There once was a time when someone would send me a story that started off with “According to the National Enquirer…” and it would go into my deleted bin right after I’d send a quick “Come on, bro” response to that bro. But then something funny happened – the Enquirer totally nailed the Tiger Woods cheating scandal. Granted, that’s basically a prime example of the old adage about throwing sh*t at a wall, but it was still big enough to buy Enquirer a shred of credibility.
Well, friends, a shred ain’t enough to make me buy into this latest Enquirer “exclusive”.
Tigers Woods is attempting to win his ex-wife Elin Nordegren back with a $200 million deal, according to the National Enquirer.
The shamed golfer, 37, is desperate to win his ex-wife back, according to the magazine and has offered the hefty pre-nup deal.
Elin, 33, who won a $110 million divorce settlement from the sportsman, is believed to have told him she will consider the proposal – but only if he includes a $350 million anti-cheating clause into the wedding contract. (Via the Daily Mail)
Okay stop. This is just silly. Nordegren already took 9 figures from Woods. Despite being largely viewed as a massive skeezeball by just about every woman on Earth, Woods can still walk up to every one of those women, flash his money clip and probably take her home. So naturally, nothing about this absurd story makes any sense at all. I mean, Nordegren would need to have Brewster’d every penny of that divorce settlement to be so desperate that she needs another $200 million. Either that, or she’s trying to buy a professional sports franchise. Those are the only possible reasons that she would agree to do this.
And aside from the fact that he’s a Grade A poonhound that will never ever change, why would Woods open himself up to the endless public ridicule and heckling that would come with this. Besides, what’s the point of buying back your pissed off ex-wife when you can just make up a new girlfriend for free? That’s what the good athletes are doing these days.
Anyway, if Elin needs any advice or just wants to talk about it over dinner, I could probably free up some time for her.
Probably.
(H/T to Larry Brown Sports)
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Leave Crankshaft alone! *hides under blanket*
Hey Tiger… Danger Zone
Maybe he’s still in love with her? Maybe she wants to do what’s best for their kids by having their father around all the time? I mean… Richard Burton and Liz Taylor married like 10 times, right?
Ooooooh, look at me, I use logic!
@burnsey laughed during a meeting at that
TYPICAL! SO I’M THE ASSHOLE!
And adding on to this, maybe, just maybe, she still loves him? There’s a fine line between love and hate, and when you hit the one you love with a golf club while they’re trying to not die, you probably really loved that person.
I hope he proposed to her via text. “hey u wanna get married again, lol. i need it. ungghhh i need it right now”
I imagine her talking like Skwisgaar Skwigelf.
I don’t understand what they see in each other past the superficial: she’s fine, he’s rich. But that doesn’t make a marriage. She’s a Scandinavian nanny. He’s a workaholic nerd from California. I can’t imagine either one of them is good in bed. She’s hot enough to never have had to do uncomfortable stuff, and he’s a self-centered dork. What do they talk about other than “WHO DA FUCK EES RORY, AND WHY DOES SHE KEEP TELLING YOU TO SUCK IT?”
You nailed it pretty well.
Looks like Tiger’s trying to recreate his life back when he could win a major whenever he wasn’t too tired from banging a whore. Athletes are superstitious.
First use of ‘Brewster’ as a verb in the written word?