Worst: Brooke Hogan doesn’t understand how being famous works
Okay, real talk time. I laughed when Brooke Hogan said Tara had her plate full with signing autographs at the grocery store. Brooke would have earned her very first official (and probably only) Best during her conversation with Tara with this line alone. TNA rarely has the cognitive ability to acknowledge exactly how ridiculous the things they do are. Anyone who has waited in line to have Mickie James sign a grainy 8×10 at a car dealership, or gone to a Cincinnati Hooters just to get a mark photo with Samoa Joe can attest to this. The best moments of self-awareness in wrestling aren’t calling wrestlers by their real names or saying things like TH’BUSINESS, but rather self-deprecating jokes like this.
Of course, this being Brooke Hogan, we couldn’t keep a good thing going. She immediately jumps from “lol shouldn’t you be at a Food Lion right now?” to things like walking the red carpet and dining with the Kardashians. That’s a huge leap, especially for someone who is legitimately more famous to the non-wrestling fans of the world than anyone on this show not named Hulk (or Terry, because OH NO YOU DIDN’T). She was on television for four years. She had her own reality show. She released an album. She has a song with Paul Wall that played constantly when I worked at the mall and may or may not still be on my iPod. Even this amount of public notoriety didn’t get Brooke these things, so why would a D-grade reality star and middling former WWE wrestler not named Trish Stratus suddenly be breaking bread with Kim and Kanye? Not even Khloe would stoop so low. And she’s Khloe effing Kardashian.
Worst: Brother Devon’s Discount Title Interferences
The revelation that Austin Aries outbid Bobby Roode for the services of Aces & Eights is…a thing that happened.
Neither wrestler is kayfabe rich, and those Aces & Eights strippers who dance to the groups theme song probably don’t cost that much (sorry, ladies). Even Taz is surprised that Aries outbid Roode, because clearly that would eat a large hole in his spangly circle-cape budget. This leads me to believe that one of two things has happened:
1) Devon has to financially compensate for overspending on the Thanksgiving turkey he binged on while being sad that D’Angelo Dinero stole his family, leaving him to live with a bunch of masked dudes and a bald guy who wasn’t even cool in Ring Ka King, or
2) Aces & Eights are here to sow chaos and anarchy, but since they aren’t actually gainfully employed by the company, they have to make ends meet somehow. Motorcycles (not pictured ever) don’t fuel themselves, and it’s either this or run the risk of raising Kurt Angle’s ire by running bootleg energy drinks to Kid Kash and maybe that guy whose hair probably smells like crayons.
Best: Bobby Roode and Hulk Hogan give great backstage segment
So while Devon is off somewhere, presumably eating his feelings, Hulk Hogan is backstage and in desperate pursuit of Austin Aries. This segment had some great, unintentionally hilarious moments.
• Hulk Hogan wandering aimlessly backstage like he was just released from a cryogenic freezer and is trying to figure out not where he is, but when?
• Hogan on a cell phone. While his segments are usually the worst thing about IMPACT, any instance of him trying to use the phone is amazing. Remember last week when he tried to talk about the Internet while on a cordless phone? Amazing. I love Phone!Hogan like I love my boyfriend’s 70 year old father trying to learn to use Google Chrome. And that is so much.
• Confused, bespectacled production guy fleeing in terror from Bobby Roode. Yeah, Roode is acting like he got into Kurt Angle’s stash and chased an eight ball with about 70 hours-worth of energy, but…okay, yeah. I would hustle on out of there as well. Carry on.
• Everything Bobby Roode is doing. You know how in every procedural cop drama, they’ll inevitably pick up a junkie witness who needs ‘cool down’ before they can get anything out of him? Bobby Roode’s version of irate takes from the same playbook as ‘junkie after he’s spent a few hours in holding and is ready to talk.’ The twitching, the yelling, the scratching at parts of his body while he paces around like a caged animal. And it is all fantastic. He is two minutes away from breaking down and telling Detective Logan he found the gun in a dumpster behind the bodega, but then sold it so he could buy a bunch of smack and a bottle of Thunderbird. I re-watched this segment maybe twenty times, and each time ended up in stitches. I am by no means a fan of Bobby Roode, but if he keeps breaking out moments like this and doesn’t give up on that uranage suplex, I may just be on board with him getting another title shot.
Worst: AJ Styles still has it, TNA crowd unsure of what ‘it’ is
Sigh.
To me, AJ Styles is the Marc Blucas of wrestling. A perfectly serviceable wrestler with the charisma and uniqueness of a stick of butter. Just like when Riley had his ‘dark turn’ on Buffy when it was revealed that he was getting off on having the meth-head equivalent of vampire hookers suck his blood, AJ Styles tries to take a page from the “How to Turn Heel” handbook by saying he’s not going to be a company man anymore, and the most menacing thing he can do is take off his shirt. Ooo, burn.
This promo was boring, awkward, and unintentionally funny, mostly in part to the crowd’s chant of “YOU’VE STILL GOT IT.” Here’s the thing. When someone comes out of retirement, throws around their signature and finisher moves, and then pauses to take in the adulation of the crowd, sure. Chant away. That person (cough, X-Pac at King of Trios, cough) probably doesn’t have what it takes to still wrestle a PPV level match against one of the best wrestlers on TV today, but you harbor some kind of nostalgia for him and want to make him feel good about himself. Whatever.
AJ Styles is 35 years old, hasn’t gone anywhere, and just wrestled to the best of his ability against Christopher Daniels four days ago. I may not care for his Pele kicks and videogame leaps, but he’s not incompetent, and chanting this at him is more than a little demeaning. I know you love him, IMPACT Zone crowd, but if you really want to show your affection, don’t put him on the same level as X-Pac. That’s just cruel.
Additional Worst: Dixie Carter is on television. But Best: She gets a new shirt!
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If I’d known I could write about butt stuff, I would’ve just written it myself!
Great, great job, Danielle. +1 in capital letters!
#buttstuff
Welcome to the Best and Worst stuff…awesome, Danielle
Thanks!
I signed up to make my first comment. This is well written, funny, and has just the kind of deconstruction I expect from Brandon. Keep this going!
seconded!
I couldn’t be happier that the first episode to be recapped is also the first episode I’ve watched in a few months.
I felt like I watched it, and that is the sign of a great write-up! Great job*, Danielle!
*I don’t know if I can forgive you.
It really was a great write up!
Now I’m going to have to try even harder to kinda care about TNA. Great job, Danielle!
This is great! Danielle is awesome!
I’ll have to check out the video later, but I always assumed that when Taz said to “let the pigeons loose” he was referring to his own personal sploosh (And now I feel disgusted with myself)
Eww, Lobby!
i did a bad thing :(
It’s ok. I’ve done much worse.
Great, now I’m gonna have to start saying “I’m releasing my pigeons from the rooftop!” when I finish, and have to explain it to a very confused woman (or young Filipino boy).
So Mobsy votes for Taz sploosh. *marks it down*
I’m not a TNA fan, but I love wrestling talk and love funny wrestling talk even more! I’d be down to read future Best and Worsts of TNA. You have my business.
Also, I just want to say that suited heel AJ with Flair/FOURtune was amazing for how awkward and goofy he could be.
“I didn’t drop the mic, I am that good, I didn’t drop the mic”
I really like TNA and I could not agree more Danielle, it’s really been extra craptastic the last few months. Welcome to the Best and Worst!
summed up my feelings !
Oh God.
I’ve always wondered about the Pigeons myself. Are they supposed to be coming out of her butt or her vagina? Also I would like to point out that that catch phrase is %100 Taz, I remember when he first said it, I did a literal spit take. Even Tenay was like “wtf”
Ah, now that sounds like the TNA I know and have post-traumatic stress about.
Am I alone in thinking that after taping IMPACT, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian perform the fusion dance and go wrestle for the WWE as Randy Orton?
it must sacrifice charisma, then
The fusion dance has CONSEQUENCES
No, they just didn’t perform it right.
Then what are the when they use the Potara Earrings?
Regarding Pigeons: I’d like to think that Ms. Sky is a Magician in her spare time. She has them hidden somewhere on her person and can release them on command.
Velvet Sky: Time to release the pigeons, VENI VIDI VICI!
*POOF*
Pigeons: *coo-coo-coo*
i wanna hug this comment so dang much
This Business Cat speaks the truth
Just don’t open the paper bags in her freezer.
I think we have different meanings of the word Pigeonholeing, Rafi.
This is why your Christmas card is an awesome Christmas card.
Danielle, I’ve been eagerly checking my mailbox everyday like Ralphie when he was waiting for his Secret Decoder Ring.
….I may or may not have not mailed it yet. Start checking after…Wednesday!
(I need stamps)
You had me at ACH. I will now follow you to the ends of the earth.
Yessssss! Everyone get on board the ACH train!
been the conductor for like 2 years
Pleeeease keep this going.
I want to imagine that Releasing the Pigeons will Velvet Sky’s sad, half-assed version of Randy Orton’s ring entrance.
Bobby Roode’s energy, mannerisms and movement style during that backstage segment last night was what I imagine you would do if someone said “Act like an excited Muppet.”
Secret best: Bully saying “heart” like “hawt”
I hope Hogan’s “weak” becomes a meme. It’s awful here, but you could probably put this at the end of every serious promo ever and have it be hilarious. Let’s try it: [youtu.be]
This is phenomenal. Four for you!
I too was confused by the “pigeons” nonsense. I thought that maybe it was a really obscure Dick Dastardly shout-out.
I’m also glad to see that Velvet Sky’s character has evolved from “gross whore” to “gross whore in a catsuit”.
I know this is a sports blog, but a Best and Worst of Brian Wood’s rejected pitches to DC from earlier this week would also be welcome.
Best: All of them.
I am the saddest that Quattrocentro isn’t a thing, because out of all of them, that would get me the most excited.
Thanks! Concise and accurate. I really want to the food centric one to become a reality.
Also, your actual best and worst article TNA was pretty great too.
Yeah, I love Anthony Bourdain and all, but he gets knocked down quite a few pegs for depriving me of more Brian Wood material.
This TNA you speak of I find confusing. No one is wearing jorts, so how do I know for whom to root?
Pro-tip: don’t root for anybody
Brandon – not even the appletinis?
I can root for the scarves. Maybe they can become like Otunga’s sweaters were during the glory days of #teamjohnny
Last week there were Zuba pants and fanny packs. Always root for Zuba pants and fanny packs.
if only Daniels had appletinis in the fanny pack.
YES!!! Zuba pants and fanny packs were so good, they should get a best this week and next
Can I root for Bully to apply sunscreen to Brooke Hogan, or perhaps Dixie?
You root for Joseph Park, or you get the hell off of my lawn.
Zubaz pants and fanny packs was absolutely amazing.
Joseph Park – Only when he bleeds.
Zubaz pants – they should sign Gronk for a one-off appearance, or let him be no-contact tag team champs like Pac-Man Jones.
I was kind of hoping to see the box the Spirit Squad was shipped in laying around at the OVW headquarters with the skeletal arm of Mike Mondo handing out of it during that Joseph Park video.
My vote is for the Pigeons being nanobots.
Can I just name you the winner right now? If my name is on the byline, can I do that?
NOT ENOUGH PAPA SHANGO!!!
What happened to Bobby Rooo? He was legit my favorite on the show when he was running with the belt :/
I wrote some of my best TNA -Theory essays on him, continuing KSP’s line of how the TNA title is cursed.
And they’re doing Heel!AJ again? I kind of like his videogame stuff for spectacle at least, why can’t he just be allowed to do that.
Maaaaaaaaan.
I fell off the TNA train early this year. I made an attempt to catch up, but when I got to the april shows and I heard in present day that Brooke was coming, I just thought “what’s the fucking point now” and have been catching up on CHIKARA since.
But good article! More butts!
guh, TNA has started so much interesting stuff, only to end it horribly. Heck, I still miss BEER! MONEY! but, yeah, Bobby Roooooo was great.
I have legitimately not cared for a single thing Bobby Roode has done until he started tweaking out this week. I booed him at a house show in Toronto while he was wearing a Team Canada jersey. That’s harsh. I almost had to turn in my passport.
But thanks! I appreciate accolades and butts equally. And you should be catching up on Chikara, because, without being hyperbolic, it is the best.
I watched TNA out of bored spite last night and this happens. Nice job, Danielle!
I’m not a regular viewer, but there are just simply so many things wrong with TNA even at first glance that this company will never compete with the WWE. There’s no excuse for how bad the production is. Announcers are bland and/or terrible. Christy Hemme tries WAY TOO HARD at the whole ring announcer thing and is thus lousy at it. Everything associated with Hogan is just painful and plain sad to watch. What was with that terrible, TERRIBLE fake shoot promo? What did that accomplish?
And yes, the wrestling. Why should I care about any of these people if the current champion is a WWE midcard castoff who could legit go jump off a pier to his doom at any moment? How does Aces and Eights promote ANY talent? There is certainly talent on the roster, but they’ll never amount to much if they are forever overshadowed by failures from other companies.
TNA: Worse then WWE, some how gets less worsts
Danielle is way too awesomely positive/positively awesome to be brought down by TNA’s whirlpool of crapulence.
Hey man, take it up with Brandon. He’s way more positive about WWE than I am most of the time. I think we balance each other out nicely.
I didn’t know “bests” and “worsts” were currency.
I find it hard to believe that you don’t realize the pigeon line is about ejaculation.
More Best and Worst please!
I almost stopped reading after you worsted my sweet sweet Vel Vel on the very first page!!! I would have turned my nose and poo poo to you lady! Mark my words, Vel Vel will be the TNA version of Eve Torres. We all hate her because she is to suck, but she WILL get better and do something that makes us all go ok, ill but that. And then I will ride off into the sunset as Mr Vel Vel alot like Alex* is Mr Eve Torres. But I soldiered through and was rewarded with BFF Daniels and Kaz, which is probably the best thing that TNA has going for it IMO. I must disagree with RVD though. I was watching some old ECW footage and unless he was like a gajillion times better while being carried by Jerry Lynn, I just cant get on the RVD train. He was still slow and sloppy 15 years ago. Maybe it was just a bad match, I dont know, but I have never been on RVD’s 4:20 train.
RVD’s match with Kenny King at Final Resolution wasn’t any good either. It’s too bad because Kenny King can go. Also too bad because the rest of the show was pretty good. In particular, the Daniels/Styles match was flat out amazing. The Aries/Bully match was really good. Heck, even the Roode/Jeffy Boy match was good.
I fully support this.
Sometimes I think slash fiction is written better than Impact. Great article.
There is a Sabin/Shelley fanfic based on a Burger King commercial.
There is always fanfic worse than TNA out there.
Wait how can Kazarian and Daniels be BFF Forever? You do know the second F stands for Forever? So They’re Best Friends Forever Forever? Still, it’s a pretty darn good article, ‘specially for the Buffy reference.
Simple. They get to be BFF forever because they are the World Tag Team Champions of the World!
It should be Forever BFF: Forever Best Friends Forever. They’re 2 forevers worth of best friends.
Of course I know. BFF just doesn’t cover their level of friendship.
Holy smokes, I’m so happy to see this awesome column.Fantastic job, Danielle!
Also, I’ve been on the Joseph “The ‘brother’ of Chris… you know, Abyss” Park bandwagon ever since he first started running the gimmick. Park is flat out fantastic in everything he does as the character: The mic work, the gestures, the facial expressions, the awesomely awkward in-ring work. As a bonus, he doesn’t have to bleed multiple gallons every week, just every once in a while.
I just came for a bigger picture of Sky Velvet; I was not disappointed.
Solid debut. I didn’t realize TNA had gotten this bad. Thanks for the writeup.
Ironically TNA is currently in an upswing. It’s been MUCH MUCH worse than this, and recently too.
Great job, Danielle! I look forward to you and THESTINGER having TNA lovefests.
On a side note: While I personally think Velvet Sky rubbing her asshole on the camera is wonderful, she reminds me of the girl from “I’m gonna Git You Sucka” that ends up taking off her wig,leg,makeup,etc… She looks great, but once all the makeup comes off, run like Hell.
Also, I laugh every time I hear her saying ‘my pigeons’, because the only time I’ve ever heard that word associated with a human being is from The reverend Bob levy. Spoiler alert: He says pigeons instead of ‘n***ers”. So yeah.
Also, if Bully Ray doesn’t get at least one BEST every week then we can’t be friend. The guy has been on fire ever since he and Devon broke up. Everything he’s done has been gold: Calfzilla, Do You Know Who I Am?, even the Brooke Hogan stuff.
Fire breathin twitta mahchine!!!!
Holy ****, how could I forget his fire breathin’ twitta machine!? Or his proud pimping of his MySpace page?
Thanks for reminding me.
When he would get in the ring with his phone, hit send and then yell out “trending worldwide” that was the best.
His live tweeting DURING a match was amazing! Someone send Vince a memo. THATS how you use twitter.
Live tweeting during a match is second only to Booker T, as Black Snow, doing play by play commentary of a beatdown he was dishing out while he was dishing it out.
What about Punk’s between-eliminations promos at that one Royal Rumble?
Lastly, while I will freely admit that I THOROUGHLY enjoy watching Velvet Sky grind on the second rope, she is flat out AWFUL in the ring. I had kind of gotten hopeful that Tessmacher had taken her spot as resident sex kitten since, while she’s no Death Rey in the ring, you can tell she’s really trying in there, improving, and has already far surpassed Velvet in terms of in-ring work.
On the plus side, at least TNA regularly allows their women to work 3-5 minute matches and as much as 10 minutes on PPV. So at least they have a chance to showcase themselves in there.
seconded. Velvet sky is nice to look at but is not nice to watch wrestle. When she was teamed with Angelina Love it was better because as we all know tag teaming can help hide flaws, but ever since she’s been solo she’s been terrible. I felt all sad inside last night when she just steamrolled Madison Rayne.
I hope Best and Worst of TNA Impact Wrestling gets six seasons and a movie. Great work Danielle!
Great job, Danielle! It makes me nostalgic and slightly horrified (I got sad when you said AJ was 35) for my TNA fangirl days.
Thanks Ari! We should make an IMPACT Zone Pilgrimage this year, and drag Brandon along.
You had me up until you said you were a Curry Man mark… and then I shed a tear, lol
I was also shocked to read that AJ is 35! I remember him as being such a young high-flying up and comer (shows how long it’s been since I’ve watched TNA).
Curry Man and Shark Boy, reppin’ it forever.
Shark Boy is for reals my favorite wrestler ever. “From the deep blue sea”
I love Shark Boy SO MUCH. Internet high five!
Also, Jesse’s wrestling style is reminiscent of playing WWE ’13 with some of the controller buttons broken.
+1 1,000 times! The jokes about TNA write themselves every week and I hope that you continue to get the chance to as well. F’n great stuff!
This is going way back, and has nothing to do with anything here, except that it was TNA, but I’m probably the world’s only Rock n Rave Injection fan.
Sad but true.
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!! D:
Good job Danielle! I really enjoyed this.
I hope Angle and the two Jrs didn’t drink that 5 hour energy drink. That drink has killed few people over the past few weeks.
Fun Fact: I haven’t watched TNA since 07 (maybe even ’06) and I feel like absolutely nothing has changed. That’s always the sign of a great show.
It also makes me really sad that the women’s division in Impact has gone the way of the WWE.
AJ Styles is 35, I can’t wrap my head around that one. What do they have him doing exactly? He’s won everything.
Knowing TNA (I don’t), I’m going to assume he’s going to hear voice or become some sort of predator.
You’re such a huge fan of TNA…that you found virtually nothing positive about the show except some sarcastic “this segment was unintentionally funny” stuff?
I don’t know. I don’t buy it. I have the same issue with this that I have with Brandon’s write-ups almost weekly: you don’t seem like a fan of THIS product. Sure, you’re a fan of pro wrestling, but not THIS pro wrestling. This pro wrestling will never have anything that you want it to have: it won’t be progressive, it won’t not have women dress sexy, it won’t not have Hulk Hogan. If WWE can’t even manage to be progressive as a multi-billion dollar conglomerate, how can TNA manage it when they have a hundredth of the budget and their demographic is guys who have to buy Direct Auto insurance?
I don’t think that’s a fair assessment, but at least you’re reading almost weekly.
I can’t speak for Danielle, but I love wrestling, and that includes “this product,” even if I hate calling it “product.” I legitimately love a lot of what I watch on Raw – Daniel Bryan, Cesaro, Sandow and Rhodes, the progression of Eve, the stuff Sheamus does when he’s not talking, the Del Rio/Ricardo dynamic and on and on – but it doesn’t feel as necessary to thoroughly explain that as it does the stuff I DON’T like. I feel like that needs justification, so I explain it.
It doesn’t mean I don’t like the product … I wouldn’t be watching it if I didn’t like it. I don’t like TNA, which is why you don’t see me writing about it. What it means is that I’m not afraid to think critically about what I’m watching, or think that what I’m seeing is as good as it can be. It’s the Best and Worst, after all, not just the Best.
Money doesn’t equal progression. You watched Chikara and loved it, and they’ve got a lot less money than TNA. It’s about intent, and with WWE it’s a lot of knowing they’re the most talented people in the world and can do better.
You make a good point about Chikara—but Chikara is for a different audience. I went to my first Chikara even recently, and I saw almost no negativity. People cheered Waltman. Then when Marty Jannety visibly frowned about it, people cheered “Marty!” The demographic is “smart”, progressive, fans. If they had girls just getting naked for no reason or whatever, their fans would fart at it, and rightfully so.
Impact Wrestling is put on for a different group—low income southerners. If it weren’t, Direct Auto insurance wouldn’t be partnering with it. Now, that doesn’t meant that you or I, or Danielle can’t find something to enjoy about it, it just means you shouldn’t be shocked if it doesn’t match-up with your ideals or preferences for wrestling. It’s like going to Olive Garden and ordering chicken parm. You know what you’re gonna get ain’t gonna be the way you like. Just eat your breadsticks.
It’s the same argument that movie critics always have when they review stuff like Twilight–is this movie BAD or is it just NOT FOR ME. The good critics always put a disclaimer like “look, I don’t like sparkly vampires, but if you do, you’ll love it.” The bad critics are the ones that go “Sparkly vampires!? Everyone knows vampires aren’t sparkly! Who are they trying to impress with this nonsense?!” And, personally, I felt like this review was much closer to the latter than the former.
Also, I read weekly; I have the issue almost weekly.
I disagree with your movie comparison. Not only is Twilight not for most critics, or me for that matter, it is almost wholly seen as a bad movie. Most of the Twilight fans that I know will attest to the fact that it’s a bad movie based on a poorly written book that they absolutely love.
As far as Danielle’s review, she starts by saying that she loves TNA and is an apologist from way back but the quality of the shows has been really lacking lately. So to lambast her for not having as many “Bests” as you’d like in her inaugural post seems a bit unfair.
I also have issue with your idea that Impact is put on for “low income southerners” and that’s why their creative department isn’t being our definition of creative. Initially TNA was created as something different from WWE to hopefully fill the void left by WCW. They have tried many things to become the alternative to WWE. Some have worked, most didn’t. But I’m not sure why that is only for “low income southerners” especially when they had a PPV deal (broadcast at least nationally and probably internationally) and the Spike deal (broadcast internationally).
I’ll put something out there that perhaps I should have noted at the beginning of the article: If there’s one thing I don’t like to do, it’s to compare WWE to TNA. They’re two completely different organisations. I could spend a lot of time comparing the great things in say, Chikara, to the crummy things in WWE, but there’s no point. So why do it with TNA? There are good things and bad things about any wrestling show or promotion, just like anything else in life. As unconditionally as I love Chikara, there are things that maybe aren’t my style, but I can understand why they’re there, and I accept them as a small part of the bigger story that the company is trying to tell.
Insinuating that TNA is not for me because it’s always going to have sexy ladies so I can’t be a fan is ludicrous. TNA is the reason we know that two ladies can duke it out and have great, entertaining matches on television without the focus being on what parts of their junk they can grind on things. Yeah, Gail Kim was half naked (spoiler alert: almost everyone is wrestling is), but when she was feuding with Awesome Kong the story wasn’t about how many things she could touch with her vagina, it was about two great wrestlers who had beef with each other beating the hell out of the other to the best of their ability. If this show is only for southern male wrestling fans, I’m pretty sure something as “progressive” as having a talented lady wrestle in a hijab (Raisha Saeed) would never have happened.
I don’t see why any of us, regardless of our perspectives and tastes in wrestling, shouldn’t expect more from a company who has proven than can do better.
Great work! I might actually start watching TNA just to follow these
Been lurking around these parts for quite sometime and decided to finally sign up after reading this article from Danielle which I might had was quite fun to read for it being the first of many (I hope) to come :)
I’m also glad to know I wasn’t the only one who thought Hogan was thinking Bully wanted buttsecks from his daughter :-[
Great work!
“To me, AJ Styles is the Marc Blucas of wrestling.”
*slow clap*
I think this describes how I’ve felt about AJ Styles since I started watching TNA and indy wrestling back in 2005/2006. Especially since I’ve always been Team Daniels since then.
ME TOO !!!
Can we call it “The sarcastic Best and genuine Worst of TNA”?
I’ve never been a big TNA watcher, but since Russo, and then later, Hogan got involved it’s been an absolute joke. I mean, it was pretty much a joke before as Jeff Jarrett’s personal wanking ground, (Him going over Monty Brown when Monty Brown was actually a thing still makes me upset.) but there would be the occasional moment of brilliance. (AMW vs XXX six sides of steel, anyone? The first Joe/Daniels/A.J. 3-way?)
I will read them and enjoy them, but I think you’re going to have a hard time getting much content out of TNA unless you’re willing to go super negative.
TNA has gone through many ups and downs in the last half decade, with admittedly a lot more downs than ups. There have been bright spots though. The Knockouts division was straight up awesome for about 6 months when it was first introduced, it’s still better than the Divas division if only for the sole reason that TNA gives their women time in the ring, but the division is a shadow of its former self. The first month and a half or so of Main Event Mafia was straight up awesome, but that fell apart quickly after that.. We get the occasional upswing in the X division that usually coincides with an X Cup, before it fades into obscurity again. The tag division was quite good when Beer Money, MCMG, and 3D were all battling out for the top spot.
One of TNA’s biggest shortcomings has always been consistency. They’ve had some good ideas that fizzled out quickly or were abandoned abruptly for whatever reason. Their shows in the past have been really disjointed, lacking continuity. For the first time in a really long time they actually seem to have continuity going right now, mostly due to the Aces & Eights angle. I actually like the angle. Sure it gets really corny sometimes (okay, often), but they’ve managed to keep me interested for the entire time the angle has been running, which has to be well over half a year now, and that’s a somewhat impressive feat these days. I know there’s nothing original about the Aces & Eights angle (frankly every type of storyline has been done many times before), but it’s been fun to watch for me. Maybe because I like beatdowns, and Aces & Eights provides many quality beatdowns. I mean, if I didn’t like beatdowns, why the hell would I be watching wrestling?
I should amend that and say “since Russo’s 2nd run.” I didn’t know he’d had the earlier run from ’02-’04. After he came back in 2006 everything went to shittier.
Okay, now I have to give this a read and maybe also watch the show now.
This is awesome, and I really hope it becomes a regular feature. Impact can be awful, but there’s usually at least one match that makes recording it(dvr, not on a videotape) every week worth it.
Good work but i’d much rather have Smackdown. This may as well be titled “The Worst and Worst”. Bischoff
Just wanted to say great job Danielle. I’ve been a TNA apologist for a while, but it’s been a bit since I tuned in. Maybe I’ll start again.
Thanks for the write up!
second that !
When did Abyss go from shitty Mankind/Kane ripoff to the Funniest Man in Wrestling (non-Chikara/Sandow/Bryan division)?
when he ditched the mask and put on a ding-dang suit.
and started saying “KAYFAB”
Kazarian looks just like Orton in that jacket.
I’m a little concerned about how they’re going to do the Wes and D-Lo Aces & Eights reveals. I assume that D-Lo has to go last, and that Wes is going to have his inexplicable top-riding ponytail-bun thing come undone during a match 3 or 4 times while Angle thinks “Why does his now unbridled hair now look so familiar? No reason I guess. Hugs!”
For personal reasons, Daniels can do no wrong in my book.
Is Bobby Roode no longer kayfabe rich? Did he spend all of Robert Roode’s Wall St. money?
I miss Kong. She was excellent on AOW last week.
I loved this column. Please write more.
Love love love love they you’re doing Impact here. However, one problem
“I am by no means a fan of Bobby Roode,”
Wrong answer.
very agreed on that !
bobby roode was the reason I started watching TNA this year ! and now because of him, aries, bully ray and others … I honestly can say that I enjoy TNA more than wwe a lot of times nowadays !!!
Sorry, I’m late to this party. I’ve been heavily medicated lately, please forgive.
Ok, while watching this earlier tonight (it’s 2:30 am Saturday now) I almost tweeted something about VelVel and the pigeons but, voted against it as not to offend the #WrestlingBros community. But, since you brought it up…here’s my take:
Wait, the pigeons are Velvet Sky’s labia? I’ve been thinking they were imaginary skeet this whole time.
This was ridiculously great, Danielle. (If you wanna steal my Hardy/Storm joke, I’d be honoured*.) *That’s how honor is spelled in Canada, right?
UPROXX honchos, please make this a regular feature here at WithLeather.
i thought it was hounoured?
Gratuitous ‘U’s for everyone!
As someone who doesn’t really watch TNA, I’d love to see more of these. Seeing some of the better stuff might make me check it out more, and if not I can at least laugh at stuff like that kind of terrible but also kind of great in a way Bully Ray/Hogan segment.
Jobs used to be in America, Brandon. Thanks a lot.
I’ve been an avid reader of BWMNR but have never bothered to comment or sign up. I am also a big fan of TNA and hope to see more of this in the future. I am also in agreement that after a few really good months of TNA, it has gone to the shitter once again.
Buffy metaphor for the win!
Somehow I imagine that watching the show wouldn’t cause this to make any more sense to me. TNA is like if WCW had AWA’s budget.
Great job! I just started watching TNA a few months ago, and since I have basically no knowledge of what happened in the first 9 or whatever years of this company, I hope this column keeps coming.
A quick question that sounds like a mean joke but is 100% serious, does anyone like Bobby Roode? And by that I mean anyone in the world. Like, based on booking he’s one of the A guys, but from these few months I don’t think I’ve seen a single good thing from him in anything besides unintentional funny.
Thanks!
And you’d be surprised how many people love Bobby Roode. To me he never seemed like he was ready to carry the matches or storylines that he was put into, but hey, what do I know.
TNA has some shockingly great stuff mixed into it’s history of terrible everything. Whenever they have one of those super sales, you should totally invest in some of their X-Division DVDs. Or pick a bunch of random cheap DVDs. For every Main Event Mafia, there’s a great ladies match, or a fantastic Christopher Daniels match. It’s totally worth it.
JUST SIGNED UP TO COMMENT ON THIS !!!
this was amazing and so entertaining !! but I think you could’ve added some more bests’ ! nevertheless I wish this would become at least once a month thing !!!
and btw I always like your work brandon ! I’m one of your biggest fans !! and I personally think you are the best wrestling fan in the world ! I would just love to sit next to you and talk with you about wrestling FOR EVER !!! but really man .. slow down on insulting TNA … they have been doing GREAT this year !!!
great job danielle !
the only thing that I hate about brandon (and I mean the only thing that I hate about one of the best wrestling fans ever) is his blind hate (and I mean BLIND HATE .. like really BLIND HATE) for TNA !!
because for me … TNA has been very great and was slightly better than wwe this year !
and that says a lot when I say that for me last year I didn’t even watch TNA !
it also says more and more when I say that I think that 2012 was the best year for wwe since 2006 for me !!!
thanks to you, this is the most entertaining tna has been in a while!! good write-up!
I loved the Lightning Round, a great idea
But about TNA, Tazz has fallen more in the last 6 years as a commentator then Shane McMahon has fallen off PPV structures.
Created an account just to say hope this feature becomes a regular! Awesome work!