It’s March. That means everything has to be a tournament, right?
This year, we’re playing along. We’ve built an incredible, incredibly funny community of wrestling fans at With Leather thanks to the popularity of the Best and Worst of Raw and Impact columns, and with WrestleMania fast approaching, I thought now would be the perfect time to organize a reader input fueled, wrestling themed tournament.
So, I hereby formally announce the 1st Annual With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament. Here’s how it’s going to work:
The tournament will feature 32 entries, each one of the worst lyrics from the worst possible kind of music — pro wrestler entrance themes. On one side, 16 lyrics chosen by me, an expert in the field of going “LOL what the f**k did that song just say.” On the other, 16 lyrics chosen by YOU, with With Leather readers. When the entries are decided upon, we’ll pit them against one another in a single-elimination tournament and see which entrance theme song lyric is truly the worst of all time.
What you’ll want to do is drop a comment below nominating your choice for the tournament. It can be a single line or a few lines, but try to stay away from nominating entire songs. If someone has posted a lyric you think deserves a nomination, reply to it with a +1. Next Friday, I’ll add up the nominations with the most plusses-one, and they’ll officially enter the tournament. Got it? Remember, it’s not bad entrance themes, it’s bad entrance theme lyrics. The songs can still be good.
The only other rule is that you read my choices and not duplicate them. Here they are, chosen scientifically:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1245/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/impact-wrestling-scratch-off-game-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/wwe-raw-app-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/kevin-jonas-wwe-raw-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/bateman-gif-180x180.gif)
Chyna “don’t treat me like a woman” or whatever it’s called had HORRIBLE lyrics
“Don’t treat me like a woman. Don’t treat me like a man. Treat me like who I am.”
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
+manbearpig
It means she’s a buff tranny. Duh.
The lyrics, or at least that one, makes sense. (It’s “don’t apply your gender stereotypes to me, whether it’s assuming I’m a girl you can look down on based on my gender because you’re sexist, or man-ish based on my strength and profession”) It’s just forever associated with an easy joke of a person.
+1 that theme was dumb as shit
Remember the time Jericho got deposed for not treating her like a woman? What do you want, Chyna?
Nomination: AJ Styles
“When I fly, it’s not evil. It’s just like being Evil Knievel.”
+1
And I believe the next line is:
“I jump to the left and I roll to the right, because I try to win the belt every night!”
Really though, the whole song is terrible.
The lyrics are terrible, but when I was getting back into wrestling and watching a lot of early-mid 2000′s AJ I liked the song on the whole.
+1
+1
+1
I love the music but Jesus Christ the lyrics are terrible. +1
+1
+1
Dustin Rhodes “The Natural” theme. “He’s the natural, he does it naturally”
He’s the son of a son and a son of a gun!
And a son of a +1.
Seriously, this one should be winning.
TATANKA! BUFFALO!
+1
YES
It wasn’t a theme, it was from WrestleMania the album. His theme didn’t really have any lyrics besides an Native American war cry.
I prefer Basic Thuganomics to My Time Is Now, but this lyric is just awful:
“New Deadman Inc, and we about to make you famous
Taking over Earth and still kicking in Uranus”
How Rob Conway’s “Just Look at Me” missed the cut is beyond me.
+1 forever
Here’s the song people. Vote it to hell.
[www.youtube.com]
The offending lyric BTW is “Each time I stare into the mirror baby, I have to realize, why they all take every star in Hollywood and thrown them in the sea.”
This song is wonderful. The Con Man could have gone to the top, baby.
(+1)
+1 I forgot the Con Man had his own theme
+1
+1
We’re not voting for songs, we’re voting for specific lyrics. Please read the rules.
I threw the lyrics in on a comment, bro. “Each time I stare into the mirror baby, I have to realize, why they all take every star in Hollywood and thrown them in the sea.”
My vote for the specific lyric stands.
As does mine.
Although I’ll certainly nominate it should an unironic best theme tournament ever happens.
+1 to that lyric
oh god I forgot how epically awesome that theme was.
No lyrics to this one but Lex Luger’s WCW theme was abysmal. WCW had the lock on shitty guitar riffs.
PG 13′s ‘We are the Nation’
“You can count stars while the ref counts three,
Hope ya like to look at ceilins, cuz it’s all ya gonna see!”
but aren’t these some awesome lyrics ?!
Too Cool – “Turn It Up”
“Turn it up, bangin’ it, bangin’ it, bangin’ it, Bangin’ it bangin’ it, bangin’ it. Ah, that was interesting”
Did it up, foolin around
Did it up, fooling around
Did it up, did it up, did it up
And yes, I did look up the lyrics.
+1000
+1
^ THIS !
Nomination: Elix Skipper’s WCW theme. Ya’ll dun know who built this house.
I’d really like to come up with a “real” pre-existing song that someone has used with awful lyrics, but that’s tougher.
Like when Undertaker used “Rollin’”?
Like that, yeah. I don’t want to exclude indie guys though because some of them have had some awful ones.
‘Bird, bird, bird! Do the bird, bird, bird!’
– ‘Birdman’ Koko B. Ware
Primetime Players (old): “I get it shakin’ like Parkinsons.”
-1. That song is unintentionally awesome, and heels can have all the offensive lyrics they want in their themes.
Remember when Stone Cold’s entrance music had lyrics? They were atrocious.
“I’m breaking the living inside you/
stop making someone to hide you”
I always thought “living” was “limit,” too, like maybe Austin was secretly really into Final Fantasy.
The Nation of Domination theme:
“We are the Nation of Domination
Nation of Domination
We are the nation coming live and in color
But don’t dis the man or we’ll bum rush your mother”
Those lyrics are awesome.
but I like those lyrics :D
Test’s theme has the worst lyrics of all time.
And I quote:
“WHUZZA WHUH WUGGA WUGGA WUZZA WUH”
If this Youtube video is correct in claiming these are the actual lyrics, I nominate “Freaking pull the line and go for the high school sock hop”
[www.youtube.com]
No matter what the internet claims the lyrics are, I will always believe the Test’s lyrics are “Cherry Coke face, Cherry Cherry Coke face. Give it up, up. Give it all a roll.”
Rob Van Dam “One of a Kind”
“And Now I feel like I’m alive. Don’t know just how I got so low. These voices in my mind. Tell me it’s killing time. It is a thrill I can’t describe.”
Apparantly, RVD had voices in his head before Randy Orton.
That was his WWE approved Puddle Of Mudd remake because they were too cheap to buy something from Pantera.
Common theme here: WCW and Divas themes. And honestly, you can put any Divas theme in and it’d serve the purpose. Also, that Regal theme is a favorite of me and my friends, just for its stupid awesomeness.
That said, I’d like to nominate “Hacksaw Jim Duggan bebebebeats people up” (can’t find a video), the Billy & Chuck/Rico theme ([www.youtube.com]), and 3 Count’s 2nd theme, which is bad lyrics set to Tekken-style music ([www.youtube.com]).
Jesus Christ, X-Factor has to make the cut:
Yo Ya Dealing With The X-Factor
I’ve got everything i ever wanted and im going to get that back
Oh! i know you hate X-Factor but you dont have to look at me like that
I say you aint have to look at me like that
What you lookin at
What you lookin at
What you lookin at
What you lookin at
You run arround pulling stunts like that
You can never run my life like a punk like that
I aint caught like that
I couldn’t run like that
im keeping that bitch whos gonna take my hat
Oh im knockin on your back when the day looks glim
(Your Deeling with the X-Factor)
I spend a lot of money with the time walk whimps
I remebered the cruel
Remembered the Good times
Remember the Urge and remember the Sunshine
Its all going as a thing of the past
The The fact remains that it goes real fast
So while you sit around when things dont change
I can sit here and Sing ‘Hey Rocky Wait’
Ive got a cousin baby who like being good to me
And i know it makes you mad because you cant see
Ive got everything i ever wanted and im gonna get it back
Yo i know you hate X-Factor but you dont have to look at me like that
I say you aint gotta look at me like that, or that
Uncle Kracker for the loss.
I didn’t remember it because I blocked it from my memory, thank you very much.
+1 as well.
At least the song was aware that every hated X-Factor.
That song had “X-Pac Heat.”
Don’t anybody dare nominate Kerwin White.
I will find you.
The gimmick was so wrong but the music was so right.
Agreed.
*adjusts loafers*
Sheamus -
“TOO MANY LIMES! TOO MANY LIMES!” or whatever the actual lyric is.
I think it’s too many “lies.”
+1 for the version that we keep hearing: Lobster Head and Too Many Limes.
I know there are some pretty terrible lyrics in UltraMantis Black’s Cradle of Filth theme, but A) they are hard to choose from and B) they are hard enough to understand that it doesn’t matter.
“We don’t like heavy metal/we don’t like rock and roll
All we like to listen to is Barry Manilow!”
- Fabulous Rougeus. Although that might be the best too. I’m really not sure.
It’s clearly the best. The Rougeaus’ gimmick was incredible.
Real Talk: “All American Boys” is my favourite wrestling theme of all time and should have been sampled by all of my favourite rappers by now.
The Rougeau’s were awesome.
All American Boys is one of those ones I don’t know if it is actually to most amazing thing ever or if it is so bad it loops back around to being great. Maybe being so bad is actually the best kind of wrestling theme.
“All American Boys” is a great heel theme. The French part talks about how they hate the fans and like to make them mad.
I heartily disagree. If you were a lyricist/song writer or combination of the two, and you were presented with the character “Mr. Ass AKA Badass Billy Gunn”; you were then told, “he likes asses sexually, he respects fit asses objectively, and his profession dictates that he kicks them.”, there is nothing better that could have been done with that package.
That song, for the subject matter, is GENIUS.
Jesus, anything with X-Pac apparently. From his DX theme:
X-Pac puttin’ more mind to it stops, Speak my mind
I keep it rockin’ no matter what
Suck it 2 tears and a bucket
I hate to love it i’m not the one to try there luck with
Hit hard like brass knuckles, see your fate through the turnbuckle dude
I got no love for you
I wish I could high five you through the computer. X-Pac lyrics are not, uh, they’re not good.
Other things I can’t count: Pretty much any freestyle R-Truth has ever done with any of his themes, ever.
Would someone care to pull out some lyrics from K-Dawg’s theme?
“Gettin’ rowdy! I’m going to move some things,
you want to see me bust a move and shake that ass like Jada Lang,
I get your flesh crawling when you see me.
Ladies want to feel me, knuckleheads want to try to be me,”
I’m also getting your last post of R-Truth mixed up with K-Dawg and going with K-Kwik
I was thinking of the K-Dawg song “Bow Wow Wow” by Konnan and Madd One
So then
“I’ll snatch the rabbit out of your hat and choke it/I’ll snatch the weed out of your pocket and smoke it”
I seem to remember something like “Bow wow wow yippe yo yippe yay, orale all day every day”
I was hoping the 3 Live Kru theme would have something funny, but no, it’s mostly just Konnan, Ron Killings, and Road Dogg saying their catchphrases. Also it’s completely terrible.
Ezekiel Jackson’s is wonderful but awful.
“This here’s what you call domination
It’s a combination of skill and concentration
So rise to the occasion
Do something amazing
Cos everything that I do, I dominate it”
Which basically means “Because domination is an algorithm comprised of concentration and skill, it follows that you should do something amazing, because I dominate everything.” What?
Bonus points go to Zeke for calling himself a “monstar” in verse two. Making this the only WWE theme to reference Space Jam to my knowledge.
You just created a hundred new Quad City memes, you do realize that.
If R-Truth and Zeke start tag-teaming, I’m blaming/thanking this thread.
Oh god the entire Suicide theme
“Hes Comin
Hes Comin
Hes Comin
Hes Comin
Hes Comin
Hes Comin
Hes Coming Alive
Suicide Come Alive Takes the pain from all who just cant see the light
Dark Savior,he can save you He’ll take you nail and be the on they crucify
Suicide comes Alive
Out in the Night and in the day
His Sleeping Hopes To Escape
His dreams of fear become Tangible,Physical,Electrical WOW
His Presence wont let em drag you down
Straight to the howls beneath the ground
Suicide Come Alive
Takes the pain from all who just cant see the light
Dark Savior,he can save you
He’ll take you nail and be the on they crucify
Suicide comes Alive
Pain wont go away
The screaming voices,drive you insane
Your body fights but cant,its paralyzed
Black inside,Hollow Eyed His prescience wont let em drag you down
Straight to the howls beneath the ground.”
Good call, +1.
‘Sometimes love sounds like a fight, it sounds like an argument, it sounds just like a piledriver’
– Koko B. Ware (before Birdman theme)
Love the way Koko says “argument” in the song.
No way this doesn’t end in the Buff Bagwell theme vs. American Males. Buff wins, we all lose.
I think that the American Males lyrics are pretty perfect.
I agree, that and ‘Biscuits and Gravy’ are both great songs
Songs written for Divas are always the worst, because why the goddamn hell would anyone who looks like Layla have trouble “finding a boy” and what the hell is Kaitlyn’s song about? She wants to be a supermodel? Spin the bottle to make out with her or something? (I would have no issue with this.)
As for a nomination, how about Ryback’s theme? Lots of “FEED ME MORE” and nonsensical stuff about meat on the table.
I love the “Mortal Combat” noises of Ryback’s theme.
Virtually every hip hop themed entrance song with the exception of Mark Henry’s but the sheer ubiquity of “My Time Is Now” is pretty startling. But two lyrics are particulary striking.
1. “You’ll never catch me in the next man sweater” – Is that a phrase people use? Why is Cena worrying about people thinking he’d worry other people’s clothes.
2. “If they hate. Let em hate. I’ll drop your whole clan. Lay yo ass down for the three second tan.” – I mean… I’m just shocked “three second tan” is not something that caught on.
I always wait for the three second tan line because that’s when John throws his hands in the air like he may or may not care. I think we’ve all seen enough Cena matches where we can tell where he is in his entrance just by what lyric is playing over the speakers.
+RAPADOOOOO
It may just be me but I always get the weird feeling that the horns at the beginning of the song are apologizing for whatever he’s about to come out do right now.
Between the sweater thing and “I brush your mouth like Colgate” I laughed so hard the first time I heard that song I bought Cena’s album just to see if the whole thing was equally as terrible/hilarious. Spoiler: it is.
Any theme where a wrestler is rapping themselves is pretty much guaranteed to be awful – PN News, Men on a Mission….. whole lotta nope.
+1 to both of those lines
I was always pissed that they tore that intro from MOP. “Ante Up” is so good, and this song is so, so bad.
Big Show
“Get ready for something, that you’ll never know/You wont see it coming, but I promise you’ll know/It’s the Big Shoooooowwwww”
+1, along with “your time is over / your time’s come around”
+1
The Big Show’s theme really is a paradox that should negate its own existence.
+1 to the rape lyrics
+1 THIS THIS THIS. This has been my go-to “wtf” lyric for years and I will vote it till the end.
+1
This is the ultimate for me. The man is 7 feet tall. There is never a point where you’ll never know, or won’t see it coming.
+Juan
+1 I hate that they rhymed “know” with “know”
+7′, 500lbs
I always thought these were the lyrics, too, but it turns out it says “get ready for something that YOU’VE NEVER KNOWN.” So … not as good.
its sexual baby… (seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll) and i wanna give it all to you…
+handbaby
You could pick pretty much anything off of that WCW SlamJam, but my first thought was Barry Windham’s theme:
“He’s big and tall
Lean and Mean
[Dig that?] Texas fightin’ machine
Likes beatin’ people up
And he likes to have fun
You know I’m talkin’ ’bout Barry Windham!”
The music is actually pretty good. But those lyrics. Oh, my stars…
plus one
For the Tight Pants division with Zack Ryder, I submit Deuce and Domino.
“My pants couldn’t be too tight.
Thats when I learned to fight.
James Dean defined the day.
Sue took me all the way.”
“Grease back my hair just right.
Suzie, she wore her sweaters tight.
Mom, hair piled way up high.
In the back seat on Saturday night.”
What’s your mother doing in the back seat, Deuce and/or Domino?!
YES I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO SAY ZACK RYDER. +1
Notice the you tube description of American Males, someone took the time to put (CD Quality). Lord knows if you can’t hear that shit in CD quality, there is no point in even listening….
I submit Kelly Kelly. The worst lyrics of all time.
Ooh, this beat is hot, tonight it’s on
I’m felling sexy, I want to be in control
Handle on my business, I’m not afraid
I’m doing nothing and I’m doing this
So all my girls in the back say hoo
‘Cause you know just how we do
Side to side, and front to back
If you ain’t taking that
(Holla)
Someone please decipher what this means. Go for it.
…sounds like self-pleasure to me.
Kung Fu Naki hands down, with gems like this:
“Fu Naki likes to, fish for croppie
While he listens, to Pavarotti
Heard he tried to be, a rap disc jockey
Didn’t work out, moved to Abu Dhabi
Guess the rest is, histor-aty
But my memory, a little bit groggy”
+1 forever
+1 as well. Good lord.
I was actually looking for the lyrcis to this. If this makes the bracket, I’m following Kung Fu Naki to the Finals. It’s so terribly racist, and so awful. It’s my gold standard for terrible themes. + everything katana squirrel, now I have to form an original thought that can top the best..worst theme ever.
+1 yikes
+1 so hard that I’m pretty sure I heard a gong when I read his name.
+1, Holy shit I completely forgot about this song.
Interestingly, the rapper on the song is “Dice Raw”, an affiliate of The Roots. I’m sure he just took a paycheck while WWE was like “JUST WRITE SOME RHYMES WITH ASIAN JOKES IN THEM, WE’LL DO THE REST”.
Either way, this a dark horse pick to win the tournament
I predict this vs. Ass Man in the finals right now, who’s gonna cover my bet?
Isn’t there a glaringly incongruous gospel intro, too?
You know, as I reflect on nominating this one, I’d say that ALL of the rap lyrics are the worst. The music itself is fine, and they even have a good rhythm and style to them in the style of 70′s exploitation films….even though there’s a lot of Gong sounds because “ha ha he is one of them asians from vietnam”. The lyrcis of the rap, though…HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS! Here are just a few extra excerpts:
“Gotta believe he wasn’t born in Milwaukee
Mighta grown up in Nagasaki”
and
“He loves to cook chicken teriyaki
Cooks in a broth made of rice wine sake
Hehehe, likes the way Stallone says YO in Rocky
Often eats a meal with a little biscotti”
It’s the dumbest, most nonsensical racist crap I’ve ever heard in any wrestlers entrance!
I’d love it if everyone were to “Funaki the Vote”. And yes, bad puns are my speciality.
+1.
FUNAKI THE VOTE
Its Matt Hardy’s and its not even close.
“I CAN SLAP A TORNADO I CAN DRY UP THE SEA”
+1
+1
+1 .
+1 .
+1
And this, repeated 4 times:
“I ain’t buyin’ no future when the past is so far away”
+huh?
+1
Really? I always thought it was “I can smell your tomato.”
Came here to post this one, has to be in the tourney. I love the enthusiastic OH YEEEAAAAHHHH at the beginning of the song.
-_- +1
+1.
You naughty tornado.
The Nasty Boys are just plain nasty! (Nastay!)
Ryback:
“You’re in my jungle and I’ll make my kill. Meat on the table and I’ll get my fill.”
Eff off Stephen Regal’s Man’s Man song is freaking awesome.
The worst is Shane McMahon’s “Here comes the money” Aside from repeating money 9 TIMES in the chorus this nonsensical gem is found in there:
I want my riches to be filthy
cause with everytime it’s fun
I get done til I’m 60
So what am I supposed to do
Roll in two
Stand there pattin the pockets
‘Till I’m stackin’ only two
I’m sure that they are referencing retirement (maybe?) And talking about stacking two dollars (again, maybe?)
[www.youtube.com]
I could be here forever. . . Suggestion Entry:
My favorite tag team when I was 5, Strike Force: “They pass you on the road with a smile and you have to look twice
and you wonder to yourself could a woman really look that nice
mmmm girls in cars. . .I love girls in cars, girls in cars.”
+1, Haha good call
+1 Ridiculous model sweater
+1 Girls in Cars, Andre the Giant’s theme song in the Wrestlemania NES game haha
+one
Too much WCW and WWE. I submit Jeff Hardy’s “Modest” for nomination:
Features that keep your head up high
I am a star that shines for why
We should give a thought to our life
In the way we live both day and night
We are the world’s numerous cells
Let’s keep it laughter to save ourselves
In a way that can read our planet’s face
In this life there’s a not time can’t erase
HE WAS HIGH WHEN HE WROTE THIS AND YOU KNOW IT.
+1 This is a good choice because the horrible lyrics were actually written by the performer (I assume).
Yeah, that is a song by Jeff’s pipe dream band, Peroxwhygen. He is the one singing.
Cody Rhodes: Smoke And Mirrors
I know less is more but with you
The stupid never understand
Empty words you said so much
Without a plan
Let everybody see
Their future here in me
Just watch the wheel go round
I’ll Cheer as you go down
(Whoa) You’re only smoke and mirrors
(Whoa) You’re only smoke and mirrors
(Whoa) You’re only smoke and mirrors
(Whoa) You’re only smoke and mirrors to me
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAA-OHHHHH.
/Damn it, it’s a compulsion.
This song rules.
Disco Inferno:
“DISCO FEEEVAH! DISCO FEEEVAH! DISCO FEEEVAH! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!”
(Repeat infinitely)
+1, don’t forget “He’s just a disco dancin’ fool, when he steps out on the floor, the girls are screamin’ we want more, more, more, more” DISCO SUCKS
Are we allowed to nominate lyrics that wrestlers make up for their opponents? “Chris Benoit is here/and he’s really mad/Chris Benoit is here/and he’s really an-GRY…”
a) NO.
b) Those lyrics are incredible, and only bad in that they turned out to be tragically true.
Lyrics from Benoit’s theme song (Whatever by Our Lady Peace):
“There’s no holding me back
I’m not driven by fear
I’m just driven by anger
And you’re under attack”
Given the circumstances….yikes.
Couple of favorites have already been listed, so here are a few others:
Hardcore Holly – “How do ya like me now?”
3 Count – “We like the Back Street Boys, N*Sync too. Britney Spears is kinda cute. We watch TRL on MTV. Everybody 3 Count!”
X Factor – the entire song
And my most wtf? one: 3 Minute Warning – “And the dream is to step up be leanest, with less than 20 feet and a microphone between us. Well what I mean is, we drop a hammer like Val Venis, Believe us, we rock blocks, so persevere us”
Don’t you slander 3 Count!!!
HHH’s “My Time”:
“1…2…Is this on?
(Ha) Yo Jimmy hit me with that Triple H
Yeah, you let the music keep playin Mr. Dumb… ”
Bonus WTF line at the very end because it’s HHH and the singer yells it out: “Does anybody know who’s sleepin with who!?”
I loved “My Time” when he was using it.
I crank the volume on “My Time” when I get out of the shower and walk to my room.
I nominate Rodney Mack’s theme song:
“Well haven’t you seen the size of these arms
and how I’m built so stocky (what)
Built so stocky (uh)
You can’t top me.”
A lot of the WWF Aggression stuff qualifies for this, primarily Run-DMC’s cover of the DX theme. The first verse or so sounds reasonable and…DX-like, then they randomly go off into clear filler territory. I don’t think this portion of the song ever made live TV.
An apple to a peach, and a cherry to a plumb
We won’t stop rocking till you all get some
The seed to the apple and the apple to the core
We are the two with the rhymes galore
The ball to the bounce, the bounce to the ball
This is the crew, we’re gonna rock you all
D-Generation X coming to your town
I loved this track. The lyrics were kinda dumb, but the track was hot.
I always thought this was the standout track on a blatant reach album. Run DMC could make anything work.
The ultimate vote goes to “Dangerous Politics” – Heidenreich’s theme
“Heiden, Heidenreich, Hei-den-reich
Heiden, Heidenreich, Hei-den-reich
Heiden-reich, Heiden-reich
Heiden, Heidenreich
Heidenreich
Heidenreich
Heiden, Heidenreich, Hei-den-reich
Heiden, Heidenreich, Hei-den-reich
Heiden-reich, Heiden-reich
Heiden, Heidenreich
Heidenreich”
+I’M BRIAN FELLOWS
I mean, Heidenreich.
+1 Was totally going to nominate this. Well done.
+1, and his video game entrance animation that goes along with it is awesome, just swinging the arm and stomping the whole way down
+1. Pitbull makes a living doing this. Heidenriech was just before his time.
Mr Kennedy’s WWE Theme…
“I turn up the trouble ’till it gets real loud
I feel so much better that way (that way!)
Gonna mess with your mind cause I know that I can
Gonna see how much I can win today, yeah
Gonna stir up the shit like it just won’t quit
Well fuck you’ll get used to my rubbin’ your nose in it
Step a little closer, close to my fire
Trouble’s my drug, takes me higher and higher
Turn up the music, light up the crowd
Turn up the gas, cause it can’t be too loud
It’s a fuckin’ religion, and I’ll show you the way
Drop to your knees and join when I say…
Misteeeeerrr…. Kennedy!
Kennedy!”
Edge’s “Never gonna stop”:
“Yeah
The devil ride
A dinosaur
He paint the monster red
So the blood don’t
Stain the floor
In out
Real savage show
Skorry as a shot
Came sickness
Watch it flow yeah”
how can one dislike anything rob zombie?
You gotta go with the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers Classic “All American Boys”
From Wikipedia: the Rougeaus developed a facetiously pro-American gimmick, billing themselves as “soon to relocate to Memphis, Tennessee” and using the theme song “All-American Boys”. The theme song was an upbeat rock number, sung by the Rougeaus themselves, would further rile the fans by claiming their affinity for whitebread things like “preppy” hairstyles and Barry Manilow’s music. The bridge of the song (in French) admits they are aware the fans despise them, slyly confirming that their ingratiating demeanor is phony and done to mock the fans. To draw even more heat, they would wave comically small American flags and try to start a “U.S.A.” chant just to annoy the crowd.
Memorable Lines:
We don’t like heavy metal
We don’t like rock ‘n’ roll
All we like to listen to
is Barry Manilow!
I was going to nominate HHH’s Motorhead theme because I thought it said, “I AM HEAVY SET”, but I just this moment discovered that the lyric is “I am heavy debt”. I am disappoint.
Hahaha that’s like how my friend was always convinced the Big Show’s lyrics were “Yeah, it’s a big fat show tonight.”
oh boo
Having not watched during that time, I legitimately assumed that Undertaker theme was a DVD-rights placeholder for “Rollin’” or whatever, I had no idea that was actual music that played in arenas heralding the Undertaker’s entrance.
There’s an instrumental that’s much better.
Also my vote is for “BAM BAM……BAM BAM”
[www.youtube.com]
“Yo Ya Dealing With The X-Factor
I’ve got everything i ever wanted and im going to get that back
Oh! i know you hate X-Factor but you dont have to look at me like that
I say you aint have to look at me like that”
John Cena – My Time Is Now
“I’ll brush your mouth like Colgate”
+1
He is being shoved down our throats. The least he can do is brush our teeth while he’s in there.
+1
It’s considerate of him to worry about my dental care, but it just doesn’t convey the right tone.
For the full effect it’s gotta be – “Kid your boy hold weight/ I got my soul straight/ I’ll brush ya mouf like Colgate”
Like, yeah, I might sell a lot of drugs but I’m so in touch with God that I won’t abide a potty mouth. (Gotta love Cena implying he’s a drug dealer, even if it is unintentional).
I can’t see how American Males is going to lose this. That is the worst song in history.
Nominating Kelly Kelly’s theme. Not only is the music completely out of place with the lyrics, but you would not think these lyrics were written for the most basic blonde white lady ever.
“Holla, Holla, Holla.
So all my girls in the back say ho.
Cause you know just how we do.
Side to side, and front to back.
If you ain’t taking that. (Holla. Holla.)”
+1 What the what!?
“Daddy, from now on, let’s find a lyric writer who doesn’t suffer from aphasia.”
I’m going to take a different approach and try to find questionable lyrics from themes I like.
We are hot when we play, take you on anyday.”- El Generico
Thinking, thinking, thinking…
How about Jack Swagger’s old theme, which was a Rage Against The Machine clone?
[www.youtube.com]
FFFFFACK YOW. All those lyrics rivaled Philip Larkin in their beauty.
Makes sense that the tea partier is also a RAtM fan.
Matt Hardy V1 Oh god oh god.
“OHHHH YEAHHHH
I can slap a tornado, I can dry up the sea
When I live for the moment
There aint no aint no in me.”
You leave Monster Magnet alone.
That song is not the Bee’s tits. In fact its the opposite. I’d rather hear a 3 hour ‘Rock Concert’ on Raw than MH intro music for 15 seconds.
It’s not horrible. It’s not their best work, and there are other, far worse lyrics. Matt Hardy just ruins everything.
man slaps a tornado for god sake!
I am excited about this. Very excited. (*throws candy in the air*)
Same. /throws pointy kaiser hat in the air
*picks up candy off the floor*
hated the NWO Wolfpak theme song.
“Don’t care about the record because you make your own rules
You don’t have what it takes to fill they shoes” ugh.
I still love the NWO wolfpac theme. But to be fair, I never paid attention to the words
I once put the Wolfpac theme on at a party. Half of the people drunkenly danced, half of them (the guys) threw up the symbol or asked me if I was playing the nWo theme. Truly, it was paradise
I never watched an episode of WCW, but when I heard the Wolfpac theme on Youtube, I immediately loved it.
“I hear voices in my head, they tell me to not wear pants, they talk to me”
If “Ass Man” isn’t the clear winner, I call foul.
“I LOVE TO PICK ‘EM”. Asses. He loves to pick asses. His own, I presume, and other people’s!
HE PICKS PEOPLE’S ASSES, PEOPLE!
He also loves to shove them. HE LOVES TO SHOVE THEM!!! XD HAHAHAHA!
When I started following wrestling, he was “The One” Billy Gunn, but based on these lyrics, I assume Mr. Ass’s entire gimmick was a sexual deviant with an fetish for all forms of assplay. Am I close?
I’m sure he’s picking them from something like a lineup or a store shelf. I mean, he can’t really pick from asses…that would just be stupid. And if there’s anything Mr. Ass is not, it’s stupid!
Well said. He’s selecting the asses from the bevy of beauties at ev’ry WWE show.
“I’m the One like Neo, cocky like T.O. Nobody could guard me like I’m shooting a free throw. This is illegal, my flow is legal, and it’s me. There will never be a sequel.”
Don’t forget that, at one point, Montel Vontavious Porter was indeed comin’.
+1
+1, 2, you hear the clock tickin’, tick tock you about to stop livin’
Not sure if someone got it, but Batista…
I walk for miles inside this pit of danger.
A place where no one follows me, I walk alone.
HOW BIG IS THIS PIT!?
JTG: “I don’t give a damn about a neighborhood watch / I’ll take your watch while the neighborhood watch”
This is the first entry I shoot LOLed at, so +1. It has a very Xzibit meme feel.
Snrub and JTG are bringing the hood to you! +1
+1
+1
Who watches the watching JTG?
-1 because it’s so bad it’s good.
However, +1 for shoot lols.
Steven Richards coming out to “I’LL SHOW YOU, YOU’LL SEE” has to be in the final four.
+1
+1. Even better since it’s the only line.
“The clouds are impatient. They’re bringing the anger
So get ready. The storm is recognizing your name”
When you think Bobby Lashley, you think impatient clouds.
+1
Impatient bathturd clouds.
“Hearts uninspired, trapped inside somebody’s dream.
To close to the fire, Yet cold and so numb with the pain.
But the fever is broken, and the river has run to the sea.
Washed to the ocean and saved by a voice inside me.”
You’re better than that, Christian. (Story of the Year isn’t, mind you.)
I wish Waterproof Blonde hadn’t muffed this after slaying the Sean O’Haire theme.
Yikes, I didn’t know there was another version! Blech, the original might somehow be worse.
Yes, the Story of the Year version is a cover of the original Waterproof Blonde version. It was bad.
West Texas Rednecks or GTFO…
Southern born, southern bred; when I die I’ll be Southern dead.
Also:
“We like to watch our football every week on TV. My favorite show is Andy of Mayberry”.
I actually like that “I’ll be Southern dead” line.
“Yeah, I wanna have the right. I wanna feel the night–around the stars.”
THE MAJESTY OF THE MAVEN ERA
Alex Riley – Say it to My Face – “Soon enough I’ll find you, in the dark behind you, I’ll be waiting.”
So, say it to my face, and I’ll stalk you and attack you from behind when you least expect it? Class act.
+1
Based on the words “in the dark behind you”, I don’t think he’s just going to attack him. (shudders)
This is creepy as hell, wtf.
+1
Also, why do so many WWE theme songs sound rapey?
Wish Heidenreich came back on Old School Raw and tagged with Alex Riley now.
Ezekiel Jackson: “Just to put it simple, I’m the OOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEE”
+1 .
My smark coworker pals and I were just discussing this, and could not think of any lyric singularly worse than that nominated Billy Gunn lyric. Shit, any and all themes Billy Gunn has been attached to should get nominations. The four brackets should be Smokin’ Gunn, Rockabilly, Bad Ass Billy Gunn and The One Billy Gunn. This should be all Billy Gunn all the time with no excuses.
Before I read any of this I think that if Randy orton’s Voices theme doesn’t make the first round it’s a farce. As soon as it hits, my TV is on mute.
The Rikishi hood rat theme that made no sense, anyone?
All day, all night, front of the store, my daddy’s format.
Tustle on this corner, hustle on this corner.
Killers ran in his house, tied his spouse,
Cocked the hammer back, in a little boy mouth.
Been f***ed up ever since, Scar Murderer
Brought me and bust me, a gun ever since
Roam the streets, no love (the streets)
The streets changed me.
This reminds me how much better themes were when they didnt really have lyrics/werent done by actual established bands
Downstait is an established band?
I think 3 Count has to be involved in this in some way. My god, the lyrics could not have possibly been a more basic statement of preteen late-90s/early 2000s life
There is a good 3-Count theme and a bad 3-Count theme. The first theme, “Can’t Get You Outta My Heart” is amazing and shitty and fit the gimmick perfectly, but “3-Count”, the second theme, is shitty and shitty. I defer to the chorus:
We like The BackStreet Boys,
N’Sync too!
Brittany Spears in kinda cool!
We watch TRL on MTV,
Everybody three count: 1, 2, 3,
One,
Two,
Threeeeeeeeeeeeee
The last one-two-THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with the high-pitched voices gets me every time. +1 for that for sure.
For your consideration, the lyrics to John Morrison’s theme song, enjoy.
“Now take this!
Rock on!
Hey!
I’m comin’ for ya!
Dance!
I’m gonna make you pay!
Lay down!
Yeah!
Aw!
Uh!”
I’m pretty sure the last time I played DDR the machine shouted those things at me.
+1 to both of you
Stephanie McMahon’s theme is pretty on the nose-
“I’m all grown up now, and I’ve listened and learned
A true star and I’m finally gettin’ my turn
Took my hell, earned my spot”
+1 for irony.
Going old school with Hillbilly Jim:
“When I was a little boy baby, I cut my teeth on a big ol’ tree
Mama filled my bottle from a moonshine still
My first meal was the bass he killed,
Bass he killed, the bass he killed,
My first meal was the bass he killed.”
Aside from the typical redneck practice of feeding liquor to a baby, the lyrics are maddeningly inconsistent. ‘Mama’ filled the bottle, but Jim’s first meal was ‘the bass he killed’? HE?!?! Is Hillbilly Jim’s mama a man? WHAT THE HELL, HILLBILLY JIM?
+1
+1
You included ‘Real Man’s Man’’s lyrics as a bad lyric? But Regal is a “real man’s man”. Your argument is invalid.
The Rock – Theme Song 1998-1999 Lyrics (Length of Song: 3:03)
Do you smell what The Rock is cookin’
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says “know your damn role”.
Know your role.
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says “know your damn role”.
Know your role.
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says “know your damn role”.
Know your role.
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says “know your damn role”.
Know your role.
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says…
The Rock says “know your damn role”.
the rock says +1
ooof. +1
+1
I had an amazing laugh over this
This breaks the rules of the contest, but fuck if I didn’t laugh my ass off reading this +1
#+1.
It’s a week later and this entry is still making me laugh till I cry.
I can’t belive nobody sudgested SHELTON BENJAMIN – No stoping me……with the masterful lyrics-Ain’t no stoping me noooooooooooooooooooooooo you can’t rock with me (no stopin),you can’t rock with me (no stopin)
FEED ME!
FEED
ME
MORE!
FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE!
HEY!
Meat on the table, yeah, that’s what you are!
Yeah, you can run but you won’t get too far!
You’re in my jungle and I’ll make the kill!
Meat on the table and I will get my fill!
HEY! (HEY!)
HEY! (HEY!)
HEY! (HEY!)
HEY! (HEY!)
You’re so damn weak man, and you dont belong…
Your only purpose is to feed the strong…
You are the hunted so lay down and pray..
I’m always hungry and I get my way!
I GET (I GET, I GET) MY WAY!
Meat on the table, yeah, that’s what you are!
Yeah, you can run but you won’t get too far!
You’re in my jungle and I’ll make the kill!
Meat on the table and I will get my fill!
Meat on the table… HEY!
Meat on the table… HEY!
Meat on the table… HEY!
Meat on the table… HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
“I brush your mouth with Colgate” from Cena’s “My Time Is Now”
Also I’m pretty sure Steven Regal’s was the greatest entrance song ever
I want to nominate something from the Juggalo Championshit Wrestling, but that would require me to listen to music by “rappers” like Blaze Ya Dead Homie or Anybody Killa and I’m not sure if I’m willing to do that.
Shane McMahon’s theme song was so bad, it’s hard to decide which lyrics to nominate. I think the worst ones are:
See, first of all I’m steppin’ out on my own
‘Bout time I elevated to claim my own throne
Success in my blood, call it home grown
Pores reekin’ testosterone
Power and money got me crazy cocky
No longer need you, papi
I know you’re mad at me ’cause you can’t stop me
GILL-BERG!!!
GILL-BERG!!!
I suggest ICP’s Oddities theme, because no I would not like to be down with the clowns.
Sample lyric:
I’m a sideshow looney, watch me get nuts.
I do backflips out in fronta mad trucks.
And in high school the chicks always gave us probs,
’cause I was nine feet tall, and my boy’s a cyclops.
I can swim shark-filled waters!
Yeah, well I can chew nails up and spit out quarters.
Go cryin for your daddy, what’s that gonna do?
When he’s just as shook as you, you little snoot
I wake up every morning can’t wait to embrace the day
I take my coffee by the pool
I pass my picket fence and gaze across my new mowed lawn
I never thought my life could be this good.
Kerwin White
-50,673.
THE WORLD IS SYLVAN
[www.youtube.com]
+1 for “ho ho ho van, Sylvan”
I SPIT ON THE FACE OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO BE COOL
…….Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito…….
UGH
+1
Oh god, the Mexicools theme had lyrics. And lawnmower sound effects, because WWE.
Gringo… In time,
Your gonna be working for me so…
You dont wanna get on my bad side,
Cuz everybody love Latino
Christian
Deceived by my eyes,
and all I was told I should see,
Opinion’s not mine,
the person they taught me to be,
one night in the dark,
a vision of someone I knew,
and in the darkness I saw,
a voice say I’m you.
You saw the voice that said it was you??
+1 .
Los Guerreros -
“We lie. We cheat. We steal.”
(repeat – over and over and over and over and over….)
Oh yeah, they say “viva la raza” once.
Mantaur’s theme was pretty terrible “MOOOOOOOOOOO” /repeats to fade
I went through the whole list, and I don’t see it anywhere, but… “Sexy Boy” by/for Shawn Michaels has everything horrible a wrestling theme could want. Generic guitar, faux birdcalls, and lyrics worthy of Nick Cave:
“I think I’m cute,
I know I’m sexy!
I’ve got the looks
That drives the girls wild!
I got the moves
That really move ‘em
I send chills up and down their spine!
I’m just a Sexy Boy (Sexy Boy)!
I’m not your Boy Toy (Boy Toy)!
I’m just a Sexy Boy (Sexy Boy)!
I’m not your Boy Toy (Boy Toy)!”
I still like it. It’s in my top 10 wrestling themes.
Eat your heart out, girls. Hands off the merchandise!
Most things involving Shawn Michaels are horrible. ;)
Worst lyric ever no doubt comes from Billy Kidman’s horrendous WWE theme “You Can Run”
-”Keep acting tough, it’s gonna get creepy
All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy.
But in these streets when you doze off
You wake up with your clothes off.
It’s a shame feeling so lost.”
Seriously, WTF.
+1
Yeah, that’s messed up.
+1 because WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK
+1 holy shit what in the fresh hell
I’m glad someone else was aware of this horrify verse.
+raped
+1 .
+1
WHY ARE WWE THEMES SO RAPEY?
“The whole damn world wants to look like me
But they don’t!
So just look at me”
I’ll throw Mark Henry’s name into the hat. I love the theme and the message, but considering the PG era in when it’s been most popular, his Theme’s lyrics are about as un-PG as it comes.
Somebody gonna get they ass kicked.
Somebody gonna get their wig split.
Somebody gonna get they ass kicked.
Somebody gonna get their wig split.
Beat ‘em up, beat ‘em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Beat ‘em up, beat ‘em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Beat ‘em up, beat ‘em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Beat ‘em up, beat ‘em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Oh man, I thought “Somebody betta call an ambulance” was in there somewhere!
Now I wish it was.
BEAT UM UP BEAT UM UP BREAK IZ NECK BREAK IZ NECK is a wonderfully succinct summary of everything Mark Henry’s all about. No dice on this nomination, thanks.
Absolutely that’s what he’s about. I thought I covered that in the post. I’m just saying thats his theme NOW. As in PG NOW. Are we supposed to have our precious, beautiful, fa%%ot youth listening to lyrics that imply that someone may suffer a life altering debilitating injury such as a broken neck? Or that someone may get their craniums split open?
PS I say “fa%%ot in only the funny sense of the term. I’ve got friends I would die for and who would die for me before they got offended by that word. Especially not when used in a joke.
Billy Gunn was the first one that came to mind for me.
With that being said, Al Snow and the talking head?
(Al Snow)
what does everybody want?
(Head Talks)
Nurrrrrnnn Nigglaaa
Surprisingly enough, Nurn Niggla was the agreed upon speech on every lyrics site I checked.
Badstreet USA should get a mention here.
“Old Lady McDuffie she done
give the cops a call.
She might as well call the Army or
the United States Marines,
’cause can’t nobody handle this
Badstreet scene.”
Oh shit, also, 2 Cold Scorpio’s WCW Theme.
“Dropkick, body punches in his repertoire,
No doubt about it gonna be a superstar!”
I genuinely cannot understand any of the other rapped lyrics in the song. I feel there might be a worse lyric in there, but the rapper has marbles in his mouth.
Doubly hilarious since Scorpio had one of the wildest movesets around, yet his entrance music highlights the BODY PUNCHES! And the DROPKICK!
“He carries a big stick, a ball-and-chain, too. If you’re looking for trouble, he’ll be coming after you!”
“Hard Time”, Big Bossman
Can we nominate different lines from a song you already picked? If so, from Billy Gunn’s “Ass Man”: “The best surprises always sneak up from behind.”
So i’m guessing we’re ignoring that Christian came out to an Evanesence song for years?
Oh, and the Wolfpac theme needs to be in here. That thing was awful. Don’t turn your back on the Wolfpac!
Don’t turn your back on the Wolfpac, you might end up in a body bag.
It’s fun to take lyrics out of context (and I like Jericho’s theme overall)
“Whatcha ya gonna do?
Jericho
You’re coming down
Feel me now, Jericho
Can’t stop, uh, (Feel me now)”
how about Rikishi “I’m A Bad Man”
“I’m a bad man, giving bad men… bad looks,
Prince amongst thieves and crooks.
Want bad women, bad cars, bad hoods, bad duels,
I’m making my own rules.”
or this line which I do not understand
“Juvenile from a good kid.
What above a felony, and wake from a life bid.
If I was born blind, being daddy’s hustling child,
Damn, I was born to be wild.
Ain’t nobody gonna stop me.
I want it all ’til God shuts my eyes and they bury my body.”
Love the first verse. I still catch myself singing that sometimes when I walk alone at night.
If only we could nominate Motorhead’s performance at Wrestlemania 21…
Lemmy singing straight up into the air into a microphone a foot above him from X8 always makes me smile.
Shane McMahon “Here Comes the Money”
“No longer need you papi
I know your mad because you can’t stop me
and if you wonder how this playa done scooped your honey
I think she smelled my cologne
It’s called brand new money
There are a ton of lyrics in the song that could be nominated but from MVP’s “I’m Coming” or whatever it’s called
I’m the One like Neo, cocky like TO
Nobody could guard me like I’m shooting a free throw
Fuck, I see someone already suggested this. Disregard.
K-Kwik and Road Dogg, from their tag team together. Gettin’ Rowdy presented as follows.
Two real G’s and we ’bout to get rowdy
You did know you better call somebody
Stepin’ through the dust cause I’m mystical
No damn doubt about it K-Kwik and Road Dogg
Gettin’ Rowdy
That would be the section I would nominate, but here is the rest for future reference.
‘Bout to move something
Me and Road Dogg with the cash and change
Check yourself and realize we’re all that
If you step your ass up get your Hat Rack Crack
No doubt about it
You can call it a bet
Beating all the fools so the fools can rest
We’ll pick your ass up and toss it around
Cause we’re two real G’s with the real ass sound
We get rowdy
Come on, come on, come on
We get rowdy
‘Bout to move something
K-Kwik talking about moving things come on
We get rowdy
It’s a very painful thing to observe a better man
But with all your limitations I think your doing all you can.
So give in to your emotions and let your envy fall
Cause I’ve got it all
It also didn’t help that “The One’s” music sounded like a remix of the Step by Step theme.
I nominate the Rhythm and Blues theme:
Come on baby hold me tight
Tell old honky want you need tonight
(We need a honka, honka, honky tonk, we need a honka, honka, honky tonk )
I’m the one you’ve been dreaming of
You know you gotta, gotta, gotta have some Honky love
Put your arms around me, whisper in my ear
Tell old honky what he likes to hear
(We need a Honka, Honka, Honky Tonk, we need a Honka, Honka, Honky Tonk )
I’m the one you’ve been dreaming of
You know you gotta, gotta, gotta have some Honky love
Ah shake, rattle and roll
Play that rhythm and blue
Don’t be cruel know
Baby
Not to be confused with Honky Tonk Man’s singles theme, which is the best theme ever.
Come on baby squeeze me tight
Tell old Honky want he wants tonight
(We need a Honka, Honka, Honky Tonk, we need a Honka, Honka, Honky Tonk )
I’m the one you’ve been dreaming of
You know you gotta, gotta, gotta have some Honky love
(We need a Honka, Honka, Honky Tonk, we need a Honka, Honka, Honky Tonk )
I got this video of my eleven year old self making fellow kids dance to both the American Males theme and Steiner Brothers Themes. [www.youtube.com]
Oh and I nominate the WCW Nasty Boys Theme. The whole song sounds like a date rape that ends with you getting some sort “Read Bad Infection”.
BieberonasphereWHATSUP?
YOUCANSKINAFISH!
ORYOUCANSKINACAT!
YOUBETTERSKINAFISHCUZFISHISWHEREITSCAT!!
WHATSUP????!!!!
Lmfao
The album might not count because most of them probably weren’t “entrance” themes, outside of a one-shot to promote them, but the songs from the WWE Originals album are awful.
If I had to pick one, it has to be Kurt Angle’s “I Don’t Suck (Really)”
Whoa, before you get started. I have something to say.
I don’t… suck
I don’t… suck
I don’t… suck
I don’t… suck
I don’t… suck
I don’t… suck
I don’t… suck
We get it Kurt…..
“I’m like this body when wrapped with leather
Perfection, and it gets no better”
Thanks for the mental image, Kurt.
D-Lo Brown’s “Danger At The Door” or whatever.
(RECORD SCRATCH INTRO)
HERE WE GO, YOU’RE LOOKIN’ AT THE REAL DEAL NOW.
GONNA KICK THIS SORRY ASS OUT ON THE STREET.
HA, HA, HA, HA, HAH, TELL ME WHAT YOU GOT.
YOU USE TO THINK YOU OWN THIS STREET,
WELL PACK YO’ BAGS ‘CUZ YO˜ ASS IS DEAD MEAT!
VICTORY IS SWEET, (BRING IT ON)
HERES YOUR RECEIPT. (WHAT YOU CARE TO DO?)
BRING IT ON, SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
BRING IT ON, IF YOU GOT WHAT YOU GOT.
BRING IT ON, SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
BRING IT ON, GONNA KICK THIS SORRY ASS,
SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO? (HEH HEH)
(YEAH, SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO?)
(CALL ME MR. BROWN)
X10000000 ( or something)
Makes my neck hurt just hearing this song.
I think D LO Brown stole those lyrics, word for word, from what my dad told me when I turned 18 and had to move out. There was even a record scratch.
I love this song for real. I want it played if anyone ever gives me an award.
Love D-Lo’s theme (and the lyrics are tight). But strangely, my neck also hurts just reading it.
Even better was the version when he and Mark Henry were partners
“Call him Mr Henry, Call me Mr Brown”.
Like Teddy Long, I am down with the Brown. This song rules all.
Makes Droz’s neck hurt too.
Oh! Also Billy Kidman’s “You Can Run” which is all kinds of creepy
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Uh Uh Uh . You can run if you want to,cause you cant hide
So you can if you want to cause you cant hide.
I see you dont know who your dealing with
but i dont have it all
i am a lunatic cause see society they label me a threat
But i am just getting started i am not finished yet .
Look me in my eyes i can see your thoughts
all your ups and downs ,All your little faults.
Including these magical lines:
Keep actin tough is going to get creepy.
All of a sudden you startin’ to feel sleepy.
But in the streets when you doze off
you wake up with your clothes off Ashamed felling so lost, whoa.
Suicide, your theme. Woof.
Suicide come alive
Takes the pain from all who just can’t see the light
Dark savior, he can save you
He’ll take you nail and be the on they crucify
Suicide comes alive
*your **one
Stupid hands.
The Harris Brothers theme, because OMG. “BIG TWINS……….BIG TWINS………..THEY’RE OLD SCHOOL………BIG TWINS”. They’re big. They’re twins. And they’re old school.
Was gonna say Chyna, was gonna say Buff Bagwell. Hmm. How ’bout those creepy sex noises at the beginning of the Brood’s theme?
I accept the nomination of “Real Man’s Man” only if that TitanTron is entered into the tournament for Best of All-Time.
WCW 2 Cold Scorpio:
“Who’s his opponent, he don’t care. Like the Gulf War, brother, he attacks from the air!”
WWF Rockabilly:
“Oooh Rockabilly, such a handsome man”
Nasty Boys in WWF Superstars’ WrestleMania:
“Listen up, we’re coming after ‘ya and you’re gonna get nasty stuff right down your throat all through ’93″
+1 for Scorpio. That’s fantastic.
+1 nasty boys
WWF Owen Hart’s Enough Is Enough:
“I snapped, I was a victim.”
WWF “The One” Billy Gunn:
“Every time I hear my name, it sounds like a symphony. I’m a fine glass of wine, gettin’ better with age and great complexity. Ow. Whoo-hoo. Ow. Look at me, I’m right here. Here I am.”
“Look at all I’ve got, like to make a blind man see. Everything you wish you had but God gave it all to me. On occasion, my reflection puts even me in awe, ‘cos I got it all. Oh-ho, I got it all. Yeah yeah, I got it all. Look at this: I got it all. Ow. Yeah. Ow.”
TNA Jeff Jarrett’s My World:
“He ain’t dead, he ain’t The Rock.”
+1 for Double-J’s shit-tastic TNA theme.
“I get high with my own pain” is also unintentionally funny.
MOVE IN A-MOVE OUT!!
HANDS UP-A HANDS DOWN!!!
Biker Taker is the worst and only Limp Biskit could do that terribleness justice.
Some of those WCW lyrics (Steiners/Steamboat) are just wonderful positive messages that don’t hold up to the cynical hatred of today.
Also, if you ever do a best lyrics, I want to nominate Aja Kong’s whole Zenjo theme in advance in case I miss it.
Nomination: The Quebecers
We’re not the Mounties
We’re handsome ,we’re brave, we’re strong
We’re not the Mounties cos we enforce the law
You can try to run but you can never hide
Unlike the Mounties we always get our man
+1 That was the first one I thought of when I saw this headline. The repackaged Mountie theme that puts down Mounties. So weird and terrible
“People over there, what’s up?
If you feel me, stand up and say “what’s up?”
What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up?
You can get with this or you can get with that
You better get with this ’cause this is where it’s at
What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up?”
Macho Man’s theme?
A few people have mentioned it either in a roundabout or elongated way, so I figured I’d officially nominate this part of Ryback’s song, because we’ve mocked it so long, it has to be included:
Meat on the table, yeah, that’s what you are!
Yeah, you can run but you won’t get too far!
You’re in my jungle and I’ll make the kill!
Meat on the table and I will get my fill!
“He’s as strange as a man can be. He ain’t got no family. A long career is not expected.”
From the theme song of noted not-on-a-team-or-a-member-of-a-gang Cactus Jack, or better known as Mr. Bang Bang.
And lest we forget, this one particular verse from the theme song for MEN. ON A MISSION.
“Got my man, his name is Mo!
Mo’s in the ring and he wants you to know!
Mo! Yeah! Ready to slam!
Do it like this, he goes wham bam!
All around the ring be drop-kickin’!
He’s like a bomb that’s tock-tock-tickin’!
Do it like this! Don’t you all know?
Step up to my main man Mo!”
The Oddities Theme has got the usual gems from ICP, including this little stab at the dozens
“And you can’t, so you gotta label us weird.
Even though your mama’s got a beard. What!”
And this one is more of a logic stretch than anything else, from Demoltion’s theme. How does a Team have a middle name, and moreover, how is a middle a three word phrase?
“Pain and Destruction, Is our middle name”
+1 Demolition
“What up, Mach?”
“OOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEAH”
This gem is on the only VHS I still own or isn’t in a box somewhere in my parent’s attic, Piledriver: 2. I know wrestling as a whole and more specifically the WWF/E was not exactly marketed to the most forward-thinking consumer, but I did not realize Blacksplotation was still a thing in 1987. Well, Slick takes the cake with this very late ode to the Breakin’ theme.
Why late that night I was out there messin with a lady that was 7 FEET TALL!
NOW THAT WAS A BIG WOMAN!
So I said hey there baby, spend the night at my house?
She said “No way you JIVE LITTLE MOUSE!”
I said hey there baby can’t take no more? So she threw me on the floor in a figure four, singin…
You a Jive Soul Bro
A Jive Soul Bro!
And you always lie to your friends!
You a Jive Soul Bro
A Jive Soul Bro!
And you never get nothin in the end!
A song with lyrics so bad, I was unable to find it on youtube.
The Giant’s NWO themes song.
The only lyrics are “Chokeslam” repeated several times, with emphasis on different syllables.
“CHOKEslam! chokeSLAM! CHOKESLAM!”
My friend got me some weird Japanese import CD of all the nWo themes because the chokeslam thing was so horrible that I put it on whenever I needed to laugh.
Jimmy Yang Wang. He’s straight up going to punch someone tonight.
I pony ride up to the bar, some run down old saloon
It isn’t long before some cowboy’s sayin’ something rude
I predict his future has no light
‘Cause I’m gonna have to punch someone tonight
Hey I’m gonna have to punch someone tonight
Yes I’m gonna have to punch someone tonight
I think most people have quit reading these by now but I’m going to make a point on John Cena real quick. The lyrics that have been posted from The Time Is Now are all kinda bad on their own sure but when you put several lines of them together their combined powers create a Captain Planet of White Rap Nonsense. :
I’m slaughtering stale, competition, I got the whole block wishing
they could run with my division but they gone fishing -
- with no bait, kid your boy hold weight
I got my soul straight, I brush your mouth like Colgate
The context adds so much more confusion. It’s needed.
JYD – “Grab them Cakes”
Grab them cakes(ooooooowwwwww, I love that feelin’ when you do it to me)Just grab them cakes(all the kids are gone, all the kids are gone)Grab them cakes(do it, do it, do it, do it, do it,)Grab them cakes(do it, do it, do it, do it, do it,)
Read more: WRESTLING – GRAB THEM CAKES LYRICS
All the kids are gone? Well I guess that’s good if you’re doing some Cake Grabbin…
wait, does that Kaitlyn song say “this is cocaine, it just might be the way to make you feel a man”?
Dusty Rhodes “American Dream” is awesome! It should not be on the list at all. Billy and Chuck’s “you look so good to me” theme was terrible, and should be on this list
again, it’s not about whether or not the song is good, it’s about the badness of the lyrics
John Cena – My Time is Now
“Brrr Abado”
Has anybody mentioned the WCW boyband known as 3 Count? They were pretty awful lol. “We like the Backstreet Boys. NSYNC too. We watch TRL on MTV. We think Britney Spears is kinda cute.” Thats gotta be a tournament sleeper!
Even Ashley Massaro’s theme song was trash-tastic.
“I’ve got a perfect plan to have you in my arms today
You are so well endowed and there’s no price that I won’t pay.”
how can we leave out matt hardy?
I can slap a tornado
I can dry up a sea,yeahh
When i live for the moment,
There aint no aint no in me.
thats seriously retarded
“Oh Radio…Tell me everything you know.” explains a lot about Zac Ryder.
1.) Flash Funk, 1996-1997. “OHHHH FLASH, YOU ARE SOOOO FUNKY.”
2.) Dude Love, 1997. Even though it’s one of my favorites, it’s pretty much just this:
“Heeeeeeh, heh heh heh! HEEEEHH! (x5)
Duuuude Love (his name is Dude Love, baby)
Duuuude Love (his name is Dude Love, baby)
Duuuude Love (his name is Dude Love, baby)
Duuuude Love (he is the kiiiiiiing—YEEEEAH!”