Modeste M'bami hand in assHey, want to see a soccer player try to stick his entire arm up another player’s ass?

I’ve complained a lot lately about people interrupting soccer matches with explosives, but having watched this clip, I’d prefer that over the alternative. This is Saudi Premier League midfielder Modeste M’bami going elbow-deep on Khaled Al-Zaylai and getting away with it, and I guess the silver lining here is that he didn’t pull out with one of Al-Zaylai’s kidneys.

In the 50th minute of a match between M’bami’s Ittihad and Al Nassr, Al-Zaylai was tripped from behind and fell on the ball. Ex-Camerooon international M’bami was eager to get his opponent away from the ball, so as the ref blew his whistle for the foul, M’bami jammed his hand up Al-Zaylai’s backside as if he was trying to use the Saudi midfielder as a ventriloquist’s dummy. Though Al-Zaylai clearly didn’t appreciate this, he remained surprisingly calm and didn’t retaliate as play continued. (via Dirty Tackle)

So yeah, bring on the grenades. I don’t know what’s scarier … the chance that your opponent might Shawshank Redemption you if you fall down, or the fact that the refs won’t do anything to him for throwing a forearm in you. If a guy decides he wants to uppercut me in the upper intestines, I demand swift justice.

Additional Note: I think we use the Reasons To Hate Soccer” tag more than we use Kate Upton.