Thing that happened: Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle
While this week’s episode was so much better than last week, it’s still just a lot of “so…that was a thing that happened.” It wasn’t a great match, but it’s the best either of these guys have looked in a while, so it’s definitely not a worst. It’s just….Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle. Shrug city. I feel the only worst I could really give is the missed opportunity for some backstage exposition. Joe and Angle were part of a foursome that became a twosome because of the TOTES UNPREDICTABLE reveal that Brischoff were part of Aces & Eights. They now have to further divide themselves by wrestling against each other. There’s no “Hey, I’m glad you’re here to stick it out with me, but I think we can both agree that the World Heavyweight Championship is a pretty big deal, and something we both want, so let’s just go out, give it our all, and may the best man win.” But thank god we got to hear Brooke Hogan speak, right guys?
Best: lol Brischoff
lol
Worst: Oh hey, an inter-gender trios match! This could be fun OH HOLY HELL WHAT HOT GARBAGE IS THIS
I’m sorry, but as someone who did not watch Gut-archy in the UK, TNA has done their damndest to make sure I have zero interest in watching any of the four competitors, and zero confidence in their ability to wrestle. The only way I will accept the Blossom Twins after a tag move on Tara that was so awkward I was afraid they broke her neck is if they literally become the Blossom Twins, start wearing overalls, hats with turned up brims and giant sunflowers, and refer to Party Marty exclusively as Six. Or just replace him with the actual Six. Jenna Von Oy is a great wrestling name, and I’m pretty sure she could make that suicide dive connect a lot better than Party Marty did. Also, she could change it to Jenna Von Oi! and give Christina Von Eerie a badass punk rock tag team partner. Then MASADA could show up and say “WHOA!” every time they hit their finisher and it would pretty much be the greatest thing to ever happen to independent wrestling ever.
Worst: The last three sentences I wrote will never happen
Default Best: FLOWER GIRL MECHA SHIVA
Whoa!
Worst: RVD vs. The Superkick of the Cowboy James Storm
Sigh. Let’s just…move on.
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“Worst: The last three sentences I wrote will never happen”
QFE, because that would absolutely be the fantastic-est.
didn’t even watch IMPACT yet (didn’t have the time .. but gonna watch it online now)
and just wanted to say .. if you’re a joseph park fan (looks at danielle’s way), then check out this column that my friend wrote here [www.tnasylum.com]
also, check out these three videos talking about the past, present and possible future of the knockouts, please here :
part 1 : [www.youtube.com]
part 2 : [www.youtube.com]
part 3 : [www.youtube.com]
thanks everyone :)
gonna watch IMPACT now and then read this !
I know it’s long (about a damn hour !) but the man that made them is one of the most knowledgeable, passionate and entertaining fans of TNA that I know ! give it a chance !
final thing before I start .. I want to thank you everyone for making my fridays that much more enjoyable with this B&W of IMPACT experience ! you’re the best !! and I love you all !!!
also, can’t wait for the Jebediah Park – Merry Prankster – Part 2 !!!!!!!!
Great work as always, Danielle!
Alright, we need people on the phones to work on the Park/giraffe campaign post-haste.
If you pledge $5, I, Lobster Mobster, will play a spoons-only version of “All Along the Watchtower”. For $10 additional dollars, I’ll stop after twenty seconds.
Please, dig deep into your hearts and your wallets. Let’s get Joseph Park to the zoo!
He’s my awesome stepdad and you guys can’t have him.
But stepdads totally go to the zoo! It can be a multipurpose trip. We can make this work for everyone, including spoonmaster LobMob.
Fine, but I get to ride in the front seat with him, there and back.
*angrily chews juicebox straw*
/sneaks T-Boggs Bear an extra pack of Fruit Gushers
Joke’s on you, I have juvenile diabetes, I can’t even eat gushers or drink juice!
*Looks longingly at the sugary snacks, cries on the inside*
aw, dang, now we gotta film an after-school special about how shabbydude is Just Like Us, only he can’t have candies.
/plays sad sarah mclachlan song on spoons
The book they gave me to read when I left the hospital was called “Sugar Isn’t Everything.”
And don’t start with the Sarah McLachlan. Even in spoon form it will make me think of those heart-wrenching ASPCA ads.
I’m getting weird looks at work for giggling at what is supposed to be the excel files I should be finishing up.
Here’s my absolute favorite thing about this B/W in all seriousness, Danielle. This is a world (an internet world) that is always trying to give me reasons to dislike Hulk Hogan. And that sucks, because I’ve lived for 29 years and of course there were a number of years in there where I loved Hulk Hogan. Just looking at his name conveys to me the importance that he’s had in my life. The name is still so much larger than life. And you have written things that are that rarest of things these days, “reasons to like Hulk Hogan.” For those, I am thankful, because it makes a part of my insides extremely happy.
As one of my favorite people I’ve met here, seriously you’re a cool dude, it’s so weird that we’re both 29 and have been wrestling fans for our entire lives and I only really saw Hulk Hogan when I was a teenager.
It’s so weird that us WCW kids had a totally different childhood than you WWF kids. I feel like we’re in the Middle East or something and we should send our children to summer camp together so that we maybe have a chance for peace sometime in our future.
What I’m trying to say is that outside of a 6 month period Hulk Hogan has sucked and Sting is the best.
The crazy thing is that I wasn’t strictly a WWF or WCW kid. It was really equal parts. You sure don’t have to sell me on Sting, either. He was every bit as important to me as Hulk at that age. Even then, I enjoyed his matches more because I just assumed Hulk couldn’t lose. The Stinger Splash was the greatest thing ever. One of the worst punishments I ever had in my life that I vividly remember was that I wasn’t allowed to watch the first hour of Superbrawl III for being a little jerk. I was always both, though just by sheer video rental availability probably slightly more WWF. But it was WWF that drove me away from wrestling and WCW that brought me back (when I heard Hulk was a “bad guy.”)
The difference is, and it’s why I focused on Hogan, the years haven’t driven a wedge between my memories and Sting. When I spent a few years as “jaded smark”, there still wasn’t “reasons I should not like Sting”. Basically, Sting has never needed redemption with me and Hogan has. That’s why it’s important for me to find that where I can, because whether he sucked or not he was still an important part of my childhood.
Dang! This is like those letters sent back and forth between philosophers. I like it!
I’m starting to come around to Hulk Hogan based entirely on The Process of Weeding Out….Brother.
This is one of the nicest comments I’ve ever gotten. I’m so glad!
Count me down as a ditto to Phillip. The my dad took me to my first wrestling show on my 12th birthday (1988) and the main event was Hogan v Savage. Oh my word how much I loved Hogan. I even started a chant, you see Savage had Hogan in a sleeper and he really needed the crowd behind him to come up with the energy to break the hold. I of course as a good little hulkamaniac realized the situation and started chanting for Hogan WAY before the other 20,000 people there thought of it.
I forgot my point, oh yeah I still really want to cheer for Hogan it’s just he’s so busy being a total douche that he rarely give me the chance. Maybe twice a year on Impact he actually shows a bit of that old Hogan magic and it’s fantastic.
I’m forming a Kickstarter to get Joe Park to be my stepdad. On alternating weekends I’ll get to go over to his house and we’ll hang out, play board games, go out for pizza, and stay up late drinking soda and watching PG-13 movies that my mom won’t let me see.
I’ll donate but I want a perk. Like a signed pizza box or a receipt from Blockbuster.
Also, they did good job of showing Brooke politicking with Hawk for Bully during Park’s campaign trip..
Great Best and Worst, Diamante Danielle! You really knocked it out of the Park.
The Joseph Park!
oh, i am incorrigible
That’s what I always say! Oh, that Lobster Mobster. No matter how much I try, I just can’t corrige her.
+Mobsy
How terrible would the NWO had been if they revealed Virgil, Buff Bagwell and Konnan as members before Hulk Hogan?
There’s no fucking way Marty Party is a reference to a Doug Benson joke about a Kill Bill character is there?
“Hawk Hogan” will most likely never not be funny.
Thanks Danielle for writing this thing – I look forward to it each week.
Hawk Hogan = Rawk Hawk from Paper Mario, right?
[www.themushroomkingdom.net]
If they do this right(and they won’t, it’s TNA) the Joseph Park story-line could be one of the great angles of all-time. If he goes along this Rudy path for awhile and rises through the ranks of TNA and wins in great babyface fashion, that would be great. But its his championship reign that could be ultra memorable, His obsession with being champion could lead to a slow heal turn where he starts doing more and more terrible things to remain champion, until he finally became totally evil, Abyss as Joesph Park. TNA will fuck it up, but man that would be great.
joseph park’s heel turn will be more of a shoker and a moment of sadness than hogan’s first heel turn by millions and millions of times for me !!!
Well yeah TNA will fuck it up and try to do a shocking heel turn, but a true descent into darkness turn for one of the mostlikeable characters in wrestling would be fantastic. I’m envisioning an Anakin turn, with the TNA championship standing in for Padme, maybe Hogan as Obi Wan, and Bully Ray as the Emperor. It could be magical. Joesph Park is a kajillion times the Actor Hayden Christiansen ever was.
I know it won’t happen but I really hope we find out that Joseph Park isn’t Abyss and is actually Abyss’ twin brother. Kinda like I hope we find out that it was a CGI Paul Heyman paying off the Shield.
me too, DevilDinosaur .. me too …
yeah .. this is my favourite one of all your reviews up to now danielle :)
I always (… ok, most of the time .. I mean I can’t be the only one that loved and actully cared about the rvd vs superkick james storm match, can I ?!) agree with you on everything ! and it makes me more happy to see (or read) that you’re happy !!
#JOSEPHPARKFORWORLDCHAMPNOFORPRESIDENTNOFORKINGOFTHEWORLD!!!
“don’t leave your candidate a question mark, go ahead and vote for Park!”
this made my day ! thanks a lot danielle ;D
It’s strange. Impact is overall a better-written show than Raw these days, but I’m lukewarm about it, while Raw makes me feel feelings.
I guess I’m one of those types that wants the chase. Raw runs away from me and my interests, so I get all worked up about catching it, while Impact is just sitting there, easily attainable and much less interesting for it.
I agree, and a big part of why TNA doesn’t click for me as much is because it can be, and is oftentimes, better written it is a better written show about wrestlers I actively hate.
With the WWE they don’t know how to write for wrestlers I love, but at least those wrestles can sometimes make due with bad material.
Well, this pretty much confirms that the commentary was filled in, with the Olympic news… Great show nonetheless! And don’t give me crap! Angle can’t be at Belator and there at the same time! :P
Little known fact: For winning a gold medal with a broken neck, the U.S. government gave him a jetpack.
When Robbie E first came out I was like “Man this guy is a low rent Zack Ryder.”
Now Zack Ryder is the low rent Zack Ryder
Color me crazy, but I’ve always thought that Robbie E is better than Ryder in the ring and out. I prefer my goofy Jersey shore rip off guy to be WAY over the top.
Two things:
1) The blossom Twins T-Shirt needs to be available in pink, though I’ve said this before…
2) I’ve recently begun marking out for Rob Terry for some unknown reason, and want so bad for the Robbies to show up to the ring wearing “Swole-Mates” shirts… (I recently ordered some for me and my workout partner) —- [skreened.com]
Thank you for he Meca Shiva!!
[encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com]
So…. Joe and Kurt wrestled in a cage a few times…and one of them MIGHT wrestle Jeff Hardy in a cage for the championship.
Irony. Mike Tenay doesn’t know what it is either.
Fantastic write up Diamante, I think it’s my favorite so far. 2 or 3 random thoughts on the show.
Back when they were beer money I never thought Roode would be the break out guy. I always thought Storm was the star. Now Storm’s just the guy in a goofy hat spinning his wheels and Roode is freaking awesome. Him and A Double are amazing together.
I like Magnus and I’m always happy when he gets the hero’s welcome in England. I thought him and Samoa Joe made a great tag team, hell I liked London Brawling. I’d rather see Magnus on TV over the retreads who don’t give a shit like RVD and Mr Anderson.
Christopher Daniels is so money right now. It’s amazing to watch. When I first started watching TNA (way back in the fox sports days) I couldn’t stand the guy man was I wrong. Sometimes I actually feel bad for him that he’s not given a bigger spotlight to shine. If Daniel Bryan and CM Punk can make it in the WWE why not Daniels?
totally agreed on everything !
I don’t think that was Party Marty’s fault. Jesse kinda turtled up and let Marty go head first into the metal barrier. You gotta protect the dude who’s flying out to the outside of the ring.
And of course that goddamn perv Lagana asked Joseph Park whom he’d like to have carnal relations with. Ugh.
still waiting for the Jebediah Park – Merry Prankster – Part 2 …
Great write up Danielle! Very entertaining!
When Less Brisco called Hulk, Hawk Hogan, I had a flashback. Back in the early 80′s, my cousin always said Hawk Hogan thinking that’s what his name was. We were only 9 years old but it drove me crazy.
A lot of the more rural kids I grew up with said his name that way. Maybe it’s a hillbilly thing.
Was I the only one who immediately thought to come here and say “Sorry, Danielle” when I realized this Impact was also from the UK?