Tonight, on the ALL BRAD MADDOX’S VEST edition of the WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread:
The topic of the week is food, and not just because Thanksgiving is officially around the corner. Specifically, we’re talking about the latest course in Ryback’s never-ending feeding frenzy throughout the ranks of WWE. The monster finally fed on CM Punk last week, decimating the WWE Champion in a tag team match only hours after Mr. McMahon declared Ryback and John Cena would challenge for The Second City Saint’s title in a Triple Threat Match at Survivor Series. But even so, it seemed to be Cena who got Ryback’s mouth watering the most, and the specter of an all-out brawl between the two strongmen now looms large. What developments will Monday bring? Here’s our five-point preview.
PS: Jerry Lawler’s back!!! We’re excited, too. (via WWE.com)
1. Chance that someone will use Jerry Lawler’s for-real almost-death on Raw to get heel heat: 100%. Chance Lawler will use it as the punchline to a joke about how he wants to see Diva boobies: Also 100%. “Woo hoo, Cole! I would pass out on Raw and die if Kelly Kelly gave me the stink face!” etc.
2. Having been changed from Team Foley and Team Punk, Team Orton and Team Ziggler will change members again and become Team Heath Slater versus Team David Otunga. It will be AWESOME. Ezekiel Jackson will be back for it, probably!
3. Brad Maddox will defeat Ryback and earn an Iron Clad Contract, which (according to that WWE hierarchy chart floating around) means only The Big Show can hire or fire him.
4. If they don’t have a backstage Thanksgiving party this week where somebody gets thrown into a bowl of stuffing (or whatever), they’ll do it next week. Santino will say “the thanks of givingses!” and people who have never heard jokes before will laugh and laugh.
5. JOHN CENA in all capital letters.
As always, my 10 favorite comments from tonight’s WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column. To nominate a comment for Top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1. Be sure to tell everyone you have ever met about these live threads, because they are the best thing about wrestling.
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I want the big AJ reveal to be that they didn’t have an affair, but instead murdered a hobo together and covered it up.
So can someone tell me real quick if Linda McMahon Touted her concession speech?
That was kind of a typical Raw. There was good stuff buried under a pile of shit. Like My boy right there D Bry acting like a jealous married housewife to Kane. D-Bry sold the shit out of that. I fully expect him to break Bruno Samartino’s 5 year championship reign for the impressive stuff he has done for the WWE.
It’s also nice to see Miz finally becoming a face. It just sucks that they are making him a misogynistic douche in the process. In otherwords, a generic face.
Worst: AJ calling Vickie fat. Not cool AJ!
Worst: Ryback murdering Maddox after the match. Try explaining that to someone who doesn’t watch wrestling that Ryback is the freaking face.
Worst: Cena/AJ/Vickie crap. Why isn’t the crowd taking a giant dump on this?
I was definitely waiting for the crowd to unleash a “This is boring!” chant during the AJ / Vicki crap.
I have a feeling JR went backstage and some stagehand gave him a check and said “Thanks for filling in for Jerry, Junior! Did I say that right? Junior?”
There should be a Worst for the WWE Belt not ripping apart like a wishbone when Ryback & Cena had their little tug-of-war. How are they going to explain their massive strength now.
A LayCool WWE Title would have been pretty cool.
if there Big Show doesn’t get a best for being in an angle with Regal AND a worst for being in an angle with Regal…. now THAT would be a surprise!
As a long time Foley supporter, this is hard to say, but every time Mick rolls out his “seriously angry” voice for John Cena, it makes me appreciate the “Cane Dewey” promo less.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I love Mickles but oof, he sounds like he’s declaring bankruptcy every time he shows up on Raw these days.
Is it moral bankruptcy?
Wow, Raw goes by a lot faster when I skip all the dumb shit. In this case “the dumb shit” Is every possible thing to do with AJ/Cena, 5 solid minutes of Lawler returning, all the military dick sucking, and the end of Punk-Cena. I think I got it down to a solid hour and a half.
what exactly was mick foley enforcing?
The notion that most Americans are overweight and wheezy
+1 supersized combo
Cena OVERCOMING THE ODDS
Raw’s strict dress code.
Like George Bluth says, there’s always money in the rey mysterio.
(Wish I could play along with the thread, raw starts at 11 EST here in Alaska.)
+1 .
There should totally be a West Coast Raw thread where people who can’t watch Raw at 5 (or 6 pm in Canadia) can post their thoughts.
I kinda hope Lawler returns to retire or he is now the new GM. JR and JBL spoiled us too much to go back to the shit Lawler spews.
By Gawd, I missed Raw, and am debating on watching the replay. Is it worth it? . . HA HA HA! I already assume I know the answer (no, of course not).
*pulls out a beer* Lets do this.
Get healthy maddox
Teddy Long made a tag team match. At least there are some constants in the universe.
I hate John Cena. He loves the troops so much.
So 411 mania used one of my JSoM posters and linked to the tumblr in an article :O
I don’t read that site so I don’t know if that’s a big deal or not… :/
Yay! You’re internet famous! Grats!
I don’t read 411Mania either but I do see it cited quite a bit so there’s that. .
I think it’s the tumblr and the Taxi Driver-y poster that are internet famous, sadly.
But more so than that, Jack Swagger of Mars is spreading!
YAY LESTER
Hooray! Also, the JSOM teaser video cracked me up good. I actually may have gotten a little bit emotional watching it.
John Cena: Friend Zone Level = Straight Jacket
Later gang, as always it’s been real. Off to come up with more ship names for rasslers. Don’t know if anything will be as awesome as Quakabana.
We’re always around! Well I am, since I follow you on the Twitter Machine.
God bless the Internet
QUAKABANA IS LIFE
Remember guys, there’s a star man waiting in the sky. He’d like to come and meet us, but he thinks he’d blow our minds.
3MB’s finisher needs be dubbed “Rock n’ Roll Suicide”
Let all the children boogie
+ziggy
All that remains is for Punk to take out Honky with his own guitar. Then we have achieved symmetry, since Brad Maddox is Dangerous Danny Davis.
Cena and Ryback awkwardly reaching and holding that belt was like two female virgins unsure of what to do with a penis in a threeway.
The first month in awhile where I’m not working and I actually have time to watch the PPV, and it’s looking like a shitshow. That pisses me off.
Cena’s “Did I win?” look is almost as obnoxious as Taylor Swift’s surprised face.
OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS!!!!!
So I missed the first half hour of RAW, did they show a recap of Linda losing the election and Vince sobbing like Gul Dukat after he lost DS9 back to the Federation?
Ryback is the Belome of WWE. Heyman will be Mallow at Survivor Series.
Of course that makes Cena Mario, and AJ Peach… CM Punk is …
Wario?
Punk could be Bowyer, because he’s straight-edge?
Ryback=Belome
Heyman=Mallow
Cena=Mario
AJ=Peach
Vince=Smithy
Kofi Kingston=Mack
Big Johnny=Jonathan Jones
Daniel Bryan=Jynx
Big Show/Mark Henry=Culex???
MVP=Any of the Axom Rangers
Vicky=Valentina. Vicky is Valentina so hard.
Ziggler=Golden statue of Mario because he’s not ugly like Dodo.
Damien Sandow=Frogfucius
Heath Slater=Toadofsky. Even looks like him.
Kane=Bowser
Edge=Booster since he likes kidnapping people
Cesaro=Yaridovich because foreigner
I see CM Punk as Waluigi.
/Because he’s kind of people-sized.
Where’s King Kong Bundy to take out Mick Foley?
What I wouldn’t give to see someone crush their opponent and then demand that the ref count the pin to FIVE.
It’s been fun, now I must return to the void…
Two people holding onto a thing and refusing to let go while a third looks on with a cry-face and says “that’s mine.” That is literally what babies do.
Wow! Who DOESN’T want to give the WWE 60 dollars for a PPV after that showing?!
PUNK IS NOW DOWN TO 0 RESPECT POINTS
Punk is toying with them, Lobby!!
How will he qualify to be champion?!
So concludes another installment of “I Missed Drag Race All Stars For This? When Will I Learn?”.
You echoed my thoughts exactly.
I’ve been disappointed by the results, but less-than-perfect Drag Race is still better than pretty much anything.
Bear, I literally said “Fuck you, Ru!” out loud, alone in my living room last week when she sent home Manilla and Latrice. I don’t know if I even want to watch anymore.
I’m still good with watching, but hatchie matchie the team system’s been a bit of a bust. As Lashauwn Beyond once said, “I AIN’T HERE TO MAKE BEST BUDDIES BITCH. THIS AIN’T RUPAUL’S BEST FRIEND RACE!”
This is like Hulk Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior, but this time I assume Ultimate Warrior isn’t bat-shit crazy.
Except I’m not 8, and therefore it’s boring as fuck.
So why are you watching it?
What am I, a doctor?
Maybe?
Do you think Punk will debut the new belt for his 1 year?
Makes sense.
Why is the WWE Champ in the background, whining like a baby?
That very image is now the WWE’s cover photo on facebook.
Punk about to cry is a good facial expression. New meme?
If I had my way.
How I feel whenever The Ryback is supposed to be considered a contender
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
That little table flipping guy was more entertaining than most of Raw tonight.
i love table flip guy
Especially when I remember “hey that’s skip fucking sheffield”
At first I thought you were gently tossing nightsticks. I’m an idiot.
Ryback needs a mask, or a paper bag, just something to cover up his ridiculous and terrible facial expressions.
You better watch out because Ryback HITS HARD!!!
i cant wait to see Ryback meathook the fuck out of cena
BEEF MODE
Make a wish, guys.
WE LIKE ROY
TAKE HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF RYBACK!!!!!!
“Now just the seniors in the back”
Beat me to it.
LAYCOOL THAT BELT!
Now in retaliation Punk is going to beat the crap out of Regal.
Yeah right King, Ryback’s thinking “Feed Me More” or possibly “I want belt”
Ryback the belts not that tasty
Rick Steiner could tell you…
Cena you hafta pin him 11 more time to earn respect
How was that not a count-out?
I’m beginning to question the legitimacy of these WWE officials
Oh fuck this shit
+1
That cancels out 55 Punk wins over Cena :(
+1 Because that is for reals the best comment of the night.
+1 fuck given.
Cena and Punk work well together. I can watch this match with a smile.