
My feelings for Tyler Hansbrough can best be summed up by this classic Kids in the Hall sketch. For all I know, Hansbrough could be the nicest, sweetest guy in the world and the greatest teammate that any guy could ever play basketball with. But his face – I see it and I just start punching my monitor and OH GOD WHY DO I WANT TO PUNCH HIS FACE SO MUCH???
But I digress. Say what you want about Hansbrough, but his ability to get under his opponents’ skin is unparalleled, like a 2013 version of Dennis Rodman without all of the tattoos, piercings and venereal diseases. And Hansbrough’s best efforts were on display Saturday night, as the Indiana Pacers pummeled the Detroit Pistons for the second night in a row, but not before Will Bynum took a cheap shot at Hansbrough’s gut.
It’s not his face, but it’s a good start.
Look, I don’t want to be that guy who devolves into a YouTube commenter mentality – oh, and feel free to read the race war comments on that video if you want your brain to melt – so I want to make it clear that I’m not encouraging player violence against Hansbrough. But I really think that getting punched could become Hansbrough’s new thing.
Bynum was ejected from Saturday’s game and has received a one-game suspension from the league for his punch, which is no big deal because the Pistons are terrible and they don’t pose a threat to the Pacers’ playoff hopes. What about the March 3 game against the Chicago Bulls, though? And the March 6 game against the Boston Celtics? And especially the March 10 game against the Miami Heat, the only team better than the Pacers in the East.
I think Hansbrough owes it to his teammates to bust his ass in those games to make guys like Joakim Noah, Kevin Garnett and LeBron James punch him as hard as they possibly can so they’ll receive suspensions. Don’t let us down, Tyler.


As a UNC fan I can say that Hansborough would be much more hateable if he’d gone to Duke or Indiana like his brother. But at UNC he was a hardworking college basketball freak (they come along every few years) like Keith Van Horn who I liked. Wait till the Plumlee’s get to the NBA, they’re hunching for a punching.
His brother went to Notre Dame…transferred there after starting at Mississippi State. I think you have them confused with the Zellers.
His brother also erroneously beat out Kemba Walker for Big East POY after Kemba carried the state of Connecticut on his back. eff em both…
And as a Duke fan, I say punch away. Punch him in his ugly Beaker rich-boy face. #GHendersonFTW
Coach K drinks wine coolers.
I didn’t know Duke fans believed in physical violence. I thought they were more into taunting opposing players about their dead relatives and how they’re just poor commoners. “Ahoy, Polloi!”
You promised me a race war!
@yogi
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Burnsy’s interview is now the UPROXX 19.
If you’re mention Tyler Hansbrough, you gotta mention him reading Chicken Little for Charity.
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Couldn’t we all just punch Christian Laettner instead?