By way of the helpfully-watermarked-to-death Everything Is Terrible comes my new favorite With Leather Christmas update — topping the obnoxious IU game-winning three-point lights and The Prime Time Players singing wrestling-themed Christmas carols is this clip of a 1990s Arnold Schwarzenegger leading an ethnically and culturally diverse group of pals through a holiday conversation about bowling balls and singing lessons.

Seriously, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen full-on Twins-era Arnold ask an old lady about Christmas presents and get playfully defensive about how she’s shitting with him. A BOWLING BALL? AND YOU NEVER GOT IT? CAHM ON, DON’T PUT ME ON, I KNOW YOU GOT A BOWLING BALL YOU BECAME A CHAMPION BOWLAH,YOU MANY TIMES OVAH YOU BECAME A CHAMPION AYEAYEAYEAYEAHH HEAH HEAH HEAH! I thought she was the Where’s The Beef lady at first.

Oh, and then Arnold tells children about how Santa’s visit was prefaced by a visit from THE DEVIL, and then some Danny DeVito-laced Christmas caroling. It’s the best. Christmas is awesome and so is Arnold, and I want YOU ARE CHAMPION BOWLAH on my tombstone.

[h/t to Max Robinson]