WWE's Royal Rumble 2013 goes down on January 27, and I think I speak for everyone when I say the best part of a Royal Rumble match is when they herd a wrestler in front of a green screen and tell him to explain off the top of his head why he's gonna win. Very few things make a wrestling fan feel like a kid again like Hulk Hogan pointing with an open palm and yelling about vitamins in front of a horrible yellow background reading HULK HOGAN.
To prepare for the Rumble, I'll be putting up a retro Best And Worst report (or two), but step one is the celebration of these promo montages. When the mid-90s hit they went the way of the dodo, but I've put together a gallery of some of the best from 89-96. If you only watch one thing, watch the video where swank 1995 Pamela Anderson gets weird voicemail messages from Doink the Clown about how he's gonna nail her when he wins the Royal Rumble. Hell, even if you don't like wrestling, watch that one.
Enjoy. If I missed one of your favorites, be sure to post it in our comments section below.
[idea h/t to John Canton]
Royal Rumble 1989. Andre the Giant doesn't know what time he's gonna be in the ring, and he knows even less about how to say it!
Royal Rumble 1990, part 1. I want an hour of Earthquake and Dino Bravo just screaming about shit.
Royal Rumble 1990, part 2. You best believe Honky Tonk Man is gonna play all his hits!
Royal Rumble 1991. Stick around for the part where Rick Martel says he's gonna trow ev'rybotty over da top rope. Also, LOL at the British Bulldog.
Royal Rumble 1992. Repo Man's "HEY ... I'm gonna be in your neighborhood" is themost creeper thing ever. DON'T BE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, DUDE.
Maybe it's just me, but the Berserker shouldn't sound like that.
Additional Royal Rumble 1992. Adding Ric Flair to any promo montage makes it better.
Royal Rumble for the SNES. Hey Acclaim, get Mr. Perfect to say "perfect" a few more times, would you?
Royal Rumble 1993. No one can move my Yokozooma!
The Harts discuss Royal Rumble 1994, and how they're going to win the tag team titles.
Welp, we know how that ended.
The epic Pamela Anderson Royal Rumble 1995 commercial, featuring Jeff Jarrett thinking he could land Pamela f**king Anderson and Jerry "The King" Lawler's creepy, threatening voicemail. HEY BAYWATCH LADY, HEH HEH etc.
Royal Rumble 1996 via THE SLAM JAM, featuring the new, weirdly-mean WWF and "Scheme" Gene Okerlund. Pretty soon everything would just be about boobs and dicks. Also, 'sup, JR?
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Now this is some wrasslin’ that takes me back to when I was 13 and wrestling was still mega-amazing.
I want Master Fuji to make all of my life’s decisions for me.
Mister Fuji took my tickets at the movie theater for a long time.
Greg Valentine is one of the weirdest looking people I’ve ever seen
A roided up Michael Madsen
I’m ashamed to say I had a Brutus the Barber Beefcake action figure as a kid.
Also, after watching Hogan’s 1989 promo, I’m convinced he stored his steroids in his triceps like a camel’s hump.
Ha!
1989 Rumble Strategy: Fists
+1
+1
+1 Also, don’t have friends.
+1
Somebody please tell me where I can buy Macho Man’s sunglasses.
EBAY. There are a lot of Macho-like glasses. I own a pair that I had bought for Halloween last year for like 10 bucks!
Half of these guys seem to be going to the “Rawl Rummel” instead.
I’m still not convinced Greg Valentine and Mama Fratelli from “The Goonies” are not somehow the same person.
I miss the personalized logos that appeared on the blue screens behind wrestlers. Especially the crappy ones, like Greg “The Hammer” Valentine’s.
Big John Studd left out the two years or hard drinking…
Tito Santana had a shirt?
He did. It is the most Tito Santana of all shirts.
Wrestling today needs less Jorts and more sequins and robes. MY BOY DANIEL BRYAN RIGHT THERE’s t-shirts remind me of Tito’s “Arriba” wardrobe.
Also, how did the cameramen not lose consciousness when guys like Macho and Warrior sucked up all the oxygen?
the focus on selling T-shirts has really hurt the costuming and pageantry of wrestling
I don’t know what my significant other would dislike more, him thinking I wasted my money on a Flair robe or him being chopped in the chest and WOOOOOOOOO’d every few minutes because I’m in my Flair robe
Sounds like a win either way, Marth-A.
I think wrestling today needs more attitude
Did Bad News Brown just call us all “Beer Belly Sharecroppers”?
Yes. Yes he did.
i just asked myself that
Is Roddy Piper getting ready to pose for Playgirl magazine or is he just high as shit?
a little for column A, a little from column B
I like how they use parentheses for Jake “The Snake” Roberts, just in case you might be confused that his middle name really is The Snake.
+1 .
Can we talk about Jesse The Body’s Mickey Mouse sweatshirt?
Holy moly I enjoyed this. Thanks Brandon.
(Mind you, a lot of these promos remind me of speeches dudes in army jackets have given me on the bus.)
Anyone else getting a real weird Harvey Keitel vibe from Jimmy Snuka?
Also, that 1990 clip of Gary from Teen Mom, I mean Akeem just gave me a whole new appreciation for the genius of the African Dream
Greg Valentine is one of my favorite lesbian wrestlers of all time.
+1
I am leaving a comment hiding behind an owne video..
I am officially starting the petition for Santino Marella to gain a bunch of weight and become the new Tugboat.
There is so much awesome going on that I can’t focus on a single clever comment to make, so instead I will just point out how much Marty Jannetty looks like Howie Mandell in the face.
Too bad 1996 Jerry Lawler wasn’t around to offer his sage wisdom to 2012 Jerry Lawler.
I’m glad Hernandez Hercules was so pumped for the Rumble Royal.
Come to think of it, you never do see Skinner and Jared Allen in the same place at the same time.
“Royal Rumble 1990, part 1. I want an hour of Earthquake and Dino Bravo just screaming about shit.”
I sure hope you own a time machine.
Ouch.
MORE!
Re: 1993 Rumble– 4pm Eastern time? Did PPV’s used to start in mid-afternoon? I started watching in Summer of 92, and the first PPV my family ordered was Summerslam ’93; but I don’t remember any of them starting that early.
Sorry, double post. More thoughts:
– I didn’t realize The Berserker could talk.
– I still mark out for Jake Roberts’ promos.
– There was so much *yelling* in promos back then. They all sounded alike. That’s another reason Roberts stood out.
29 OTHER PEOPLE ENTER THAT RING I GOT NO FRIENDS I GO NO FOES ROYLE RUMBLE BABY 29 IN THAT RING I AINT NEVER SCARED MARTEL!!!
I agree about Roberts standing out cause of that. Dude scared me as a kid even.
My heart wants to explode with happiness during Macho Man’s promo :)
Seconded!
You would think there would be less mistakes since they were all pre-taped.
I’m still waiting for Hacksaw Jim Duggan to scream “When you order Oxyclean NOW, you’ll receive a FREE SAMPLE of Mighty Putty!”
CO-FUCKING-CAINE!!!!!
*In J.R.’s voice* “THAT’S GOTTA BE ‘CAINE!!”
Stop lying, we know you wont make those retro B&W’s
Rick Martel must have been taking some really good vitamins between ’90 and ’91.
Also, that ’92 Flair promo. Oh man is that awesome.
They were the elusive Betties not available in the standard Flintstone bottle.
Brutus Beefcake’s camera presence was awful.
Sweet Martha.
Thanks for this.
Wait, did Earthquake call out Topol??
The Royal Rumble is quite a bit like a fiddler on the roof, I guess.
Actually cracked up in the 1990 promos when it went from serious Bad News Brown to The American Dream in his polkadot singlet and Richard Simmons greeting
For reference “ew yea!”
[www.youtube.com]
Which, of course, brings us to this.
[www.youtube.com]
i was wondering if DUSTY RHODES was high af during that 1990 promo, then sapphire came out and i didnt have to wonder anymore.
maybe thats why they called him dusty?????
Apparently Hercules was prepared to take part in the “rumble roll”? I’ve never heard of it before.
I know I’m a lot late to this party, but man, these were great. Greg Valentine in 89 had such low self-esteem. “30 superstars, and I’m one of them! The person that’s gonna win, in my opinion, is me!” No, Greg, just say you’re going to win, don’t be all “Well, I think I’m gonna win, but I bet everyone thinks they are gonna win, so I guess we won’t know until someone wins. Which I hope is me!”
Easily my favorite WWF/E ppv.
Why don’t they do this anymore? Is it because the writers have too much on their plate, wrestlers not able to writer their own material, the wrestlers inability to do a promo like this or all 3.?
The Highlight for me is Jim Neidhart’s hat
” Ok Hacksaw, don’t forget to make silly faces.And, Action! “
Big John Studd had disproportionately small nipples.
I can’t wait to celebrate Marty Jannetty Day again in a couple of weeks.
Holy crap, was Hulk Hogan on a lot of cocaine or a shit ton of cocaine when he did those promos?
I would not object to these short interviews returning throughout the night of the Royal Rumble.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Starting at 16 seconds in…Dino Bravo should’ve made that hilarious but creepy laugh a part of his gimmick.