Tonight’s Raw preview:
As SummerSlam draws closer, the plots surrounding the two World Championships have begun to thicken considerably. For the past several weeks, it seemed like the champions were well on the road to retaining their titles, handling their opposition with relative ease and a solid game plan, re-establishing their dominance at each turn. Now, though, WWE Champion CM Punk and World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus find themselves mired in circumstances potentially beyond their control as the summer classic approaches. How will the champs respond? (via WWE.com)
In other Raw news, ‘Jersey Shore’s’ DJ Pauly D will guest star, which should be f**king delightful.
A couple of reminders … I’m going to be in California this week for SummerSlam, and Burny’s going to be holding down the fort while I’m gone. I don’t do this enough in these wrestling columns and threads, but consider reading the rest of the site, would you? I usually work crummy wrestling jokes into places they don’t belong anyway. Even if you don’t like sports a lot, you’ll find something to enjoy. Anyway, me being live for SummerSlam means I’m going to try (key word: try) to have a Best And Worst Of WWE SummerSlam 2012 Live column ready to go before I board a plane on Monday morning, so look out for that, as well as our normal SummerSlam discussion thread opening this Friday.
Also, if you aren’t following me on Twitter already, make sure to do so and follow along with my WWE ’13 hands-on experience/live roster reveal thing on Saturday. Sure, you can probably find info about it on a forum somewhere already, but play along, jerks.
As always, the 10 best comments from tonight’s open discussion thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst of WWE Raw report. To nominate a comment for top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1. If it’s a racist comment and it has like fifteen +1s after it, I’m going to use it as a top comment just to shame you and look like a hypocrite.
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Bork didn’t kidnap HBK. He was taking him for a joyride!
did somebody already make an armbreak kid joke?
A rerun of WWEwniverse Trending Worldwide Raw Tout Inc. rarely if ever airs except when there’s a PPV coming up, which explains why the show has been the same since the beginning of July.
The way they had the night booked was really weird. It’s like they forgot that RAW was 3 hours and had to shoe-horn in the whole Sandow/Funkasaurus fued and the Triple H thing in after what was/should have been the main event?
Chris Jericho will be signing autographs in Austin at Waterloo Records at 1 pm. Paul London will be at Waterloo Records stocking Fozzy CDs.
on a seperate note i’m glad to finally have made my way back to commenting. maybe i’ll actually comment on a open discussion thread when people are really on next time. Goodbye?
Ah, WWE one of the few places it perfectly acceptable to strech 10 minutes of action into 40. I should have stopped watching as soon as i saw that stupid parking lot fade out scene.
I totally thought Piper was starting to see Lil’ Jimmy when she started shaking and screaming about the LITTLE BOY RIGHT THERE IN THE RED SHIRT WHO SUPPORTS YOU Y2J!
I’m watching on DVR, but I have to ask…Is there a uMo runin?
Can someone make a YouTube video of that last segment with “for Shawn Michaels, the boyhood dream has come true” dubbed over it?
Ryback is the approximation of every pro wrestler plotline from an ABC sitcom.
He should come out in a yellow singlet with a barcode on the back.
+Cory Matthews
The squeaky JTG gets the squash.
When I saw he was on Raw, I thought maybe his Twitter outburst was part of some “trick the fans” push, a la Matt Hardy and his tweets before returning to get squashed by Edge.
Then I saw he was wrestling Ryback.
When did Gillberg start doing Just for Men commercials?
Man, we didn’t get to see Pauly D getting the Broski Boot.
Shawn Michaels smiles with his arms, so this is a catastrophe
His smile may have been compromised to a permanent end.
yeah…I’d still take one-armed HBK in a match over watching HHH
Who stuck around to watch The Mummy?
that girl in the opening scene is extremely attractive
Alright, Brandon. Good luck writing the report and remember, you already used the monkey drinking his pee video for That Episode so you can’t use it again.
he can use it
he WILL use it
He’s already used it twice, dont see why he wouldnt use it a 3rd time…
That’s it from me. It’s been emotional.
you go to bed glen coco
Honestly, wrestling fans are the worst.
We aren’t even talking about Michael McGillicutty being involved in the final segment!
Zack Ryder’s next installment of Z! True Long Island Story will be of him begging to not be on Raw
Did it look like Brock was wearing a shirt emblazoned with Kurt Vonnegut’s signature drawing of an asshole to anyone else? It was all I could think about during that last segment.
Easy to see how Lesnar went downhill in UFC.
MMA fighters don’t break arms when they bend them naturally at the elbow.
Fans aren’t supposed to know that
Hey man it looked hurty.
“His arm is broken”
“GRAB THE NECKBRACE”
“Where exactly did you get your degree?”
“I didn’t, but I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night”
PLOT TWIST: Lesnar was getting payback for what HBK did to Sandow on Raw 1000.
Sandow’s been teaching Brock his letters, after all.
Why do I feel like they completely improvised the last 15 minutes?
Breaking a man’s arm can’t be good for Jimmy John’s.
they stayed with him thus far
Maybe they support it
Jimmy John’s, supporting broken arms since 1952
*breaking
that hit and run preview, made me more interested…….i laughed.
Anyone else notice the homoerotic undertones between HHH and hbk?
Only for the past 15 years or so.
UNDER tones? I think they are just tones at this point.
Slashers have been writing about it for over a decade now.
You know how Shawn would close his eyes during like a blowjob joke during the 07 dx run? Cause Jesus or something. Do you think HBK just sort of closes his eyes…and you know, Jesus wont notice.
@Ari, I wouldnt mind another Fan Fiction WithSpandex reading. A Shawn/Hunter would be perfect for that.
Heymans reaction was amazing “dude, you actually broke his arm? Not cool man not cool”
You should see Heyman’s reaction when Brock shoots somebody in the dick, then.
In leau of the $45 it would cost on the PPV, I will go to the casino and bet that amount. What game should I play and what should I bet it on?
slots
Roulette. Always bet on Bork. I mean Black.
ride the red wave.
saw one of the worst raws ever at mohegan sun (thanks jeremy piven! #summerfest), and right before the event we all decided to throw down on black. after losing a collective $~150, we hung around to watch red hit 17 consecutive times.
I dont know whats worse 3 hours of raw or an extended preview of a dax sheppard movie
HHH’s suit budget has to be astronomical. Every week is throwing away suit jackets and tearing perfectly good shirts.
Goodnight to all of my little Stingers. You all are the best and have brought me back from the very edge of darkness and despair.
You guys I only caught the last 30 seconds of Raw. Did Shawn Michaels get raped?
On the bright side, Shawn can’t kill any animals with his crossbow arm incapacitated. Always look on the bright side of life…
+EricIdle
I love you, Shawn. Don’t let those two do you wrong.(I mean HHH and Vince)
Now Shawn and Hunter can get matching lime green glow-in-the-dark casts.
+1. Just got me.
This show should have ended with Hunter finding Shawn standing in a basement corner, then Hunter collapses and then we cut to black.
+blair witch
“Douchebags with long hair fighting” Wait, is that Hit & Run or Raw?
“I AM GOING TO CATCH YOU, BORK BARON”
“No you won’t”
“YES I WILL”
Paul Heyman saved that entire segment
“We’ll do it live… WE’LL DO IT LIVE! FUCK IT! DO IT LIVE… look, I’ll write it and we’ll do it live! Fucking thing SUCKS!” – Bill O’Reilly / WWE writers
Plus Uno
I would rather get herpes than watch this Hit & Run movie.
But Kristen Bell is really super attractive. Not enough to sell a movie, I know, but man is she adorable.
Oh gosh. Oh jeesh. Oh golly. Oh woe is me.
Even in extreme pain. Kid friendly cursing.
Triple H’s default reaction to any emotionally taxing situation is to remove his clothes.
His children’s weddings will be incredibly awkward.
Vince’s funeral someday will be worse. “Ashes to ashes, dust to *tears off pants*”
His speech would be amazing “I’m so pr… THIS BUSINESS!” etc. etc.
It’s a bigger deal when you break Shawn’s arm. HHH is 50% starfish.
Huh, is that a record for shortest run-over?
Also, what did I miss? I went to watch Bourne.
I knew that HHH wanted to have sex with Bork
“You just watched WWE’s Monday Night Raw. What the fuck is wrong with you?” – USA Narrator
What the fuck IS wrong with us?
+1.
to be fair, the community aspect helps lessen the inanity/insanity/stupidity