Here are the things you need to know for this story to make sense:

  • Aaron Rodgers is friends with Boyz II Men.
  • The Packers lost to the 49ers yesterday.
  • Wait, did I just say “Aaron Rodgers is friends with Boyz II Men”?

Jesus. I really need to become an NFL quarterback. Anyway, here goes:

According to TMZ, Rodgers asked Boyz II Men to sing the national anthem before the opener at Lambeau Field. Nathan Morris of the group laid a bet on the table. If the Packers lost the game, Morris proposed, Rodgers would have to wear a 49ers jersey through this entire week. Morris would have had to wear a Packers jersey through this week had Green Bay won, but he’s not a professional football player — he doesn’t have to go to team meetings and film room and all other game-prep functions wearing the colors of the opposing team. [Shutdown Corner]

As a fan of Boyz II Men, football, and stupid shenanigans that result in someone famous being forced to do something embarrassing, I should love this story. And yet, here I sit, in a living room located squarely in Eastern Pennsylvania, FURIOUS that Nathan Morris of Boyz II Men is a 49ers fan. Philadelphia’s own Nathan Morris of Boyz II Men, who sang a song called “Motownphilly,” cheers for a team from literally across the country. A team that he probably only started liking because they were good back when he was a kid. This simply will not do. I mean, what am I supposed to do with this information? Next you’ll tell me DJ Jazzy Jeff likes the Mets, or Hall & Oates root for the Cowboys.

The whole thing makes me so angry I could huck a battery at a toddler.