NOPE, DOESN'T MATTER
Tensions are running high after last week’s FOOT-ON-THE-ROPE-BUT-THE-REFEREE-AIN’T-CARE-GATE, so tonight’s WWE Raw open discussion thread should be a turgid one. As always, the 10 best comments from tonight’s thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column, and comments can be nominated for top 10 status with a +1 reply, so make that happen.
WWE.com broke out its Synonym Generator for this week’s Raw preview:
And you thought CM Punk was mad before? No, no, no, that was a warm-up, a preview, an aperitif, if you will, of the fury that’s sure to spew forth from The Second City Saint following his controversial defeat at the hands of John Cena last week on Raw. In case you’ve forgotten, The Straight Edge Superstar was pinned by the Cenation leader despite the fact that Punk had his foot on the ropes, a seemingly egregious oversight by the referee who officiated the contest. As Raw went off the air, Punk was berating the ref all the way back to the locker room on TV and WWE.com, and speculation has been running rampant as to how the WWE Champion will respond to the controversy this week.
Oh also, Kane & Daniel Bryan will be in the house. Admit it, you’re excited. Here are five things to look forward to on Raw.
1. Rhodes Scholar (the team of Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow) become a consistent, important thing on Raw so I can write about them without having to suffer the piped-in crowd noises and inaccurately-timed commercial break interruptions of Smackdown. Sorry, I know it’s a good show, but I can’t do it.
2. Beth Phoenix wrestling on Jack Swagger’s shoulders, and both of them losing in less than one minute to Alicia Fox, or whoever.
3. Raw General Manger AJ Lee being represented by a cardboard cutout with a cassette recorder at its feet. The only thing on the tape: “whoever’s in the ring right now, you’re in a tag match against JOHN CENA!”
4. Heath Slater wrestles a goldfish, gets really confrontational about the goldfish understanding that he’s a One Man Band, gets pinned quickly by the goldfish.
5. The entire Brodus Clay intro and outro. Because that’s still something we enjoy, right?
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Okay, I actually thought the CM Punk / John Cena in-ring showdown was going really goddamn well. The staredown with the ginger kid was amazing. The hand-slap taunt with the little kid was the “heel”-est. Punk gave it to the crowd and Punk was absolutely owning Cena on the microphone. And then the WWE has to go and ruin all the heel heat Punk was building with that absolutely fucking retarded ending. Why not let Punk beat down an already injured Cena? That would help put Punk over even more as a heel and give Cena the under-dog push (that he doesn’t need, of course) but which would make the Hell-in-the-Cell match really awesome; truly-evil-Punk vs. Cena-out-for-justice.
But noooOOOOooo. Cena uses a goddamn pipe to trump Punk with one goddamn arm and then spew that retarded “Now that’s what I call a pipe-bomb!” line to end the show.
Gah. Stupid DoubleUeeeL0jukz.
I couldn’t make it all night last night but I had to say congrats to Brandon, your house is bugged
I was tweeting with Dbates and he mentioned that some strange USAGUY forgot to put up his most recent video. He thanked me for reminding me, and passed the word along so now it’s uploaded.
Heyman was fingering Punk’s belt like he just took it to the prom.
+frisky
RHODES SCHOLARS? Be careful Brandon, they’re watching you.
Awww… They were just about to show a close-up of the rod.
Three things on the PST viewing:
1) I would like to retire the “shaming a silent woman in the middle of the ring” schtick. However much hate AJ gets for personally scheduling too many tag matches or making faces, let’s not watch someone get sexually harassed and silently take it anymore?
2) Just making sure, we all watched two men vocally simulate a sex act on live television, right? Because that’s my new ringtone.
3) CM Punk’s hoodie looks so comfortable, it has to be dryer fresh.
it really looked soft and fluffy!
You can tell he uses Snuggle.
Finally finished DVR Raw; Cena was so proud of that “pipe-bomb” word-play! Also, he thought the rat at the end of The Departed was the most clever and sly piece of symbolism ever.
I’m just starting the show on DVR, (Seahawks fan, unfortunately, but has Punk been going to the Randy Orton school of wearing clothing?
Aso, as glad as I am that I didn’t watch Monday Night Football, the only thing I got excited about during Monday Night Raw was the debut of a Damien Sandow t-shirt.
I just don’t like Ryback. There’s nothing compelling about a guy who just beats everybody up all the time. Evidence: John Cena.
The USA Guy has an immediate reaction.
youtube(dot)com/watch?v=2gTIBWJk47U
Those with privs, do what you can do, plz
GOOD HUSTLE!
Wish I had privs..no I wouldn’t abuse my powers to post pics of corgis & Eve Torres…
“Abuse” is too strong of a word for things of such meaning to you
How do we get privs?
post A LOT! you may have privs and dont even know.
Guys. Words can not describe how much I regret watching my beloved Packers instead of my beloved wrestling. I have never been so close to saying “Fuck it” to a security deposit in my life.
Oof, condolences. Watch Raw though, it was pretty good and there’s a huge special WL surprise in there.
Oh I’m totes going to. I’ma watch last night’s Breaking Amish first to let the magic youtube monkeys get RAW uploaded though.
Is the surprise moar poopies? >:(
I don’t even want to be the one to spoil the surprise. You’re welcome.
I just checked out the replay of the end on ESPN.
Vince wouldn’t try anything that bad.
The NFL is one game away from ending in a limo explosion.
The Super Bowl is going to end up a Triple Threat game.
Hey, so I missed an awesome RAW didn’t I? *lays down, puts head on top of hands, kicks feet up* tell me all about it :)
Eve was very mean to Beth Phoenix.
I’m sure she had her reasons, Lobster.
The referees didn’t see M.D. Jennings’ foot on the rope, giving Golden Tate the Monday Night Football Championship!
But couldn’t they reverse the decision!?
Brad Maddox walked to the back screaming “DON’T CARRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
That scoundrel.
And what of our good pals from Team Charizard?
They might be officially called “Hell No” now, thanks to f’ing Twitter.
BUT, another team might have taken a WL name and made it canon.
(I also missed tonight, but I asked for a recap below.)
Oh, they did. Team Rhodes Scholar ACTUALLY exists. Spoken on live TV by Cody Rhodes. As in “you guys may be Team Hell No, but we are Team Rhodes Scholar!”
+1 to Oshit’s Jay Cutlerification of Referee Maddox.
The winner of superstar of the month is………… this inanimate carbon rod!
REAL MEN USE FOREIGN OBJECTS TO CHEAP SHOT PEOPLE! B A Star, kids! Assault someone with a pipe like your hero Cena TODAY!
I watched on DVR tonight and haven’t scrolled all the way back to the beginning. Can I safely assume that when referee Maddox came out we made the following jokes: a) nice to see Vince finally gave the XFL MVP another job or b) is that Maddox from the “Best Webpage in the Universe?” I hope he talks about how Punk isn’t a real manly man, pirates or farts are supposed to smell like broccoli.
Alternatively, if I got the spelling wrong I would have accepted jokes about the former Cubs/Braves pitcher or pickaxes.
I think the first three (XFL, Best Page, Greg) jokes were made. The last one is mattock, if I’m not mistaken.
Thanks, Lobster!
Oh, Lobster, I have one more: we’re there X-Factor/Jamie Madrox jokes? The spelling is close enough.
I don’t recall seeing any, but some might have slipped past by me.
I know I saw at least one joke about Madrox dupes, but I don’t know if it was twitter or WL.
To bookend today’s thread, can we talk about what just happened on MNF (one of the first posts was are the wrestling fans here sports fans)?
CRAZY. SHIT.
i don’t know what happened, i was watching next friday.
hey, wha’ happen?
The NFL just made that blindfold prop all the more appropriate.
NFL turned into the XFL.
just saw a replay: poor, poor brad maddox and his ineptitude.
AJ Lee would not be pleased.
It’s not even explainable. Just turn on ESPN if you haven’t seen. The next 20 minutes are going to continue to be a shitshow.
Oshit – it is explainable. Russell Wilson asked the referees to check the time remaining in the game, giving Golden Tate the opening to low blow the Packers defense.
Followed by Tate rolling up Jennings for the 3-count, with Tate holding the tights in one hand as Sidney Rice and Braylon Edwards pull on his other arm from the outside.
Actually, I’d say the end was Jennings hitting a German, bridging properly, but the ref awarding the pin to Tate, but, yeah. YEESH that was bad.
I’m monitoring my Twitter feed for word that Earl Hebner has safely left the stadium.
Earl Hebner gives no fucks
CUCAMONGA CRACKA KILLAS
Vince is so mad someone beat him to that idea.
Catching up on DVR, just made it to the Lawler interview; now I know that, along with universal health care, Canada offers tanning lamps above every hospital bed
3000!
jackswaggerofmars (dot) tumblr (dot) com
everyone feel free to contribute!
Amazing. +1 Lester
you glorious, glorious man
Followed & reblogged
aaaand followed. Also, everyone follow my photo tumblr: kayceephoto.tumblr.com. film hijinx for all!
Good job lester! I might have to make some fanart this week.
You need more than a +1 sir, you need a trophy!
Why wasn’t your pipe pink, Jern?
/dick joke?
It’ll end with Punk using a taser on Ryback.
Can you no-sell a taser?
Hulk Hogan can.
Is there any way to end a Ryback/Punk main event next week without it being stupid?
Nope.
:( Sometimes I question why I watch this.
Because Bryan and Kane hugging is awesome.
Depends. What is your stance on Jinder Mahal run-ins?
You are correct Chudster. Thanks. Also, RhodesScholar is real.
Also that time Kane poured gatorade over Bryan, Shelby and AJ and said he was going to Disneyland
You could instead go with a Punk/Foley main event which would be differently stupid.
NOT SURE IF RYBACK IS READY FOR A MAIN EVENT PUSH. WE’VE YET TO SEE HIM CUT A PROMO THAT CONTAINS MORE THAN THREE WORDS.
Paul E. sells Punk out and takes over as manager for Ryback, thereby alleviating the need for Ryback to ever speak.
What if he’s like Vinny Jones’s character in Gone In 60 Seconds, and is randomly well spoken?
I support BOTH of these ideas.
The 3rd for Rhodes Scholars when the need for a 3-man tag match happens?
It could work like that Edge/Undertaker feud did.
I like how you said typed that post as Ryback, Jane.
Oh no… I just realized that if Rhodes Scholars ever needed to be a trios, they’d add Otunga. And while the mic work would be AMAZING, the actual match….
Come on guys! 15 comments to 3K!
Is this Punk/Cena fued gonna end with Punk actually beating Cena CLEANLY without interference or controversy so that Punk can actually get the final push to be the top dog? Or is Punk going to lose so Cena can stay on top forever and everyone kills themselves?
It ends with Sheamus teabagging punk, while calling Cena his bro, and Icing some NERDS.
Watching him cower at faces now, clutching the WWE Title with that scared look on his face…it’s like CM Punk got into the Black Kryptonite or something.
If an End of Watch commercial comes on during the next commercial break the MIchael Pena Mobius loop will be complete.
just read the recap…..so Ryback is getting a title push?
Knowing WWE, the ending could go one of three ways.
1) Ryback actually gets a feud/ title shot with CM Punk
2) This is never talked about, mentioned again, or shown in recaps
3) Ryback disappears off of television for a few weeks only to come back as Pumpkinopolous, a human-pumpkin hybrid that has come to life to create havoc in the world of professional wrestling with his finishing move, The Jack-O-Lariat.
Dear God, I want to see pumpkinopolous so bad….
I think a title push is the only legit option after watching that Miz match. Just keep Miz safe and have Ryback work at the upper levels for a moment. His push justifies at least a one-off title match at this point.
Pumpkinopolous would be a great way to bring back Halloween Havoc. Also, I think that was the last name of George and Ma’am on Webster.
When I was young, I thought lead pipes and candlesticks were sold together at some special store. I never saw one before, but someone always ended up getting killed with them in the conservatory.
I have an uncle who is more or less like Elroy, minus the S & M
BTW people most remember Mick Foley because he was in a key championship match during the Monday night wars
+good point
Eh, I think it’s more because he got tossed off the Hell in a Cell.
Alright, just got home and saw Brandon dying over Rhodes Scholar getting used.
Can anyone give me a review of what happened tonight? I’m probably going to ask every week I have to use this shift, and I’m sure someone will do beautifully and be humorous about it.
Punk and Heyman called out ref Maddox, then AJ came out, Punk insinuated he bangs/banged her, Heyman proposed to AJ.
Paul E proposed to AJ, Miz lost to Ryback, Rey Mysterio is the Tick, When Daniel Met Kane happened in a diner, Rhodes Scholar is canon, and Cena is the world’s biggest douche who attacks unarmed men with lead pipes. Did I miss anything, guys?
Kofi and Ziggler had a match that didn’t kill everyone’s brains. Vickie and Truth got booted from ringside due to Little Jimmian shenanigans.
Anger Management had some off-site work at a diner, with Kane portraying “Gerald, the waiter”. It was awesome.
Big Show snuck up on two other big shows and punchified them.
Bryan and Kane got Twitter-named to HELL NO because BARFS. They got jumped mid-match by Team Rhodes Scholars, who identified themselves as such.
Wade Barrett beat up Tyson Kidd, leaving us all with very conflicted feels.
Punk made logical arguments, Cena retorted with a pipe. Punk beat up Mick Foley, got scared off by THE RYBACK
The Rugrats character sent me here…REALLY!? “HELL NO”!? TOTES BARFS! I should know, I was barfing on Saturday, was “TEAM CHARIZARD” EVEN AN OPTION!!!!!
Worse career move for Sticky Fingaz? This role of getting his ass kicked on MTV
I’d say The People vs Kirk Jones was the worst move of all.
Are we forgetting Blade: Spike TV?
the Sandow shirt is up on the shop for those interested
Why does my money bounce off the computer screen?!?
Mike Epps being in the Friday trilogy is like Paul Roma being in the 4 Horsemen.
This. I cant stand Mike Epps.
Was Mike Epps scab Willie Mays Hayes in Major League 2? That guy blows.
That’s it for me. But tomorrow I am going to hit my evil boss with a lead pipe. That’ll teach ‘em for making work overtime.
Okay, I said I was out but I switched to The Ed Show & noticed Romney used “Those people” in his 47% comments. Between that and Ann Romney’s You People there really are just wrestling heels aren’t they?
I would love Romney to come out to the next debate with the million dollar belt and respond to a question about the future of healthcare reform with “Everybody’s got a price….”
Anyone else think this ends with Brock Lesnar coming back to be the answer to Ryback?
THat would be interesting
Also, a half-eaten Mick Foley prop next week would be fantastic.
Mick roasting on a open fire..with an apple in his mouth
THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ONLY HAVE ONE OVER FACE ON RAW. TECHNICALLY ALEX RILEY IS NEXT AFTER RYBACK IN THE PECKING ORDER.
So, could someone explain to me any escape plan that involves Deebo riding a bicycle?
ryback will be a paul heyman guy….mark it down
That’d be so awesome..therefor it wont happen
I..feel like every single Raw is written by Vince McMahon and his band of nincampoops and we get things like John Cena saying 2nd grade jokes as a main event. And then someone like Damien Sandow keeps stealing the script and adding a last line to the very end of it like “Paul Haymen drives the car away” and “Punk attacks Foley, Ryback wants to eat him.”, and no one catches it and they end up putting it on air to everyone’s delight.
That makes perfect sense.
You’ve cracked the code!
If Ryback just dumped a load of JR’s BBQ sauce on Mick and slowly dragged him away it would have been great.
I love how in the first Friday, Craig’s never smoked weed, but in Next Friday, he’s full on stoner, with copies of High Times magazine. That was quick.
4 years, man…didn’t you listen to the narration?
I’m glad I read that before making my own joke about it.
to be honest, raw leaves me pretty delirious and my senses don’t all come back at the same time.
HOT SAUCE ON MY BURRITO BABY, CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU LOOK GOOD TO ME
Punk reacts like Ryback is a ghost he is seeing. If Ryback is a ghost, he wants to eat Pac-Man. Ergo, Punk is Pac-Man, but he can’t fight back because being straight edge, he can’t eat power pills.
Pipebomb.
+12
But wait. Ryback is eternally hungry, which fits the role of Pac-Man better, eating pellets two at a time. So if Punk was afraid, HE must be the ghost, and Ryback must have just eaten the power pill (perhaps a bit of obscured Foley).
Mind blown
So, just to recap: The bad guy backed up his decision with nothing more than words and well-reasoned arguments, then made a loosely-defined threat and turned his back. The good guy then introduced a weapon, the bad guy turned around and did nothing, then the good guy hit him with the pipe anyway.
And THIS is why my kids won’t watch wrestling with daddy.
+1..
Welcome to today’s DUB DUB BEE boys and girls.
Eh. This was the one of the least Be A Starrish things to get upset about recently.