Pre-show notes:
- Raw’s 1000+ show run peaks during this report, so read at your own risk.
- Comments, clicking the like button, Twitter shares and whatever else you can do to share this with people on the computer are appreciated. As an added incentive this week, sharing this post on one of these guys will unlock the Jack Swagger “Good Luck On Mars” Badge (pictured, left). If you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll want this badge like Swagger’s wife wants to pay for a round of speech therapy.
- Thanks as always to Casey/THESTINGER of Hammerlock Dialectic for his stellar GIF additions to the weekly report.
- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.
- Also, don’t forget, the With Leather Pro Wrestling Community is having its first get-together at Chikara’s King Of Trios 2012 in Easton, Pennsylvania, so if you’re anywhere in the area or are coming in for the show, let us know so we can high-five you. It’s going to be a grand time. I don’t know if it’s going to be much more than people standing around awkwardly, but it happens in like two weeks so hurry up and say you’ll come.
Please enjoy the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for September 3, 2012: Hug It Out Edition.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1245/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/SHIELD-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/the-bella-twins-and-jill-thompson-yes-t-shirt-gallery-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Wrestling-Fan-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/starring-brock-lesnar-180x180.png)
Am I first?
Great Review Brandon.
But Friday Night Lights is the best show in TV history. Sorry
You are so wrong you would not even believe it
But it may be the best show in TV history to contain the words Friday, Night & Lights!
In that order?
Only because Baywatch Nights was disqualified for the pluralized “s”.
I disagree. It is a very good show. But Donkey Kong is the best video game of all time.
Donkey Kong sucks….
Hey Kanye. Glad you could make it to the B/W of raw report.
Deadwood. The answer is Deadwood.
TheMitch is correct, Deadwood is correct.
I read this comment before reading the article and my initial thought was “It’s BSG, and I am going to be an ass about it unless he goes with The Wire. That’s a legit response too.”
You guys are all misspelling “Arrested Development.”
Six Feet Under?
I’m starting to think I am the only person to have watched Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.
Clarissa Explains It All you guys, come on.
The most wrong thing I’ve ever read in my life.
Yeah, no way it’s getting better than Jack Swagger’s character development ever again.
Also, I kinda think the end-game of the Vicki/AJ thing will be a match for the “GM Job”
possibly…. with Vicki dumping Dolph and Flair taking the role of manager for the Zig Zag man???
That’d be nice, if only for an extended period of time to rehab Flair’s legacy.
and to get Ziggler a bedazzled robe….
AJ with Flair was great, so Ziggler with Flair should be even more great.
Now I want to see AJ and Ziggler with Flair.
Ziggler’s adding aspects of great performers to his character every 6 months or so. He’s already got the great Rock & Roll Express selling, Curt Hennig’s showing off during matches, Rick Rude’s physique… etc. All he needs now is a Ric Flair robe and he’ll be the Voltron of wrestling.
Grrrr the one time I agree to help my friends move is the night of Raw I would have loved to be part of the conversation for. That’s what I get for attempting to interact with the outside world.
I know right?! I had poorly timed grocery shopping and it looks like I missed one of the best shows all summer, if not all year. Stupid doing grownup things. >.
And it was a Chicago crowd too. For shame.
*Stretches arms out*
C’mon, bring it in guys. GROUP HUG!!!!!
/hug
/hugs
/crushing hug
/awkwardly hugs the outside of hug ring
*takes deep breath, puts weird personal space issues away*
….
*painfully awkward hugs all around*
O SO MANY FEELS BEING FELT RIGHT NOW.
/hug that accidentally catches Alex * in the head with an elbow.
I’ll hug ya, but you’re gonna have to deal with my throbbing erection.
/hug
Another great column!
Love the 8 Mile reference. Would Ryder be Cheddar Bob?
That gif of Kane and Daniel hugging goes great with Hearts on Fire by John Cafferty.
Also
I got the Turkey, I GOT THE TURKEY!
Poor form not re-using the Space Archer badge.
The Vickie/AJ segment was a serious bummer. Even the Eastwooding was obvious and totally without humor. I figured someone on the show would do it, but that wasn’t the place for it. Miz or Santino could have done much better with that, if it *had* to be done.
…If Vickie assaulting her boss doesn’t result in several weeks of AJ putting Vickie and/or Dolph in bad situations (Ziggler/Ryback, anyone?), I’ll be disappointed.
I’m kinda surprised that someone Eastwooded on RAW. I wouldn’t figure Mega-Republican Vince would allow anyone to poke fun at the RNC like that.
more surprising is they did it in a timely manner and not next year.
I’m with DevilDinosaur. Maybe it got past Vince because he didn’t know what it was referencing.
Oh man Vince is gonna be so pissed sometime in March of 2024!
Just remember Vince is a rich prick who entertains for a living first, he’s not a politician. Also, it’s not like they were making fun of Reagan or “da troopz”, which they totally should. WWE is irreverent, if anything.
I thought for sure my “Name That Tune” NXT reference would get me in the Top 10. It’s Brandon. It was like shooting fish in a barrel.
Then I saw him make the reference himself. I should’ve known better.
File a complaint with the Uproxx Board of Directors.
I think I found a picture of them here.
[kp.shadowdev.com]
Missing Lobster Dog, but yeah, probably just corgis and maybe Kate Upton.
Lobster Mobster, I believe you forgot the still sealed Breaking Bad season 4 DVD set that is currently sitting as chairman of the board.
All in all, this was maybe the best three-hour Raw I’ve ever seen. And lately I’ve grown to really enjoy seeing Kane. The Magic of Daniel Bryan!
glad you mentioned the orton stuff.. it looked like they were just going through the motions.. really weird match.
This show needed more Triple H…or Triple H video packages.
How was the vacation in Bizarro world?
Um, no.
But, strangely, I could do with an only once replay of Bork’s “piss and poop” package.
Where the hell is Easton? (I live in Philadelphia)
Google maps puts it a ways north of Philly & a little east of Allentown & Bethlehem. Also, does Brandon have any famous ancestors that had a city named after them? I see a Stroudsburg on the map.
I dunno, Brandon…you and i must be different people.
Stupid fat-fingering the keyboard. Anyway…
I generally think there’s room for comedy in wrestling, but i don’t think D-Bry and Kane are the guys to do it. Yeah, they’re doing great with what they’re given, but at the end of the day Kane is still a fire monster and Daniel Bryan is still (in theory) a legitimate submission wrestler. How does the odd couple anger management thing help either of those characters? Yes, the idea that there’s a character arc of these two dudes realizing they need to manage their out of control anger is great, it loses all that deeper meaning when it’s just a buildup to Harold hitting the floor and a 10 minute segment of hugging. Let goddamn Zack Ryder and Santino be the guys you throw in that scenario. Not guys that should be legit threatening and good at wrestling. I think your love for all things Daniel Bryan might be clouding your vision on this one.
Beyond that, i think you’re as on point as ever. AJ as GM is awful, just….so awful. I even liked Heath Slater last night, getting to see him actually wrestle is pretty solid. I wish he’d cut his hair, and ease up on the taunting quite so much, but he actually might be less of a goof than i think he is.
What it’s doing is getting people who don’t already like Daniel Bryan to like Daniel Bryan. And to get people who like Daniel Bryan to like Kane. And it’s WORKING.
WWE fans and kids are the people they need to sell the guy to, and if they can put him in comedy stuff that eventually builds to or from matches to endear him to people who’d otherwise yell BORING~, they should. If he was ALWAYS in comedy that’d be one thing, but he’s had a year (and a career) full of awesome matches to bolster a few weeks of backstage skits. He’s a wrestler, yeah, but he’s also a WWE character, and if he’s going to stay forever (which he should), this is the kind of stuff that gets him there. Plus it’s really, really good.
This is the first time I’ve EVER liked Kane. Like, ever. That’s saying something. If Ryder and Santino were doing this, it wouldn’t be the same.
No way… these guys are the perfect guys for this role. I hate Kane and i tolerate D-Bry…. but I smile when these segments come on
Ryder and Santino as “comedy guys” just would get a big dismissive wanking gesture….
Ehh, i don’t buy it. People already liked Bryan. Miami was evidence of that. It was more than the chant, people were legit pissed that he lost in 18 seconds. I don’t think that’s an indicator of needing to sell him to kids and people who might be lukewarm on him. Kane is kinda all over the place, and always has been, but i think this is the same kind of Katie Vick stuff that hurts him in the long run.
You can have a perfectly fine WWE career without resorting to goofball stuff like this. It’s better than it should be because Bryan is working his hardest with all the crap he’s been handed, but i think it’s telling that if you swapped in two other guys, it’d get a dismissive wank like TeamCaptain said. I think really good wrestling writing is written for the characters in the story, and i just don’t see these two particular characters being helped in any long-term sense by this.
I’m with my man Horrorshow on this.
Like, part of me is glad that Raw is constantly giving DBry something to do. The dude will kill anything he’s given, and I think the whole anger management thing working has more to do with American Dragon than the writing.
I know the ship has sailed for Kane, but taking the long historical view on Kane is pretty interesting. I can’t remember them ever having Undertaker do stupid shit that they make Kane do, and that’s why Undertaker mostly works. No one buys Kane. His gimmick exists to accentuate how stupid his character is because they have done everything they could do to undercut it. I don’t care because Kane is Kane and he was never going to make me happy as a wrestling fan, but yeah.
So while I enjoyed last night, and while I laughed, and everything else I still know that it’s because DBry is the best in the world and I’d rather see him get stuff to do that is worthy of that.
If it’s “ehhh I don’t buy it”, I guess that’s the end of the conversation.
Is it? I thought we were just discussing the idea here.
Yeah so I was one of those people that was VERY much in the #WWETag corner last night, if only because I am 100% on board Kane/Bryan teaming up and running the tag division (they have nothing better to do and the tag division could use some people that actually have some heat). However, I enjoyed the “Hug It Out” segment far more than I probably would a tag match. This is probably still heading for a tag-team (fingers crossed) so I can enjoy this in the mean time. If only because:
1.) Deadpan comedy Kane is the best kind of Kane.
2.) Even if you think Daniel Bryan should have better stuff to do, I’m fully reveling in Daniel Bryan proving that he isn’t just the best WRESTLER in the company, he’s one of the best ENTERTAINERS in the company. He’s still going to work matches, he’s still going to be great in them, only now we get to watch him be completely sell a WWE comedy segment that isn’t utter, embarrassing horseshit. In fact, it isn’t horseshit mostly because he (and Kane) are so great in it. Daniel Bryan can make a shitty wrestler look good, and he can make shitty comedy look good. If you are a fan of Bryan, then I say just enjoy the ride.
(Sorry if this posts twice. My Internet hiccuped, and I got a ‘please try again’ message.)
Relating to what STINGER said: Part of Kane’s problem is that he debuted in the Attitude Era (or shortly before, depending where the era “offically” starts). That era’s habit of throwing everything at the wall and using what (sort of) worked is why Kane has done so many dumb things. Who knows what Undertaker would have been made to do if *he* had debuted in ’97.
Actually, the American Bad Ass is a great– and rare– example of *Undertaker* having to do that dumb shit. Some would argue that the TOTALLY over the top Satanic stuff of the Ministry of Darkness was dumb too, but I think most of it worked.
I’ll throw in my 1.5 cents here. I thoroughly enjoyed the segment while it was happening. It was one of the most purely fun moments on raw in a long time. Not shocking, not controversial, just pure un-adulterated fun for everyone, and every type of fan. It proves how great an entertainer Bryan is in all facets of “sports entertainment.” While I can see both arguments, I like to look at it this way. While I would love to see Bryan being the best in the world, and having great matches at all times, he will always be able to do that. This gives kids a reason to like him, and if it gets one out of every 100 kids to search out Bryan Danielson footage, and grow into fans of wreslting, not just WWE, I think it’s worth it. While Bryan was still putting on great performances in the ring, he was stalling in terms of popularity. He gets his chants, and the “smarter” crowds (and i hate using that term, I just can’t think of a better word at the moment) will always cheer him, but to get the younger people into it, this is the best way without corrupting who he is. He is still “our” Daniel Bryan, but now he is becoming everyone’s Daniel Bryan. I think this is only good for his long term prospects in the WWE.
Also – I apologize for the extensive use of air quotes in my reply. I “have” a “problem” explaining “myself”.
Re: having a good WWE career without doing the goofball shit.
Yes, it’s absolutely possible. But at the same time, you can also have a legendary WWE career AND do the goodball shit. See: Austin, Stone Cold Steve. Some of the absolute best and most memorable stuff Austin did took place once they put a guitar in his hand and told him to cut loose.
So if the American Goddamned Dragon can repeatedly settle the hash of his detractors (ie., the people that said he had no personality) by doing some legit funny backstage skits — and Christ, how often are the skits any good? — then I’m perfectly content to see him do it. He’ll be back to wrestling like a boss at a moment’s notice.
a lot of good points made here, but none better than Jim’s second paragraph above.
does anyone remember a time in wwe history where one or two characters had this much of a goofy backstage arc… when we actually enjoyed it? its blatant character development with purpose, and also happens to be hilarious.
and heres my grand idea for where its heading:
aj is going through some shit right now. everyones screwing her over (” “), and shes experiencing exactly what she put dbry through. before we know it, shell also need the very same anger management that she forced he and kane into, leading to what could (and should) very well become a power house tag team. aj gets ousted as gm, finds truth commonality and forgiveness as she takes on managing the new call me maybe tag team.
These are all really solid points, and i will have to concede that it doesn’t really affect Kane. He’s done so much ridiculous crap that you can’t really devalue his character any more. In a perfect world, he’d be still be a character i could take seriously when Teddy Long or whatever GM brings him out as the punishment opponent or big gun mystery tag team partner. But stuff like this totally negates all the evil dude good will he built up even earlier this year by assaulting family members and attempting to kidnap Eve.
Side note: BikerTaker wasn’t *that* silly, in the landscape of WWE at the time. It was ridiculous on a level that we se, because Taker doesn’t MMA, but it was a legit believable character, if not a little incongruous with the other versions of Taker leading up to it.
But as it relates to Bryan, yeah the segment was better than it should have been. And yeah, it’s great to see our dude killing it on the entertainment side of pro wres. But i don’t think the analogy with Stone Cold is particularly correct. Stone Cold did the goofy shit after the popularity was already established, after he was already a badass.
I don’t think Bryan’s popularity was really waning. He had a real solid run leading up to Mania, was in the main event title scene afterwards. I’m not much of a conspiracy nut, but man it seems like they’ve been trying to stall out Bryan’s momentum by throwing him into increasingly inane situations.
I want good things and a long WWE career for Bryan. But i just don’t think stuff like this is good in the real long-term. It’s like when Cena called out ADR for renting cars instead of owning them. It cuts the legs out from under the character, to me. If i flash back to him hugging it out and doing comedy stuff, i have a hard time buying him as a guy that will tie you in a pretzel and make you submit to win matches. I just don’t want the dude to fall into Kane / Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry territory and take > 8 years to dig his way out of being funny guy. Or worse, to constantly phase shift from super tough to funny guy in the span of 6 months.
I would just like to add the following…I like fire & dragons…do with it what you will…
Think about guys like Roddy Piper, and how he was a great wrestler and also legitimately funny when he wanted to be. Well rounded characters like that have something for everyone.
I can see both sides of this discussion (I’m glad it didn’t die when Brandon told us it was over); but the more I read, the more I agree with horrorshow.
I kinda feel like what we’re seeing from Bryan now is more in line with what Vince feels Bryan’s role should be– miles away from a title, making the best of a midcard comedy feud.
The prevailing attitude in these parts seems to be “We should be happy with what we can get.” And I understand that– a guy who many people said would never make it in WWE is getting tons of TV time, and is entertaining the hell out of pretty much everyone. That’s great.
Roddy Piper is a great comparison– a great utility player who rarely got anywhere near a belt. It’s not a *bad* role, and as people here have said, that role can lead to a long career. And I realize a long career (and a decent paycheck, I hope) is more important then winning a bunch of fake belts. But it would be *nice* if Bryan was seen as a threat.
“I had a similar experience the first time I tried to say “taciturn”.”
I’m assuming during your lengthy conversations with one Mister Chupon
Trust fall!
Layla’s LOL is going to bother me for the rest of my life. Nothing about it makes sense, from the decision to add it to the dress, the decision to place it right next to the boob, and the decision to wear it.
The “attack” between CM Punk & Jerry Lawler is hilarious every time I watch it:
- Cole doing the Owen Voice
- “STUPID SHIRT!” (someone’s listening)
- Lawler coming back for more, like a moron, and getting Brogue Kicked by Punk while he’s held back by 3 refs and…Alex Riley?
[www.youtube.com]
It really is!
I loved everything about it, including correctly predicting that Punk would claim Lawler attacked him first. I’m just praying that’s actually the case, because Lawler being a vengeful idiot and having his ass handed to him keeps Punk a little more in the right.
I’m disappointed you didn’t include this video for those who haven’t seen it.
[www.wwe.com]
Great jorb either way.
this is awesome. D-Bry violently hugging random dudes is comedy gold
Someone check Daniel Bryan’s hands! Kane is secretly a hug-wolf and he’s turned OUR BOY DANIEL BRYAN RIGHT HERE. They have to have a Hug-It-Out rematch to break the curse.
YES. Miiiiister Hug It Out!
Okay, that was kind of amazing.
So wait, fuck is censored but not cuntbitch? What kind of show are these Uproxx folks running?
A couple ideas for Tensai and Cody tag team name:
1. “Rhodes Rage” – since Tensai gets so pissed when he loses (and the implied ‘roid rage)
2. “Stay off the Rhodes” – since you know, Tensai is Japanese and the Asian driver thing.
Tensai isn’t Japanese. He’s just some dork that really likes manga and probably owns a couple swords.
yes i know, should’ve put this: Tensai is “Japanese” – thanks
I think I might like Tensai if his gimmick was exactly as Lobster described. Maybe Brodus should have been the monster heel, and Tensai should have been the dork playing with swords on the stage during his entrance, coming to the ring in brightly colored manga-related T-shirts, etc.
Holy shit, this is the first time I think I agree with WSC but I would kill to see Tensai be a badass monster face / LARP nerd. That’s a character THESTINGER can relate to.
Then when they split, Cody can change his theme to “Stay On These (Rhodes)”, because Raw needs a little more a-ha.
Whether intentionally weeaboo or not, I have always desperately wanted to see a cosplayer gimmick. Heck, I’ll just take some generic goof with epic Go Nagai sideburns and bellbottoms. I am not hard to please.
I’ve probably said it like fifty jillion times, but I kind of want Yoshi Tatsu to adopt a Jienotsu gimmick (Cosplaying kickboxer).
Also, argh at “weeaboo” because the original Perry Bible Fellowship strip with weeaboo just used it as a nonsense word, and also PBF is way cool, and shouldn’t be associated with weird people that get labeled “weeaboo”.
I either clicked a “translate this page into gibberish” button, or I’m having a stroke. Because the post right above mine makes less sense than anything I’ve ever seen.
Pretty sure it’s a standard Lobster Mobster comment, friend!
By that, I mean sense is unwelcome in my comments.
Rhodes Colossus.
Brandon, I disagree with your assessment of Eve. I think if the WWE acknowledged Eve’s Gracie BJJ background and allowed her to put submission moves on her opponents out of nowhere, she’d be a lot more compelling character on the show.
Did anyone else feel the Cena/ADR backstage brawl was done to re-enfroce WWE 12 and presumably WWE 13 backstage fighting? Even when the cameraman first went backstage, it was that weird goofy running graphic to follow a wrestler in WWE 12.
Everyone disagrees with my assessment of Eve, and it’s almost always based on what she can supposedly do in real life. If we never see that on TV, I’m not gonna say her terrible step-wrestling is better for it.
Eve’s definitely the worst consistent in-ring performer since K2 became part-time and Foxxy was shipped to Superstars and WWE Mailbag (they tied before), but she’s sadly also the best written female character on the show since AJ’s flunked GM turn. Man, the Divas division is still treated like near-nothing, huh?
Has WWE done tie-in’s on the shows with the other videogame releases? If they are you might be on to something there, though it was probably bad cameraman positioning or inexperience with backstage brawling due to relatively recent rarity.
I liked the stuff with Eve. The handshakes were so passive-aggressive. I didn’t pay attention that much to her work because I also like Miz and Layla’s argument. It was a good story all around.
I think we’re on the same page, Brandon. And I will reinforce this every week if necessary. Eve = Brutus Beefcake. Somewhat physically imposing/above average athletic and relatively lacking in actual wrestling talent. But I still love me some Eve anyway.
Good points from everyone, I would just like to add that,
♪She looks good to me!
Shes got everything I want!
She’s got everything I need!♪
Another great read.
God the “WRESTLING IN GENERAL” comment was fucking stellar.
Real life CM Punk is probably one of the most pro-LGBT person on that roster.
Heel Punk in Australia is a different beast
Yeah, that’s kind of what I thought. I know, I know, he called somebody a homo once or whatever. And he apologized, and admitted he was stupid for saying it.
Losing his cool and having an outburst at someone doesn’t make them a dyed-in-the-wool homophobe.
yes, that is why I did not say he was a dyed-in-the-wool homophobe
OK. Semantics. Well played.
Nevertheless, my point: it seemed odd to me to assume that Punk would be more likely or more at home making a gay joke, when– if his Twitter posts can be taken as evidence– he’s not that kind of guy.
It just kinda felt like the assumption was just to expedite the joke and make the second Wire reference work better. That’s all.
Punk’s fans give him way too much credit for being pro-LGBT. But then, I don’t believe in giving people accolades for meeting the requirements for basic human decency.
When we’re talking about pro athletes (or however we want to classify sports entertainers), yeah, the bar is kind of low. And given that the McMahon’s are Republicans, being publicly pro-LGBT is something worth commending.
Baby steps.
I was a pretty shitty human being for a good chunk of my life, so I know what you mean by baby steps. Seeing fans say things like “Punk is so awesome for supporting gay rights!” just inspires a lot of cognitive dissonance in me. I take things so seriously sometimes, I wonder how I have any fun at all. :(
Tweeting positive LGBT posts when you have the platform to reach millions of fans falls under basic human decency. It should be especially expected of wrestlers given the the stated objectives of Be a *.
Showing up to your first major talk show gig wearing an Against Me shirt weeks after Laura Jane Grace had publicly come out is a more sincere showing of support than all the Perez Hiltons and Carl Edwards’ in the world.
Wearing an Against Me! shirt in silent support is exactly the kind of thing he should do, but sometimes he ends up drawing more attention to himself than the causes he advocates for.
Quite a few new guys in the top 10 comments this week. This is the NEW GENERATION~! of withleather commenters.
Now the old-timers just need to have a couple of INAPPROPRIATE RATTAIL THEATRE in the comments to show how much we appreciate THIS COLUMN.
I’m only a 4-time champion. I’m not ready to retire yet DAMMIT!
Bag Intentions is one of the greatest things I’ve ever read on this site.
Thank God at least one person liked that. You’re my boy, Milkman.
I LIKED IT ON TWITTER, haha. I was going through Matt Bloom’s WWE PPV history, and decided to go for the rest of his career and got to see him say NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING IS ICHIIIBAANNNN and Karl Anderson doing the Batista (presumably not Batista originally) Machine Gun thing.
As someone who has never watched puroresu, I’m proud to say I got a puroresu joke and I LAUGHED REALLY HARD AT IT. *thumbs up* (also I promise I will watch more of it)
You won’t regret it. NJPW and NOAH do a great job. (I don’t know much about AJPW. They just can’t capture me.) If you want an, often, fun parody of what the WWE does DDT does a pretty good job.
Is Antonio Caesaro’s music Dean Malenko’s (in his James Bond/wanting to sleep with Lita days) with lyrics added?
Yeah. He used Malenko’s straight-up in FCW and it looks like they are giving it a new twist for him now. I have no words for how much better this works than that awful Engerland one.
Can’t lie. The mention of El DeBarge instantly made me wish for a “Where’s Johnny (Laurinaitis)” spoof video.
Get on it, internet.
And then I saw the Johnny Curtis reference, making my comment seem like a big lame.
Fantastic recap as always, Brandon. I feel recapped in all the relevant zones!
“Now show me on this tobogganing bear where he touched you.”
Great recap, can someone explain to my wife the difference between a hardcore rules, no holds barred, and falls count anywhere match? I thought I knew and then Cena threw a garbage can at ADR and my explanation fell all apart.
Hardcore and FCA are the same while No Holds Barred you have to pin your opponent on the inside of the ring.
Am I crazy that I think a falls count anywhere should still be a straight wrestling match without the count out and where you can pin a guy outside the ring?
not crazy
Two things Brandon, A. What is with you liking chicks with no hips, thighs, and are really skinny? Seriously, Alexis Texas, Ginnia Michaels, Sophie Dee, other chicks are way hotter.
Secondly, believe me, you’re not the only person who wants the Soaring Eagle back.
wait, who did I mention with no hips this week
Ziggler
Tensai (if his limbs were any fatter he’d be Kirby (and thus replace AJ as most adorable)).
We’re gonna need a photoshop of this TensaiKirby thing like yesterday.
I’m going to assume “The Wrong Kid Died” was a Walk Hard reference and be happy forever.
one of my favorites
loved it
“No musician ever made no money DEWEY COX!”
“. If you’re one of the people on WWE.com leaving comments about how they’re “either pussies or gay”, I hope they write fewer stories for you and more like this for the rest of use.”
Psssh, I for one feel they should make more stories for Lobo because he’s the person who would write that. Also I don’t think anyone called Kurt Angle gay when he was the Master of Huganomics.
Bryan should have looked like he was going for a hug, then just German Suplexed the shit out of Kane. I don’t know if he could have lifted him though.
If Swagger does not come back to RAW in a spacesuit…I…I will be so disappoint.
Idea: Weeks of taped segments where Jack Swagger wanders the Earth like the Kung-Fu guy, trying to find his place in the world.
He can get in a space suit and head to Florida to train to be an astronaut, only to be shocked–SHOCKED–to learn that the space shuttle program has been eliminated.
Long story short, we rip off that one ‘Critic’ episode where he ends up becoming a truck driver and makes friends with a buncha truckers. They’re watching wrestling at a bar and Swagger says, “I used to do that.” They get him to go back so they can live vicariously through him.
Fin.
*Applauds*
I think it would be better if Swagger went to like Hawaii or something and was having a vacation and someone said something about Canada being better than America so Swagger hits them with the powerbomb thing onto a table. Then the next week they could have Jack Swagger buying a cat but its constantly whining so he hits that with the bomb too. Then he tries to become a fry cook but ends up bombing the little girl. Then Triple H comes back just to get Jack Swagger to come back which leads to the new DX, the American DX (or something stupid like that) and Trips and Swagger both do Push Ups instead of crotch chops.
My entire thought process during #WWEHug: “Aw, it’s pretty cool that they’re showing the kids in the audience that grown men can resolve their differences without resorting to vioaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it’s gone.” But seriously, I look forward to the DBry/Kane segments more than anything else on RAW.
Miz was SO AWKWARD toward the beginning, but he sort of grew on me by the end. I don’t know if this says more about my ability to deal with him or his ability to be dealt with.
On a final Kane/DBry note, if you switched the gif to a black-and-white version and slo-moed it, it is one Sia’s “Breathe Me” away from becoming an Olympic moment.
I liked how he kept having to say things twice because he said it the first time with the wrong intonation.
I actually really liked last nigt’s episode.
DBry should be given something better to do, but I’m just glad he’s on TV.
ADR v Cena should have been boring, but instead was really fun and had me involved.
Ziggler getting a win over Orton? Fucking rad.
Cesaro murdering Santino hopefully means we’ll get Cesaro murdering other people.
I’m sad Slater lost, but the dude looked amazing last night with Ryder.
Holy shit I’m writing a list of last night’s episode and that’s a ton of wrestling. What is this, Smackdown?
But, seriously, I dug last night.
A good RAW is one that can touch the feet of a Friday Night SmackDown/Raw Recap.
Best parts of the hug it out segment were Kane chest-bumping Bryan so he bounced back at least five feet, and Bryan struggling to maintain a straight face like he’s doing a Pod/Swarm promo.
argh, stop talking about king of trios, i will end up doing sadness pukes because i can’t go.
:(
I’m in the same boat Lobby. There better be an open discussion thread where we can make up what we think is happening.
We need to strap a wireless router to one guy, a GoPro to another, and like a MacBook Pro to a third so we can all just experience and chat
My thinks: Meng kills everyone at Trios, then joins the picnic and all the With Leather people become best friends with Meng and I cry a bunch afterwards.
A word of advice for With Leather picnickers: drink plenty of energy dranks & beware of ants, (especially the ones that wrassle).
Also – from watching Smackdown, Sandow and Ziggler need to form Team Slidey-Rolly. Otunga’s an alternate.
I’m still enjoying AJ a lot, and not just because I love her with the fire of a thousand suns.
I feel like the GM AJ in a pantsuit character tracks with crazy love-triangle AJ and submissive girlfriend AJ and even “a different kind of diva!” NXT AJ. If you took that girl and suddenly gave her wide-spread acceptance, corporate support, decision-making power and a ton of responsibility, her current character makes sense, even if it’s frustrating and less fun to watch.
She doesn’t have the confidence to actually break new ground in General Managing and be the best case scenario AJ-as-GM we were hoping for. She was just continuing what got her that widespread acceptance and attention in the first place (skipping, tilting her head, making googly eyes) and then adding the boring Teddy Long things that make live crowds cheer. But now the cracks are showing and she’s flipping out on people, losing wrestlers, getting disciplined by the “board of directors”, etc.
I don’t know. Whether any of that is intentional on WWE’s behalf is questionable, as is whether it’s going anywhere, but you have to fanwank your own logic to this stuff sometimes and it’s working for me.
Plus, oh my god she’s so pretty.
She is so really pretty.
And you’re correct. GM AJ does act more-or-less how you’d expect her to from her previous characterizations. She’s pissed off the people who she feels abused her by making them do exactly what they don’t want (Punk is still second banana and Bryan in the mid-card with a pointless feud) and her boring decisions track as her having zip business experience (because she’s been a dedicated wrestler since she was 19) and thus doing what she’s seen before as a wrestling fan.
AJ as GM has been trying so hard to make it work and it fails because she shouldn’t have been in this role in the first place. The great amount of power the job provides stole from her one the most important attributes that made her popular to begin with: her ability to give herself agency. AJ worked to involve herself in the June and July feuds with Bryan and Punk. As GM, she was given the job for no reason and simply by having it is obviously involved in the feuds without her jilted ex’s having any power to do anything about it (until Punk figured that the only winning move is not to play).
I’m as sure as anything that AJ will be good again and you’ll be happy to see that we all go back to loving her as much as we did a few months ago (I assume/hope she goes back to being an awesome secret super-villainess wrestler). Her firing (from GM) has been hinted at for weeks. Let’s consider this awful month or so where many of us disliked her story and you had to be a lone torch-bearer as a cold caught that is soon to be purged.
When you look at it like that it makes the past month or so easier to swallow. I just have doubts this is what they’re intentionally going for. I fully expect them to randomly pull the rug out from under her, pull a name out of a hat, put them in a suit, and tell them to make tag matches. But I hope I’m wrong and you guys are right.
I was thinking about this the other day. She never intended to be GM, she just got the job by skipping around and acting a bit crazy. So she thinks that she has to continue to act like this to stay popular, but still act gm-y and show authority but she can’t balance the two because, let’s face it, she’s in way over her head. And she realizes that.
The only issue I have with this is, we’ve seen so much of her, I wish they would’ve shown us some of her uncertainty and unsure moments. SHOW US that she’s not really confident in herself and her decisions, but puts on a brave face when she’s in front of everyone. We’ve seen her talk to mirrors and other inanimate objects, so why not just a little plot development of her speaking to Random Furniture Object in the Random GM Fake Wal- Cubica- Office.
I’d love to look at it like you are, but this really just stinks of the generic GM mold of everyone except Johnny.
I do love these because we are smart enough to actually make all this stupid stuff creative pulls out their collective posteriors make sense, but holy damn we are REALLY stretching the alternate character interpretation trope to it’s breaking point when we have to give half the roster that treatment.
- AJ is secretly in over her head and knows it, which causes her to act actually unstable rather than purposely playing everyone like she was before.
- Kofi’s inoffensive, relatively bland personality makes him a (super athletic) every man, pretty much the only likable face, and quite possibly the only sane person on the entire WWE roster (or in the entire WWE universe?). (this is my interpretation contribution)
- Big Johnny genuinely wanted what’s best for the company but was stuck between asshole faces that refuse to respect him and asshole higher ups that don’t respect him either and constantly threaten his job that he’s stuck asskissing and it all causes him to snap sometimes.
- Ziggler is posturing, knows he’s not as good as he boasts, and Vickie knows he’s only a small step up from Swagger too, so they are both legit shocked whenever he beats upper-tier competition.
- Sheamus is really a heel in sheep’s clothing. Okay, this doesn’t require any real leap. His “oh crap” reaction after Del Rio beat Orton to reclaim his #1 contendership practically canonizes it.
- John Cena is an epically self-absorbed bully so incapable of comprehending defeat that he can’t admit Punk is better than him despite Punk consistently besting him every single time they’ve crossed swords in the past year+.
- Brock Lesnar can shoot kill you face-to-face anytime he wishes, but is a petulant manchild that is just as happy attacking or low blowing you from behind or being a racist dick just to screw with you simply because he can.
What other character theories have Brandon and rest of us posited around here? Might be fun to compile all of it to see just how screwed up everything is in WWE at this point.
Irishman here, and you’d be surprised at the amount of Irish people that do pronounce it Chicargo. Sheamus’s colossally thick Dublin Accent just exaggerated the fact that he was quite clearly doing it wrong.
As an Irish guy who (briefly) knew the lug when he was working in Britain, he’s also exaggerating it a bit so there’s very much an excess of accent. OI LUV CHICARGER, ALWAYS HAVE!
When Swagger returns he should completely remove any non-USA offense from his repertoire (And the word repertoire from his vocabulary). No more Irish whips, German suplexes, European uppercuts, Fujiwara armbars, planchas, etc. Just a bunch of Alabama slams and Oklahoma rolls.
Swagger’s been in need of a new theme song for ages. It just never fit his character.
Just give him JBL as a manager and let it write itself.
“Remove any non-USA offense”, you say?
OK.
But only if he gets to add space offense, (Moonsault & Shooting Star Press)
Lets go the opposite way and make him an American defector. Soviet sympathizer is outdated, how about we tell him to YouTube the Iron Sheik and give him the link to Iran on Wikipedia?
Well, of course space offense is allowed. USA owns the moon, after all.
Freedom Suplexes and Founding Father Armbars.
but we already have USA GUY
RonSwanson’s got the right idea. Rename the foreign maneuvers.
“In a perfect world, Heath Slater would be the one on a winning streak. But hey, pro wrestling and food service are the only jobs in the world where the best in the business are the ones losing spectacularly.”
Well I believe sir, that you and I have different “perfect worlds” I want this comeback for Ryder. I’m liking it so far and I hope they don’t fuck this up for me. Don’t worry, Slater has a lot of screen time so he’ll get his. But Ryder is finally coming back on Raw and I’m riding this til the wheels inevitably come off.
Other than that, great article once again.
In 91 days, expect a spaceship to decend from the rafters in the Impact(!) Zone, as Jake Hager claims Orlando in the name of Planet Earth.
I had the worst delayed reaction to the cloverleaf. Like it wasnt till this mornig where i went: “oh the Irish guy used a a cloverleaf, I get it!”
Also worst to Jack Swagger for tapping out so quick to the cloverlef, cmon brah, struggle a bit!
Man I think you’re way off base on the AJ/Vickie story. It’s the perfect mirror to the Bryan/Kane story.
AJ put Bryan and Kane in anger management because AJ hates Bryan and wants to see him fail/get destroyed by Kane. Hopefully this storyline leads to Bryan and Kane eventually being a tag team or something and thus going against AJ’s original plan.
AJ in turn is falling a part and can’t handle the stress of the job. HER anger is getting her in trouble and without hope she’ll be enrolled into anger management as well.
It’s the perfect way to get AJ and Bryan back together! IT’S PERFECT!
Shipping is sick and wrong.
So is watching RAW every week, but we do it anyway.
The Funkadactyls should really have understudies for this situation.
Just noticed that Cesaro’s finisher is the “Neutralizer.” Clever double-meaning there, as Cesaro is billed from Switzerland, and Switzerland is famously neutral in foreign affairs.
Cesaro’s finisher always leaves me sad. Every time he does it I think it’s going to be a piledriver and it never is.
I don’t mind the move, but I’m always sad that it’s not Swiss Death.
I feel that the Neutralizer is destined to go the way of Sheamus’ Irish Curse and eventually get demoted to a “signature move.”
I always find myself comparing it to a Styles Clash, even if I don’t want to think about that.
Great write up, Brandon! I agree so much on the lame Layla/Miz shouting match. It was horrendous and a wasted opportunity to talk up the divas division. It also made Layla come off like a 16yr old in a Facebook fight, and yeah it was just awful.
And as someone who has always liked Kane, I love that other people love him now. Kane and DBry forever, you guys.
Look, Brandon, you’ve been a personal hero of mine since I read the 25 Greatest Moments of Pee Wee’s Playhouse on Progressive Boink. I’ve loved the Dugout since 2006, and 6 years of fandom on the internet is a long time.
That being said, I love these reports and usually read them before I even watch the episode because I like to have my perspective colored by someone who seems to understand what’s happening MUCH BETTER than I do. It makes my involvement in the show much deeper and makes me love wrestling even more.
THAT being said, puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeease proofread these before you post them. I know they’re long and take forever to write, but when sentences don’t make sense or words look like they’ve been auto-corrected on a cell phone it makes me sad.
I’m sorry, dude. That’s really my only problem that I’ve ever had with you, but I’ve noticed it getting worse these last few weeks.
That was the reference of my dreams, Brandon. I recently started watching every Chikara DVD I can get my heads on for cheap and I started with 2009 Trios almost exclusively for Team Uppercut.
One of my favorite things about last night’s rather wonderful Raw was that they did what you were asking them to do in a previous column and just having a lot of, y’know, WRESTLING on the show. It may not be the greatest and it doesn’t necessarily have to be, but just filling that extra time with Ryder-Slater or a Divas match that actually allows them to have storylines is so much nicer than showing the same promo eighteen times during a three-hour period and recapping everything else that happened.
As much as anything else (the crisp storytelling, the briskly-paced in-ring promo stuff, the surprisingly enjoyable main event match), just replacing the repetitive stuff with other matches made last night’s Raw feel fun and easy to watch in a way it hasn’t been overall.
Also Triple H wasn’t there.
Triple H really does seem to be the biggest problem. When he’s not there, and doesn’t have a match coming up, the show flows SO much better; because we aren’t subjected to all those recaps.
The only thing better than Paul E.’s drive by, would have been if he had also reached into his pocket…tossed a couple of bucks at Cena and then drove off.
Or if ‘A Real Hero’ started playing as they drove away.
Miz deserved a shout out on the “Texas Cloverleaf, Son!” section.
Also, surprised that a comment did not make it (or exist??) that noted how the hood of the car did a better job delivering the second part of the GTS than Punk ever could.
So many hugs, who knew that would be the best of Raw we’ve seen in forever.
I can now officially add Antonio Cesaro’s ‘buh-bang, buh-bang’ taint to the list of wrestling taunts I’ve tried in real life.
I think it’s Aksana’s taint that’s getting “buh-bang”ed.
Thanks for the Top 10 pick, Brandon. And I’ve learned to love the Hug. It just seemed odd switching back to Raw after leaving for 45 minutes to see Daniel Bryan and Kane hugging. It was #4 in “Top 10 Things I Don’t Expect to Watch on Raw”.
You do fine work on this site, and these posts in particular. I would like to thank you for making Tuesdays less-mundane.
Watching AJ’s character get pantsed (suited) Corporately (is that a word? If it is, does it make sense in this context? High school was a long time ago) makes me yearn for the days when this site’s servers would cartoonishly spew steam (speculation) from overload every time she would appear. Now, I found myself wishing that she didn’t interrupt what I thought was turning out to be a fun promo between Punk and Sheamus.
Antonio Cesaro looks like a mash-up of every Bond villain from 1970-1979. He could’ve played nicely as a trusted Fassbender goon in “Haywire”. I like him, is what I think I’m trying to say.
The “Jim Ross Memorial Tour of Enduring Embarrassing Things” run that Lawler has been on has been gratifying, but man, I still don’t like him being around in ANY context, even if he’s getting throttled weekly.
I like CM Punk, you guys. I like Paul Heyman, too, like any other normal person would. And, I think the two of them could put a memorable run together. Maybe it all comes full-circle, and AJ is the modern-day Missy Hyatt. I know the idea of pitting Punk and Heyman together is to further expedite Punk’s heel turn (and this lends instant credibility to it), but I’m fairly certain Pink doesn’t need a mouthpiece. But hey–Dangerous Alliance 2: Skipping Seduction is a wagon I will board.
Where is the “Black Dynamite” Open Discussion?
Brandon – I don’t say this enough. Thank you for doing these recaps and creating this community. I love reading your reports, and even if I don’t get all the references, and I still can’t get into adventure time. (My best friend loves it, so I’ve watched plenty of episodes, just not my bag I guess). But you are always funny and insightful, and I appreciate it.
Any real wrasslin’ fan knows that Jerry Lawler is The Man and the one true King.
I Facebook Liked this post so I could get the Swagger badge, thinking it would be my first one and the best one to take my Uproxx Commenter Badge Virginity on. Only then did I discover (being a noob) that I already had the +Rhodes badge. Confusion is setting in.
Oh well. The column was great, as usual.
Sudden epiphany:
John Cena walks like that because he’s doing a “Boston Crab” :o
Hand to God, I thought you were going to be BESTing Vickie slapping AJ and witch-laughing at her. Thank you for acknowledging that it was a horrible thing to see and I’m very sorry that AJ got you so angry you had to call her a butthole. I feel like this is the OMG I HATE CM PUNK SO MUCH YOU GUYS moments from right around this time last year. CM Punk got you excited for wrestling again, then they took his character in a new direction and there was sort of a betrayal involved. Now that he’s moving back into a more comfortable position, it’s hard to say whether he’s just that damned good or there’s an amount of excited mark inside just happy someone kicked Lawler in the head.
AJ as GM is a new direction, one that took her out of the character we liked and into some weird, half-thought out thing. In time, this will either fail spectacularly and we’ll honestly never see her again (because Divas don’t get second chances) or this storyline will resolve and she’ll be this new, third thing. Deep breaths, remember your exercises.
And Afternoon Delight is my new hero.
I dunno, I rather liked Miz. He was nervous and kinda halting for a bit, but eventually he warmed right up. I honestly hope that King gets the time to take a vacation or something and they stick with other people plus Cole.
Also, it was neat to hear Miz call out moves and put over other wrestlers. And Cole not put himself other every other minute.
I had a replay of Raw on in the lunchroom at work when the Kane/D-Bry segment came on. The two people in there with me immediately started calling for them to hug. The juxtaposition of hugging and
violence, underscored by the difficult to deny homoerotic nature of professional wrestling in general, makes for classic entertainment.
Just enjoyed that you referenced Konnan doing WCW commentery in 96 with the “Splash Mountain into a pin against Psicosis” reference. I’ll never forget how proud he looked after knowing the finish move, & that in 96 no one else did
I am sharing away, but I do not seem to be getting a Jack Swagger badge, and now I am having a sad. :(
And all my other badges appear to be gone, too. Sigh.
I have “No Swagger Badge” sads, too. :(
We’ve been bamboozled! WHERE’S MY SPACEMAN?!?
I was promised punch & pie! WHERE IS IT!!!??? RAWR!
*puts on shades*
Been reading B/W Raw for over a year now, and I’m stunned that it took the prospect of a Thwagger on Mars badge for me to break down and finally comment. As to the show, D-Bry killed (as usual) and I’m a complete mark for FCA matches. My favorite of those was Miz/JoMo on the first RAW of 2011.
Wow, so it turns out King is an ass and a bully in Real Life, too:
[www.youtube.com]
I wish I could joke with people about wrestling in real life like I do with you guys. Most of my friends stopped watching a long time ago, so most of our humorous wrestling comments is related to guessing how much cocaine Macho Man did before each interview.
I hate that the WWE has spit on the legacy of WCW,NWA at every turn but they did it to themselves with the last 4 years of WCW. Seeing Sheamus and Jack “milk toast” Swagger winning the big gold belt sucks, but its a helluva better than seeing a shitty actor or Jeff Jarrett wearing it (I know Jarrett is a good wrestler, but I have never seen him as championship material. He’s like Christian. Good wrestler, but he is second tier.)
How dare you defame J-E-Double F J-A-Double R-E-Double T in such a manner, sir.
Every Daniel Bryan segment is made that little bit better by the fact it looks like he’s a second away from corpsing pretty much the entire time.
RumHam should get an honorable mention in the top 10 this week: “Little Jimmy, …no!” when Aj kicked the chair over and threw it out of the ring.
I think RumHam and T-Boggs Bear should get their own Top 10 since they are always hilarious.
Good stuff. I have nothing funny to say.
I don’t know. I DID laugh at your comment…
Lance Storm’s poor reaction was disheartening. He needs a hug.
So Triple H got a haircut. Apparently the “retired” thing to do is cut off all your hair. You know, since Edge did it. Shawn Michaels is late to the party though.
WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT ONE OF THE COSTARS OF “INAPPROPRIATE PONYTAIL THEATER!!!!???”
B,
“Extreme Rules you clown,” I think were my exact words during Sheamus vs Swags. Does Michael Cole have to participate in the Wellness Program, because even my 7-year old nephew (who has the attention span of a gnat) probably remembers the Texas Cloverleaf from Extreme Rules. Also, I feel sorry for the “average” WWE fan who makes homophobic comments like that. I hug my male friends on a regular basis–gay, straight or otherwise. HUGS! HUGS! HUGS!
E