Update: Part 2 is now up. Check it out!
Back in September, we shared A Golden Treasury Of Cheesy Late-80s/Early-90s WWF Promo Photos, a collection of the best photos from pro wrestler 8x10s. If you missed that ... yeah, you should click the link.
Anyway, I was never a WWF kid when I was growing up. I was born in southern Virginia and was raised on the National Wrestling Alliance -- if you're a WWF lifer, that means we had Ric Flair when you had Hulk Hogan -- and eventually what the NWA became, World Championship Wrestling. You may remember WCW from its sudden, crazy popularity in the late 1990s when Hulk Hogan became a bad guy, Sting became The Crow and WWF put as many curse words and dick jokes on television as they could to combat it. Spoiler: the dick jokes won.
That said, WCW is still my favorite thing, and if I'm going to share the worst of WWF's promo photos, I might as well dip into the endless well of embarrassment that is the WCW library. What follows is only part one of a series, because holy shit you will not believe some of these pictures.
Enjoy, and show this to everyone you've ever known.
Alex Wright, circa 1995. Fun fact: In German, "Das Wunderkind" means "how do I put on this jacket."
Also, never forget:
Poor Alex Wright, five years later. Luckily, he's not the only wrestler with a misspelled location as their name on this list.
Woman was great, but I included this picture for two reasons:
1. It looks like she's trying to pull something out of her ass, and
2. How hilarious it must be to non-wrestling fans that a wrestling promotion named a woman "Woman."
This pic is from when he got his B.A. in Tag Team Match Studies.
Pretty sure this is the basis for every Jean Grey drawing I've ever seen.
These are the American Males. Their entrance theme was called "American Males." This is that. Make sure you listen long enough to hear the lyrics.
Not Chyna, please don't sue!
Actually, gonna go ahead and say Asya's having a way better life than Chyna right now.
Raise your hand if you remember Mark Jindrak having a basketball player gimmick. Nobody?
This promo photo is pensive and emotional, and or it's supposed to be Goldberg hiding in your closet. And, uh, your closet is in the Matrix.
Barry Darsow should receive a lifetime achievement award in the field of Making Clothes Look Uncomfortable. Between this and his Demolition bondage underpants, he's a f**king clothes scientist.
If you don't remember The Booty Girl, Diamond Dallas Page's wife/valet Kimberly briefly left him for Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, and they decided to be vaguely booty-themed. She never wore a bra, and every single one of her appearances involved me trying to see her nipples for as long as possible before either of my parents brought it up.
It's a lot less fun with him around. Note: Brutus Beefcake gimmick appearance #1.
I'm glad it says BRAD ARMSTRONG across the bottom, because for a while I thought this was a picture of my Aunt.
"Hey guys, how do we make Buff Bagwell's skin look more horrifying than usual?"
"Cover him with oil, put him in front of a red background and shine every light we've got on him."
This is the worst picture of Randy and Dennis Quaid I've ever seen.
Brutus Beefcake gimmick appearance #2. "Look at my tiiiiiiits."
Wait, how did this get in here? This is f**king awesome.
I had completely forgotten about Chip Minton. I love WCW's thought process. "WWF just brought in Mark Henry, Olympic weight-lifter. Who can we get?" "This guy was on the bobsled team." "PERFECT, GIVE HIM A SPLASH."
Yes, WCW put a black woman in a bright yellow dress and called her "Chiquita." Also, who's posing these women, Rob Liefeld?
moving along
Corporal Cajun needed wrestling gear so he went into a Spencer's Gifts and bought EVERYTHING.
"Sorry about that #1 Hulkamaniac gimmick, Dave. We've got an Of Mice And Men character for you. We hate you, goodbye forever."
A reminder that Stacy Keibler is the most legitimately beautiful woman in the history of pro wrestling, and that David Flair once f**ked a girl waaaaaaaaaayyyy out of his league.
David Flair's career, settling about where you'd imagine.
Yes, Ben Savage was a pro wrestler.
Yes, WCW once rewrote Ben Savage's wrestling character to make it about 'The Thong Song.'
One of the best wrestlers ever, during that awkward time when he kinda looked like a lady from QVC.
"Being tall is all I'm good at! Look, they put it on my picture!"
This photo is ... maybe 10% as awesome as The Cat. The Cat is awesome, you guys.
"Sorry, this is the only photo we had."
Man, the impresario of camouflage really had WCW on his nuts for a while, didn't he?
The name at the bottom should read, "NOT ON STEROIDS."
Here's Jimmy Hart, posing in front of a cardboard cut-out of Hulk Hogan for some reason.
Carl Winslow just stepped out of Urkel's Stephan Urquell machine and he's happy to see you!
NO.
Yes, WCW once took the most vocally-American person in history and made him a Canadian. Oh well, it's better than the time they made him a janitor and he won a retired championship by finding it in the garbage.
who the hail is this guy
Thanks, Johnny.
Note: This guy was once married to Brock Lesnar's wife.
They put the guy in the middle in a mask because he's from West Virginia.
No way is this a wrestler. This is one of the Hot Cops, right?
Smoke steroids weed every day
If you don't watch wrestling and have been flipping through this for the jokes, this is where you stop, because seriously.
WCW once tried to pass this off as a "beautiful lady."
WCW once tried to pass off this as "a likable person who knows how wrestling works."
To his credit, that looks to me like the maximum allowable muscle.
Lookin' good, Eddie Money!
This guy was called THE RAPMASTER but he was too stupid to write raps and too fat to walk to the ring and still have enough breath to perform them, so he just mumbled until he could say YO BABY YO BABY YO. P.N. News is my spirit animal.
WCW's thought process: "We can't market Rey Mysterio as a masked guy who defeats crazy, masked villains from around the world. Let's take off his mask, put him in a bucket hat and make him as sad as possible."
Brutus Beefcake gimmick appearance #3. Zodiac was way ahead of Daniel Bryan with the "YES! NO!" gimmick.
wait, what
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I spent more time “taunt dancing” as Alex Wright on WCW Nitro for PS1 than I can to admit.
He was trolling before I knew what trolling was:
[www.gifsoup.com]
Here’s another one to whet your appetite:
[i282.photobucket.com]
I hope Berlyn rode the metro to shows. (sorry)
I remember hating you for posting that
I’m ashamed to say that Basket Case looks like 90% of my CAWs since like, WWF Attitude.
+1 (I know that feel)
Stacy Keibler is still so utterly biscuitlicious that I had forgotten how incredible Ms. Hancock was.
I will tell my grandchildren that I saw Ms. Hancock manage El Dandy and Silver King at a Thunder taping on my deathbed. That’s how impactful it was.
I would pontificate on the impact that Stacy Keibler had on my adolescence, but there may be children present.
Oh yeah, I was a fan of Ms. Hancock
Dick jokes always win.
I never realized that earrings were a prerequisite for facedom in WCW…until now.
I didn’t know Robin Williams was in WCW.
David Flair >>>>> George Clooney. Keibler’s relationships seem like that game where you start with a paper clip and keeping trading people for “something better” and end up with a BMW.
I dunno. Is trading David Flair for Test really a trade up? Seems more like a step down, given Test’s history
Awesome thanks for sharing.
When I saw Asya all I thought of was “Name this continent: ASIAAA!!!”
How did the WCW ever make money?
They had a lot of really great wrestling matches for a really long time. They just window-dressed it with the worst shit you’ve ever seen.
Did they, though? Outside of the brief shining moment during the nWo years, WCW was hilariously mismanaging money and only seemed to exist as Ted Turner’s vanity project.
I checked out of wrestling during most of the mid 90s (yea me), but I remember what little I saw of WCW in the late 80s early 90s was awesome. The Stieiner bros, Sting, Ricky Steamboat, Magnum TA, Rick Rude, the 4 horsemen, those guys were all awesome in the ring. I remember what a stark difference it was to the WWF when everyone was a gimmick character and their moveset (sorry) consisted entirely of punch punch clothesline bodyslam.
Doc: I’ve always argued that WCW was better before the Nitro years. They weren’t *trying* to be (or beat) the WWF back then. The NWA was pretty awesome for fans of *wrestling.*
Dirty Dick Slater my favorite WCW name of all time.
Two things:
I loved WCW entrance music so much I still shout two lyrics at inappropriate times “What up, Mach?!?!?!” and “HE’S GOT THE RED WHITE AND BLUE RUNNING THROUGH HIS VEINSSSSSSSS”
Also, is there anyone out there that can tell me what The Zodiac’s gimmick was beyond “face paint”?
He was going for Two Face + mindless savage, I think? He was all crazy and face painted, but he’d always yell YES and NO alternately. A man driven mad by opposites, or something. Who knows.
I remember when The Dungeon of Doom lost to Hogan’s team at War Games because Zodiac yelled “YES! NO! YES! NO!” when Hulk had him in a Boston crab.
I really wish I was kidding.
#25 doesnt have enough “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” in there. Not by a long shot.
That Booty Girl pic borderlines on pornography. Can’t unsee the nipple.
These are amazing. Poor unmasked Rey :(
I remember when they also unmasked Juvi. I was confused as to why this 16 year old girl was pretending to be a male luchador.
He looks like 1991 LL Cool J.
He’s LLL Cool Rey (the extra L is for Ladies Love Little)
@DevilDinosaur: Unmasked Juvi looked like Kirk Hammett hit the gym.
@85 I thought he looked like LL too.
Mike Awesome makes me feel so sad inside.
The correct answer for who Juventud Guerrera looked like unmasked was, of course, Gerardo.
My favorite thing about unmasked Juventud happened in the WWE when Rock and Jericho were having a verbal confrontation and Rock said to Jericho “Do you think you impress The Rock because you beat someone named Juventud?” and Jericho mouths back “I took his mask” and waves his hand in front of his face. I died from that moment. I really miss 2000/01 Jericho.
What is wrong with Asya’s left leg? I am mesmerized.
AMERICAN MALES, AMERICAN MALES, AMERICAN MALES
Guess I know what song will be stuck in my head for the next 15 years, thanks B-Stro!
I had to post the youtube clip on my friend’s facebook page, because The Ring.
The Cat for HOF 2013! (Seriously.)
I got to see the Cat compete on American Gladiators!
I got to see him at the airport and be too scared to talk to him.
Somebody betta call his momma!
Seriously nice guy. Seriously.
The Cat for Brodus Clay’s manager 2013~!
The Jeff Jarrett caption is the best and got a legit LOL.
Obviously I’m an idiot, because I love double J. Watching people get hit with paper mache guitars always makes me laugh.
The shade they throw Jarrett in the Rise & Fall Of WCW documentary is legit hilarious. Does Jeff Jarret have a single fan in his entire career?
Jeff Jarrett was the guy that ran around calling people Slap-nuts correct?
Jarrett, in the right role, was great. His Memphis stuff was really awesome, and when he was in the right situation, he was one hell of a worker. However, he was never someone to put in a main event situation. He was never someone that worked as a Horseman… he was just kind of a mess for so much of his WCW run, and his WWF run where he was just an angry guy that teamed with a far better wrestler and won by the power of tits actually was probably the best use of him in the Big 2.
I miss the shitty side of WCW when they weren’t even trying anymore, when The Disciple was on television, and Scott Norton, and EVERYBODY was in the NWO. Buff Bagwell sucked so bad and it was awesome. I loved that they pretended that Scott Hall was going to show up somewhere sober.
Can we please put Kevin Nash in charge of something again?
my son is potty training right now, so I could use someone around the house that is in charge of making poopies.
Loved the Buff Blockbuster though.
Oh my GAWD and baby Jesus, someone dug up PN News. I thought I was the only one to remember his goofy ass.
Is it me or did anyone else misread RAPMASTER as RAPEMASTER under the caption of PN News?
No? No one? Okay, I will just walk away from that one.
You remember how his finisher was a splash, and how on WCW Saturday Night matches, he’d grab a mic before going up top, his music would play, and he’d “rap” before he actually jumped off the top rope with the big splash?
That’s when I figured out that wrestling wasn’t real.
Is Ice Train Biz Markie’s cousin?
Have we discussed how The Cat and Ray Lewis are the same person? Because dude…seriously.
I was a loyal WCW viewer from like 93 until the finger poke of doom and then a during Raw’s commercials or if there’s something awesome going on WCW viewer until it died. And I legitimately have no recollection of at least 1/3 of these gimmicks.
Also you’re absolutely right about Cat. I once heard that Hulk Hogan wanted to drop the title to him because he was so awesome. That’s how awesome The Cat was, Hulk Hogan for the first time looked at someone else and thought “this man is more deserving of the World Title than I am”
I had kind of given up on Raw until Eric Bischoff’s retarded ass tried to spoil Mick Foley winning the WWE title by mentioning it on Nitro. I changed channels and Raw became the mainstay while Nitro got checked in on occasionally. Good job General Custer.
Unlike most cars, where the engine is located in the front, under Max’s hood is more muscle.
Nice to see one of the Hobgoblins got a gig after their failed movie career as a wrestling mascot.
Ack, Berlyn and I have the same hair cut.
Jimmy Hart’s “Hail” jacket has flames on it. I do not think Jimmy Hart knows what hail is.
He shouts in a megaphone to disguise his learning disability.
I think my favourite thing about all these photos is that everyone looks like they’ve escaped from a sketch put on by the Lions Club.
Ice Train’s wrist and hand is so small compared to his arm it looks like a caricature artist drew him
I lost it hard on “Lookin’ good, Eddie Money!”
It was dead on.
The American Males were never great wrestlers, but that “Schmidt’s Gay” skit still holds up.
Honestly, I feel that WCW missed the hipster era because I totally bet I could get my friends ironically watching this shit if Wild Cat Willie wrestled Kwee Wee on national television every week.
♪AMERICAN MAAAAAAALES! YEAH!♪
Best theme song, EVER!
Always thought a better lyric would’ve been “If they try to talk to you, you better not listen/You might end up in the missionary position”.
Nothing freaky, though. This is Scotty Riggs we’re talking about, literally the most boring wrestler EVER.
“When you see them comin’, better run for cover
Girls you’re goin’ to need a weekend lover
Mmmmmm, American Males”
**** yeah, that’s some great writing there.
But what do I do for the other five days of the week? TELL ME, AMERICAN MALES.
New ringtone, haha.
The American Males theme song reminds me SO MUCH of the Birds of War entrance song from It’s Always Sunny.
I read RAPMASTER as RAMPMASTER.
NO INCLINED PLANE IS TOO GREAT FOR THE RAMPMASTER.
I’m P.N. News and I’m here to say
I walk up in the rampiest way
I don’t use stairs, no time for that crap
It makes things accessible if you’re handicapped.
Word.
::drops mics, B-Boy poses::
Looking at him, I would think anything over 20 degree incline would be a stretch.
Anything more, and he lays down and rolls up or down it.
Cactus Jack promo photo wins! So awesome.
Meanwhile, Pittsburgh radio is still trying to pass off Mark Madden as a “likeable person who knows how hockey works” because he’s cozy with the Penguins front office, and he’s mastered the art of Fat Guy With A Board Goaltending in a local deck league.
The man he is a slob too. He used to do Steelers post-game from one of the Primati’s locations – would come in about halftime and jabba his way through bowls of pasta.
I deserve a medal for getting my friends to watch Nitro.
I also deserve to lose that medal for getting my friends to watch Nitro.
ASYA is an acronym for Actually See Your Adamsapple, right?
This gallery has a very glaring lack of Chris Jericho with Ralphus. Ralphus was freakin’ awesome!
Here you are.
[cdn.bleacherreport.net]
Ditto. And lest we forget the “Jericoholic Ninja”…
Also, I would love to see a picture of Booker T as G.I. Bro, because G.I. Bro.
Dear B-Stro, Midajah back in the day was 90′s slutty hot. Teenage boys and their fathers in the late 90′s do not deny this! Mdajah was banging. And the best part is, I’ve hear she looks the same and works at a restaurant at universal studios.
Yeah, but at the same time, if you could find it on your cable provider, you could switch over to EC Dub and see Dawn Marie do that exact gimmick the right way.
True, but, looks wise, Midajah=Dawn Marie.
What the shit? When did Zodiac have facepaint? Wasn’t Zodiac’s gimmick to wear black leather and be jacked to shit on steroids? He looks smaller in this picture than I remember the Zodiac.
I cannot believe how many terrible WCW gimmicks my brain has tried to repress. It kind of hurts remembering some of these terrible wrestlers and some of the storylines they were in.
Woman as one of Ric Flair’s valets was classic.
Why was David Flair cosplaying as Sick Boy from Trainspotting?
Because Goths.
Alex Wright was my first ever, favorite wrestler. My parents thought I was weird.
Mine did too, as my favorite wrestlers growing up in the Rock n Wrestling era were Bret Hart (when he was just some guy in an up and coming tag team), Ted Dibiase and Jake the Snake Roberts.
Every time I see a HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED picture I get very sad. He was my favorite wrestler in the world for many years until…
As the caption says, moving on…
Yeah. Redacted was my second favorite. My fave was Dean Malenko. I was an odd child. . .
I loved the Alex Wright/Disco Inferno feuds. Loved.
Me too, because they introduced me to Magnum Tokyo.
Rey Mysterio Jr matches against Billy Kidman got me into wrestling as a kid.
Also, Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner were awesome. WWE should hire Steiner for the sole purpose of putting him on commentary. Subtract Lawler, add Scott Steiner talking for 2-3 hours, and you will have a 76.729% increase in ratings.
And a 75% decrease in viewers’ IQ.
I doubt it would be more than 20%.
I think it would be a net gain.
Disco Inferno was my favorite wrestler when I was a kid, and I am in no way ashamed of that. The entrance did it for me. DISCO FEVER, DISCO FEVER, DISCO FEVER, YEA YEA YEA YEA!!!!
I just loved how they decided to randomly push him as a crusierweight on Nitro. So he was doing backstage segments working out and then weighing himself to see if he cut enough weight. I thought it was great at that time.
I like to imagine that they used to get these pictures by loading all the wrestlers into a bus and taking them to a local high school that is doing their yearbook pictures that day.
was alex wright the inventor of the dougie?
THIS.
these were awesome. more please
I’ll never sleep Comfortably again after seeing Kwee Wee….
I loved the crap outta this. Especially Jeff Jarrett’s caption. God, I hate Jeff Jarrett.
Agreed.
Hey, Disco Inferno doesn’t advertise. . .
Also, that Jeff Jarrett caption made me soooooo happy. Also, what the hell was with Double J’s ring attire in the 90s?
Points off, btw, for a significant lack of GLACIER. Though I see you have an Ice Train.
I never realized how much The Booty Man looks like fat Jim Carrey
I have a signed (masked) Mysterio photo from 1998. He came to my Ticketmaster call center and talked to random people who called in to order Bash At The Beach tickets. Unfortunately, he couldn’t hear them so he had to shove the operator’s headset under his mask. Good times. Swell lil’ fella.
American Males is now the best song I’ve ever heard.
I still like Wildcat Willie better than Kofi
Just imagine if you had signed up for one of those WCW Bruise Cruises back in the day, you could have sailed the seven seas with all these great wrestlers! I remember staring at the photos in WCW Magazine, wishing I was old enough to go on a boat and have Disco Inferno be my poker dealer.
American Males! HA! Where are your botched calf implants now, Buff Bagwell?
Also, Chip Minton sounds like a one of the fake names they prank call Veronica Corningstone with in Anchorman. Chim Richalds, Chip Minton, it’s all the same
Also, disappointed Brutus the Barber Beefcake Gimmick #4 didn’t show up–when he was “The Desciple” and his gimmick was having a huge beard and not doing anything.
Or the much lauded BtBBG #5 The Cocaine Terrorist
Barry Darsow, aka Lil Boss Man…err, Black Top Bully.
Hopefully batch 2 has some 3 Count going on. At the time I loathed that group but looking back on it, 3 Count was so damn amazing. The feud with the Jung Dragons was one of the best parts of the end times of WCW.
“We like the Backstreet Boys, N*Sync too.
Britney Spears is kinda cute.”
I like to think that 3MB is the evolutionary 3 Count.
I remember Mark Jindrak’s basketball player gimmick. Basically, it amounted to the fact that he could jump really high. There was no more to it than that.
The fact that this is “Part 1″ leads me to believe you will soon correct the omission of Norman Smiley.
I’ll also never forget that Kronik would get high like it was 4:19, because they just couldn’t wait that extra minute
You forgot former WCW ‘star’ and current tuff enuff trainer, Humorous.
Who would go on to later become General E. Rection. Brilliant.
Disqo looks like his head is photoshopped on his body for some reason.
Thank god this is Part 1.
ITT we throw out suggestions for Part 2.
- BIG JOSH
- Arachnaman
- The Juicer
- Jungle Jim Steele
- The Shockmaster
- Cheatums the Midget
- THE BOSS (or alternative, The Guardian Angel)
Brandon, I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had Alex Wright’s choose me screen burned into the brain. [www.youtube.com] I even recreated it 11:22 seconds into a GAMEPRO retrospective I did. Also Piper’s rage fueled pick me, Raven and Kidman’s hostage videos, Scott Norton’s unnatural line read, and Nash being Nash all fill me with a warm happy feeling. I’m going to dig in my stuff to find you some excellent WCW stuff for this site.
Both parts of this awesome post are missing a few greats: Ultimo Dragon, Psychosis, and La Parka!