart do things that should be concerning, medically speaking, I’m a little sad that Bully Ray has reverted back to “Angry Dude Who Yells Stuff.” Thinking back over everything Bully has done, and the range of emotions he has both displayed and made me feel, it really shows just how underrated a performer he is. Not wrestler, performer. How much depth has he had in the past? How long does one have to refine their skills to be able to yell stuff and then go WAAZZZZZZUP??! The emotional turmoil has been leaps and bounds beyond what he’s done in the past. Even the little things, like that sinister look over Brooke’s shoulder that back then made you think something maybe kind of is totally up, but then in retrospect makes you appreciate the subtleties he’s been able to put into his character. Gone are the nuances and layers, and dare I say, charismatic enigmas to his character, and he’s back to being completely one-dimensional. Actor Bully Ray, you don’t know you’re beautiful.

Best: Frustrated Old Man Sting

That’s right, Sting. Let the salty waves of senility crash over you.