Vomit TKO

Okay, four things, if you count “don’t get a tattoo that says ‘RELENTLESS’ in a third grader’s print going down the back of your arm” as a thing.

As regular readers know, one of our favorite commenters (and people in the world) is Jessica, aka Lobster Mobster. She runs an MMA site called Leg Kick TKO and is sometimes gracious enough to send along a video or two to With Leather before she posts it. This morning, I woke up to a tip e-mail (cough withleather-tips@uproxx.com cough) featuring three very different videos with one thing in common: they are fantastic examples of what not to do if your job is “MMA Fighter”.

So, if you’re a Warrior In Training, own more than one Affliction shirt or just like watching people get royally f**ked up in every definition of the term, I present to you the Lobster Mobster-flavored MMA Walk of Shame videos of the day.

Thing 1: Don’t Try To Use Jeet Kune Do (Or At Least Be Good At It Before You Try It)

If you’re a fan of Bruce Lee (or Spike Spiegel) you know about Jeet Kune Do, a martial art Lee created as a sort-of martial arts mix tape and called “the art of expressing the human body”. It asks you to “be like water,” moving fluidly without hesitation, babbling along peacefully or crashing down hard like a waterfall. I don’t know enough about mixed martial arts to flatly say, “don’t do Jeet Kune Do in a fight,” but before you try it out in the octagon, make sure you’re Bruce Lee.

An example of someone who is not Bruce Lee: This guy from last weekend getting rolling German suplexes from fighter Greg Styles at Yonkers Elite Cage Fighting. Don’t bring that shit in here! This is YONKERS! This is ELITE~!

Thing 2: Don’t Eat A Huge Breakfast Before Fighting, Because, Uh

You’d think I’d go with “don’t dress up as a banana” as my thing, but the banana guy won handily. The thing you want to avoid in video 2 is filling up your stomach before someone punches you in the face, because the combination can only lead to one thing: you bent over and throwing up everywhere while the referee stops the fight.

Yes, a “TKO by vomit” happened at AXS TV.

Thing 3: If You’re Going To Be A Good Sport, Don’t Fake It, Because KARMA

Karma can’t be doled out by the cosmos until the next lifetime, but we’re going to pretend it had everything to do with this Absolute Adrenaline Platinum fight. One fighter steps into the middle of the ring to touch gloves and used it as an opening for a sucker punch. Because God exists and pays attention to stuff like this, that same guy gets K’d the F O a few seconds later. If you’re going to evoke pretend sportsmanship, have the decency to see it through.

So, to recap:

1. Don’t try to be Bruce Lee, because you are not Bruce Lee.
2. Don’t eat or drink if you’re gonna let somebody punch you in the mouth.
3. Be a good sport, because God (or whoever) is watching.

We’ll go ahead and tack “don’t dress like a banana” onto the end, there.

[video clips via MiddleEasy]