Tonight, on the WWE Raw open discussion thread:
In one of the most brutal attacks ever against Mr. McMahon, Brock Lesnar broke The Chairman’s hip with an F-5 on last week’s Raw. The attack came just as Mr. McMahon appeared ready to fire CM Punk’s associate, Paul Heyman, for his ties to The Shield and Brad Maddox. Lots of questions were swirling in the WWE Universe when Raw went off the air last week. Here are five reasons to tune in tonight at 8/7 CT on USA Network. (via WWE.com)
Our five-point preview:
1. Yes, I am aware that Jack Swagger is back.
2. I am also aware that WWE dissolved Rhodes Scholars.
3. WWE has a new mystery guy! This time, it’s “Anonymous.” Until they show a guy who is clearly not the Undertaker, just assume it’s the Undertaker.
4. We are now taking name suggestions for the Brodus Clay/Tensai pairing. So far, “Otakusaurus” is my favorite. Maybe “Tensus.”
5. Tonight, Teddy Long gives Booker T a performance evaluation! I know that’s a joke about how nobody in the company knows how businesses or hierarchies work, but seriously, if they announced this was happening I wouldn’t be surprised.
Remember, you can nominate a comment for Best Of The Night with a +1. You can also just talk about wrestling naturally and not try to be the funniest, because that’s fun too.
Enjoy the show, everybody.
Collect all the WWE badges!
The more WWE related content you read, discuss, and share on Facebook or Twitter, the faster you earn the best show moments. First Up: "Mark". More details
How To unlock:
Log into UPROXX or create an account and participate.
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/SHIELD-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/the-bella-twins-and-jill-thompson-yes-t-shirt-gallery-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Wrestling-Fan-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/starring-brock-lesnar-180x180.png)
Wrestlers must have remote control access to their theme music and titantron activation.
Pro-Wrestlers… more than meets the eye. Pro-Wrestlers… tech guys in disguise.
Unique physiological response to Brock F5ing Miz.
Ziggles.
Where the hell was Dolph?
Can I hire Brock to move me outta my house this weekend…
“You’re right, the couch does belong on the roof…here’s 500 dollars.”
I haven’t commented yet, but I had a thought. This discussion happened at WWE Creative:
“Hmm… we need to make Wade Barrett and Jack Swagger even meaner heels, but how???”
/silence
“I’ve GOT IT!!! BEARDS!!!”
That’s how Hogan did it.
I commented on this briefly earlier, but at this point shouldn’t the inevitable thing be Brock being confronted by Ryback? Who could he feed on more than Brock? I mean Brock brings sandwiches to the party!
Yes but screw that because we are getting Triple H’s revenge instead. Who needs building a new star when we can give a washed up gloryhound a final, glorious wankoff?
The entrance music guy clearly knew that Cena, Ryback, and Seamus were going to come out and interrupt The Shield. Why doesn’t The Shield (or anyone else for that matter) just beat the shit out of the music guy, considering wrestlers can’t come out unless their music is playing, thus allowing them to speak their minds without fear of interruption?
“Hey, Frank!”
“Hey, Brock! Long time no see!”
“Look, I know that I haven’t been around for like six months, but when the guy who took the company to unprecedented heights over the last 30 years and who signs your paycheck is trying to fire someone in the middle of the ring for having hired thugs to affect the outcome of our Championship match, can I interrupt him in order to assault said owner and send him to the hospital?”
“Sure!! No problem!!”
Frank…the REAL power in the WWE.
Did Jeff die? What did I miss!?
A Supplementary Best needs to be given to Miz tonight for standing up to Brock when he knows he’s gonna die. Seriously… Miz could excel if they transitioned him away from douchy wannabe television host to plucky underdog over his head.
That’s exactly how I saw it when Miz bowed up to Brock and didn’t freak out when Brock’s music hit.
Shit I’m still reeling from the return of the Hall of Pain baybay!
Nxt rookie badge!! Hell yeah!!
“Theatricality and deception, powerful agents for the uninitiated. But we are initiated, aren’t we Brad?”
Sorry, west coast here, had to crowbar in my Bane quote.
BRAD SHOULD JOIN THE LEEEEEAGUE of SHAD-DOWS.
/For some reason, I am super joyous at the Bane voice.
Aaaaaaand…..Cole still doesn’t know what irony is.
Good RAW. Some truly great moments and a few good matches. Brock destroying Miz in a brutally beautiful beatdown (and throwing couches!). Return of Mark Henry. Bruno Sammartino HOF video package. Del Rio/Show feud. Punk vs. Jericho. Bryan vs. Rey. Cesaro vs. Ryback.
Not a real sport so why are talking about this if it doesn’t have tits?
No tits? Did you not see Mark Henry?
One other thought that I’m sure someone already had: Mark Henry comes back. Mark Henry likely goes back to Smackdown. Dolph Ziggler has MITB for the WHT. Ziggler wins WHT, Henry comes out for what he wants. Ziggler sells a World’s Strongest Slam to the goddamn moon. #science
So I’m just now watching Raw which makes this hilariously late but: MARK BACK MARK BACK MIZZARK MOTHER FUCKING BACK YALL
PST hi five! Somebody’s gonna get an ass whuppin’ and it looks like it’s Car Stereo.
HST represent!
That’s what he do and I like it. Didn’t even know his music at first but then as he emerged I was grinning.
if Bruno is in, it gives me hope Jake and Savage get it too someday soon.
I hate to break it but Jake is not in the Hall of Fame because he’s a serious degenerate with legendary personal problems that the WWE is desperate to distance themselves from. And if the rumors about Savage and Stephanie are true… Mr. Poffo is NEVER getting into the Hall of Fame.
They should really switch Smackdown with Main Event since it seems to matter a smidge more.
Problem with a Cena/Sheamus/Ryback vs. Shield match? Why wouldn’t Sheamus be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match? The Shield cost him his chance to make the cut?
Forget Elimination Chamber and just give us the damn Wargames match this setup is screaming for.
I’ve been yelling for Battlebowl – The Lethal Lottery for fucking years….
Really eating up time tonight. They just replayed the Trish Stratus thing and now more polling bullshit. This feels like the Superbowl blackout.
Every couple episodes there’s a three hour WWE app commercial. Every other episode there’s only 2.3 hours of commercials.
Brad Maddox is like a Super Dolph Ziggler. He has zero offense and takes massive bumps.
So Bane was doing a Brad Maddox impression?
That was actually a pretty solid show.
Don’t cry for Brad, Raw Open Thread. The truth is he never left us. All through his wild days, his Maddox existence. He kept his Beef Mode. Better keep your distance.
+1 that was really great.
+1 slow cap, single tear
+1
+1 Best Song Oscar
ooh, +1
I can’t fucking stand Ryback or Cena. I like Sheamus alright because of his workrate. But damn, did I want to see Reigns stack up all three of those guys at one time and powerbomb them into the molten core of the Earth.
WORRRRRRRRRRKRAAAAAAAATE
Only after you see Cean emerge from the molten iron mass with lava-proof wistbands and jorts do you realize that Cena is not actually Superman, but Doomsday.
So by Doomsday logic, Cena grows stronger everytime he gets pinned because he can’t be beaten the same way…….shiiit.
now it all makes sense
Is workrate the amount of work he does, or what he gets paid for said working.
I wonder if Jericho staggered backstage after that GTS a little loopy, and assumed 3MB were the rest of Fozzy.
So apparently a three-hour Raw just flies by when you fall asleep in front of the TV by 8:30. Thank god for my DVR, I’ll check everything out tomorrow.
Surprisingly, not too bad of a show tonight.
The Shield casts 3:1 Powerbomb.
It fails.
Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback cast Self-Realization.
The Shield runs from the fight.
A Jern Cena attacks. Your THAC0 is 5. Jern Cena has armbands of +1000000000000000 and ugly shirt of +50000000.
Make a 1d20 roll to attack.
John Cena equips The Sword of Recent Divorce.
John Cena is poisoned.
The Shield equips Helm of Acknowledging That The Show Was Supposed to End At 11pm.
The Shield vanishes!
THE RYBACK is hungry!
THE RYBACK casts Shellshock on Heath Slater.
THE RYBACK is still hungry!
THE RYBACK casts Shellshock on Jinder Mahal.
THE RYBACK is still hungry!
THE RYBACK casts Shellshock on Drew McIntyre.
THE RYBACK is still hungry!
All I want to do now is create Raw RPG.
Matt Striker /asks CM Punk what’s on his mind.
Matt Striker has Charisma of 3.
CM Punk ignores Matt Striker.
The Rock has joined your party!
~ Please remove one of the following members: ~
CM Punk
Sheamus attacks Alberto Del Rio
Alberto Del Rio casts “Level 7 Class”
Alberto Del Rio gains +5 DXT, +7 SPD, +3 STR, +12 AGT, +11 INT, +27 HP
Sheamus casts “Level 6 Racism”
Alberto Del Rio is stunned
Sheamus attacks with “Brogue Kick”
Alberto Del Rio is killed
The Rock joins the battle!
CM Punk casts Shitty Macho Man Elbow on The Rock. Deals 0 damage.
CM Punk casts Go To Sleep on The Rock. Deals 0 damage.
CM Punk summons The Shield! The Shield deals 0 damage to The Rock.
The Rock casts Dance Elbow on CM Punk. Deals 9834564234 damage.
CM Punk is defeated! Your adventure has ended, GAME OVER
CM Puck battles John Cena!
CM Punk uses “Go to Sleep”
John Cena is dead!
John Cena casts “Ressurection”
CM Punk uses “Go to Sleep”
John Cena is dead!
John Cena casts “Ressurection”
CM Punk uses “Go to Sleep”
John Cena is dead!
John Cena casts “Ressurection”
CM Punk flees the battle.
Hahaha John Cena can only be defeated if you first destroy his Defense Node.
“Big Show can only be struck by aerial attacks! Kofi, jump!”
Kofi Kingston leaps into the air!
Big Show punches Kofi Kingston.
Kofi Kingston is defeated!
Over under on life of the Bane Maddox jokes: 4 weeks
As long as the Bane voice is good, Bane jokes will never get old.
Thank you. TDKR was a bit of a hit-or-miss, but Bane was solid gold the entire time.
Seriously, what was with that crowd? Were they selling turkey dinners at the concession stand?
buy two turkeys and get a free box of wine
Mmmmm…box wine.
Thanks to the Frotcast I now think butt chugging whenever I hear box wine.
Post Super Bowl hangover?
that last hour was great
Really good TV, to be sure
RAW is a GREAT 2 hour show that they insist on pulling out to 3 hours, and the hour of filler, flotsam, and jetsam just dilutes the hell out of it.
2 hour Raw was pretty awful sometimes too.
A lot of Attitude Era RAWs ended with something similar to that, but J.R. had a real gift at making it seem exciting rather than fizzling out. They really need to consider replacing Cole because his enthusiasm always comes across as so hollow.
That is an extremely valid point. JR made absolutely poor matches seem like 5-star classics
And JR never would have said “come at me bro”.
Would have also helped if this Raw was in any city not named Atlanta
If only they had hosted Raw in the nearby suburb of Stankonia!
I bet JR could sell the shit out of a Fandango Promo, not dump on it like nobody gives a damn.
“By God he cut the dance floor right in Half!”
True. Attitude Era is extremely overrated, but JR’s over the top style helped a lot in making it seem more exciting and important (without resorting to Schiavone levels of hyperbole).
What is Brock F-5′d Miz so hard, that Miz was sent into another dimension. But not just current day Miz, all Mizes from all times. Including Real World Miz, Tough Enough Miz, Smackdown Host Miz, Tag Champ Miz with the hat and little pants, Main Event ‘Mania Miz, Whatever he was after that Miz, MARYSE!, Miz TV and the Miz TV couch, all stuck together in Crisis on Infinite Mizes.
Most of the plots would just be recycled Entourage episodes.
+1
God the prospect of a Cena/Sheamus/Ryback v. Shield matchup does have me kind of excited. John always elevates at PPVs, Sheamus and Ryback would be great in a brawling Chamber match, and The Shield is…well, they’re The Shield
I think it’s ultimately a good thing. The Shield is (for now) being presented as a force to be reckoned with.
“When Atlanta is in ashes, then you have my permission to die”
-Brad Maddox
I’m pretty sure General Sherman said that first.
“Let’s not stand in ceremony, Mr. Shield”
“You merely adopted the selling of beatdowns, Rock. I was BORN selling beatdowns”
Well played pancakes188, well played
Calm down, Mr Shield. Now’s not the time for fear. That comes later.
UM, PRETTY SURE BANE SAID IT FIRST PANCAKES188
His plan: To crash this RAW….With no survivors.
The set up is great, but man…the way WWE writes things, I’m assuming that the Superfaces are just going to annihilate the Shield, doing no favors to anyone.
“the Superfaces ”
I like that. Where’s there Hall of Justice located?
I feel like the WWE hates any fan that doesn’t own a Sheamus brawler buddy and a couple of Never Give Up wristbands.
THEIR
This is like having Superman, Captain Marvel, and the Hulk going up against The Joker, Killer Croc, and Random Gangster F
Yes, I know that the Hulk is not DC, but I couldn’t think of a good DC equivalent for Ryback.
Bane from the shitty Batman movie?
Salomon Grundy would make a perfect Ryback.
I was looking for villains, but Grundy is a pretty good fit.
*Heroes, not villains. Man, hard to type after that segment.
Martian Manhunter for Ryback naybe? I think they both are known for their love of cookies.
To be fair, The Shield have been made to look pretty strong. Heels are supposed to get beat down eventually, but I’m not expecting an annihilation. Should be fun.
Okay, I have to take my dog out to dump in the yard. It’s definitely going to be more climactic than the ending of Raw.
Spoiler Alert: My dog pooped on a pile of leaves.
I’d like to think something more was supposed to happen but the Shield was punishing the crowd for being shitty all night
I can say that, I caught almost 2 complete matches
So do we start the NCIS discussion here or do we have to go to Warming Glow?
anythread anywhere on uproxx is a NCIS thread
You know there were some high points when Brad Maddox doing Bane isn’t the best part of the show.
I had the same exact Bane thought.
The Shield would’ve stayed and kicked all of their asses, but Reigns pointed out that Cena’s lip was pulsing with oozing biological warfare, and they ran like hell.
Oh but guys it’s not over! If you’re streaming, it’s 2 out of 3 falls Ziggler v Kingston for the US Title!! *fart noise*
From the People Power era!
And we got the return of Brad Maddox, so we’ve got that
How hard do you think it was for CM Punk to scream, “You are cheering for a guy who cares so little for all of you that he didn’t even show up and he’s the Champion for crying out loud!”
Well considering that talking point has been brought up by both Punk and Cena and no one cared, I don’t really think it’d have the desired effect.
I guess we wont be breaking the 5000 comment threshold tonight.
I have a DVR, shall we do it again?
At least Cena didn’t talk that much… less spit to contaminate people with herpes.