First the newsy part – with very little surprise, former reality TV star and current girl who had a son with Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari, has “opened her home” to People Magazine, which is a very pleasant way of saying that she sold the first photos of her son, Camden Jack, to the popular celebrity magazine. And there he is above… wait a second, is that baby smiling? Yo, someone get Maury Povich on line 1, because I think we have a serious paternity test issue here. The fact that this kid didn’t pop out of the womb with two middle fingers in the air already has me concerned enough.
And now the fun part. Yesterday, my cool cousin with a sleeveless letterman jacket, Christmas Ape, posted one of the greater J-Cutty stories that we’ve heard in quite some time, and I don’t care if it’s an urban legend or not, because it just has to be true. In fact, if you go back and watch the highlights of him throwing four interceptions against the Green Bay Packers, and imagine him yelling, “DOOOONNNNNN’T CAAAAAAAAARE” after each one, well, it’s amazing.
To add to this little party, our good friend Bobby Big Wheel Tweeted about a new Tumblr discovery yesterday, referring to “Smokin’ Jay Cutler”. At first I was like, “That’s such a bad nickname for him” because he’s more of a “Bongload Jay” or “Titty Bar Jay” or just plain, old J-Cutty. But upon examination of “Smokin’ Jay”, it’s something completely different. It makes no sense, but I guarantee you’ll look at it and say, “This just seems right.” It also goes very well with @NotJayCutler's Tweets.
After the jump, I’ve included some of Smokin’ Jay’s finest and I made one of my own, because it was incredibly necessary and will probably be my new fantasy football team logo.














He’s like the Zack Greinke of football. Except Zack actually wants to change his behavior.
My buddy told me a great Greinke story that I had to promise not to post, because it’s not nice to make fun of people like him. But one day, if he does something really dumb, that story’s coming out blazing. Hint: It involves freaking out over fantasy basketball.
I’m getting a weird Jimmy Dugan vibe from #6. Cutler’s drunk and he’s gotta stumble out, throw the first pitch and then maybe autograph some kid’s 8×10 with “Don’t get the clap – J-Cutty”
Also, in some of Cutler’s more morose pictures, he reminds me of a slightly less jowly Eugene Mirman, like in #2.
His name is Camden Jack? He sounds like someone who will have a promising career selling salt water taffy and peanut brittle at the boardwalk.
Of course the baby is smiling. Just look at that photo down and to the left a little. Makes any boy happy.
As for Jay, I speak for pretty much everyone outside Chicago and Denver when I say… Oh, that’s what he looks like!
It’s funny because BOOBS.
This was great.
But if he contracts lung cancer and apathetically succumbs to death, who will lead my team to a rousing 9-7 record?
“P-p-p-please d-d-d-d-don’t sack m-mm-my daddy” – Camden Jack
NEWSFLASH! Smokin’ Jay Cutler’s biological parents uncovered!
My baby is cuter…