While I’m happy to have a Saturday away from this site’s fiendishly loyal UFC fans, I’d really like it if next Saturday could hurry up and get here already so we can watch UFC 158. I could probably be a little more patient had Georges St-Pierre and Nick Diaz not had their telephone conference yesterday and had it not been one of the greatest conversations between two men who are just 8 days away from attempting to kill each other for the UFC Welterweight Championship.

Now, some people question whether or not Diaz even deserves to be in the octagon with St-Pierre, as Diaz has only fought one time since defeating BJ Penn at UFC 137, and that was his unanimous decision loss to Carlos Condit at UFC 143 (followed by a nice suspension). However, others will argue that Diaz was supposed to fight St-Pierre at that event originally, so this is retribution to the fans or something like that.

Either way, the UFC is still billing this as the “fight we’ve all been waiting for” – even though that distinction arguably goes to St-Pierre (or Chris Weidman) and Anderson Silva – so the two men facing each other next Saturday night in Montreal are at least treating it like the biggest fight of their lives. And boy do these two dudes not like each other.

While the folks at MMA Heat were awesome enough to post the audio (above), our friends at Cage Potato went ahead and picked out the 15 best quotes. For the unfamiliar, Diaz seems to think that he’s the greatest fighter to have ever lived and he has quite the chip on his shoulder. I’m sorry, that’s an understatement. He has an entire sack of potatoes on his shoulder. He also thinks that GSP is a spoiled, wealthy brat, and that has led us to where we are today, living in St-Pierre’s “dark place”.

Anyway, listen to the entire teleconference if you have an hour to kill, but here are my favorite quotes. Spoiler: They’re all Diaz.

“My life’s a mess. I’m not afraid to admit it. I work hard regardless, through this shit, but I don’t have people toweling me off and handing me water bottles left and right, and getting my training paid for me. I’ve got to do all that shit on my own, and every day I know it, and that’s why I know I have to go that much harder, and concentrate, and do that much more, because I don’t have people taking care of my money or financial tax obligations, or what have you…I’m too busy fighting all your fights, I’m too busy entertaining all the fans. I don’t see anybody else bringing shit to the table.”

Yeah, screw GSP for being mature and professional enough that companies want to sponsor him and his winning brand. What a dick that guy is, right?

“I don’t care if there’s a camera crew in the backseat of my car. I could give a shit. I just don’t like when I’m not ready for it and don’t know about it. You’ve got Georges, and someone is over there powdering his nose out, and send[ing] him off for a video shoot. He’s got someone making a Twitter for him. Now he don’t even know how to talk and act right. He’s got people living his life for him in the public.”

This is the most butthurt bullsh*t ever. Diaz is so jealous of GSP that I can’t do anything but laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. And all Diaz would ever have to do is just behave like an adult. But no, he’s too REAL for that kind of sh*t. Maybe I’m wrong, though. Maybe he’s not jealous.

“If I had that much money, I’d be fucking pampering myself the fuck up. I’d be having motherfuckers pampering my shit left and fucking right. There’d be motherfuckers every hour, on the hour, showing up to pamper me out. Period.”

Okay, my bad. He’s really jealous.

“Everybody wants to know what Georges thinks and what Georges says, and wants to look like how Georges looks, and wear tight shorts like Georges, and get strong, and forget about jiu-jitsu, forget about boxing, let’s do a Superman punch like Georges. Fuck mixed martial arts. Fuck the martial arts aspect, and jiu-jitsu, and where the fuck did you come from, who the fuck gave you your black belt, I think that guy deserves more credit. Whatever. If you want your disrespect, there it is right there.”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha… *deep breath*… hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

“I deserve to get beat down? That’s what you said, right? Who the fuck are you? You know what, honestly, straight up, I don’t believe you deserve to get beat down. I don’t think that. I don’t want anybody to get beat down. I’d like to win the fight. You’re over here you know me, don’t you, you know me real well, you know I deserve to get beat down…I seriously believe that you told that to the cameras, so you believe that I deserve to be beat down…You’re making those statements to the whole world that I am this piece of shit that deserves to be beat down. Then you let Dana talk like I’m the most disrespectful person that you’ve ever met and I deserve to take an ass-whooping and you’re going to beat the shit out of me? And you let him say that?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… *falls over*… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

“Check this out, motherfucker. I pulled up to a stoplight the other day, and some fucking 40-year-old lady, some soccer mom, sticks her head out the window and says, ‘I hope GSP beats your ass.’ We’re in fucking Lodi, bitch. I’m like, Are you serious?…I’m living in a fuckin’ small town full of people who hate me over here.”