Reading Football Club Has The Best Owner

Forgive me, faithful With Leatherheads, for I have sinned. I saw this story loosely related to Reading Football Club the other day and whispered to myself ever so gently, “Hey, maybe throw up a post about those losers” before pouring myself into a bubble bath, but then I forgot because I’m old and stupid. Anyway, Reading is currently only three points better than Queens Park for dead last in the Barclays Premier League standings, so it’s safe to say that they’re not having the best season, at least on the field.

If I wanted to be an optimist, though, I’d say that Reading is only 48 points out of first place, but then I’d probably incite a soccer hooligan riot in the comments, because I never ever get soccer terminology right. That said, I’ll stick to what I know and what I know is that Reading is owned by 30-year old Anton Zingarevich, who is the son of Russian billionaire Boris Zingarevich. And if Jason Bourne and James Bond movies have taught me anything, it’s that Russian billionaires make all of their money by stealing oil pipelines from other billionaires.

So what does a few billion dollars buy a 30-year old? For starters, obviously, a professional soccer club. But much more importantly – since the club in question is awful – this status has also landed Anton a 23-year old wife named Katsia, who just so happens to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel, which is something that is obviously very important to me based on what interests me.

Honestly, even with as little as I understand about soccer, I don’t get how Reading is so terrible. Sure, Katsia is married to the owner, and he’d probably have his goons, Vladimir and, well, other Vladimir remove any player’s legs if he even considered hitting on Katsia. But you’d think players would be tripping over each other to play for Reading simply based on the hope that Katsia would bring other Angels around.

Oh, what’s that? Why yes, I do have pictures of Katsia’s new lingerie ads for Intimissimi (among others). Forgive my lack of manners.