I don’t want to bag on the Atlanta Braves, because I have a lot of friends who are #BARVES fans and I respect their fanfare. I also just don’t have a reason to dislike the Braves, especially since they were kind enough to lose an assload of games at the end of last season so the St. Louis Cardinals could make the playoffs and win the World Series.

But come on, champagne? For clinching a spot in the Wild Card play-in game? To clarify, I’m in the “There should only be champagne at the World Series” camp, so I think it’s silly when teams do it at every level on the MLB playoffs. Here’s my alternative suggestion – Smirnoff Ice for the Wild Card win, beer for the Divisional Series, Jager for the Championship Series, and then champagne for the World Series. Hell yeah, bros!

Now on to tonight’s incredibly boring sports action…

MLB: Oakland Athletics at Texas Rangers – 8 PM ET on ESPN

It appears that the only real Wild Card excitement remaining is in the American League, unless the Cards blow their 4.5 game lead, and they certainly can. So until they do, the A’s have to bust their asses to hold off the L.A. Angels, who play the Seattle Mariners in 5 of their final 8 games. Oakland gets the hapless M’s for 3 of their remaining 8 games, but the Rangers for the other 5. Good f*cking luck, A’s.

MLB: Washington Nationals at Philadelphia Phillies – 7 PM ET on ESPN 2

The Nats are in playoffs rest mode and the Phils need a 5.5 game miracle. That said, after last year, I will never say that anything is impossible. Especially when the Cardinals look exhausted (despite winning 4 straight).

Volleyball: Clemson at UNC – 6 PM ET on ESPNU

Go get ‘em Tigers. Or Heels. Either or.

Pinks: All Out – 11 PM ET on SPEED

Sorry, thought this was porn. Carry on.