Back in August, NFL fans everywhere rejoiced as “comedian” and impressionist Frank Caliendo announced on his Facebook page that he had “parted ways” with Fox Sports and would not be returning to the network’s Sunday NFL coverage. That was great news for us, because we love Fox’s NFL coverage, specifically Curt Menefee, who is awesome and the best in the world. But other sports talking heads acted like this was a shame, because they’re stupid and like to laugh at a Robert DeNiro impression picking the Chiefs to upset the Packers.

Of Caliendo’s “departure”, I wrote:

Anyway, cue the “NBC Sports Hires Frank Caliendo” stories in 3… 2… 1…

That, of course, was my response to Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio acting like this was the biggest mistake that Fox could ever make. Well, I was shamefully wrong, because we all should have known which network was going to bring a walking knock-knock joke back to NFL coverage for his hilarious anaylsis.

I have a theory, now, that ESPN makes hires like this and allows Jon Gruden to remain in the Monday Night Football booth, gloriously blowing terrible quarterbacks, while declaring that J.J. Watts belongs in the Hall of Fame after only 21 career games, because it takes our hatred away from guys like Skip Bayless, Chris Berman and Stephen A. Smith, and allows us to spread out our contempt so we don’t just overwhelm our focus on one guy. Therefore, the network’s reps can always respond, “Well hey, at least he’s not Caliendo.”

Or, perhaps the more obvious theory – ESPN just f*cking hates us. And the network keeps making decisions like this because “F*ck you, that’s why”. Why else would the WWL try to lock up Gruden to an extension so he won’t go back to coaching? Because “F*ck you, that’s why”. So just don’t be surprised when we’re introduced to a new segment called “Berman on Berman” with Berman and Caliendo screaming, “WHOOP!” at each other for 5 minutes, while a disclaimer reads: “Hey, at least it’s not Darren Rovell.”