Worst:

I f**king hate the Sheamus chest punch thing. I always feel like it’s going to shoot stop someone’s heart someday. I watch wrestling because people get fake hurt. It looks cool as shit but I don’t have to feel bad about myself for enjoying watching the suffering of others. That’s why I can’t do MMA much. Every match I’ve seen is two guys laying on each other until one of them punches the other one in the side of the head enough to knock him out. It doesn’t look cool and it’s actually f**king someone up. I know people get hurt in wrestling too but the point is generally to avoid serious damage and I really don’t want to watch someone die because Sheamus needs five signature moves and one of them is the heart-stopping rope punch that probably has some shitty Irish pun name.

Best:

Like I said, I love when it looks real. Big Show was really dull to watch for a while but man, these last two matches with Sheamus he has really put it down. He legit looks like he’s crushing Sheamus’ bones into dust that I assume he’ll later imbibe, because, you know, giant jokes.

Best:

Big Show is doing some classic heel shit. Pulling the ref in the way rules and so does bullying the ref and calling him a dumbass. It makes the win look cheap but doesn’t make Show look like weak. An added best for JBL making the most sense of anyone and making the totally logical point that you should NEVER stop until the bell rings. That’s sports 101 (I assume. I was an education major.), and should always be abided by. I think With Leather recently posted a video of a pee-wee football game where some kids didn’t pay attention to the whistle and now an entire team of youngsters are going to have war-time flash backs to the day when their fathers stopped being proud of them.

Worst:

I thought that was a heel turn. Sheamus beats Big Show mercilessly with a chair until he cant get up. Big Show is writhing in pain and shamefully asks for the beating to stop. Sheamus demands Big Show beg for mercy and then when he obliges, Sheamus kicks his f**king head off. THAT’S A HEEL TURN. WHY ARE YOU (people) STILL CHEERING? When Brett Hart held a bloody Austin in the sharpshooter until he passed out, Austin came out the hero, Hart came out looking like an asshole. All he did was beat on Austin after the bell a bit. Sheamus attacked Big Show and then laughed at his request for mercy and hit him anyway. That’s what super villains do, not the guys you’re supposed to cheer. This is really confusing me. Del Rio I get. Wrestling fans are racist. Del Rio is Mexican. Whoever is beating up Del Rio is the face. Wrong or right (It’s wrong. Very, very wrong), I understand why it’s happening. This has me legit stumped. I swear I heard someone in the crowd scream “cripple him.” What the f**k did Big Show do to you, guy?

Worst:

Big Show’s sell. I didn’t hate all of it but first he’s (I assume) trying to do the Ziggler flopping dead fish thing, but it doesn’t work because Big Show’s 450 goddamn pounds and trains with a dude named Dodd (note: Not Todd) that rides a bike that works like an elliptical machine. He’s in no condition to do a Ziggles-style sell. Then, we cut away and the announce team says whatever to recap and set up the rest of the show. The camera cuts back to presumably start the next match and JESUS CHRIST is Big Show is STILL on the ground crawling up the ramp? Doesn’t WWE have a medical staff? They were putting Brad Maddox on a stretcher before the crowd had a chance to chant “Feed Me More” for the 157th time that night, and that dude doesn’t even work there. You just signed Big Show to an “Iron Clad” big money contract. Maybe help him up off the f**king ramp within five minutes of him getting assaulted.

Best:

Vortex Commercials! From what I can gather, it’s a kid’s show where power rangers and Iron Man watch people do kickflips. It appears to have no plot and be mostly quick splices of Kofi Kingston jumping and flashing lights; perfect for a generation pre-disposed to Adderall reliance and the vast emptiness of the human condition. Also, did you see how high he jumped! Goddamn that was awes… Oh, Power Rangers!