I'm gonna try to win the Pulitzer with this one.
Austin, Texas, has 8-10 festivals every weekend, but this weekend was a big one: the 7th annual Fun Fun Fun Fest, featuring a reunited Run DMC, everyone from Public Image Ltd to X to f**king Kreayshawn and a cannon that shoots tacos. It's the weird little brother of SXSW, and it's the best.
It's also full of sports, and because 1) I was there, and 2) I run a sports blog, I documented all of it to share with you here. I actually got to participate in some of it, too. My jobs as a returning judge for the Air Sex Championships and hosting gig for a veggie hot dog eating contest got me billed as a "Yellow State Artist," meaning I performed (as it were) on the same stage as David Cross, Eugene Mirman, H. Jon Benjamin, Saul Williams and a magician who did a racist ventriloquist act and pulled ribbons out of a chicken's ass. It was one of the coolest, best experiences I've ever had, and that's not even mentioning how I got a crowd of hipsters to join me in a Daniel Bryan "YES" chant.
Inside this Golden Treasury of sports photos you'll find:
- Skateboarding and BMX at "Ride The Plank," sponsored by Project LOOP
- Pro wrestling courtesy of local pals Anarchy Championship Wrestling
- Mechanical bull riding
- The aforementioned Air Sex Championships, which gets covered a lot on With Leather these days and is exactly what it sounds like.
- The veggie hot dog eating contest
Stick around until the very end to see a shirtless fat guy in a horse mask squaring off against a punk rock pornstar. That is not clickbait, that actually happened. I love you, Fun Fun Fun Fest.
Rachel Summerlyn headlocks Thomas Shire. All eyes on the science, please.
El Generico!
On day 3 we got the ACW Drinking Game, a match where if you get thrown out of the ring for any reason, you have to drink.
It was enjoyed more by some than others.
Also on day 3 we got a death match, which featured chains, thumbtacks and people jumping off the BMX ramp onto each other.
Your competitors. I was lucky enough as a Notable Austin Vegan to host this event, and it was exactly as gross as you'd imagine.
Helping out with the dog tally: a giant bottle of mustard and "Hot God". Get it?
A taco eating a hot dog.
Me getting a YES chant going. Even non-wrestling fans (and non-vegans) (and non-vegan non-wrestlers) love the YES chant.
A crowd surfing hot dog. THIS HAPPENED.
Two competitors tied with exactly 12 hot dogs, so they had to square off in a sudden death, Lady And The Tramp-style hot dog-off.
And your winner with 12.65ish hot dogs: DOG HAMMER~!
This poor lady had no idea how many times I had to see her boobs this weekend.
There's another one, probably.
And now, my favorite competitive sport where people pretend to f**k something invisible, Air Sex.
Your prestigious judges: me, David Liebe Hart of 'Tim & Eric' fame and Studio8's Brock LaBorde.
Yes, this is happening.
A legitimate porn star (Burning Angel's "Miss Genoicde") enters the fray!
Game changer.
And your winner!
See you next year, weirdos!
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I have been told that this event may or may not have had a taco cannon. MOAR TACO CANNON!
Call me old fashioned, but I like to take my air out on a couple of dates before doing…whatever it is that Horse Man was doing to it.
The view from the judges table is unique, because I spent most of the performance from the ass-crack POV.
You brave young man.
I mainly read this article for the science.
You should do all things for the science.
Rachel Summerlyn blinded me with science.
sweet, sweet science.
Would have been better if the skateboarists and BMXists had been jumping over the wrestling ring.
↑THIS!
While wrestling was happening!
I cannot unsee the game changer
Aw, now I gotta burn MY horse-head mask. SO LONG, RORSE FACIE
You mean DC’s Horse-head Sandy reveler didn’t convince you to do so? [6.mshcdn.com]
nah, that dude is neato torpedo
I need more foods crowd surfing in my life…like an entire Thanksgiving Day feast just riding the waves of peoples.
*Google “miss genocide”.
Well. hello, there.
Hey, I wasn’t lying about that porno legitimacy.
No need to ask her for paperwork, that’s for sure.
God bless Burning Angel.