Tonight is the vice presidential debate between current bro-in-waiting Joe Biden and Paul “HOW MUCH YA BENCH” Ryan. It is the reason that I will have no Parks and Rec tonight. Politics.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

I hate politics.

NHL: Season Opener

Yeah, I know. Such a dick.

NCAA Football: Western Kentucky at Troy – 7:30 PM ET on ESPNU

I would watch this live and then I would watch the 2 AM replay sober before I would ever watch a political debate. “Then you’re part of the problem, Burnsy!” someone will say while posting links to Victoria Jackson Tweets on my Facebook. I’ve been that guy before, so I’m glad to be part of the blissfully ignorant problem now.

NCAA Football: UTEP at Tulsa – 8 PM ET on Fox Sports Regional

I’ll tell the bartender to put this game on every TV in the bar on mute with One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful” playing on a loop with the doors chained before I’d watch the debate.

NCAA Football: Arizona State at Colorado – 9 PM ET on ESPN

I would watch this game, the replay and then create a Tumblr account dedicated to the hot men of Arizona State before I’d watch the debate.

NFL: Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans – 8:20 PM ET on NFL Network

Why hasn’t Antonio Brown broken out yet? That’s the real type of question that Biden and Ryan should be answering.

MLB ALDS: Baltimore Orioles at New York Yankees – 7:37 PM ET on TBS

MLB ALDS: Detroit Tigers at Oakland A’s – 9:37 PM ET on TV, maybe

The National League Championship Series may be set by the time the late game starts, and I assume the Tigers/A’s game will be on TBS, but for some reason the listings didn’t say. Either way, I’m glad we can all agree that the Cardinals are the only important team in the playoffs.