Hello, Internet wrestling fans!
As you’re reading this, I’m probably on an airplane back to Austin following a week in San Francisco and a weekend in Las Vegas SummerSlamming. That means the scheduling for the Best And Worst Of Raw reports will be a little staggered … Best and Worst Of SummerSlam should be up as early as Tuesday morning, and I’ll make sure to get a Raw report out quickly thereafter. Or maybe Raw first and SummerSlam on Wednesday? Let me know what would work best for you guys.
No Raw preview up as I’m writing, so I’ll make one up:
After an HELLACIOUS Perfect Storm at SummerSlam, WWE C.O.O. Triple H has a broken-ish arm, a newly-developed disdain for small children and a bone to pick with Brock Lesnar. Now that it’s Monday afternoon and Triple H is totally healed, what will The Game have to say on Raw? Also on the show, CM Punk does a thing.
Don’t forget our gimmick of giving the 10 best comments from the open discussion thread a spot in the Best And Worst Of Raw column. You can nominate a comment by replying to it with a +1. Those reports will be good, I promise.
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Even the notion of Jericho being fake fired is depressing to me.
Like I know he’s been disappointing or whatever, and I don’t like how he’s been acting like a big man baby about stuff, but dammit all he’s my favorite ever and I came buckets for my favoritest guys ever fighting at the Wrestlemania.
Anyway, can’t wait to see him and Jax on RAW next week.
PROUD PARENT ALERT: I normally don’t let the 3-year-old watch wrestling with me, but I was flipping back and forth between Eagles/Patriots and RAW before her bedtime – I flipped over to RAW during the Heyman/Lesnar segment at the top of the show, and the three-year-old laughed, pointed at Paul Heyman and yelled “HE’S GOT A PONYTAIL! THAT’S SO SILLY!!”
Only 3 and she already understands the concept of Inappropriate Ponytail Theater. Love this kid so much.
Had to step away from the Discussion Thread w/about 1hr of RAW to go.
I don’t know if anyone mentioned it last night but…
Did you guys see Dolph’s MiTB Briefcase? It sells just as good as Dolph does!!!!! :D
Thing bounced off of Dolph about 20 feet.
And did a neato spin flip toward the camera!
I propose that Josh Mathews be hurled off-camera into steel pipes/equipment boxes/catering tables by whichever Superstar/Diva happens to be the angriest that week.
The biggest regret of my life is not seeing CM Punk kick Lawler in the head. It will be the greatest day of my life if Stinger gifs that for tomorrow.
Will do, sexy boy!
Not for nothing, but I just got home from the show… I was the guy in the Ziggler shirt engaged in the D-Bry v fans YES NO YES NO fight.
Also, John Cena has ZERO idea how Fresno feels about our sports teams. 2 losses into football season and that place is down to 60% capacity. Down from 80% capacity. We are the worst frontrunners.
A punker wouldn’t care so much about “The Spotlight.” They should call him CM Emo!
WORST: BROCK LESNAR TOUT®.
Since AW isn’t around anymore, why isn’t Big Johnny on my tv right now managing the Primetime players? Also, if Brockus going away again until Syrvuvor Series or whenever, can I expect Paul Heyman to stick around to manage Jack Swagger, Tensai, or hell, even Alex Riley? Why can’t we have nice things?
Tensai isn’t going anywhere, and Alex Riley is too much of a bland, affable douche for Heyman to give much direction to. Actually, I think ARy & Ezekiel Jackson might make a halfway decent Power and Glory redux to fill out the tag ranks. But I think you nailed it with Jack Swagger. Pairing him up with Heyman has all sorts of potential, and would probably leave Swagger in a better place when they part ways. Swagger has a certain *something* that nobody has seemed to be able to quite pinpoint as of yet, but if anyone can find it AND bring it out of him, I would think Paul Heyman is that man.
Just announced, CM Punk is officially #1 on the PWI500 for 2012. Too bad they won’t use that i the storyline!
And Sarah Del Rey made the main list, only the 4th lady to do so.
That’s great and all…
But you expect me to believe their are 429 other wrestlers that are better than her?
Puh-Lease.
This is true. Talent-for-talent, she’s gotta be top-50, right?
I’m not nearly the level of Sara Del Rey fan that I feel like I should be if I paid more attention to the indies, but doesn’t she wrestle guys on the reg, anyway? Or am I mixing her up with someone else?
Guys, the list is partially kayfabe, so it takes into account win-loss and titles won. Her ranking is probably pretty fair, if you take that into account.
I forget where I read this or who said it (sorry!) but someone made the point that indy promotions usually get really good when Del Rey starts working in them. So, yeah, I think she’s great in the ring but also happens to make whatever promotion she’s in better.
Also announced, BookSavvy is officially # 14 on the list of crazy Librarians, but only because she swept the Brony category in a landslide of inappropriate proportions. When reached for comment, she was quoted as saying ‘ ALL THE THIS BUSINESSES”
I’m gonna need a reference material of C Words that I’m not allowed to use around AJ.
I legit liked HHH in a super legit way back in the year ___________.
2000
I myself can’t think of a year. I did actually like the guy back in the day. It wasn’t until he and others kept referencing the attitude era, and trying like hell to recreate what it was that I got disappointed. Instead of building new talent, and creating a new era, they kept bringing back old timers and tried like hell to go back in time. It got sad. Look at the new video game for proof. It’s cool that all the guys from back in the day are on there, but I want a FULL roster of the people we have now. I want to play with future, and they are stuck in the past. And I’m watching wrestling on a regular basis, so what am I even talking about? haha
Well back when HHH was the numero uno heel in the company, I was young and a huge mark so I absolutely hated him like a kid hates a heel.
By the time I came back to wrestling, I saw that he was still around doing things and I was just kind of like: “oh right, this asshole.”
So never really I guess. But my hatred of him now and then are two very different types of hate.
I’m with Ray; I loved HHH from late ’99 through the quad injury. I may be in the minority but I at least liked him again during the feud with Batista and the first DX reunion (yet I still love Shawn). But nothing tops HHH circa 2000. Otherwise there’s been a whole lot of THIS BUSINESS and boredo
since.
1997 – 2001… Aytch was one of my favs, especially since I no longer had my HBK after ‘Mania XIV. But I REALLY hated Steph. Loved Angle too. ::shrug:: we all have our skeletons. ;)
Nobody will ever believe me, but I am proud to say I never liked HHH. I was super stoked when Ultimate Warrior squashed him at ‘Mania.
I was never a big fan of his, but I loved his old “My Time” entrance theme during the McMahon/Helmsley era and I loved Stephanie pre-boob job, so I was usually happy when he showed up.
Right up till McMahon-Helmsley era, when he’d cut two-uh twenty-uh minute-uh promos-uh per Raw.
Plus, whenever he started making the sledge his weapon of choice. Because that shit is like the Berzerker’s sword- he can never REALLY use it, and so it’s just stupid that he even wields it. But it’s a symbol of how he’s the baddest and coolest guy in the room ever.
I wasn’t here for the discussion, but here are my top 5 Facebook statuses during Raw!
“Apparently Brock Lesnar is the new Jesus?” (In reply to him being the new King of Kings)
“Can we replace Titus O’Neil and Darren Young with Uhaa Nation and ACH? Please?” (Seriously you guys.)
“AJ Lee is Teddy Long in disguise. Making tag matches and of course making people wrestle RANDEH! ORTAWN!!” (-_-)
“WWE, where the good people cheat and pick on the brown people. Be A Star.” (Because Racism you guys.)
“I like that WWE lives in a Universe where a fight can get you out of a lawsuit, and void out a contract.” (So you can go back on tour.)
3000!!! *Vegeta voice*
almost there….
(ten episodes later)
2,998 comments! Almost there!
I will miss HHH terribly
We’ll all try to cope in our own ways, but the pain in our HHHearts will never fade away completely.
Goodnight sweet King of Kings, we HHHardly knew ye
To help boost us to 3k, I’ll ask a question: Anyone watch Gravity Falls? Kristin Schaal is amazing.
No I haven’t, but she’s awesome.
She really is
Basically the same character she plays on Bob’s Burgers eh?
We’re almost to Andre 3000 comments gang!
Hey ya!
Michael Cole failed to mention that #WWEPornNames is trending worldwide on Twitter.
I hope they put together a video package for Triple H next week, set to “Tell Me A Lie”
Dude, I totally tried to get us to do a sing along and no one took the bait :(
sorry i am a doofus and didn’t recognize the song BookSavvy
:(
It’s okay. I’m just far too big of an HBK mark ;) Probably shouldn’t admit I have that song…
I’m debated doing the package myself, but my version would’ve just been him giving Booker T a pedigree over and over.
I took the bait :(
Cena: Punk, when are you going to give up this crazy respect scheme?
Punk: Never, Cena! Never! I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy ice cream bars. Sure, I might offend a few of the main eventers with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “Kevin Nash’s” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this CM Punk?”
+1
That whole final segment goes differently if Punk brings a Poo Stick with him.
“SAY I HAD THE TITULAR LINE IN STAR WARS, JERRY.”
I dont get why punk got booed. Jerry Lawler is a dick. Is he a good guy this week because he perved out the Diva Battle Royal? Jerry getting beaten up always >>> anyone else doing anything.
For the “WWE Universe”, Lawler is the “good” guy and Cole is the “bad” guy. And I don’t mean, like, Lawler is a good person. I mean, of course, that most WWE fans determine who the good guy is in any situation by who Jerry Lawler likes. And the bad guy in any situation is who Michael Cole likes. So if, as a regular WWE fan, you unconciously accept that then it’s completely logical to boo Punk in any Punk vs. Lawler situation where Punk seems mean and aggressive.
What was Cena’s point?
That Punk hasn’t beaten him enough?
That he won’t earn respect until he beats him 4 times?
I can do it! I can do it nine times!
Cena’s point is that he sells more t-shirts than Punk and, so, like, fuck you!
FUCK THIS RAW NOT ENOUGH HHH GOOD NIGHT.
Why don’t I get any respect? Could it have anything to do with cold-cocking a 62-year old while he was walking away from me?
Yeah but that 62 year old allegedly has a thing for minors. Isn’t the fact that he didn’t cold cock a 62 year old why we don’t like Joe Paterno? Punk was finally being a star.
Let’s see, we have Cena’s beating/stripping/BBQ-saucing of defenseless non-wrestler Cole. Then there’s Sheamus going way beyond mere preemptive self defense with his frequent sneak attacks on worn out opponents right after matches he had nothing to do with, not to mention his recent constant screwing with Del Rio. Then we have Funkasaurus obliterating a guy post-match that beat him basically fair & square. Seriously, grabbing the tights has rarely worked since the early-90s. And Lawler is willing to justify any of the above and more if it’s a face doing it, which is completely hypocritical. What Punk did was no worse than any of the above faces, and at least he has actual, stated, completely valid motivation behind his dickishness.
WWE’s idea of a surprise isn’t to fill your wrapped Christmas gift with a cool toy you never would have expected, but to let you walk downstairs in the morning to your parents saying “Surprise! No more Christmas!”
With that head injury, Jerry Lawler is going to be sensical, enjoyable, witty and enlightening at the commentary desk next week.
Truly now that would be a Bizarro world worth living in.
Finally, with that blow to the back of the head, Jerry Lawler gets a small taste of his own medicine for all the donkey punches he administered to Miss Kitty.
Don’t worry Punk, in two weeks you’ll be in Chicago and Lawler will have to pretend we’re booing you.
So in WWE logic, John Cena > WWE Champion.
And the WWE wonder why the fans they lost won’t come back.
John Cena is the biggest Mary Sue since all the other Mary Sues that have existed in near constant succession throughout WW(W)F/E history. I despise it so hard, but you can look back and see that it has been like this to some degree pretty much forever there.
In WWE logic John Cena > The goddamn Batman.
Cole’s final words before the end of tonight’s Raw: “I think Triple H just said goodbye”
Okay so, Punk heel turn, Cena wins at NoC. Gnight everyone!
Punk no sold that Cena speech like a champ.
So….
Cena is a TRUE Face (or the most true of the faces)
Punk is a heel that gets the face treatment
Lawler is a pedo
Bryan is best in the world
Sheamus is a dick
Ziggler is awesome
Jericho is “fired”
But none of that matters because everything is about HHH…
did i miss anything?
Kaitlyn clotheslines so hard that you come BACK into the ring afterward.
Needed more HHH.
The WWE Universe doesn’t revolve around you Punk!!!!!!! … It revolves around Tout
Jesus H. Christ they almost threw the Cena/Rock graphic right across Punk’s face. That’s either great attention to detail or accidental brilliance.
*Jesus HHH Christ
+1 Lobster
Gah, how’d I miss that! +1
WWE Creative Humor WWE Creative Humor @WWECreative_ish
That kick by @CMPunk was unsolicited & unwelcome, which are words that usually describe Lawler’s actions #RAWTonight
WWE: Then, Now, Triple H
Best: Two straight recaps of constant Worst.
Oh God GI Joe, someone bring back Raw
Open Discussion Thread on “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”? Anyone? Anyone?
why is Storm Shadow wearing dockers?
Actually really like this movie, but I’m a sucker for redheads.
Product placement.
Fresno is the worst.
Raw lasted longer than Summerslam.
“Who hits an innocent pedophile, you jerk!?”
+1
“No, Punk, I literally can’t say that. HHH has rules and stuff.”
Lawler deserved that for many reasons, but the most of which was passive-aggressively bumping into Punk as he left the ring.
I have expected a picture of Triple H to be shown at the end.
Next week’s Raw Opening will be of HHH with the “Now, Then, Forever” Slogan.
CM Punk/JTG it’s Night of Championships from the TD Garden
Fuck it. I LOVED that.
Even Preacher Voice Cena made sense. It was like the 2 hour HHH tribute never happened.
All I honestly want is logical matches set up by logical situations. Both Punk and Cena were great and while I’m not too hot on Lawler v. Punk at Night Of Champions, it delays the inevitable Cena vs. Punk match to a bigger, more important card.
wait….so who is the #1 contender?
Triple H
Pete Gas
Ralphus.
CP Munk