"I'M BORED, I DON'T KNOW WHO ANY OF THESE GUYS ARE" -- all of your friends
Tonight, on the WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread:
The WWE Universe is buzzing about the recent brutal assaults by the WWE NXT trio of Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. But just as the group’s actions have caused an air of uncertainty in WWE, CM Punk continues to close in on Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s 371-day reign as WWE Champion. With the final month of 2012 looming, here are five reasons Raw is must-see this Monday at 8/7 CT on USA Network. (via WWE.com)
1. WWE.com is advertising an “exclusive interview with Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns,” and all I can think of is, “whew, thank goodness Jeremy Borash didn’t beat them to it!” Hopefully this interview will be Dean Ambrose insulting Mick Foley for ruining wrestling, in a promo style aping nobody more than ECW-era Mick Foley. Also, I am hopeful that Seth Rollins never talks, and is content to just Small Package Driver folks for his paycheck*.
*I like these guys, I’m just making jokes. Please do not get horrifyingly upset.
2. John Cena was so mad about how he ran into a locker room and attacked Dolph Ziggler that he attacked Dolph again on Smackdown, jumping him on the ramp and putting him in the STF until security dragged him away. Tonight on Raw, Ziggler will look to one-up Cena by being brutally attacked by him at random throughout the entire show.
4. Vickie Guerrero will somehow have MORE evidence in the AJ Scandal! This week she’ll have the maker of John Cena’s car in the ring to explain how “cars are for driving, not for kissing in!”
5. WWE will decide that Cody Rhodes is too injured to worry about and pair up Damien Sandow with someone else. His new partner: Kofi Kingston. Their tag team name: JUMPSTART.
As always, my 10 favorite comments from tonight’s WWE Raw open discussion thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column. To nominate a comment for top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1.
Enjoy the show, everybody. Tell a friend about these open discussion threads!
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Remember in Bret Hart’s book where he talks about wrestling some big slug and making the slug look like a million bucks so Vince pushed the big slug over Bret? I thought of that story as I saw Kane coming out to wrestle Punk. Only instead of fooling Vince I think Daniel Bryan fooled the WWE.
Of course, Ryback math has established that 2 is not actually greater than 1, so, assuming Rollins and Ambrose count as 1, Reins is actually one half of the group.
I wish WWE would release Great Khali back into the wild.
Ok, so Ambrose is Vic, Rollins is Shane, and Reigns is Ronnie because he only gets two lines every episode. #Shield
Man, that interview with ‘The Shield’ (wtf? really?) was so bad, awkward and not interesting it absolutely blows my goddamn mind. I realize that the WWE is short on creative talent, but don’t they have any actual writers? I mean, you know, someone who can take a creative idea and write a script out of it?
I thought it was alright. It wasn’t the usual motivation of “WE WANNA MAKE OUR MARK IN THE WWE!” or something similar, it was “We’re here to protect the product before doofs like Ryback ruin it”. They’re heels, so this reasoning makes sense to them. Also, it was only a 3 minute interview!!! Meaning, even if you thought it was bad, it was over fairly quickly. It wasn’t a 20 minute Cena/AJ/Vickie promo that went absolutely nowhere and makes you look at your watch and go “Jesus, this is never gonna end, is it?” Plus, Roman Reigns playing the SNL version of Robin Gibb:
Cole: “Roman, do you have anything you want to include in this convo?”
Reigns: “…Nah”
I’m not against the point they were making. I’m just saying that the actual script of the interview was retarded. Like, okay, if they’re going with the “we’re against injustice” bit then they could have ended the interview with a comment about having their time wasted by Cole’s inane questions are an injustice. Like…you know…somebody needs to be writing a script that ties together properly.
I can’t tell if the WWE’s problem is that it’s too scripted or it’s letting green guys go unscripted. My inclination, based off Punk promos, is that it’s too scripted. Wrestlers aren’t great actors and letting them have a little bit of leeway might help.
Watching this RAW I want an awesome thing to happen in the tag team division:
With Cody out of the way for some time I need to see Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro forming a team so they can speak 6 different languages…
if they want to push ziggler, why doesn’t he ever win matches?
He was sole survivor at survivor series, beat miz and orton last week in succession.
yeah true, but then they have cena kick out of his finisher, making him look less like a legitimate title contender again. i realize cena does that to everyone though.
It was what everyone thought: They gave Ziggles a little bump with those wins to get him close to Cena’s level, so that when JohnJohn beat him it looked better.
I agree about the whole “kicking out of the finisher” thing. If Cena and Ziggler face each other at the PPV, the ZigZag has zero credibility when used in a match. “Oh, Cena just got hit with the ZigZag! Will he kick out at the 2 count or the 2 1/2 count?!?” If you hit a finisher in a Raw or Smackdown match, and you immediately cover your opponent after executing it, that should be an end game.
The only way it makes sense is if it convinces Ziggler to scrap the ZigZag in favor of the super kick as his preferred finisher.
i didn’t watch the aj scandal segment, is john cena’s knee still hurt?
Christ, everybody’s knee is hurt. Kane’s knee is hurt. Punk’s knee is hurt. John Cena’s boner, er, knee, is still hurt.
We know what came up on the creative team’s bone of the day calendar.
What the hell does Cubito Aequet mean?
If only Michael Cole were here to post and tell us.
This is why I watch Raw, for moments like Big Show slowly dismantling a folding chair.
Hey I had to miss RAW and chose to eatch paint dry for the past 4hrs…what did I miss?
*watch
Lawler! Breuer! Relevance!
Rey Mysterio: walking JNCO jean.
A late +1 for truth. Rey’s horrible attire (and anyone else who thinks baggy, shiny pants are cool wrestling threads) is ruining THIS BUSINESS..
And we fall just short of 3000. Bummer.
I don’t know, the past few weeks have been low 2K, so this was a fairly active.
Shits gonna get REAL soon because the RAW will start at 8:15pm for us Canadian mofoz, so we’ll be able to participate in the chat without being a full damn hour behind everybody else.
Anyway, thanks for the sanity tonight. Apologize for the negativity! May Raw one day be good again!
I’d take that Buzz Aldrin promo over any Cena promo any time
Duh Duh Duh duhduh duh-duh. Braaaaaaiiiiin innnnn aaaa tiiiiiiiirreeeeee.
Ted Danson as the new Grissom?
I approve.
Now I wanna watch Becker…
NOT THE TIRE TRUCK!!!!
Now how are they going to get the the Tire Works Factory?
“From the Moon to WHAT?: The Buzz Aldrin Story”
Didn’t Big Show basically do what Mankini just did right there?
At least that crowd didn’t “What?” the moon landing.
lolololol at Daniel Bryan doing the Pec bouncing.
D-BRY POPPIN DEM PECS!
It’s. . . mesmerizing.
Somewhere Chris Masters is throwing things at his television.
Buzz Aldrin’s promo sounds like it wants to be a sequel to Macho Man’s “Speaking from the Heart.”
Or that the version of himself that he portrayed on 30 Rock was actually on the nose.
“I walked on your face!”
Don’t you know it’s day! ..Idiot!
“You dumb moon!”
The craziest thing, after doing some research is that the Buzz Aldrin 30 Rock & Raw episodes aired 8 days apart.
Orbits between Earth and Mars? SWAGGER’S COMING HOME, Y’ALL!
It is very strange that I’d find Eve more attractive in real person’s clothes rather than her gear. Sometimes obvious cleavage can be a bad thing.
How come Brodus can’t open his eyes?
Or be funny and entertaining?
McHale runs the ropes pretttttay good!
YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE, BRODUS, AND I SAY THAT AS AN INCORRIGIBLE PUNSTER!
Eve with the JENNER BURN!
Whenever I’m laying on the couch and my cat comes and lies on my chest, I like to pop my shoulder up to ensure he doesn’t get a clean three count.
+Fancy feast
As long as it’s a clear kickout, ad not the Kurt Angle “Throw my arm straight up even though my shoulder is still down” kind…
What the hell is going on in here..?! *Exits with a bewilderment expression*
That’s a pretty good crab, actually.
“And I’m the one that has to wear the mask”
Mysterio just made up for everything.
BOOOO “You’re going to pop his culture” BOOOOOo
The Daniel Bryan and Robert DeNiro parallels are staggering.
HAHA, they had to lower the camera on a greenscreen show.
YES YES YES!
Daniel Bryan for the win!
Is Rey Mysterio standing on a box?
a half apple.
Rey’s only 3 apples high
slow pan down to rey
AUDIBLE BEARD SCRATCH
Yes, slow pan to heartbroken Zack Ryder!
Ahahaha, slow pan to the cripple is still hilarious.
Also, the Eve popups. ALEX ARE YOU WATCHING?!?!?!?!
Hoeski! HOESKI!!!!!!!!!
I hate to be that guy, but I’m watching the “Attitude Era” DVD extras and revisiting a time where 2 hour RAW used to have mid-card matches like pre-roid HHH vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Owen Hart, that lasted a solid length, with a solid plot and a solid ending and I’m just shaking my head.
The mid-card Rock interferes and there ends up being a massive DX/Nation brawl on the ramp while on the other side of the arena floor, Owen Hart is figure-fouring Ken Shamrock on the ringpost. That’s TWO coherent, compelling plots unfolding AT THE SAME TIME.
Yeah, when they announced that Raw was going to three hours, my first thought was “I could’ve swore Raw was three hours long back in the day” They just filled the time better.
Well, the average PRIME Ric Flair promo was only ever like 5 minutes tops. Then he started doing embarrassing things like stripping down and elbow dropping his jackets in the middle of the ring. . . I think there’s a correlation there, somewhere. Let me find it. . .
They’re having the match because HHH was the King of the Ring before, Ken Shamrock had just won King of the Ring and Owen Hart used to call himself the King of Harts and they want to see who is the King of Kings. COHERENT. STORYTELLING.
At the same time Hart is feuding with DX with the Nation while also feuding with Ken Shamrock, because the audience, despite all running around with “SUCK IT” painted on their chests and mannequin Head’s, weren’t considered complete morons.
I agree with you, Keith, but the Ric Flair/Jay Lethal WOOO-offs were outstanding and I won’t hear a word against them.
I’d take Ric Flair elbow dropping his jacket over the AJ Scandal every day of the week.
And if I’m not mistaken, this is the RAW where Kane drops the title to Austin a day after he wins it. Why? Because despite Vince McMahon and Paul Bearer telling him not to, Kane wants to prove that he is better than the Undertaker and prove that he can beat Austin fair and square. This is without ever having to speak.
@Glen: I completely agree with you. That’s what I was trying to say. Lengthen the promos, you get a shitty story. Even in recent memory, Austin 3:16 was relatively short. Rock’s “Prayer for Billy” was around 5 minutes. “Cane Dewey” was almost 7 minutes. “That” promo from Punk was around 7 minutes.
@Lobby: That’s the exception roving the rule, because that is an AMAZING imitation of Flair. Though at times he lapses into Cosby.
*proving, dammit
With that said, one of RAW’s highest rated segments ever was Foley’s 26 minute birthday celebration for The Rock. While I agree that length in undoubtedly a factor, quality will always be king. But you’re right in the sense that pretty much all legendary one-man promo’s I can think off ran under 5 minutes.
*think of, even.
Okay, now they’re showing the Mark Henry “Jesus, she’s got a penis!” segment. How times have changed.
Ahahaha, the mention of the Ric Flair elbow-dropping his jacket just brought that memory back to me. So funny. Almost makes me want to WOOOOO! Almost.
Joel McHale piling on Teddy Long. It’s early Christmas.
+Pop-up Eve
Yeah, fuck you Teddy Long.