Florida Man Wins Live Python In Insect Eating Contest, Dies Too Quickly To Enjoy It

*grabs morning newspaper, sits down in favorite recliner, reads "Florida Man Died", takes sip from coffee, sits back*

A man from West Palm Beach died after eating dozens of cockroaches and worms as part of an eating contest, according to the Broward Sheriff's Office.

Edward Archbold, 32, participated in an roach-eating contest at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Deerfield Beach on Friday evening. The winner of the contest won a python. (Via Local 10, with bonus event video!)

So many questions, I’m not even sure where to begin. I guess, why on Earth would anybody enter into a cockroach- and worm-eating contest in the first place?

"That's insanity. I mean, you're talking about a cockroach," said Shane Santa Croce, whose daughter was at the event on Friday. "They were giving away a really expensive snake, so, you know, people do what they have to do, I guess. Not my cup of tea for sure."

Or perhaps not my plate full of disgusting little dumpster goblins, but I guess in this economy, you don’t look a gift python* in the mouth.

The most interesting thing that I’ve taken away from this sad story is that cockroaches carry similar allergens to shellfish, which means that I now can’t eat lobster or Palmetto bugs, so I’ve already had to withdraw my name from Crazy Larry’s Possum Emporium 18th Annual Crawdad and Critters Eating Contest and Father/Daughter Dance in Ocoee. My biggest regret will be not giving my daughter her first shot of Turkey before trading her off for a sweet Harley.

Awesome Update: A tipster "friend" of Eddie just sent along a batch of photos that the "wild man" had been posting on Facebook the night of this event.

*The original article doesn’t clarify this, but the python in question was apparently a ball python, and I know that because I tripped and fell into the article’s comment section, and it’s hilarious how much this has riled up the reptile enthusiasts. This is a story about a guy that died in a bizarre scenario, but people want to use it to grandstand about the misperception that ball pythons receive, like they’re the pit bulls of the snake kingdom. So I guess the moral of this story is, if you’re going to criticize someone for wanting to win a snake, make sure that you respect that he might think it’s strange that you want to win a TV.

Also, I really wanted a GIF of Milhouse inside the snake, but sometimes the Internet fails to provide. Instead, I found this and it's my new favorite GIF.