Oh No, Brothers: The Internet Responds To The Hulk Hogan Sex Tape

The most appropriate picture ever.

When not wrestling for TNA, Hulk Hogan spends his days pulling a Jose Canseco and shamelessly retweeting fans who think he should be in The Expendables 3, because he is apparently such an awesome actor. And Hogan is simply so devoted to the craft that he even recently shot his own black and white independent film about a woman with absolutely no pride. That film, of course, is the much-talked-about Hulk Hogan sex tape released by Gawker last week.

According to E! News, Hogan plans to sue whoever is responsible for sending the video to the online tabloid, and it is being reported that the unknown female Hulkamaniac had no clue she was being filmed. However, because sex tapes are the easiest ways for women to become famous and washed up “celebrities” to get back in the spotlight, TMZ reminds us that a very lazily named porn website is offering Hogan quite the payday for his approval of the film’s release.

In the letter, Sex.com says they can help Hogan with his leaked situation and, of course, they're are asking to release the tape on their site.

The letter states, "While this may be an embarrassing ordeal for you to go through right now, it doesn't need to be ... you are 'bigger' than Andre the Giant where it matters."

The site says they have an "open checkbook" if Hulk is interested in signing a deal.

Of course, the law would require the woman on the receiving end of Hulk’s crotch boot to sign off on the release as well, and we have no clue who that is. Just kidding. As Gawker alleged, the mystery woman is possibly Heather Clem, the ex-wife of Hogan’s best friend and Smash Mouth cover band frontman Bubba the Love Sponge. Except it’s not a mystery anymore, because Clem’s friends are admitting it for her.

A source told RadarOnline: "Heather is completely devastated the sex tape has appeared in public and doesn't want to talk about it.

"She thinks it puts her in a bad light - it's not as if Hulk's a hunk and it's a pretty embarrassing moment.

"Heather didn't want her friends and family knowing that she had sex with Hulk Hogan - he's very corny.

"It was a private moment, and wasn't meant to be shared with anyone else."

Sure. Whatever you say.

Anyway, some people sent the link to me over the weekend and asked if I was going to break it down, and I said no, because Gawker already did that, and then Buzzfeed did it, too, but with screen caps so it was different, and I wouldn’t be able to do a better job than Spencer Hall, who Tweeted his reactions on Friday.

But there were reactions galore across the Twitters and the Tumblrs and those are so much more fun, so I collected a bunch for you Hulkamaniacs.