Tonight, on a very special and totally-not-on-tape Monday Night Raw:
Their Hell in a Cell Match had all the makings of a classic pay-per-view battle. The self-proclaimed “Best in the World” WWE Champion vs. the undefeated and hungry newcomer, Ryback.
But Ryback — and the WWE Universe — were robbed by a WWE referee named Brad Maddox, who will finally explain his shocking actions on tonight’s Raw.
As the WWE Universe continues to buzz about the stunning pay-per-view ending — and Ryback continues to rage — here are five things to look for as Raw emanates from Birmingham, England. (via WWE.com)
1. Something great will happen, despite the fact that nothing even passably good has ever happened on a pre-taped England Raw since time f**king began.
2. You will read the spoilers, then try to watch the show anyway but give up at some point during the (I’m assuming) Miz versus Kofi Kingston match and play Scramble With Friends, or whatever your phone does that isn’t “watch wrestling”.
3. Brad Maddox will speak. His opening sentences: “I was in FCW for a while, and there’s this guy named Dean Ambrose down there. Man, I can’t wait until that guy debuts! Does anybody know when that’s supposed to happen?”
4. We will probably not find out what happened to Hunico, but maybe another announcer will say something cryptic. My theory: Hunico got caught pretending to be Chavo Guererro in TNA.
5. John Cena will say “bangers and mash” at least once, because he thinks it’s funny.
As always, my 10 favorite comments in tonight’s WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread will be featured in tomorrow’s (pre-taped and super boring) Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column. To nominate a comment for top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1.
Enjoy the show, everybody.
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Can I just give a bonus pros to Wade Barrett for being the only Superstar bothered to wear a poppy on remembrance week. Great job doing any kind of history about the place you’re visiting, wwe.
*props.
You know the moment someone gives Ryback a Snickers he’s going to turn in to Betty White.
+ 1
Let’s all worry about the only thing that atters in our lives now: FANDANGOO
Johnny Curtis made me leave out the m. Whoops.
This is going to be like when we thought a dancing dinosaur was cool for like a month, and then we wake up and realize how stupid it is, right?
Except since Curtis isn’t a monster, he won’t be squashing people; he’ll have exciting matches with Kidd and/or Gabriel, have awesome matches with Cesaro, and then start teaming with Santino an/or Ryder. Then he’ll move to Mars.
I think it’s just going to distract us from everything about Justin Gabriel aside from ’450 Splash”.
I don’t know if anyone has said it already but in the end of Punk’s promo when he dropped the mic and raised his hands I felt like I’m watching Randy Watson and the Sexual Chocolate from Coming to America :)
wwwdotyoutubedotcom/watch?v=gvzCD6HDtXo
sorry for the late comments, but i am a saints fan and was watching them destroy the eagles despite giving up 450 yards. when ryback was telling cena to feed him more, was anyone else reminded of a child throwing a tantrum to get ice cream
Worst: Lack of WWE creativity in Survivor Series team names. How hard is it to give each team a name other than Team *insert captain name here*? Couldn’t they call Ziggler’s team The Showoffs or something? Or the Maineventers or Money in the Bank? Not the most creative thing in the world, but, it sounds way better than Team Ziggler. Team Foley could be called Team Extreme, or Hardknocks or something. I dunno, I spent all of 2 seconds throwing name ideas out that already sound better than Team Foley.
Worst #2: How out of sync mainstream American fans are with the rest of the world and us. Around the world and outside of the targeted WWE Universe, guys like Ziggler, Punk, Bryan, 3MB, Del Rio, etc get cheered for their awesomeness. Did anyone see that one crowd shot where there were tons of Ziggler and Punk shirts? Awesome. But yeah, perhaps WWE Universe (ie: the guys the WWE wants you to cheer for) is the true bizaaro world.
For the love of Vishnu, give Wade Barrett a new theme song. It just doesn’t suit him. Entrance music is actually important.
I heard john cena’s music hit, and I decided I would rather listen to a dog barking the game of thrones intro
Shpuld have drinked that final Coconut Energy Drank, you guys.
I knocked out and missed all of RAW, what I’d miss?
Goddammit, Leroy.
I was hoping Brad Maddox was gonna come down and do the Hot Rod shit yourself move to Ryback for some reason.
OMG Cena is self-aware!
Everyone’s gone, so now is the perfect time to debut the last #JSoM poster!
oi45(dot)tinypic(dot)com/aeqelc(dot)jpg
I’m still here! And I appreciate it and will lead the charge to get you picture postin’ privileges. B-Stro, let this man share pictures with us!
FAAAANDAAAAGOOOOOO!!!!
Where’s That 70′s Guy when you need him?
(gets tapped on shoulder)
What? Oh.
My only two questions concerning fandangoo are: will he be this generations disco inferno and: will he team up with Ryder to form niche market
I’m sure it’s copyright, but can they change it to Grim Fandango and base him off the video game.
Who do you guys imagine playing Kaa’orri in a Jack Swagger of Mars movie?
Honestly, it’s Olivia Wilde in my head.
Zoe Saldana’s non-union mexican equivalent?
Christina Hendricks because of reasons
Nicholas Cage.
Robin “Calamity fuckin’ Jane” Weigert because DEADWOOD
Ohh, so THAT’S what “reasons” means.
Stupid Sexy Flanders.
@Lester: “Reasons” is actually a butt joke, but yeah, same difference: [threewordphrase.com]
Have any of y’all played Total Extreme Wrestling?
No, I’m playing Gnarly Rad Wrestling. I’ve heard TEW is good, though.
I played 2008, and still enjoy booting it up. I’m looking forward to the new version this year.
Man, I can’t believe they dropped the Aces & 8′s storyline. Oh wait, wrong show?
Plus it would be a good thing to end that storyline. So so bad.
So many Unions Jack in Alabama tonight…
But Sheamus! What back through yonder table breaks?
It is Otunga, and McGillicutty is the son (of Mr. Perfect)!
Arise, fair Otunga, and kill the envious Sheamus,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou his counsel art far more oily than he.
Be not his counsel, since he is devious.
His wrestling livery is but sick and green,
And none but Irish do wear it. Cast it off (in the locker room).
It is my opponent; O, it is my enemy!
O that he knew he were!
He speaks, yet he says nothing. What of that?
His move set discourses; I will counter it.
I am too bold; ’tis not to me his Brogue kick seeks.
Two of the fairest luchadores in all the heaven,
Having THIS BUSINESS, do entreat his eyes
To glare in their spheres till they return.
What if his limes were there, they in his lobster head?
The brightness of his hair would shame those luchadores
As Vince doth Trish Stratus; his eyes in heaven
Would through the airy coliseum stream so bright
That Jim Johnston would sing and think it were not night.
See how he leans his fist upon his chest!
O that I were a hand upon that chest,
That I might touch him with The Verdict!
For @BookSavvy
In this one Otunga and McGillicutty are taking on Sheamus in a handicap tables match. I hope that was clear.
I BOW TO YOUR MIGHT. WHAT POSSESSIONS OF MINE WOULD YOU LIKE?
Oh, also Sheamus throws shade at Car Stereo.
And I didn’t even have to change one of the lines!
@LobMob
I dunno, a rice cooker or something maybe. Or a quesadilla maker. I dunno, I shouldn’t make decisions like this when hungry.
+ALL OF MY LOVE!
That was beautiful, man.
JKoebs – where do I ship the appliances?
Just send em to the Pawn Stars’ shop in Vegas. I’ll grab em when I get in for work later this week.
/writes “To JKoebs, c/o FAT TV MENS, Las Vegas” and mails package
Hope u enjoyed the long version of the Uso opening because you will never see it again.
TL;DW
First ever time I saw it live, and yeah it was good for a live performance, good not great though. Still, because I couldn’t see the titantron, during the Vickie/Cena/Lynch/Styles/Carter segment, when Vickie kept on saying AJ was an exhibitionist, I thought they were showing naked videos of AJ for some reason and apparently Johnny Curtis is a ballroom dancer.
First time I actually commented in this Raw comment thread (long time lurker) I have to say you guys made a very unwatchable Monday night Raw slightly watchable
When the show goes bad, I have a bad habit of watching the chat more than the actual show.
I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a Hawkins from a Hacksaw (Duggan).
+1, that is excellent
What I took out of this show…Maddox has talent and depending how his ring work is I’d be interested to see him do stuff.
Regal is Sheamus’ mentor? That explains everything.
COME ON, GANG, 47 COMMENTS AWAY FROM 2K! CAN WE DO IT?
Gimme the start of another famous Shakespeare line or soliloquy, I’ll see if I can wrestlefy it.
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off.
It is my lady; O, it is my love!
O that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold; ’tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!
GAUNTLET THROWN. Make me happy ;)
*cracks knuckles* Let’s do this.
“AY FELLA, WOT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER WINDOW? LOOKIN FOR A FIGHT? MEXICAN STEREOTYPE” -Sh(e)a(mus)kspeare
The banner image: GO HOME, BRAD MADDOX, YOU ARE DRUNK!
Eh I only checked back in with wrestling because the Punk stuff was exciting, since Vince is so desperate to turn back the clock 20 years maybe I should just show myself out.
any one else noticed how weak they made Cena look compared to Ryback. I know its to make Ryback look good but that almost never happens.
No offense but Ryback’s an even worse wrestler than Cena. So I don’t actually take this as a step in the right direction.
its cool i hear what your saying lol
Wasn’t this Cena’s first match since surgery should’ve hyped that up more WWE
I know I should be over it by this point but this CSI thng still irks me.
Cena: “Does anyone have a Baby Ruth?”
EAT HIM RYBACK! EAAAAAT HIM!
Cena: You look awful familiar.
Ryback: YIP YIP YI- I mean, FEED ME MORE.
+1 Skip Sheffield references
FEED ME JORTS!
Yessss! +1
FEED ME S’MORES. FEED ME S’MORES, FEED ME SEYMO’. Ah shit, Ryback’s a Mean White Mother From Outer Space ain’t he?
Cena should have pulled some candies out of his jorts pocket to offer The Ryback. Just remember to keep your palm flat, John!
Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep mini bong.
THAT IS A STRANGE HORSIE NOISE, BUT OKAY
1985 Transformers movie reference…I’ll just see myself out again.
I could see Ryback as a Sharkticon.
Oh, I thought all robot noises were “beep” or “boop”. LEARN LOTS OF THINGS ON THE WITH LEATHER RAW OPEN DISCUSSION THREADS!
I’m with you Kup.. err Thrillhouse
Awesome. I knew there was no way I could be the only one here that wasn’t scarred by watching Optimus Prime die before I turned 6.
♪♫ this no-carbs diet is such a chore
i am The Ryback, gotta feed me morrrre
not after midnight though or watch your back
you’re under Ryback Gremlin Attack! ♫♪
I sang this to the tune of Craigy Fergs Twitter E-mail Attack song.
Then I am honoured. Craig Ferguson is the god damn best.
I dunno, it fits his actual theme, too…so if THAT was the intended purpose, that’s awesome, too.
Yeah, it was meant to fit his actual theme! I have more where that came from too.
♪♫ i am so hungry but it’s not for food
i am a literal cannibal, dude
yes, it’s frowned upon, illegal too
i am The Ryback fucking your taboos ♫♪
♪♫ my name’s taken from the film Under Siege
oh, Steven Seagal is a god to meeee
twas either Ryback or Mason Storrrrm
but both of those names have been used beforrrrre ♫♪
Lester is a Renaissance Man, making posters and songs and just being a super cool dude.
So… Cena, Punk and Ziggler wrestle for 15 some odd minutes and Ryback comes in for a minute, does one move and somehow that’s impressive? Dismissive WANK
I love how Cena tried to start off the match by showing he actually has some technical wrestling ability. And by “love” I actually mean “GODDAMNIT CENA I HATE YOUR GUTS STOP TRYING TO GET EVEN MORE OVER BECAUSE YOU SUCK!”
OK…..back to MNF.
Wait…..EAGLES?????? Whats the point.
Eat Cena, Skip! Zombie style!
Well..that’s certainly an ending.
So Cena is winning at Survivor Series isnt he
Hellz no. The whole show JR and Cole were talking up the fact that Ryback doesn’t talk to anyone in the back, that he’s his own guy, probably doesn’t get along well with anyone etc. etc.
That makes it sounds like they’re prepping us for Punk to sneak out a win because Cena and Ryback end up fighting each other.
Does the European crowd know who Goldberg is? Did they get WCW in the UK?
I actually really enjoy the Ryback. Without Cena, he is a cool ass kicking machine, that I can support killing guys. As far as Cena, well…. that guy sucks.
“JUST FEED HIM ALREADY” is an awesome sign
Now they kiss.
Ryback would be so much cooler if he came out to the ring with an actual meat hook.
Feed me………jorts?
And just like that, the feud ended.
The guy who has been WWE champion for over 300 days just got pinned like an absolute chump. This show sucks.
That finish was so predictable I didn’t see it coming. So bravo?