"Look at him throw the sports ball!"

I know that not everybody out there is a fan of violent competition like professional football, and some people just aren’t interested in watching the Baltimore Ravens take on the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl 47 on Sunday. Thankfully, there are like 8 million channels and a variety of other shows to watch, and that begins and ends with the Game Show Network’s Dancing with the Stars marathon.

Beginning at 5 PM ET on Sunday, you can watch your favorite dancing partners, including:

Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani
Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas
Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough
Priscilla Presley and Louis Van Amstel
Mario and Karina Smirnoff
Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez
Cristián de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke
Jason Taylor and Edyta Śliwińska

I know who less than half of those people are!

Anyway, I hope everyone who is watching that marathon enjoys it, because I will be outside your homes, letting the air out of your tires.

Friday

The Crossover with Beadle and Briggs – 6 PM ET on NBC Sports

So far, aside from a St. Louis Blues game(s highlights), this is probably the only thing that I will watch on NBC Sports. Michelle Beadle is wonderful, and I hope that her show’s ratings dwarf the pathetic ratings that the Mike Florio and Peter King Self-Fellating Happy Hour currently bring in.

NBA: Miami Heat at Indiana Pacers – 7 PM ET on ESPN

I’ll probably watch this. Nothing else on.

WWE Smackdown – 8 PM ET on SyFy

Sometimes, when I’m out pounding shots with my bros on Fridays, I wish the bartender would put on Smackdown so we could cheer ironically. I’m being serious. It would be fun.

Saturday

NCAA Basketball: Tennessee at Arkansas – 4 PM ET on ESPN

Cheerleader #butts.

Is this a good game? I have no idea. It has to be better than the CBS game on at 4 PM. It’s TBA.

Tim Tebow: Everything in Between – 4:30 PM ET on ESPN Classic

Haha, just kidding. I’d rather watch old people have sex.

Sunday

The Super Bowl or Dancing with the Stars. Choose wisely. oh, and Happy Anniversary, Janet Jackson!