Best: Hulk Hogan, despite Consummate Worst Brooke Hogan
I don’t think there was a single thing I didn’t enjoy about Hulk Hogan during this episode. It’s a shame this isn’t up on YouTube, because despite how terrible Brooke Hogan is at everything that’s not wearing sparkly dresses and pencil skirts that make me covet her wardrobe, he has so many moments that seem almost totally genuine. Either he’s becoming a better actor, or he’s realized that not every single thing has to be Hulking up and shouting stuff and catchphrases.
One of my absolute favourite things is when actors or actresses have an authentic reaction to something. For instance, whenever Lucille Ball would laugh at something on I Love Lucy. And I mean really truly be amused with something. Not breaking, necessarily, but a moment of legitimate amusement that didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was like seeing them for the first time, and being connected to them in a way that went beyond how you’re supposed to feel as a viewer.
This is almost what I’m getting with Hulk Hogan. He’s softened up, and it seems like he really means things. He really likes Joseph Park, and stands behind him, and wants him to be successful. He wants to put a belt on Bully Ray (because seriously TNA, please put the championship belt on Bully Ray), but for once he remembers that he can’t just pull stuff out of thin air and do what he wants, because he’s got at least eight guys who all “deserve” a title shot as well. He seems to really love Sting, and calls him the greatest wrestler of all time. I might disagree with him, but it’s crazy to hear someone who really is the most popular, well known wrestler of all time, and who is often viewed as selfish and narcissistic, putting someone over to such a great extent. Later on there’s a segment where Hogan confides in Sting (and complains about Brooke’s whining haha), then leaves to go to the ring. He goes the wrong way down the hallway, Sting points it out, and then they’re just sarcastic jerks to each other like any two friends would be in real life. They seem comfortable and like pals and I love it.
Additional Best: I will never stop loving this face as long as I live

Best: Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode
Guys. Guuuuuys.
This totally, 100% makes up for all of the worsts and whatevers I’ve given this show, because goddamn this was great. This is entirely in the running for one of my favourite matches of the year, and guys, I’ve already seen the Estonian Thunder Frog live. I love everything about it: The slow build, the story they’re trying to tell, the actual match once it gets going, just…everything. I don’t even know where to begin besting this, because everything was so on pointe, and so enjoyable. Not a single thing could get a worst from thi-

Worst: GET OFF OF MY TV CHAVANDEZ
NO
Best: I KNOW, I WAS WORRIED TOO BRO
Don’t worry guys, the Robbies are totally fine, and totally still coordinating their outfits, and TNA better not ever do what they did last week if they know what’s good for them because, you know, I will write ANGRY WORDS ON THE INTERNET and stuff.
Worst: Aces & Eights interrupt Hogan’s decision, because of course they do
Options for dealing with Aces & Eights now that the Impact Zone is kaput:
1) Just call the cops when they show up to local arenas
2) Just get a second or third guy in the ring, because they don’t seem to understand how being outnumbered works
3) Just don’t look
Don’t make us poke your eyes out, Hogan.


“Worst: The last three sentences I wrote will never happen”
QFE, because that would absolutely be the fantastic-est.
didn’t even watch IMPACT yet (didn’t have the time .. but gonna watch it online now)
and just wanted to say .. if you’re a joseph park fan (looks at danielle’s way), then check out this column that my friend wrote here [www.tnasylum.com]
also, check out these three videos talking about the past, present and possible future of the knockouts, please here :
part 1 : [www.youtube.com]
part 2 : [www.youtube.com]
part 3 : [www.youtube.com]
thanks everyone :)
gonna watch IMPACT now and then read this !
I know it’s long (about a damn hour !) but the man that made them is one of the most knowledgeable, passionate and entertaining fans of TNA that I know ! give it a chance !
final thing before I start .. I want to thank you everyone for making my fridays that much more enjoyable with this B&W of IMPACT experience ! you’re the best !! and I love you all !!!
also, can’t wait for the Jebediah Park – Merry Prankster – Part 2 !!!!!!!!
Great work as always, Danielle!
Alright, we need people on the phones to work on the Park/giraffe campaign post-haste.
If you pledge $5, I, Lobster Mobster, will play a spoons-only version of “All Along the Watchtower”. For $10 additional dollars, I’ll stop after twenty seconds.
Please, dig deep into your hearts and your wallets. Let’s get Joseph Park to the zoo!
He’s my awesome stepdad and you guys can’t have him.
But stepdads totally go to the zoo! It can be a multipurpose trip. We can make this work for everyone, including spoonmaster LobMob.
Fine, but I get to ride in the front seat with him, there and back.
*angrily chews juicebox straw*
/sneaks T-Boggs Bear an extra pack of Fruit Gushers
Joke’s on you, I have juvenile diabetes, I can’t even eat gushers or drink juice!
*Looks longingly at the sugary snacks, cries on the inside*
aw, dang, now we gotta film an after-school special about how shabbydude is Just Like Us, only he can’t have candies.
/plays sad sarah mclachlan song on spoons
The book they gave me to read when I left the hospital was called “Sugar Isn’t Everything.”
And don’t start with the Sarah McLachlan. Even in spoon form it will make me think of those heart-wrenching ASPCA ads.
I’m getting weird looks at work for giggling at what is supposed to be the excel files I should be finishing up.
Here’s my absolute favorite thing about this B/W in all seriousness, Danielle. This is a world (an internet world) that is always trying to give me reasons to dislike Hulk Hogan. And that sucks, because I’ve lived for 29 years and of course there were a number of years in there where I loved Hulk Hogan. Just looking at his name conveys to me the importance that he’s had in my life. The name is still so much larger than life. And you have written things that are that rarest of things these days, “reasons to like Hulk Hogan.” For those, I am thankful, because it makes a part of my insides extremely happy.
As one of my favorite people I’ve met here, seriously you’re a cool dude, it’s so weird that we’re both 29 and have been wrestling fans for our entire lives and I only really saw Hulk Hogan when I was a teenager.
It’s so weird that us WCW kids had a totally different childhood than you WWF kids. I feel like we’re in the Middle East or something and we should send our children to summer camp together so that we maybe have a chance for peace sometime in our future.
What I’m trying to say is that outside of a 6 month period Hulk Hogan has sucked and Sting is the best.
The crazy thing is that I wasn’t strictly a WWF or WCW kid. It was really equal parts. You sure don’t have to sell me on Sting, either. He was every bit as important to me as Hulk at that age. Even then, I enjoyed his matches more because I just assumed Hulk couldn’t lose. The Stinger Splash was the greatest thing ever. One of the worst punishments I ever had in my life that I vividly remember was that I wasn’t allowed to watch the first hour of Superbrawl III for being a little jerk. I was always both, though just by sheer video rental availability probably slightly more WWF. But it was WWF that drove me away from wrestling and WCW that brought me back (when I heard Hulk was a “bad guy.”)
The difference is, and it’s why I focused on Hogan, the years haven’t driven a wedge between my memories and Sting. When I spent a few years as “jaded smark”, there still wasn’t “reasons I should not like Sting”. Basically, Sting has never needed redemption with me and Hogan has. That’s why it’s important for me to find that where I can, because whether he sucked or not he was still an important part of my childhood.
Dang! This is like those letters sent back and forth between philosophers. I like it!
I’m starting to come around to Hulk Hogan based entirely on The Process of Weeding Out….Brother.
This is one of the nicest comments I’ve ever gotten. I’m so glad!
Count me down as a ditto to Phillip. The my dad took me to my first wrestling show on my 12th birthday (1988) and the main event was Hogan v Savage. Oh my word how much I loved Hogan. I even started a chant, you see Savage had Hogan in a sleeper and he really needed the crowd behind him to come up with the energy to break the hold. I of course as a good little hulkamaniac realized the situation and started chanting for Hogan WAY before the other 20,000 people there thought of it.
I forgot my point, oh yeah I still really want to cheer for Hogan it’s just he’s so busy being a total douche that he rarely give me the chance. Maybe twice a year on Impact he actually shows a bit of that old Hogan magic and it’s fantastic.
I’m forming a Kickstarter to get Joe Park to be my stepdad. On alternating weekends I’ll get to go over to his house and we’ll hang out, play board games, go out for pizza, and stay up late drinking soda and watching PG-13 movies that my mom won’t let me see.
I’ll donate but I want a perk. Like a signed pizza box or a receipt from Blockbuster.
Also, they did good job of showing Brooke politicking with Hawk for Bully during Park’s campaign trip..
Great Best and Worst, Diamante Danielle! You really knocked it out of the Park.
The Joseph Park!
oh, i am incorrigible
That’s what I always say! Oh, that Lobster Mobster. No matter how much I try, I just can’t corrige her.
+Mobsy
How terrible would the NWO had been if they revealed Virgil, Buff Bagwell and Konnan as members before Hulk Hogan?
There’s no fucking way Marty Party is a reference to a Doug Benson joke about a Kill Bill character is there?
“Hawk Hogan” will most likely never not be funny.
Thanks Danielle for writing this thing – I look forward to it each week.
Hawk Hogan = Rawk Hawk from Paper Mario, right?
[www.themushroomkingdom.net]
If they do this right(and they won’t, it’s TNA) the Joseph Park story-line could be one of the great angles of all-time. If he goes along this Rudy path for awhile and rises through the ranks of TNA and wins in great babyface fashion, that would be great. But its his championship reign that could be ultra memorable, His obsession with being champion could lead to a slow heal turn where he starts doing more and more terrible things to remain champion, until he finally became totally evil, Abyss as Joesph Park. TNA will fuck it up, but man that would be great.
joseph park’s heel turn will be more of a shoker and a moment of sadness than hogan’s first heel turn by millions and millions of times for me !!!
Well yeah TNA will fuck it up and try to do a shocking heel turn, but a true descent into darkness turn for one of the mostlikeable characters in wrestling would be fantastic. I’m envisioning an Anakin turn, with the TNA championship standing in for Padme, maybe Hogan as Obi Wan, and Bully Ray as the Emperor. It could be magical. Joesph Park is a kajillion times the Actor Hayden Christiansen ever was.
I know it won’t happen but I really hope we find out that Joseph Park isn’t Abyss and is actually Abyss’ twin brother. Kinda like I hope we find out that it was a CGI Paul Heyman paying off the Shield.
me too, DevilDinosaur .. me too …
yeah .. this is my favourite one of all your reviews up to now danielle :)
I always (… ok, most of the time .. I mean I can’t be the only one that loved and actully cared about the rvd vs superkick james storm match, can I ?!) agree with you on everything ! and it makes me more happy to see (or read) that you’re happy !!
#JOSEPHPARKFORWORLDCHAMPNOFORPRESIDENTNOFORKINGOFTHEWORLD!!!
“don’t leave your candidate a question mark, go ahead and vote for Park!”
this made my day ! thanks a lot danielle ;D
It’s strange. Impact is overall a better-written show than Raw these days, but I’m lukewarm about it, while Raw makes me feel feelings.
I guess I’m one of those types that wants the chase. Raw runs away from me and my interests, so I get all worked up about catching it, while Impact is just sitting there, easily attainable and much less interesting for it.
I agree, and a big part of why TNA doesn’t click for me as much is because it can be, and is oftentimes, better written it is a better written show about wrestlers I actively hate.
With the WWE they don’t know how to write for wrestlers I love, but at least those wrestles can sometimes make due with bad material.
Well, this pretty much confirms that the commentary was filled in, with the Olympic news… Great show nonetheless! And don’t give me crap! Angle can’t be at Belator and there at the same time! :P
Little known fact: For winning a gold medal with a broken neck, the U.S. government gave him a jetpack.
When Robbie E first came out I was like “Man this guy is a low rent Zack Ryder.”
Now Zack Ryder is the low rent Zack Ryder
Color me crazy, but I’ve always thought that Robbie E is better than Ryder in the ring and out. I prefer my goofy Jersey shore rip off guy to be WAY over the top.
Two things:
1) The blossom Twins T-Shirt needs to be available in pink, though I’ve said this before…
2) I’ve recently begun marking out for Rob Terry for some unknown reason, and want so bad for the Robbies to show up to the ring wearing “Swole-Mates” shirts… (I recently ordered some for me and my workout partner) —- [skreened.com]
Thank you for he Meca Shiva!!
[encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com]
So…. Joe and Kurt wrestled in a cage a few times…and one of them MIGHT wrestle Jeff Hardy in a cage for the championship.
Irony. Mike Tenay doesn’t know what it is either.
Fantastic write up Diamante, I think it’s my favorite so far. 2 or 3 random thoughts on the show.
Back when they were beer money I never thought Roode would be the break out guy. I always thought Storm was the star. Now Storm’s just the guy in a goofy hat spinning his wheels and Roode is freaking awesome. Him and A Double are amazing together.
I like Magnus and I’m always happy when he gets the hero’s welcome in England. I thought him and Samoa Joe made a great tag team, hell I liked London Brawling. I’d rather see Magnus on TV over the retreads who don’t give a shit like RVD and Mr Anderson.
Christopher Daniels is so money right now. It’s amazing to watch. When I first started watching TNA (way back in the fox sports days) I couldn’t stand the guy man was I wrong. Sometimes I actually feel bad for him that he’s not given a bigger spotlight to shine. If Daniel Bryan and CM Punk can make it in the WWE why not Daniels?
totally agreed on everything !
I don’t think that was Party Marty’s fault. Jesse kinda turtled up and let Marty go head first into the metal barrier. You gotta protect the dude who’s flying out to the outside of the ring.
And of course that goddamn perv Lagana asked Joseph Park whom he’d like to have carnal relations with. Ugh.
still waiting for the Jebediah Park – Merry Prankster – Part 2 …
Great write up Danielle! Very entertaining!
When Less Brisco called Hulk, Hawk Hogan, I had a flashback. Back in the early 80′s, my cousin always said Hawk Hogan thinking that’s what his name was. We were only 9 years old but it drove me crazy.
A lot of the more rural kids I grew up with said his name that way. Maybe it’s a hillbilly thing.
Was I the only one who immediately thought to come here and say “Sorry, Danielle” when I realized this Impact was also from the UK?