Here Heidi master 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Watermelons'.

First the bad news. I was doing my morning reading, scrounging for in-depth, intelligent stories – AKA pictures of cats wearing sombreros – when I stumbled across the headline, “Heidi and Spencer saved from eviction…” I stopped reading at “eviction” because I was like, “Well f*ck, who the hell is saving these worthless losers?” but it turns out that they were saved from eviction on Celebrity Big Brother, which means the worse news is that people still think these clods are celebrities. But the good news is that this is the British version of Celebrity Big Brother, so that means England is stuck with them now. That’s how this works, England. You f*ckers gave us Cher Lloyd, so you have to take “Speidi”. Tough tits, Brit bros.

Now on to the sports news. Speaking of horrible fake celebrities and wanting to punch things, The Ultimate Fighter 17 debuts on Jan. 22 as Team (Jon) Jones and Team (Chael) Sonnen will undoubtedly make for a season of incredible trash talk. As our good friends at Cage Potato have pointed out, one of the guys competing on this season is already pretty well known. It’s former Strikeforce middleweight Kevin Casey, who sports a 5-2 career record.

Unfortunately, he’s also the guy who taught Heidi and Spencer Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and I’m afraid that we can’t let him off the hook just yet.

Look, you can be the nicest guy in the world or the baddest sumbitch that ever done walked this Earth. But if you make a shit-talking promo and you have SPENCER PRATT – this guy, with the most punchable face in America:

If you have Spencer Pratt standing in the background, trying to look like a hardass, then you need to put him all the way, way, way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back. Because I’ve watched that video a few times in the past and twice this morning, and all I can think is, “What the f*ck is up with that douche?”

America is a land of forgiveness, yes. But as far as I’m concerned, Casey is going to have to work his ass off on TUF this season to earn our forgiveness for this nonsense.