WWE Thanksgiving

WWE’s YouTube page provides a lot of fresh videos for the Best And Worst Of Raw column — mostly of the “here’s the last 20 seconds of a match, and the five minutes of wacky shouting that came after it” persuasion — but occasionally they dip into the archives and share something truly magical.

That’s the case with this video of pretty much everyone who competed at Survivor Series ’89 celebrating Thanksgiving by saying what they’re thankful for. It’s one of the most 1980s pro wrestling things I’ve ever seen, and so heartwarming that I decided to put together a quick list of my ten favorite things that happen in it. I’m thankful for goofy nostalgia, the fact that pro wrestling coverage has septupled our traffic and that the Ultimate Warrior exists, and was once asked to talk about Thanksgiving.

So, in no particular order …

1. Hulk Hogan getting to talk for 10 times longer than everybody else, and pretty much explicitly stating that Survivor Series ’89 is more important that happiness, healthiness and family. And yes, at the end there I expected him to say AND THE THING I’M MOST THANKFUL FOR IS THAT MY JUNK IS LIKE A PRINGLES CAN.

2. The Million Dollar Man doing anything ever. Also, Virgil, clearly having nothing to be thankful for.

3. Demolition being as close to a G.L.O.W. tag team as men can get, and the fact that when they aren’t talking, their mouths have to be open. That’s probably also a G.L.O.W. thing.

4. Macho Man Randy Savage revealing that he’s the only person qualified to be both “macho” and a king. I hope King Juan Carlos I of Spain ordered Survivor Series ’89 and felt bad about himself for like a week.

5. The way Dino Bravo says “earthquake”. HIVE GOTS DA BIG HEARTHQUAKE ON MY SIDE!

6. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake confirming that he is the worst person ever by being thankful for “rasslin’, cuttin’ an’ struttin’!”

7. This conversation happening: “Okay, Ravishing Rick Rude, this’ll only take a second. Tell us what you’re thankful for.” “HOLD ON I NEED TO COVER MYSELF WITH THIS JUG OF CANOLA OIL”

8. Rowdy Roddy Piper spinning into a pose to start his video. You should ALWAYS spin into a pose!

9. The Bushwhackers almost making out, then appearing to have an epiphany about what idiots they are. Oh, and Butch’s hat flying off backwards like somebody pulled it with a string.

10. As previously mentioned, the fact that the Ultimate Warrior exists, and that someone once asked him to say a few words about Thanksgiving. Dude. DUDE. The hell is he talking about?

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.